Posted:
Immediately after Sona was lambasted by Buadadi for wearing chappals to the tulsi pooja, in one of last week's episodes, the scene cut to Bijoy and Asha discussing how their daughter had always been the best at everything: this perfectly encapsulated Sona's struggle at this stage of the story. For the first time in her life, she is being told that there is something she is not good at, something she cannot do, and our high-strung heroine is not taking it well!
Bijoy Bose prides himself on having given Sona a sense of self-worth, but as I have said many times before, what he has really given her is a sense of pride. While self-worth/self-esteem is something that comes from deep inside a person, and is very hard to shake, pride is something that needs constant external validation. Sona grew up in a very emotionally sheltered environment where she had very little -- if any -- experience with rejection and failure. Moreover, her achievements great and small were constantly validated and even glorified by her doting family, so she never had to develop either the skill of validating her own identity and choices, or the ability to accept failure and move forward.
That's why the minute she is outside of the Bose bubble of positive reinforcement, she immediately starts grasping for a new authority figure and a new source of approval in Ishwari. And thanks to her pride, she is absolutely unwilling to take no for an answer. When Sona puts her mind to something, she is used to coming out of it with flying colours, and Ishwari's refusal to be pleased is making her more and more fixated on getting those results as a bahu, to the exclusion of everything else, including her relationship with Dev.
This is not a new or unrecognisable Sona... this is the same girl who pursued her goal of being a nutritionist with single-minded focus until she became the best nutritionist in the city, not caring a whit about life outside of studies. She is the same girl who couldn't get up the courage to confess to Dev for fear of failure, and then made it a point to become an ideal girlfriend for Dev, without really thinking about her own family; the same girl who then rushed wilfully into a hasty engagement to prove that she was the perfect daughter. When Sona feels her competence is challenged in any area, it becomes a kind of single-minded obsession for her to put those doubts to rest, and prove she is in fact the best. And when she puts her mind one of these goals, she allows her entire identity to be defined by her success or failure in it.
Sona is aware that Ishwari accepted her reluctantly and for Dev's happiness. The practical thing to do in this situation would be to acknowledge Ishwari's grudging acceptance, stay out of her "territory" (food and religion) for the time being, work on her relationship with Dev, first and foremost, and enjoy time with those family members who love her for being herself, like Rhea and Nikki. Practical yes, but unthinkable for Sona! Ishwari has challenged her competence, and when that happens, Sona immediately becomes blind to everything but the need to emerge from the challenge victorious.
In that blindness, she is giving Ishwari ample opportunity to demean her, and thereby shake her faith in herself. So I see this less as Ishwari manipulating an innocent Sona, and more as a genuine clash of two personalities, and two sets of insecurities. At this moment, Ishwari can't accept Sona wholeheartedly, and Sona is unwilling to relent in her efforts until she does. The funny thing is, for all the flak that she receives, it is Ishwari who has taken a positive step forward in accepting Sona as a member of the household (but I can't give her too much credit, as it came from fear of losing Dev entirely). It is Sona who is yet to understand her side of the compromise: learning to be okay with the fact that she doesn't have Ishwari's full approval, and may never have it.
To Sona, at this point, it seems like a failure to settle for anything but Ishwari's whole-hearted approval, but in her eagerness for victory in this battle, she is neglecting its cost. Accepting her unwavering love for Dev was Sona's first step into uncertain territory, where her mind could not win over her heart, and accepting that "loss" with Asha's help allowed her to embrace a new kind of happiness. That's been the lesson Sona has continued to learn through out the show: some things can't be controlled no matter how well you play your part, and when things cannot be controlled or changed to your liking, you learn how to accept the reality as best you can, without compromising what is most important to you.
