God helps those, who helps themselves!!! - Page 5

Originally posted by: gemini54

A really beautiful take on the whole situation especially lines in Bold.

There is a catch 22 here.

Sona loves Dev wants to do everything she can to fit in..maybe tryin too hard ?

I can't say she's pushing herself too much into it... But sure it looks like she doesn't want any option left unexplored to be part of this family... Yes, going out of her way... Till she finds herself pressurized.. As of now she's doing in voluntarily because she thinks that there is nothing wrong to try... Just an opportunity knocking on her door and she must have never been the one to back off from venturing into newer areas...😉

Easwari is very protective of her territories and does not want Sona to enroach? does this territory also include Dev?

To me it is a BIG YES!!! Ishu herself hasn't realized the effect of that territory being touched.. She has just found a temporary solution to the problem that the mom-son duo had during Dev-Sona separation... Now that it's actually taking its full form, only to come down hard on Ishu to really know that what she thought as a temp solution is a big blunder of hers for her emotional state... When it comes to the 'Dev' territory, Ishu might be ready to share all other territories with Sona so that to keep her busy with other things... 😆

Dev will agree with Easwari as to why Sona is bothering herself after all she is independent and strong according to him is this how he hopes to maintain balance?

Initially it must be the case.. As Dev himself might not know Ishu's obsession over her areas of interest... Unless it majorly conflicts with his own interests 😳

so the clash is on the idealogies and approach- Questions

So should Sona just stay within her boundaries! Pun intended?

Then will Easwari be happy and accept her?

Is Dev just a mediator where he just wants all parties to coexist for peace to prevail?

Solution to this - ❓

A big question mark... If Sona gives up trying her hands on Ishu's kitchen, will Ishu be happy?! May be yes for a while... What if Sona reaches her pooja/paat rituals?! Ok, If Sona gives up on that, will Ishu be happy? May be yes for a while... What if Sona takes the ardent admiration of her darling son? Ok, If Sona gives up on that will Ishu be happy?! May be yes... But then Dev will go back to his drunkard form... The cycle repeats?! 😆 Ishu can never be happy that way.. And may be she's willing to go through this cycle again and again as per her whims and fancies... Alas, she can't have it all at her mercies for her games are dependent on two other humans that are made of flesh and heart with equal emotions as much as hers...

Are they gonna play around for her tunes to safeguard her emotions or are they gonna make her play around their emotions? It can never be either this or that... A big project planner on its way with roles n' responsibilities distributed across... And it may not a very beautiful thing to go through... May be when they get there it might all be awesome making all the efforts worth it...😉

Originally posted by: tia.o

Thank you all for the lively discussion. I am very happy to read both side of the argument. Now here's why I was disappointed today with Sona.

I know every new bride wants to impress her in-laws. More so, when they have to live with their in-laws. I was once a new bride too although I never lived under the same roof as my in-laws unless we went to visit them which was for a couple of days at most.

But I personally think (and it's my personal opinion) that if your true self can't impress the people you are trying to impress, trying to be someone different won't impress them either.

Who is Dr. Sonakshi Bose Dixit?

She is an amazing daughter, a loving sister, a caring friend, a wonderful girlfriend and an even better wife.

Is she a cook? No.

Is she into religious stuff like Tulsi puja? No.

Is she a cheater who lies to get out of tough situation? No, absolutely not.

Yet, that's exactly she turned into to impress her in-laws.

Every person has an innate sense of who they are and they feel uncomfortable when they are forced to behave that is out of character for them.

For Ishwari, deception is like breathing. She does it without thinking. But for Sona it is not and you could see it in her face when she took shagun from Mamaji for something she didn't do, you saw it in her tears when she convinced herself that she needs to do this for Dev.

But Dev never asked her to do any of this. He proved that when he said that Tulsi puja is not her. The her that he married is someone else. This person she is trying to be is not the person he married. She doesn't need to fit in because she is already his legally wedded wife, his family. She is perfect fit for him and that's all that matters.

He backed off when she told him that it was her decision.

If she was already into cooking but never had a chance to learn, then of course take interest in it and learn from her mother-in-law.

If she was already religious only did not know the North Indian rituals, fine, learn from Dadi bua.

But here's the thing. If you try to be something else for someone else, you will always be anyone else but you.

Thanks for sharing your story Gemini. Like you said every relationship needs to have give and take.

But in Sona's case, she is fighting the most impossible odds that nothing she can do including inventing cure for cancer, won't please her mother-in-law because her son loves her.

Now let me share my story. When I got married, I could not boil water. Sona can at least manage tea, I could not even do that.

My husband still calls the first eggs I made as Jack the Ripper eggs as in how a victim of Jack the Ripper looked like after he hacked them with a knife.

My mother-in-law used to be the cook in my husband's family because she was a house wife but on her 50th birthday, she decided to retire and decided that she won't do any more household work. If my father-in-law wanted to cook himself, he could or he could hire someone to cook.

So my father-in-law took up cooking from then onwards.

Then my husband presents me as his girlfriend.

My father-in-law asked, "Can you cook?"

I answered, "Nope. I never learned. But I can order home delivery really good."

So here's what my father-in-law did. He found me an apron that belonged to my husband's niece and decided to teach me cooking.

My husband already knew how to cook. My mother-in-law taught both of her son how to cook before they went to university. So he didn't join my training sessions.

Dad taught me about North American spices and he taught me North American staples. And when I made my first pasta under his supervision, he opened a bottle of wine to celebrate my success. It was not the best pasta out there (the pasta was overdone and the sauce overly cheesy due to my love for chesse), but you'd think by my in-laws attitude that a chef from Five star hotel has made it.

And I felt right at home. I felt like I was among my family. I didn't have a dad and my father-in-law law didn't have a daughter, but since that day, we had that bond. He knew like my mother-in-law knew before I did that my husband is going to marry me. So they made every possible effort to make me feel welcome into their family.

I was probably not their first choice. But I was their son's choice and that was enough.

Sona unfortunately is trying to win over someone who she can never win over barring leaving from her husband's life.

In the meanwhile, she is losing her self whom Dev fell in love with.

Originally posted by: pomegranate

that was a sweet story tia. everything worked out for you because your in laws are supportive, and maybe I'm being too positive but a lot of in laws are like that as opposed to the ishwari/dadi bua kind. it's sad that sona does not realize that her mother in law has no intentions of accepting her, all this is is a way to humiliate her. today, she became a liar because she wanted to fit in but I wish she held her ground.

Originally posted by: Pehchaan.Kaun

Hey hey hey !! Why did I make a new post when you already said everything I wanted to say 😆

🤗 SO SO agree here ! Actually I could feel the troubles coming all her way because she has asked for it 😒 People are so eager to adjust with their inlaws soon after wedding that they over-estimate their capabilities and creates sky-rocket expectations from her and later on gets stuck in her own created web 🤔 Like 70% of the women, Sona also is overtly dedicating herself to be in their good books, but I am really disappointed that even after being so educated, she fails to see where to draw the line in this mission. This is not a challenge 😵 If you can't do something, you can't do. But if you let someone insult your roots of being Bong, it's really distasteful to even silently tolerate that. Because of your love for Dev and Baba (the mirror scene), you shouldn't forget your self-respect Sona mam 😵

The Ishwari and Devakshi-romance scene was funny because it's SO HELL predictible 🤣 Ishwari badly needs a hobby now. If not, everyday she would come up with such plan to separate the lovers at night to keep her 8-yr old baccha's sleep (read virginity) in tact 😆. Time for Mamaji, Ishwari and GKB to go for a world trip at least this way Devakshi can have their honeymoon at home itself Cuz dare I trust Ishwari or others to comment on Devakshi honeymoon 😆

Originally posted by: sbadam

Thanks Tia for having a nice discussion again.

I agree what you have mentioned about Sona here...she trying to be someone else which is quite different from her original self. You also mentioned about your own experiences. You are quite blessed to get such in-laws...

Most of the the Indian in-laws are not like that...they already have certain expectations from their DILs which are not for their own daughters (or sons)...they are not bothered about where you come from or how you have been brought up...people like DB, all they care is does a DIL know these things...puja, cooking, etc etc...

my in-laws were praising about my husband's cooking skills at the time we were getting married...they used to say...dont let him cook even after marriage...now that you guys are engaged, you should start learning how to cook etc etc...he was away from home ever since he graduated high school...so he started to cook as he was fed up of eating out...I, on the other hand, was always with my parents till my masters...so never felt the urge to learn...even my parents never put pressure on me as I was busy with my educations and other stuff...even after our engagement neither my parents nor my husband ask me to learn...but I did learn very few things...like to make dal and sambar😛 just enough to survive...

initially, may be to fit in or to not have a wrong start, the new DIL may do the stuff like sona did...but somewhere down the lane, they stop (may be not all of them, atleast some)...i believe Sona must have just obliged to keep the elders happy...and as Ish mentioned, she might not find time once she starts her job