JALEBI by Jalebi Jane (EPISODE 048)
SHE ATTRACTED HIM MORE THAN HE LIKED.* That was fact. And what was equally true was that he knew this was not some common degree of attraction. For Arnav was not the sort of man who engaged in common attraction. He was not the sort whose head was turned by every pretty-ish girl. Indeed, I have been hesitant to detail what sort of man Arnav is lest you all leave this parlour en masse, but disclosure can be delayed no longer.
It is time you know what manner of man Our Heroine is confronted with.
As alluded to previously, Arnav Singh Raizada was not interested in marriage and only marginally interested in sex. In his early twenties, he had made attempts to date. He knew what he wanted: a monogamous relationship where the only expectations would be mutual respect, mutual comfort, and mutual sexual pleasure. He was willing to play the role of boyfriend---and allow the space in his life for a girlfriend.
But it never seemed to work out.
Firstly, few women in our society were comfortable with the fact that he never intended to marry. (And he was always candid about this.) Secondly, those women who did appear agreeable---he soon discovered that they hoped to change him into a marriageable entity. And finally, when the stars did align and he met someone who accepted him on his terms, he found he was soon bored with her. He found himself going through the motions of behaving as a boyfriend (dates, parties, presents, holidays) for the sole convenience of convenient sex.
And to be quite frank---his sexual needs were so modest that it seemed not only inefficient but dishonest.
Yes, Sisters---dishonest.
Arnav had deep moral qualms about calling up a girlfriend for an evening out knowing that his sole intention was to create the illusion of wishing to spend time with her so that she would reward him with an hour of sex at the end of that evening. For a man who was so unambiguous in all his dealings, Arnav found this way of behaving disgustingly duplicitous. And this self-disgust---as you can well imagine---did not promote very satisfying sex. Arnav often found at the end of a date that he had no desire to perform. Many dates which began because he was feeling amorous, ended in him going home without any wish to engage.
And this, Sisters, is how Anita Sharma entered Arnav's life.
Over time, he realized that what he needed was an honest exchange. He knew himself. He knew his needs. He knew that if he could have a woman in his life whom he could visit once a month---that was sufficient for him. He didn't have expectations other than sexual release. Anita suited him perfectly. She had consciously chosen to trade her time and services for money. And Arnav truly felt this was an honest, legitimate transaction. When he was with her, he felt comfortable knowing that he was not pretending and not misleading. He was no longer having to give the specious appearance of a boyfriend.
However others may feel, I agree with Arnav---that it was an arrangement of self-awareness and self-respect. To expect someone, who has no intention to ever marry, to spend the rest of his or her life in celibacy is ridiculous to me. I don't believe that people should marry to legitimize fornication. That is my opinion and I share it here.
But this was before Khushi. Khushi was an anomaly in Arnav's life. You may find it hard to believe when I say that she was the first woman who had captured both his eye and his imagination. Initially, he wasn't even physically attracted to her. When he saw her, he saw a badly-dressed rustic who spouted opinions which showed a lack of erudition and sophistication. Even so---she was never out of his mind. But then at that unfortunate calendar shoot he was confronted with her beauty. And it had surprised him. In those few minutes, he had felt the most powerful attraction of his life. Beyond physical. And that an insolent middle-class Lucknowi ladki had elicited such a response in him had left Arnav mystified.
He had waited for that sensation to fade. To disappear. But it had only grown more intense. Ridiculously so. She had become for him a dangerous obsession. And when he realized---after that final appointment with Anita---that his obsession had entered his subconscious, he decided to amputate her from his mind.
Of course, we know that decision had lasted only a few hours. On that very evening, he had come to the conclusion that the only way to rid himself of the problem of Khushi Kumari Gupta was to taste her and be done with it. And that is where matters stood now.
ARNAV OFFERED HER A SEAT, before taking his behind the desk. She declined. As she felt she must. However irrational, she equated the act of accepting his hospitality to accepting her attraction to him as worthy of consideration. But to be perfectly blunt, Sisters, Khushi's legs were still a bit wobbly from the kiss---and she would have benefitted from sitting down.
She moved immediately to her reason for this private discussion: "I understand that you paid for Buaji's hospital expenses, and I thank you---but it was entirely unnecessary."
Arnav shrugged, "It's fine."
"No, Mr Raizada---I can take care of my family. Will you please inform Finance to have the amount withdrawn against my salary?"
"It's not shameful to accept help. In fact, it's rather foolish."
Anger leapt in her chest and she sputtered out, "Your help comes with conditions I cannot afford."
"Conditions?" he asked. Something dark glinted behind his eyes. And Khushi braced herself for some savage response. But the moment passed and he continued, "Did I ask for recompense? Of any sort?"
No, it's true; he had not. Yet---! "I don't wish to owe anyone anything. And that is not foolishness. It is natural pride."
"I understand pride. I have my fair share. But as your employer, I know what you earn---and you are not in any position to pay for your aunt's hospital expenses. Accept it for what it is---as a gesture without conditions."
But Khushi could not accept it. She asked, "How much was the bill?"
He told her.
How was a quarter of such a sum to be repaid?! Clearly, the cost of hospital care in the Capital was much more than that in Lucknow. Her countenance must have spoken of her apprehensions.
"Miss Gupta," he inserted, in a voice which was without emotion, "understand that the payment of the hospital bill is not an act of charity. Nor a means of making you subject to me personally. It is something I consider the responsibility of an employer. This is not the first medical bill I have paid, and it will not be the last. Now unless you have something further to discuss, I have work to do. As do you."
With his eyes, Arnav indicated the door. It was a clear dismissal.
Though his words were dispassionate, something in her heart shifted. She approached the door to leave his office. At the door, she turned and softly said, "Thank you, Sir."
He gave a perfunctory nod and said, "Send Miss Khan to me."
*Adapted from Jane Austen's -Pride and Prejudice-.
By Jalebi Jane
Edited by JalebiJane - 9 years ago
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