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*I am not defending or justifying the stupid things Shravan has been saying about her in his 'hate'. I am justing trying to understand if got him right...*
*Self-preservation is the instinct to act in your own best interest to protect yourself and ensure your survival.
So, some time back I was watching some old scenes from the first 30-40 episodes, and suddenly I found the answer why Shravan just can't find it in himself to stop pretending to hate her and why is he still hiding behind the presentence that he hates her...It's because his self-preservation mood is activated and is on high alert. And till he is assured that his love for isn't going to destroy him, hurt him, he is going to claim that he 'hates' her...
But the reason why I am writing this is because I couldn't stop myself but try to understand what is the reason why he had this 'whatever' attitude during the Suman-Aditya wedding kaam ghaam...Because other than self-preservation, he was also exhausted from loving her for that long and still stuck to the same place where he since the start, he didn't give it a dman because he found no point in doing so. Especially because the feelings weren't mutual, or because the answer that the next person may feel something for him has been constantly oscillating between 'Maybe' to 'Yes' and in the end a flat 'No'...
He has been in love with her for a long time, almost 11 years. He felt betrayed, wronged when they were sixteen, and left but that somehow didn't change his feelings. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't move on from her. He admitted it to Aditya the night when he was drunk that she was, is the only girl he ever had feelings for. When he came back, he was angry, took his petty revenge as he thought that maybe that would be enough to get her out of his system but he was wrong.
And it took only a few interactions with her for his feelings to resurface, tormenting him with the same longing, same craving, and same intensity. He tried so hard to run away, refused to give in, pushed her away, isolated himself, but nor matter what he did, they won't go away. Then he gave in and accepted it because of the new-found hope that she felt the same for him. Only to be let down, only to feel wronged again...
Doesn't it seems like a never ending cycle? Doesn't everything about the whole matter gives the vibes of 'been there, done that' and that is why now it's 'Not going there again' for him. He doesn't want to repeat the cycle again. He doesn't want to give in again. He doesn't want to hope again. Because there is absolute no prove that he won't be let down again...
We may think he has lost his mind, that he has stopped using it or that he has to stop lying to himself, but isn't how any human would have acted? He doesn't know her POV and what Ramu Kaka had done. Between these three players, he is the one who had been affected the most and knows the less. And isn't what happened was his greatest nightmare?
Duniya se darta hoon kionke duniya ka saach janta hoon...
Kionke koi jab appna bane ke baad saath chorta hai, toh bohut dard hota hai...
Nahi karta main vishvaas kisi pe, I don't trust anyone...
Mera saach yah ha ke main phir se tutna nahi chahta, Sumo...
But isn't what happened to him? Again? He tried to protect himself from all of it by not letting anyone come in, and when he did, what happened? Isn't what he has been fearing, what he dared the most happened to him? Didn't an 'appna' left him when he thought she won't? And didn't we see the 'tuta' hua Shravan? Didn't everything that he feared the most become reality? Wasn't he proven wrong again and again for trusting her? After the Nirmela track, he realized that she had good reasons to do what she did, and he has been over the moon to know she cared for him. Only to come crashing down on the ground. Shouldn't that change him? Force him to act differently to protective him from the hurt she is capable of causing? She always had so much power over him, and still has but now he is running away from acknowledging that power.
That is what any normal person how have done, then Shravan toh phir bhi is a hardcore cynic. How can his self-preservation not stop him from being stuck one again in that same cycle? Why can he not feel that he has to protect himself? How can he trust things to be different this time around when last time he had thought the same?
The truth is that loving someone isn't all about those happy and mushy feelings, but it's also about trust, being out of control, of being vulnerable...There are so many things that are felt and needed, and between them, right now, everything is missing or at least hidden behind the thick surface of misunderstandings.
Right now, esp after the whole Aditya thing happened, deep down he realizes and is able to connect the dots, and that is why his self-preservation side is putting extra effort to push those thoughts at the back of his mind. He is still affected by her, even the possibility of her having another would-be disturbs him, but as soon as he is reminded by the hurt she caused him, he once again starts the jhap of 'I hate her'. The more strongly situations make him realize that she matters, the more aggressive he becomes in pretending his hate.
But despite all, his love is going to find a way to fool his brain into believing that he is in control of the situation. He had already found a way to make to have her stay in his life for forever...() Only the reason would be, 'Nana ji ke liye', or 'Dad ka wada pura karne ke liye' or he may even claim to himself that he only being 'selfless' and saving the his kind from her, 'No man should suffer Sumo's Sumo-ness'...I can see him claiming that he knows the 'real' her and that's why only he can deal with her...
I am dying to know his 'reasons' because he is so transparent about this that he is only fooling himself into believing and claiming the rubbish he has been saying in the past days as the truth...And I can't wait to see how long he can go on, resist and lie to himself and her and shielding himself after the mask of 'hate'...
How long you guys think this can go on? How long you think his self-preservation mood will be activated?
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