In matters of marriage, why do we Indians take everything to heart!!

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malika

@_symphony

Sparkler

+ 7

Posted: 9 years ago

Actually this is an irony of sorts that I was having the same discussion with my mom this morning. And we saw something similar in EDKV today. And I was just left wondering that why exactly are we Indians, specially the girl's families, so sensitive regarding wedding gifts/arrangements? My mom said to me today the gold prices are soaring and we should plan to buy gold for your wedding in advance since we will need gold worth a few lakhs. When I genuinely questioned my mom that how does it matter if you wont give gold to my in laws and their guests then my mom had a very staple answer, this is custom and incase we won't abide by them and wont be able to do good arrangements you will need to hear the taunts your whole life.I think the similar thing happened with Tiwaris too. There Preeti is not a working independent girl which I am and still my parents think that incase they dont spend well on my wedding, my in laws wont respect me.

Now here's the question. Exactly why the hell are we Indians so godamn sensitive and vulnerable when it comes to being the 'ladki wale' Why nanaji had to say that we will make all the arrangements despite knowing that they cant spend so much?? Why the ladki wale take this on their ego/heart as if fulfilling the demands of the boy's side is all what they have been born to do. Its ok to say NO sometimes. Its ok to accept that you can afford till a given budget only. If Kamini was saying that she will spend, Nanaji should have let her spend or simple he could have said that we have a limited budget and we would spend all of what we can. Rest you can decide how much you want to spend. I know it sounds too much of a hurt to your self-respect but is it really that big or we have just made it like that? Why a girl's family need to feel ashamed if they cant spend as per the boy's demands? It is surely of utmost importance that it was Pushkar and Preeti's prerogative that they stood up for each other's self-respect but since they seem to have lost spine , I wished atleast Nanu hadnt said that. Thats a wrong example (though very realistic).

I hope a day comes when we can stand up against this. I told the same to my mom. We will spend as much as we can comfortably spend and do hell with what unknown relatives think, in case anyone even tries to mistreat me or judge me on the basis of gold I got, I have enough guts as well as voice in me to shut them up.

Edited by Malika - 9 years ago

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BLR_babe

@BLR_babe

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 9 years ago

haan yaar .. i too get frustrated .. my mom started collecting my 'wedding stuff' so early .. even though my husband's side didnt make any demands there was certain expectations of return gifts, saree to relatives on our side .. their side return gifts was given by them ..

we sometimes put these expectations on ourself

( read ladki wale ) due to what will people say we could do that much for our girl ..

.. if u r able to have big wedding then go ahead .. but dont try to please society/ groom side by going beyond your means .. wedding is few days a good married life is more important ..

but it would take a long time to change 😔

Edited by --BLRbabe-- - 9 years ago

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Mahi

@Mannmohanaa

Trailblazer

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

Way to go girl!

Bang on totally⭐️

Couldn't agree more😃

The last line has me swelling with pride😳

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sapphire3

@sapphire3

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

Bang on 👍🏼
My mom does the same ...i told her if I'm earning and marry a guy who himself has a good job, we can buy what we need,
what the hell is use of collecting stuffs, jewellery etc
But this orthodox belief that a bride's family needs to fulfill all demands of groom's side, will take time to change

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Puja Bagchi

@puba

Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

As you said...this has been the custom for eons...and not only in India...but in a lot of other countries...this is the custom! This is all a repercussion of a patriarchal society!

Gold??? My foot...the fact that the parents agree to share a piece of their lives (in this case daughters) with another person/family...should in itself be enough! It's fine if both sides decide to splurge on weddings...but the dowry system is heinous...it degrades the daughter to an object!

And I don't want to be filmy...but seriously...taunts from people??? Who cares?? Kuch to log kahenge...logo ka kaam hai kehna! We love going with the flow! People hardly dare to think differently, logically and practically! Disgusting!

And lastly, I have another question...why does everything have to culminate in a wedding? Every single hindi TV show revolves around love, of which the only natural culmination is marriage! Why?? Is that the only way of life? I was stunned that Ramnath directly went and told Sumo that he cannot accept her as his bahu! When did Shravan ever say that he has decided to marry Suman??

Come on...Indian parents need to chill...25 saal ke huye ki nahi...they start pestering their daughters about marriage! Shit man! Like daughters cannot be independent and lead their own lives! Horrible! Also today, my whole body crawled when Ramnath said that Suman was free, independent and that's why Shravan should stay away from her! Heee???? Like seriously?? These I thought were qualities that are attractive in a person!

Edited by puba - 9 years ago

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646714

Hibernated

Posted: 9 years ago

Girls I agree with each point 😉

but frankly tell me we ourselves ,will we be able to stand against the society will we able to go against our family and break traditions

It's easier said than done who cares about society but yes we all eventually do bother about others and their opinions me included 😭

The thing is we all preach but when it comes to reality we falter!!

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Noor_93

@Noor_93

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

Agree ... these customs and rasamo and riwaj are just waste. But at the same time no matter how much we make people understand they will never change. Because they are raised with the old school mentality and does not want to give up. They get so angry at these issues if said in open. And people are getting greedy now a days. They ask so much from a girl parents (dowry). As generation is changing things are also changing but slowly.

And yea as puba said who cares what others think... they will talk behind ur back anyways and atlast they stop talking. If we don't take it to our heart then everything would be normal.

these unnecessary rasam and customs should be avoided.

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Puja Bagchi

@puba

Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: Dreamer-89
Girls I agree with each point 😉

but frankly tell me we ourselves ,will we be able to stand against the society will we able to go against our family and break traditions

It's easier said than done who cares about society but yes we all eventually do bother about others and their opinions me included 😭

The thing is we all preach but when it comes to reality we falter!!

Sorry...but have to disagree with you here! Mention of dowry is enough for me to reject a person! How can I ever stay with a person who values my parent's assets more than my self-worth?

It's high time we take a stand! And I seriously don't give a damn about what others have to say about such lowly matters! I do believe in myself and how can I sell my dignity for a bunch of jewelry and material things? Loathsome to say the least!

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poppinss

@poppinss

Rocker

Posted: 9 years ago

I can understand wexding beyond your means by a few lakhs. But, I this case nanu promised to do something that is impossible. Ppl don't do such kinds of promises today even for weddings !

Pushkar character is badly weakened. The guy who always was Shravans alterego looked like a thumb sucking boy!

Preeti always wanted to settle in a wealthy family... her charecter was vain from the start... So could kind of take her being quite. Waiting fur today's banger though.