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Chapter 3
Raghav was in his car. He didnt want to drive today. His driver did the job pretty well. He just wanted to think of her for now. He wanted his senses to be filled with her memories. The way she looked at that tender age, the way she smiled, the way she twitched her nose if she became suspicious of anything, the way her fingers drummed any surface when she was nervous.
He wanted to remember the way she used to lick her lips and bite the lower lip before asking something important, or how she would talk to the flowers and plants she had loved in the garden. And yet inspite of all her feminity she was so strong. In fact strongest of us three he reckoned.
He thought about the time she had helped Prem give up on smoking and drugs. How she had helped him and his mom escape by handing over their passports to them and informing them about his uncles plan to announce his mother as crazy and send him to some far off unknown place so that he could usurpe their share of wealth.
She was smart, helpful, confident and beautiful as hell at that age then. She was the first girl he had ever touched, kissed or loved. And then after that there had been many but he could not find anyone close to her. He had reached his point of frustration! Every night he cursed himself that how different his life would have been if only he had taken her along. His unsurety had made him see this day. To this day he yearned for her. He just couldnt forget her. Her lips, her sweet taste, her sweet voice. It troubled him that he found it difficult to catch a few winks. He kept working like a machine day and night and now was successful with his own Empire! He had everything he reached for however she was off limits.
How would he even show her his face? What would she say? That not once I asked her to come with me? In that case then I am sure Prem must have taken advantage of the situation. He was in love with her too! He dug his nails in the car seat and was surprised to see that in his frustration he had torn the car seat! A sigh left him as he saw the mansion in front of him and walked into it. Gauri rushed to him asking him if he is okay? Raghav come lets have dinner beta. I made your favourite dish for you. Remember Kalpi used to make it for you?
Raghav had already reached the stairs but his feet stuck to the steps at the mention of her name. He turned around and stepped down and wordlessly sat on the table. Tears flowed through Gauri's eyes and she ran to the kitchen and got the dish and place before him. He looked at the plate and smiled. Without looking up at his mom he took a bite of the puran poli and closed his eyes. A tear slipped from his eyes and then he hugged his mom by her waist and mumbled an inaudible thank you! After he finished he went up to his room.
He was lying on the bed looking at a picture where all three were smiling at the camera and another one where Prem was smiling at the camera but kalpi was frowning at Raghav and Raghav was looking at her with a cheeky grin. He let out a small laugh as he remembered how he had pulled her pigtail while the photo was being taken by his chachi!
He heard a knock at the door and saw her enter. Gauri looked nervous, but Raghav just turned his back to her. I am not marrying anyone maa and no I will not forget her. Today what we are is just by her grace! She saved us. And all I did was forget her and ran away like a coward and left her with that monster. He must have punished her and Prem must have saved her maa. He would have become her hero. But I wanted to be her saviour maa.
Its not your fault beta, you were too young then. You had lost your father and realised that your only uncle was planning to make me crazy and send you off to some godforsaken place. You had no choice but to run.
She was five years younger to me maa. I was almost eighteen and she was just thirteen. She had no one too maa! No one! But she helped us. And she looked at me with those eyes maaa. They were full of questions that asked, why I wouldnt take her along!
So you think Mrs Kapoor is Kalpana? asked Gauri! Raghav sprang from the bed and pushed the nightlamp off his side table with a roar. No Prem cannot touch her. She is mine! He stood up to face his mother, towering over her, his eyes red and burning in fury! You know what? I am done I have done enough for you mom! Now I can no longer nurse my ailing heart! Hell I care she was someone's wife. I am going for her and this time I will not make a mistake. I will make her mine. Even if she is a widow or a mom to Prem's children or nothing. I will get her.
What if she has forgotten you Raghav? No woman forgets her husband, the first man who touched her, the father of her children. Will you be able to live with the fact that Prem is always on her mind? She never replied to your letters. You did try to write to her and get her here then why are you blaming yourselves?
Because I do not trust Prem and that monster of his dad! I am sure dead sure that she got non of my letters else she would have been here with me with my kids running around her now, he bellowed.
Gauri dropped her shoulders admitting defeat but still not giving up, what if she thought you as an infatuation...thirteen is too young an age to love.
Raghav smirked and turned back held his moms shoulder and lifted her face. Looking into her eyes he said...because you have never loved mom. Dad and your marriage was an arrangement a business deal. You would never know cos you have never loved! I have! And now we are never discussing this further! He walked out of the room.
Gauri burst into tears. How she wished she had taked Kalpi with them then. But she wasnt sure how she would look after 2 children. And what if they break up later to know all they had between them was nothing but an infatuation. She cursed herself for being foolish then. Her son would have been hers then. Kalpi please let it be you and let my son get you this time. He will go mad if this continues. His yearning for you has crossed the limits. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed sitting on the edge of the bed.
Kalpi woke up screaming from the bed, panting and sweating. Nothing different. For years this is how she usually wakes up every night and then loses her sleep. But today it was not the same night mare. It was different. It was real felt real. He was leaving and leaving without her. She kept crying his name calling him running after him. But he never turned to look back. While running she fell and she woke up with a jump.
You never even asked once. I would have denied but you never asked Raghav... She closed her eyes and sighed as a cool breeze swept all over her from the window. She was getting goosebumps and she could sense his breath on her shoulders and his whispers in her ears. his warm lip caressing her jawline and his fingers grazing her arms. I love you Kalpi and you are mine...just mine!
Fresh set of tears flowed...I am not worthy to be yours Raghav, I am too polluted. I dont deserve you Raghav. Else I would not have gone through what I have. Fate is cruel Raghav and it is certainly not shipping us together. She walked back to the mirror and undressed herself. She grimaced at the sight of the ugly marks that covered her body and remembered her doctor's words. At this rate you will go mad Mrs Kapoor! There is no love in my life Raghav. No love forever. She walked to the shower to sit underneath as the chilled water poured on her. She sat under it as if the bath could rinse away all the memories she had of her past!
Yes! this is what I will do! I shall erase my past memories. Is it possible?
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