I am sorry Mr. Bhalla we tried our best but...she is no more, his world shook as the doctor's words reached his ears.
And as those deadly words absorbed in him, he didn't cry, he didn't mourn, he didn't even went in to get a last glimpse of her but he ran.
He ran to the place he knew would reveal all her mysteries.
Zindagi mein aapko kabhi bhi mere baare mein kuch samajh na aaye...kuch bhi uljhan lage...kisi bhi baat ka jawaab chahie ho aur main na rahun aapki uljhan suljhaane ke liye tab aap yahan aaiyega...is jagah aapko apne har sawaal ka jawaab mil jaayega, he recalled her words while scanning the drawer of an old closet in the store room.
When she had said those words, he hadn't taken her seriously at all. He hadn't felt the need as he knew no day would come when she wouldn't be there to answer him.
But so wrong he was! She was gone and she was gone to a place from where her return was a dream.
Kyun...kyun tum mujhe khud se dur karke in cheezon ke sahaare kar gayi Ishita, he sat down holding the lifeless diary of his wife; his late wife.
It was a normal day until he had returned from office to see his wife lying unconscious on the bed and some blood coming out of her mouth. He had panicked but then gained his calm and rushed his wife to the hospital.
He was informed that his wife had consumed extra dosage of her anti-depressants that had led her to the state she was in.
And finally after battling with life for about an hour, she had given up surrendering herself to the death.
It was a perfect life until Nidhi had come into their life 3 months back bringing an unexpected storm along.
Even though working as a team, they had managed to unveil Nidhi's real face to the world but they had lost the most priceless possession; their daughter Ruhi to Nidhi.
Their world had crashed to never gather back again but still they were living.
Raman had learnt to live without his daughter for his wife's sake but Ishita had lost her life with her daughter.
For the last 3 months, not a single day had passed that she hadn't wailed for her daughter. And it all had affected her mental health to such an extent that she finally ended up taking her own life.
Maybe a re-union with her daughter could only give her peace.
And now losing the two most important girls of his life, who were the reason for his breaths, he was left alone; all alone.
Jyada lamba toh mujhe bhi nahi jeena tha Ishita...par kam se kam utne kuch pal toh thehar jaati jab tak humara Adi khud ko sambhalne layak ho jaata...tum toh do pal bhi na ruki mere liye...tumse toh yeh bhi nahi keh sakta ki laut kar aa jao kyunki tum jahan chali gayi ho wahan se koi wapis nahi aa sakta, he caressed the first page of her diary which had the photo of his world, Adi, Ruhi, he himself and his Ishita.
Kuch Pal Toh Thehar Jao Na
Yah Phir Laut Kar Aao Na
Tumne toh mujhse jaane ki permission tak maangna zaruri nahi samjha...waise toh har badi choti baat mein mera sir khaati thi par aaj jab sach mein mujhse puchna chahie tha tab bas muh mod ke alvida keh gayi, he almost broke down as he started swapping the pages of her diary.
Yun Kehte Nahin Alvida
Mud Jao Idhar Aao Na
Kahan ho tum Ishita...kyun mujhe dikhayi nahi de rahi ho...kyun mujhe mehsus nahi ho rahi ho...yahan yeh tumhari diary hai par tumhara ehsaas nahi hai...tumne hi kaha tha ki yahan aake meri sab uljhane sulajh jaayengi par meri uljhan sirf tumse sulajh sakti hai...meri saansein tumhe khoj rahi hain...kahan ho tum, he looked around the room trying to feel her.
Tumhe Dhunde Meri Aankhen
Tumhe Khoje Meri Baahein
Kya karun main tumhare bin...kaise jiyun main tumhare bin...tum toh meri aadat si ho...aadat ko chodun kaise main tumhare bin, he finally cried his heart out hugging her diary.
Tum Bin Jiya Jaaye Kaise
Kaise Jiya Jaaye Tum Bin
"Raman aap kyun chinta kar rahe ho...main hoon na aapke saath...main humesha aapke saath rahungi"...aisa hi kaha karti thi na tum...phir aaj kya hua...zara si mushkil mujhpe padti thi aur tum aage aa jaati thi mera saath dene...phir aaj kaise musibaton ka pahaad khud mujhpe daal gayi tum...itne saare waade kiye the tumne mujhse...aur ek pal bhi na lagaya un waadon ko todne mein, he wiped off the tears that fell on the diary.
Kitne The Waade Kiye
Ek Pal Mein Tod Diye
Jhuth toh tumne bolna seekha nahi tha par aaj meri zindagi ko ek jhuth bana gayi tum...kyun kehti thi ki chaahe jo ho jaaye hum humesha saath rahenge...mujhse lad leti jhagad leti...naraaz ho leti par...par yeh kya kiya tumne, he cleaned his face and eyes to clear the blurred vision from his eyes.
Jhutha Nahi Tu Mujhko Pata Hai
Bas Thoda Rutha Sa Hai
Hum saath rehke sab thik kar lete Ishita...jaanta hoon tum behad pareshan thi udaas thi par main mana leta tumhe sab thik kar deta main...bas thoda time aur de diya hota mujhe...ab tum toh chali gayi mere bina par tumhare bina main kahan jaun, tears that he had cleaned formed in his eyes again.
Tu Ruthe Main Manaun
Par Tum Bin Kahaan Jaun
Kya karun Ishita...kya karun main tumhare bin...jaane se pehle khud ke bina jeena toh sikha jaati mujhe...ab kaise jiya jaaye tum bin, he hit his head with her diary.
Tum Bin Jiya Jaaye Kaise
Kaise Jiya Jaaye Tum Bin
Raman
Jaanti hoon is time aap bahut ro rahe honge...mujhse bahut shikaayatein bhi hongi aapke dil mein...sahi bhi hai...shikayat ka mauka jab maine diya hai toh aap toh shikayat karenge hi...par Raman main bhi kya karun...aisa nahi hai ki main yeh karna chahti hoon...sach kahun toh mere paas kuch karne ka mauka hi nahi bacha hai ab...jab tha tab main kuch kar nahi paayi...apni bachi ko bacha hi nahi paayi main...apni aankhon ke saamne bas kho diya...yeh sach hai Raman ki main aapse behadd pyaar karti hoon...mere aapke liye pyaar ki koi hadd nahi...par us se bhi bada sach yeh hai Raman ki mere liye pyaar ka matlab Ruhi hai...meri bachi ne mujhe pyaar karna sikhaya aur aaj jab mere paas woh hi nahi hai toh main kaise kisi se pyaar karun...maine bahut koshish ki Raman Ruhi ke bina jeena sikhne ki...par Raman meri saansein Ruhi se hi chalti hain...Ruhi sach mein meri Ruh hai...aur apni Ruh se juda hoke koi kaise jee sakta hai...shayad aaj mere bardaash karne ki hadd khatam ho gayi hai...apni bachi se alag hone ka dukh ab aur nahi sehen ho raha hai Raman...aapke bharose pe bharosa karke maine teen mahine nikal diye par ab aur nahi ho raha hai...aap kehte rahe ki sab thik ho jaayega aur main sunti rahi haalanki yeh main shuru se hi jaanti thi ki ab kabhi kuch thik nahi hoga...aaj woh time aa gaya hai Raman jab mujhe aapse dur jaake apni bachi se milna hai...mushkil hai dono mein se ek ko chunna Raman par yeh bhi sach hai ki Ruhi ke aage mujhe kuch dikhayi nahi deta...kaisi ajeeb baat hai na...achi maa main kabhi ban nahi paayi aur ab jab mujhe aapka saath deke ek achi biwi banna tha toh main chal di apni bachi ke paas...jaanti hoon log bahut kuch kahenge...koi kahega ki main bahut kamzor thi koi kahega ki main haar gayi...par Raman sach toh yeh hai ki zindagi mein sabse jyada himmat ka kaam aaj hi kar rahi hoon...aapko chodke jaana apne pariwaar ko chodke jaana zara bhi aasan nahi hai par Ruhi ke bina jeena toh namumkin hai...main jaa rahi hoon Raman...ho sake toh mujhe maaf kar dijiyega
-Aapki Ishita
Finally he read the final page of her diary and that revealed the final stages of her suffering. He was well aware of her pain and yet this last page made him feel as if he came to know of her severe agony for the first time.
How tough it would have been for her to first of all bear all that for the last 3 months and today it would have been even worst to choose death over life and end it with her own hands.
Closing her diary and recollecting himself, he went out; in the open.
Tumse kya kahun kuch samajh nahi aa raha hai...tumne jo jo baatein likhi ek ek baat sahi lag rahi hai phir bhi kyun tumse shikayat karne ka dil kar raha hai...yeh toh mujhe pata hi tha ki tum aur Ruhi do jism ek jaan ho par meri jaan bhi toh tum dono mein basti thi na...pehle woh chali gayi aur ab tum...yahan toh kuch bhi nahi bacha mere liye tum bin, he looked up high in the sky.
Yeh Aasmaan Aur Zameen
Bin Tere Kuch Bhi Nahin
Tumhara dard ache se samajhta hoon main...kahin na kahin is sab ke liye taiyaar bhi tha main...maine dekha tha tumhe tadapte hue...yun toh Ruhi ke jaane ka dukh hum sabko hi tha par tumhe jo dard tha usko shabdon mein keh paana tak mumkin nahi...tumse main itna pyaar karta hoon ki tumhari khushi ke liye tumhe kho sakta hoon tumhe jaane de sakta hoon...par phir bhi aise achanak...mujhe thodi toh mauhlat di hoti tumhare saath kuch aur pal jee lene ki...tum toh bas aise hi chali gayi, he fell down on the ground unable to bear anymore.
Saanson Se Mauhlat Zara Maang Lena
Yun Uthke Jaate Nahin
Jaate jaate bas itna toh kar jaati...mujhko bhi apne saath hi le jaati...Ishita mujhko kyun nahi le gayi tum apne sang, he moaned in pain as the rain supported him.
Yah Phir Tu Mujhe Le Chal
Sang Apne Jidhar Tu Chala
Baarish ko bhej diya mera saath nibhane par tumhari jagah koi nahi le sakta...kaise jiyun main ab tum bin, he lied down on the ground hugging the last symbol of his wife; the diary as he shed tears of blood from his eyes.
Tum Bin Jiya Jaaye Kaise
Kaise Jiya Jaaye Tum Bin
Kaise Jiya Jaaye Tum Bin
Anupamaa
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