Stardust - Isha Interview

'DON' I THOUGHT WOULD DO MUCH MORE FOR ME THAN IT ACTUALLY DID.'

What is it about the magic of first love that we are all forced to unconsciously try and recreate it in all our subsequent relationships? The feeling that was when you fell in love the very first time is almost impossible to erase from the recesses of your head. That part of our memory is never too little. And perhaps nothing in the world is ever quite as painful as getting over that first breakup.

Yet after all the heartbreak and tear jerking, eventually, only the good memories will linger. That's the mysterious part about that first time, that even today after all those years, the very thought of it will instantly bring a smile on your face. While you'll wonder if you'll ever feel that vulnerable, that light and that 'whoa' again.

And what if life were to put you in that same place for a second time? Would you play the cards differently this time? Would it have a happy ending? Or would it assure you once over that there's always only a first time for everything and then, it's never again? Maybe you'll win. Maybe you won't. To know, it's worth trying. After all, it's like someone said, "Your choices are half chance". Ishaa Koppikar believes in taking chances.

It's the reason why she reunited with her first love, Inder Kumar. And even though the odds of making it seemed like totally against them, she was willing to try. It's something she does in everything, not just love. For the fear of failing, Ishaa have never given up trying. Fail she did, eventually, when the relationship fell apart again, and probably this time, forever.

"I don't want to bring out skeletons from the closet," Ishaa says unearthing the story, bit by bit, "I know people are going to want to know about Inder's divorce. I had chosen not to talk to him until after he was divorced, because of certain principles I have. I don't want to talk about his marriage coz it's over and done with. Why it happened was only for me and Inder to know.

But as far as my relationship with Inder, I was willing to give it another shot. Maybe I felt it was unfinished business. After long, we had become buddies. At the time I was first dating him, we were the typical boyfriend/girlfriend. I was finally seeing him as a friend, sharing our deepest fears and details like we never had.

I thought we had reached a whole new stage in the relationship which was encouraging," she says, of the now recent past. Her parents, everyone knows, were dead against the relationship in the first place. How did they react to Ishaa getting back with Inder after so many years of staying apart? "They reacted very badly," Ishaa says without any hesitation, "but it was probably telling for them, when they saw that their daughter still had feelings for the same man after all those years of living apart.

Also the fact that she had not been changing boyfriends left right and center like all other girls her age." Changing boyfriends? I nudge her. As someone who's been privy to her private life, I can safely say there hasn't been any since Inder to change, if I'm not mistaken. "Exactly," Ishaa follows, "so maybe my folks felt that there was something between Inder and I that we kept gravitating towards each other."

Ishaa's immensely close to her parents, which she seconds with an "Oh yeah, we are a very close knit family." Hadn't getting involved with the man they dislike intensely strained her relationship with her folks in the bargain? I ask her. "My parents," Ishaa replies, "decided to let me decide what's good for me and what's not. They felt that if this relationship is good for her, then something good will come of it, and if it's not good for her, then it would eventually break off.

See, as parents, our views on things might not always mesh. If at all I have realized anything through all this, its that a parent's affection is unconditional. My dad might be extremely protective about me but at the same time, he gives me my breathing space. He is in fact the best dad in the world," she says, a tad emotional. "He said, You're my daughter and I love you. He might not approve of Inder but he loves me far more than he could ever hate Inder."

All said and done, it's not easy for someone who hails from a fairly middle-class background to deal with the baggage that Inder came with, given a broken marriage. "Oh, there was tons of baggage," Ishaa declares earnestly, "I dealt with it. But that was the least of my problems." Next she's going to tell me 'Love conquers all' or some such naive spurts?

"Oh no," Ishaa says, "I used to be an hopeless emotional romantic, not anymore. I'm a little more practical than that these days. But yes, I'd surely admit that when you love someone, you're willing to understand. That's the unconscious bit," she says, in case I missed it. "When I met Inder, he was really doing well in his life. And I'm not somebody who's gonna use someone like a success ladder, I wasn't made like that.

Unfortunately." She guffaws, "He was the one who at that point in my life really encouraged me to do better. And I couldn't just make that choice of unloving him, when asked for a second chance, because he's wasn't doing well. I loved him. I thought the day the relationship withers off or doesn't work out, we'd quit being together and that's that. I couldn't think of what would be. I don't ever contemplate the future. I live for the moment," she says leaning back in her chair.

"Nobody knew anything about our relationship, so I can see why they would've tried to label it, and they are entitled to that, I suppose. But I don't really have to get out there and defend it or define it in any way." It's strange though. When Ishaa dated Inder years ago, she was a different person. Today, she's someone who's established herself financially, she's made that transition. But he's where he used to be. Didn't she want the whole bigger, better dream for herself?

Wasn't this going down the graph instead of the other way round? "Yes, it did matter to me," Ishaa replies honestly, "More than me, I think it affects the man. But that's again something very relative. I don't weigh my relationships with money. Eventually, I think it would affect me only because it would affect the relationship, because a man's ego can't live with the fact that his woman is more successful than he is.

Just recently I read Celina (Jaitley)'s interview where she said that she wanted her man to make one dollar more than her. And I couldn't agree more. I would've wanted Inder to do much more in terms of money, success, whatever." If there's one thing I've known through all these years, is that actresses get used to a lifestyle that they probably can't give up post marriage. It's why they wait even against time to catch the big fish. "But that I can manage for myself without a man. It's what I'm doing.

I make my own money and I will continue to do so. I am maintaining my lifestyle, with or without Inder or any man for that matter," she says with sturdy self-awareness.

If not handling the fact that her beau was not on the same financial level as her, it's other complications that kept Ishaa's cup running over from time to time. Inder was supposedly recuperating in a rehab center in Panvel a while ago. Most women would've called it a day when situations take such a dramatic turn, but Ishaa didn't shy away. She visited Inder, fully aware that it would make it to the headlines next day. She seems to be putting up a brave front, but surely it must have been an emotionally draining time. "It was very emotionally draining," Ishaa agrees, "For one, I had to suddenly be the man in the relationship.

But I would stand by someone who's trying to improve. Looking back, I'd say it was the worst four months of my life. Then he got out of rehab and things were looking okay. And today I feel stronger. When you come out of emotional stress, you think to yourself, 'Hey, I came out of it just fine.' I feel much stronger today, it was a learning experience," she adds nostalgically.

It reached dead end when Ishaa realised that despite all her efforts to reform the man she once loved, he wasn't putting in as much. "There was only so much I could do. After eleven years of knowing Inder, I wanted to see a substantial change in the relationship." She reflects, "I got weary after a while. That's when I said I'm going to stop seeing him."

Hardly filled with regrets she says, even if she was up for failure, "I don't look at anything as a mistake. Looking back I feel, at least I tried. It takes courage to do that." Only this time there was light at the end of the tunnel in the form of work. "Finally work's looking up. Good offers coming my way," Ishaa says changing the subject. What does she think changed the tide for her? I indulge her. "I don't know.

I honestly think it's just about timing. Maybe I was destined to get things late in my life, after a lot of struggle." This is the skinniest Ishaa has ever been. Her otherwise chiseled features are gravity defying. The change is indicative of a slow but encouraging metamorphosis. On the sets of Jahnu Barua's film, 'Har Pal' with Preity Zinta and Shiney Ahuja, Ishaa's waiting for her shot, in full gets up. The assistants serve us chai, as she finally turns on the cooler.

Last year, things were beginning to look up for her, with releases like 'Salaam-E-Ishq' and 'Don'; she was gradually slipping into the big league. Did it eventually translate into big offers? "I'd say yes, it worked out and no, it didn't. In terms of yes, I got to work in the big bracket with Farhan Akhtar and Shah Rukh. But in terms of roles, my role in 'Don' was not something
I can rave about. 'Don' I thought, would do much more for me than it actually did. The same with 'Salaam-E-Ishq', everybody in the film for that matter. A lot of people thought that Sohail and my story in the film was really enjoyable, but then again, it was the least in terms of screen time. I've been very unlucky in that sense.

Either I've got small roles in big films or big roles in small films that were hardly watched." She says frowning but then lightens up, "But I should probably be grateful for the fact that whatever I've done so far has been appreciated." 'Salaam-E-Ishq' sank like the Titanic, but one can't say Ishaa mustn't have been warned that she would end up getting a raw deal in 'Don' with the presence of stalwarts like Priyanka Chopra and Kareena?

" See, even with the presence of Priyanka and Kareena, people thought I looked really good in 'Don'. Yeah," Ishaa repeats for attention, "People thought I looked good in the film, and I won't say any further than that. Also when I signed the film, I was fully aware of what I was doing.

I knew that Kareena was playing Helen's part and Priyanka had a much meatier role than me. I wanted to work with Farhan and SRK and I got what I wanted at the end of the day." The promos of 'Darling' have nothing of Ishaa, it's Fardeen and Esha all the way. "The story of 'Darling' revolves around Fardeen, his wife, and his mistress, who's played by Esha. So nobody's got more or less in the film. Everybody's playing an equal part."

But since Esha's playing the ghost, it obviously makes her the more interesting character, right? "You're simply assuming. Esha is the ghost and Fardeen's the playboy. But every character is interesting. One will have to wait and see the film to comment." It was Bipasha Basu who was touted to play Ishaa's role earlier until she walked out and had to be replaced.

Did Ishaa's role go through cuts since Bipasha's walk out? "I don't know how lengthy Bipasha's role was before I replaced her. But I'm there in the film from the beginning till the end. You know, I don't blame you for asking me, the length of my roles have always been a question. But believe me, with 'Darling', 'Shabari', 'Hello' and 'Har Pal' this is quickly changing. I'm finally being given what I deserve."

' Khallas' the reverberating number she did in RGV's 'Company' is what gave Ishaa's career a new lease. What it also did was tag her the original item girl. But today, with front line heroines doing item numbers, are girls like Ishaa at a loss for what was their advantage? They are no more exclusive in their raunch appeal. "First of all, I was never here to just be an item girl.

And if I were, then I would've stayed that. What went wrong for me was that I wasn't an established heroine and I started with item numbers, hence I got typecast. It took me a while to get out of that slot. Not that I had to try real hard. All I had to do was say no to all those item number offers that I was inundated with. I just did one post 'Khallas' which is 'Ishq Samumdar' and fortunately or unfortunately, even that became a monster," she says.

" That said, I am completely glad that someone like an Ash is doing a 'Kajrare' or anyone else for that matter. And why restrict it to item numbers; I'm glad everyone's trying everything today. I mean, I could never imagine Saif doing an 'Omkara'. If you're talking about item girls, you should probably talk about villains as well. They are also at the losing end. There are no villains anymore.

You don't even have comedians. What is Govinda in 'Partner'? What is Salman in 'Partner'? That demarcating line is soon dissolving and it's absolutely fabulous, if you ask me. An actor is an actor is an actor."

Was 'Shabari' just an experiment for her or was she really seeing any commercial prospect in it? Her face lights up at the mention of the film that she calls her baby, as she says, "It's just one of those roles that an actress would give her left arm to do. Antara Mali was first doing the film but there were problems there and she walked out. And I would've been a fool to reject such an exciting subject.

This film is written for the heroine, and it's a hard core commercial film, it's not some art film," Ishaa clears all doubts. "As far as what draws the audience to the theatres, I think we've lost that judgment now. You never know what works today. Even a 'Bheja Fry' with its modest budget worked wonders at the B.O. At the same time, huge commercial films bomb for no apparent reason. More than myself, I hope for the director, Lalit Marathe whose debut it is with 'Shabari' that the film works."