SaHil SS: HOPE - Thank-You-Note - Pg 13! - Page 8

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
The less I give, the more I get back
Oh, your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don't have a choice but I still choose you

The song is called: "Poison and Wine" by The Civil Wars.

** * **

A busy day filled at the psychiatrist office. A women with brown curly hair stopped at the hallway and peeped through a glass door before knocking gently.

"Hey." She spoke opening the door as she entered. "You're back. You weren't here when I was looking for you this morning."

Sanam looked up from the paperwork where various documents were scattered around the table beside her laptop and a hot cup of coffee. She smiled at her fellow collogue, Nadia.

"Yeah. I had a few things to take care of before I came in today."

"Is everything okay?"

Sanam nodded. "Yes, everything's fine. I'm just feeling a bit tired, that's all."

Nadia nodded. "Do you have the file you talked about the other day?"

"Yes. I have it right here. It's Wednesday next week at noun."

Sanam reached for a blue colored file and handed to Nadia. "I've placed a paper inside on what you need to focus on."

Nadia smiled. "Thanks. I don't want to hold you from completing your work."

She turned around to leave the cabin, but a thought ceased her mind. She slowly turned to watch her collogue, who was her friend first, being busy. "Sanam.. Mind if I ask why choose to hand the case to someone else? You've never done that before? I mean does it have to do with him being a public figure?"

"It has nothing to do with that, alright!" Sanam snapped suddenly.

A surprised expression came across her colleague's face. "I'm sorry.. I didn't realize someone had woken up at the wrong side of the bed..."

"- Stop, don't apologize. I'm the one saying sorry, Nadia." Sanam inhaled a deep breath before closing them briefly. "It wasn't my intention to snap at you like this.. I've been busy with some things lately and I haven't gotten much sleep either."

Despite of having seen a slight change beneath her expression, Nadia nodded nonetheless.

"It's understandable. I know you didn't mean it. The amount of work we do, it's important to look after ourselves too. It's a lot of emotional baggage we carry around every day and it's not easy. Just remember we can't save them all."

Sanam nodded glancing outside. "It has almost become a personal slogan around here."

"It's what keeps us going." Nadia said showing her long-time friend a warm smile. "Listen, we've known each other for years. So if there's anything else you want to talk about, my door is always open for you."

Sanam nodded and mentally thanking of her support.

"You know what.. I know what you need.." Nadia couldn't help but come forward as she reached for a clean sheet of paper. Getting a pen, she quickly scribbled something down. Once getting done, she held the paper for Sanam to see.

"The highly intelligent and gorgeous people around here love you dearly.. "

Sanam sat feeling very cherished once she read the words.

"Remember we all love you, even when you're being cranky... Mr. Teddy loves you too."

She rolled her eyes and chuckled. "The one you have sitting by the window?"

"Yes." Nadia nodded. "You would be surprised by how good listener he actually is."

"I cannot believe that you're a psychiatrist." Sanam shook her head letting out a small laugh.

"We all need laughter or else it would be such a boring life to live." She smiled before waving at her. "I'll be there next week"

Watching Nadia exit the cabin, Sanam couldn't let go of the smile her close friend had caused. Soon reality crept into her mind as she exhaled loudly once closing her eyes. The smile vanished replaced by an unknown feeling, hoping whatever she was really doing, was right.

----------

Next week arrived and Sanam kept herself busy with doing various paper work and taking care some of the work she needed to do outside work.

Sanam walked out of the tall building and made her way to the parking lot where her car stood parked. She opened the driver's seat and sat inside after spending a few hours at her cabin in the morning.

Closing the door, she placed her bag with various files on the passenger seat. She began to start the engine before pressing a button to on the radio.

Love Can Heal, Loving Mend Your Soul
And It's The Only Thing That I Know
I Swear It Will Get Easier
Remember That With Every Piece of Ya And It's The Only Thing We Take With Us When We Die

She stumbled across the words and choice of song. Was it trying to tell her something? Her eyes wandered to the small digital watch. "12:08"

The session must have begun' She thought with an unfamiliar feeling crawled inside her heart and mind. Shaking her head, she forced herself to focus on the road ahead of her.

Meanwhile Nadia glanced patiently around the Haveli before getting up from her seat, ready to greet her client. She put on a brief smile catching Aahil walk down the stairs. "Hello Mr. Aahil."

He furrowed his brows by the unknown woman. "Yes?"

"I supposed you haven't read the letter we send a week ago? I'm going to be your psychiatrist for your last couple of sessions."

"I'm not sure if I understand.." He furrowed his brows by the sudden news.

"Miss Khan handed the case over."

His eyes met hers. "How is that possible? I thought your office had a strict policy saying you don't share your clients details with anyone - it's confidential."

"We do and we don't release any personal details. I'm only here to see how you are coping. That's all."

Aahil clenched his jaw with a firm scowl across his face. Running a hand through his hair, he sighed. "What happened to San- I mean Miss Khan?"

She studied him for a brief minute before responding. "Something came up so she couldn't attend the sessions. However she does appreciate the progression you've shown."

All he Aahil could do was listen quietly and dwell on the part why Sanam wasn't here.

-----

The following many nights Aahil kept himself awake most nights. It wasn't something hadn't done before but this time the reason had been different.

He sat silently in the living room, switching the light every five seconds. Appearing a dark shadow across his face.

It was almost like he was facing difficulties with balancing light with the darkness. Maybe at the back of his mind, that light was overpowering the darkness ha had hidden inside of him.

He sighed closing his eyes briefly. His thought wandered toward his life. What he had been through and how he was on the nerve of falling down. But somewhere along, hope began to ignite deep within him, giving enough hope to fight back.

The one who had allowed to put these thoughts in his mind had always believed in him. The real question was who had touched him? Who had placed all these unfamiliar emotions? Why did he feel like his thoughts were drawn toward...

"Bhai?" A tired voice broke Aahil's train of thoughts . "How come you're awake?"

Rehan came walking toward him where he slumped down at the couch.

Aahil glanced at the messy hair and tired eyes. "Go back to sleep, you like tired."

However Rehan shook his head while running a hand through his unkempt hair. "I'm not tired."

Raising an eyebrow he kept watching his younger brother. "Really? Your face seems to say so."

"How come you're sitting here all by yourself?"

"I couldn't sleep." Aahil admitted.

His younger brother noticed a look cease his eyes. "Look, I probably know what you're thinking. The whole counsellor thing and having sessions every week. Being too closed up around yourself is never going to do any good and that's why I thought Sanam would be able to help."

"- It's not what I'm thinking." Aahil responded not noticing how quickly he said the words than intended. "She is helping.."

He trailed off trying to find the right kind of words. "I guess, she has been succeeded at some level. She is the only one who have been able to make me talk about what I did and coming in terms with it.. Even seeing the ugly sides of me, but..."

"But what?" Rehan let a long silence pass between them.

A sudden realization ceased his mind. "Are there any signs from your side?"

Aahil raised his gaze into his brother's. "What are you talking about, Rehan?"

"I'm asking whether you are starting to feel something for her? I am beginning to think that she is no longer just any counsellor is she?"

Aahil lowered his gaze.

"Because if she was just any counsellor, then you wouldn't be awake of the night and thinking about her?"

"I wasn't thinking about her." Aahil shared.

"Really? Your gaze seems to say so." Rehan responded.

He sighed. "There's nothing from my side.. Besides, what if it just turn out to be pity?" He whispered making his eyes cloud a bit.

"It never is. The brother I know is strong and have a willpower which I admire. You're the only person who I look up to and have made me who I am today."

His older brother shook his head. "I'm afraid there's nothing left to admire anymore."

"Yet there is." Rehan smirked lightly. "I'm already looking at a new person in front of me. The brother who came back from the hospital was someone who I could not recognize. Today, I can see the same fire in your eyes when you jumped into the aircraft for the very first time."

Getting up from his seat, he spoke the words which he knew would leave an impact on his brother's soul. "You have spoken so much without even saying anything. Follow your heart. For once, follow what your heart really tells you."

Aahil was left alone, thinking whether he could be right. He furrowed his brows by the different thoughts circling around his mind.

Why had she given the case to someone else? Was she really busy with some other things? Was she afraid or ashamed of him? Or did she think he was a lost cause? Was it...'

He shook his head thinking he was going crazy by each thought he let inside. Reaching up to rub his forehead, he decided to rest his mind.

---------

Ending the last session of his personal development, Aahil could rest without gaining a few answers of his own. It had already been one month and ever since the night he stayed awake, he had not heard anything from Sanam. She hadn't contacted her nor did he try to reach her either.

One late evening, he decided to pay a visit remembering the first time he came to apologize about his behavior. However this time, the scenario was different and had come with a different motive in mind.

Aahil stood in front of Sanam's apartment where he reached his hand up to knock. A few minutes later, Sanam opened the door with a slight shock expression across her face. "Hi."

"Hi, it's been a long time. I thought I could step by. Can I come in?" He asked before she stepped aside for him to enter.

She lowered her gaze into what he was holding.

"I brought some tulips from the garden, knowing you liked the colors. You might want to put them into water, before they die." He spoke.

"Thanks." Sanam quietly responded once being handed the bouquet. She tried to dismiss the different tone in his voice.

"I haven't heard from you over a month.. I was curious to know what happened, because of you don't forget, I like to be upfront." Aahil stared at her once entering the living room.

"Yeah, me too." Sanam responded with a light voice as she placed the tulips on the table.

"Really.. Is that so?" He narrowed his eyes slightly.

"Look, if this is about the sessions then.."

"- Yeah, it's about the sessions. It's about the replacement that took place at my living room. What is going on, Sanam? I thought you liked to be upfront or else pretended to be."

She could hear the bitterness in his voice and maybe he had every right to be so.

She wrapped her arms around herself. "I had a reason and I can assure you that your story was not required before Nadia could do her job. All she had to do was observe your body language."

Aahil stepped forward trying to read her eyes. "What did she found out then?"

Sanam avoided his gaze.

"I know you read the file. You must have."

Raising her gaze into his, knowing he was right. The first thing she did after two weeks had passed, was to get her fingers on the file.

--

Sanam opened the file as her eyes scanned the words.

"Mr. Ibrahim... At ease with himself... not hesitant... / Restrained... Closed..."

Letting out a breathe she didn't know she held, guilt began to overpower her mind.

--

"Tell me, why did you choose to resign from the case? Was it because I was too damaged? All you had to do was listen?"

His deep voice brought her out from her thought. "It's a lot easier said than done."

"Was I really so bad that I made you stop... Everything?"

Raising her gaze she noticed the emptiness in his voice. "Aahil, it had nothing to do with that. I had a busy schedule.. It was too hectic for me."

Clenching his jaw, he refused to believe whatever she was telling her. "We both know it's not the real reason."

"It is." She stood firm with her statement.

He remained silent before responded.

"What you've preached in the past months, were they all empty words, because I like to think they were. Pretty and wise words? What is the purpose to of saying them when you don't even use it yourself? And don't tell me it's because of the schedule, because I do not believe it."

"No. The words were not empty nor did I just use it without a purpose. I meant every word." Sanam sighed as she took a few steps away from him, not knowing how to respond. "Look, the first thing we learn at our academy is not to get personal attached to our clients, no matter what the cause has been... And that's what I had been doing, Aahil. I couldn't control what I felt whenever I would listen to your journey."

Aahil allowed the words to sink in from the woman who stood before him. Taking a silent breath, he refused to blink. He refused to believe what his mind was screaming at him.

He turned around, shaking his head by the idea he had arrived here in the first place. A short bitter laugh escaped his lips as he clapped loudly letting the sound fill the quiet room.

"You must have thought this through, didn't you?"

Sanam felt sudden goosebumps across her body as she raised her gaze in confusion.

"Having my name on your resume would have caused both attention and gained interest.. And now you have it all falling apart, how does it feel? Stings doesn't it?"

"What?" Her eyes wide by what he was doing. "No, it's not what you think."

Clenching his jaw, he met her eyes in one swift motion.

"Then why don't you tell me how it's like?" He demanded. His stare hard and cold. Was he slowly going back into the black hole he was trying so hard to escape from? "Say something!"

Sanam stood motionless. She didn't know what to do or say. With her heart being in her chest, she opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out.

He waited for her to say something. Anything.. A reason of why she chose not to help him anymore. However a look of disappointment ceased across his dark colored eyes.

"So, I was right all along.. It was pity after all."

Sanam shook her head trying to reach for him, but he refused.

"I don't even know why I even took the decision to come here.. Maybe I was beginning to hope and allowing your words to take effect on me - but I was wrong. So wrong.. Telling you everything believing that I wouldn't be judged or feel any pity in return." Aahil passed her without taking sparing another glance at her.

He stopped at the front door, looking over his shoulder one last time. "It seems I was right, Miss Khan. You were one of us all along." He paused before speaking in a whisper loud enough for her to hear. "There was a part of you hidden."

She swallowed with difficulties. His words cut sharper than she thought. They hurt a lot more coming from the man she had admired.

"We all wear masks for one reason or another." He spoke before walking out. He had repeated the same words he once had said. Making her remember the night they had met outside the 12 o clock meetings. The evening where they had danced together as two individuals. Without any labels attached. Without any care.. Without letting the professional bond as a therapist and client come in between.

Stumbling down on the couch all she could do was stare at the untouched tulips in silence.

----------

Sanam wrapped the brown shawl around herself as she watched the rain fall outside her apartment. It was dark outside and no people were gracing the streets either. She figured that everyone were probably inside with their loved one. Secured... Cozy.. Held..

Her mind wandered to the current state life had put her in. She had always been an independent woman who believed that she could live her life just the way she wanted. Somewhere along a man would come by and make her rethink her choices and motives.. At this point of time she realized that it was never easy as she had thought out to begin with. Yes, someone did cross her path, only to know that the picture she was picturing was never the one she was reliving. Everything was different.

She caught her reflection on the window and wondered whether Aahil felt the same turmoil as he she felt nowadays looking her herself.

Never did she care about herself the same amount she did for others. She cared too deep. She fell too deep. Maybe it had been in her nature, but she had never thought it as a sign of weakness. Whoever could admit they were caring and fell too deep were strong. They had a willpower which anyone would admire.

But the thing was.. She didn't really feel anything to be proud of at the moment. Not like she used to be of herself.

Feeling sudden goosebumps across her body, she recalled a conversation she had a few months ago..

--

"The man who stood behind the attack, seemed to know who Aahil was. He had studied our household for years. He knew every small detail that it was almost unbelievable. It was all a plan to aim where it hurts - make us remember this day. I mean, you can restore buildings and aircrafts but..." Rehan paused not being able to finish the last sentence. "But once you damage another human being..."

--

".. It stays with you forever." Sanam responded in the dark, breaking her heavy trail of thoughts.

Suddenly a phone ringing filled the room. She kept it ringing knowing she couldn't make herself engage in a conversation right now.

..Beep..

"Hey. I don't know if you're here or not, but I've tried to get in touch with you a few times now... I want you to know that I might have figured it out, Sanam. I do see the real reason behind your choice."

There was a small pause making Sanam turn around as she recognized the voice. She stared at the phone wanting Nadia to continue.

"It's not wrong to feel what you are feeling, but if you don't do this right then I am afraid it's going to be hard for you to assemble the pieces back together. Call me when you get time. I'm always here for you. And Sanam.. Go talk to him."

..Beep..

Sanam kept staring at the phone almost waiting for him to call her. But why should he? On what basis would he ever talk to her again? she had after all made a choice to begin with. "To overcome the emotional struggle one need to be strong and have hope.. Maybe being hopeful is too hard to reach."

** * **

To Be Continued!

Hello Lovelies. I hope you enjoyed the read. The next chapter is going to be last one, so I hope you'll look forward for it.

The other song is called: "Photograph" by Ed Sheeran.

The banners... I fall short of words Mahu... You manage to pull in every important aspect of your story into them 👏

Chapter 6:

The stick man, the dargah scene, the beautiful flowers representing the garden, that bottle of pills... Your banner gives an unusual insight into the chapter... 😊

Those flashbacks have turned your fan-fiction into no less than a thriller mystery, I must say... 😉

And Sanam was there by his side when he woke up from the nightmare... He finally managed to open up to her... enough to flirt... And then this:

"Now, open your eyes. What do you see?" Sanam asked staring into his gaze while holding into a frame in front of him.

"You." He spoke softly. "I see you."

Sayda can see through Sanam so well... how she is slowly & gradually falling for her patient 😆

Chapter 7:

I love those pics again 😆... Frustrated agonised Aahil & a slightly shocked Sanam

Sanam has a really sweet colleague & friend in the form of Nadia... whom she handed over the case 😲

Finally Mr.AIR has been spending sleepless nights thinking about his Psychiatrist?? 😆 These two are really something 🤣

So finally even Nadia has figured out the spark between them... It's so obvious isn't it?

Loved the chapters... You weave such an amazing magic on us readers 😊

You're ending the story??!! 😲 I can't believe it... That escalated fast!! I hope you're planning to write another one soon... 😉

Lots of love your way 🤗 ❤️

Cutie15:

Thank you so much for liking the chapter. Yes, Sanam decided to hand over the case, as the emotional struggle was too much for her. I promise the reason of why she did so is going to be explored in the last chapter. Thank you once again. 🤗

Muskaan17rocks:

Aww, thank you so much, Lovely. It mean so much for me how much you liked it. I really enjoyed writing Nadia, someone who Sanam could confess in. What I enjoyed the most was the conversation between Aahil-Sanam. Anyways, the next chapter is going to be the last, which I hope I do justice to. 😳

Darkice7_12:

I thank you from the bottom of my heart - I really do, Lovely. You're always so encouraging in your reviews. I am forever humbled that you think my writing has depth. It's a huge compliment which I will surely take with me. Oh, I absolutely love how I give you all these songs to listen. They are sooo good. 😆 Also I always fall in love the way you write... They are seriously a treat to read. ❤️ I will try to update soon, maybe this coming weekend.

-Awaari-:

Thank you so much dear! 🤗

Innocentangel4u:

Aww, you're such a gem of a person. I say this from the most sincere part of my heart - thank you for all the love you always show me for this long. It's always a pleasure to see what parts you liked the most and I really wanted to portray the small hidden meaning behind the words and scenario - which you've managed to unfold.

Once again, thank you for always believing in me and my writing. For being the loyal reader you've always been. I don't think I would be able to write anything if it wasn't for you beautiful lovelies. ❤️

I know, I'm finishing the story petty quickly, but I've had a writer's block for a week and been busy with my studies as well. So I thought I would to post what I could imagine would happen in the last chapter. Hopefully you'll like it. 😳