SW Symphony 63 - Page 91

Posted: 8 years ago
Originally posted by sonalgupta2004


My niece all dressed up for party:- 👏



Awww so golu molu...
Posted: 8 years ago
Found this insightful article on FB abt Indians growing up in the US. The article is long but worth a read. 😊
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I was seated on the kitchen counter, my favorite perch as a four-year old. I watched my thatha, my maternal grandfather, draw a "U" shaped white figure on his forehead with what looked like a metal toothpick. Carefully, he placed a red substance with water on the heel of his hand, and with the precision of a chemist, mixed them to the perfect consistency. He washed the ever-silver rod, and, in one stroke, drew a red line in the center of his forehead. I begged him to draw one on my head as well. He simply laughed and said, "This is not for you, ma." Seeing my wide eyes, he placed a small red line on my forehead and lifted me away

Daily, I would watch my Ramanju thatha repeat the same process over and over again. A deeply pious man, he would bathe early in the mornings, draw his thiruman, and say his prayers for the day. The thiruman is a mark or symbol that Iyengars (members of a sub-sect of Hindus who worship Vishnu) wear on their foreheads in order to show their subservience to God.

When I was eight, I had a birthday party at my school. I was more than thrilled to celebrate with my friends and my favorite teacher. Being the bossy third-grader I was, I ordered my mom to bring cupcakes to school to share. Not wanting to anger me on my special day, she agreed to heed my wishes, but asked me to do her a small favor in return. She asked, "Swathi chellam, please can Patti and Thatha come to see your birthday celebrations? Patti would love to see your friends, and you can introduce Ms. Roberts to Thatha."

I contemplated about this for a few days, and I came to a conclusion. My grandparents could come to my school, only if thatha erased his thiruman for the day.

"It's too Indian, Amma, I just want to have a normal American birthday, and I don't want my friends to keep asking questions."

My grandfather was indignant, "Do you understand the purpose of this mark, Swathi? All my ancestors wore this on their foreheads." I tuned out the rest of his tirade, and all I can remember is a blur of some Sanskrit phrases, and the word "God" multiple times. I never bothered to understand the significance. He never agreed to take it off.

The next day, my mom came to school at 2:00 sharp, as per Queen now-nine-years-old's wishes. My thatha stepped out of the car, and I looked up at him. He now had a bare forehead; the first time I had ever seen this. Pleased that my thatha had chosen my side, I skipped off to play with my friends. No one asked questions about my grandparents, and no one bothered me about my Indian-ness. I was a happy birthday girl.

The symbols of tradition, in that moment, were so insignificant to me. They were a reminder of the past that we had left behind to come to America.

Every first-generation child of immigrants undergoes this inner turmoil, attempting to find the balance between culture and the American ideal. Whether being embarrassed about the parent's over-emphasis of the "w" in "jewel" or bringing a peanut butter sandwich to school every day, we all go through the process of shunning our roots.

Some of us find the equilibrium between the cultures, and others reject either side in favor of the other. To each their own. But these visible marks of tradition, in language, in symbols, and in food, are dog-tags that point us out as "others," not part of the American standard. Attempting to fit in, we try to minimize the exposure of this immigrant side of us, until we can understand where we truly fit in. This innocent, albeit rude, rejection of my thatha's thiruman was an expression of the culture wars that I faced, even at nine years old.

But, as time progressed, I learned to appreciate my heritage more and more. The simplicities of rituals and wealth of knowledge in my Indian blood mean a great deal to me now.

Through many of my thatha's visits, I began to learn more about the Hindu religion. He taught me many of the slokams and their meanings. He instilled a great sense of tradition within me, with his stories of mythology and staunch beliefs that he continues to impart to me. Although we argue about many facets of the differences between the cultures, we respect one another immensely. And as I developed a closer relationship with my thatha, I came to associate that familiar thiruman with him, his ideologies, and the tradition that he represents in my mind.

"Thatha, it isn't just. How can you continue to be so rooted in your misogynistic ways?" At fourteen, I found each and every reason to reject the patriarchy. A number of our conversations would start and end the same way: with me criticizing the backwardness of the South Indian cultural processes.

He tried to explain to me, "Illa, ma, appidi illa. It isn't like that. The woman was always given control of the wealth and the gold that the man brought home. She had an equal part in the control of the household as the protector of the family's riches. Only she could decide when to sell the jewelry for money." I, a sharp-tongued teenager, could not take this as an answer. I could not accept the inequality that continues even to this day. "How come only men can don the sacred thread or even the thiruman you wear as opposed to a devout lady?"

Again, my thatha was the poster face of tradition. All qualms I had with the culture were directed at him. He was always ready with a response, "Women wear the bindi. Wouldn't it look weird if I wore a sari and Patti wore a veshti?" I kept quiet for a minute. Quickly, my next rebuttal came to me. It followed the rule of my family: when all hope fails, change the subject, even if ever-so slightly. "Thatha, American people treat men and women more equally, why can't we?" Once again, I held the American culture to an executive ideal.

Last summer, my thatha and I decided to embark on a mission: to use the Silicon Valley public transportation system. We would take these, mostly empty buses, to places around our neighborhood. A bus driver one day, noticed the mark on my thatha's forehead, and asked him what it was. With his thick accent and expressive hand gestures, my thatha said, "It is the Lord's feet. When we worship Him, we must remember that we are simply his subordinates who bow down to Him."

I remember clearly the pride that my thatha felt that day that someone from another culture cared enough to ask about his thiruman, a symbol of our religion and his faith.

It was then that I learned that in order to be "American" or "modern" it does not mean we all have to be the same, factory-made people with no story or no heritage.

Being American means accepting and taking an interest in what each person of every background has to offer us. We are known as the melting pot, a seamless mixture of countries all over the world. Accepting the American character is having a certain blend of old and new, custom and innovation.

My thatha's adherence to the role of ancient practices but to the acceptance of modern convention reflects this duality. As paradoxical as it may sound, my thatha's thiruman, which I once repudiated so greatly has actually not only come to be a symbol of tradition for me but also of being American. 
 
Swathi Ramprasad is currently a junior at Presentation High School. She enjoys being a child of two cultures.

Posted: 8 years ago
I love the FB article, but its mostly "feel good" only
Its touching, heart warming and poignant
My Dad wears vibhuti, he wears it everywhere he goes, when he visits
He even wears it to my American coworkers' homes for Thanksgiving dinner
Likewise my Mom wears her nose ring, saree and giant bindi
EVERYWHERE

They are in their 70s, they wont wear jeans or Aeropostale tees

I like her writing skills
I empathize with her embarrassment and her later acceptance or so she says she acquired after the SoCal bus driver looked at her Thatha admiringly.

But I dont agree one iota with  :
How women cant be priests in  Hindu Temples, 
how we give priority to the male child
How we treat women that have lost their husband
How we treat people of a different caste
How women are shunned during their period
How infertile women are treated (a man's parents will go as far as to say the daughter in law is infertile and NOT the son)

MUCH has to change

 US is not an "evolved" society just for nothing
They actually grant you "freedom" in the truest sense.
I agree with all the Cathloic priest argument etc..

You have to be part of one of the 6 groups I mentioned above to realize, how refreshing and liberating it is to live here


Posted: 8 years ago
Originally posted by sonalgupta2004


Hey guys!!


👏
Thumbs up for filter coffee
Posted: 8 years ago
Originally posted by Nisha0604


I love the FB article, but its mostly "feel good" only
Its touching, heart warming and poignant
My Dad wears vibhuti, he wears it everywhere he goes, when he visits
He even wears it to my American coworkers' homes for Thanksgiving dinner
Likewise my Mom wears her nose ring, saree and giant bindi
EVERYWHERE

They are in their 70s, they wont wear jeans or Aeropostale tees

I like her writing skills
I empathize with her embarrassment and her later acceptance or so she says she acquired after the SoCal bus driver looked at her Thatha admiringly.

But I dont agree one iota with  :
How women cant be priests in  Hindu Temples, 
how we give priority to the male child
How we treat women that have lost their husband
How we treat people of a different caste
How women are shunned during their period
How infertile women are treated (a man's parents will go as far as to say the daughter in law is infertile and NOT the son)

MUCH has to change

 US is not an "evolved" society just for nothing
They actually grant you "freedom" in the truest sense.
I agree with all the Cathloic priest argument etc..

You have to be part of one of the 6 groups I mentioned above to realize, how refreshing and liberating it is to live here



I totally agree Nish...At the end of the day, if it works for you, you adhere it...If not, you should be able to live your life your own way...I think that is the freedom we lack...
Posted: 8 years ago
Originally posted by sonalgupta2004


Hey guys!!

Ayyo you are tempting ppl in this part of the world 😭 😭
Posted: 8 years ago
First of many things

Since II has the habit of NOT thinking first or not thinking at all, many times
landing her in MM when Ranjan drove off with her purse in his trunk that very first time

Ritu was forced to stay for dinner and she headed out around 10 PM, Ritu ate dinner for the first time at MM
Met Manya for the first time...
She held Nivi for the longest time, until II had to snatch her to feed her

II took her upstairs and shared work gossip with her daughter for the first time

"If I tell ur Daddee, the first thing he will say is quit and stay home or look for another job"

"I actually didnt get along with him at all you know? He was mean and horrible to me, 
he often put me in a spot at meetings, and questioned me like I didnt know what I was doing"

"We fought like animals" 

II sighed, gently rubbing Nivi's cheek, wiping off leaks

"Why are u in a hurry?"
"I dont have to go down, I am hoping shes gone by the time I head down"


II texted Akka

"Why didnt u send Shravu?"
"i was going to do that root beer float for him, Mahavir found that American brand of root beer, and we also bought vanilla ice cream"

"Hes playing cricket dee"

"IN THIS HEAT?" II asked startled

"What are u talking abt, the younger one also wants to peek from the balcony only"
"When he hears Shravu, he screams and screams and my FIL takes him to the balcony

"CHHHOOO CHWEET" II cooed

"OMG... hes just like u... but wit NO HAIR" Akka reminded

II sent many ROFLs


"U must be happy no? A baby with lots of hair?"
Akka sent a green monster

"I did three juddus for her today" II said smugly feeling the back juddu

"Paavi... why are u telling me? I can almost count the hair on my man's head, Amma (Bala's mother) puts coconut oil 5 times a day"

Akka sent another ROFL

"He looks soaked! Paavam... MIL says we will go to Samayapuram (near Trichy)and do mottai (mundan) " Akka lamented

"But what is there to donate?" II cracked up

Akka called

"yenn di.. u dont want him to have a head full of hair no? Amma is saying, if we give him a mundan then it will grow" Akka said gasping with laughter

"are u going in august after the 1st Bday?"

"most likely" Akka laughed

"ALL of u?" II asked sadly

"Shravu will be 7th, DPS wont let him go" Akka whined

"Take me also no?" II begged

"Podi... u go to some posh place" Akka teased

II felt hurt...

"i dont go anywhere with my family" she whispered

"How will it be if we just take u?" Akka argued

"Dad will go too and Rakshasan"

"AVANA?" Akka scoffed

"He will" II was sad

Nivi was done, II burped her,


"Choo chweeet ka, I CANT BELIEVE BALDIE WILL BE ONE"

IKR"

"Akka can u keep him at this age?"


"Podi" Akka chuckled


"FIRST bday? HOW CAN IT BE?" II sighed

HER RAKSHASAN SHOWED UP THAT SECOND
PAAVI
HOW DO U EVEN KNOW WHEN SHE WILL BE DONE?

He took her

"Kudu da" she begged

He kissed Nivi and shook his head walking away downstairs

"Is she still here?" Ii hollered

R&B nodded
II made a face

"My boss is here ka"

"then GO" Akka said

"No she came two hours ago" "Athim didnt tell u?" Ii asked

"He did... poyendi" (go now)

"BTW did u guys fight?" Ii asked

"NO? WHYYY?" Akka was baffled

"Athim looked sad"

UNTIL THAT MOMENT AKKA HAD NO IDEA
II tactlessly let the cat out of the bag

Bala had tactfully not exchanged much about the roasting he got from Ranjan


"WHY?" Akka paused... thoughtfully

"He wouldnt tell me" "Is he there?" Ii asked

LIKE A FOOL

"Hes in the balcony dee" Akka responded flatly in a "why are u even asking?" kinda tone

"Manya is here no" II said yet another tactless thing

"What did she say? She spoke very nicely to me when I spoke with her a few days ago" Akka was shocked

"she hates me" II said... like it was a badge of honor

"So why will she say anything to Bala?" Akka still didnt get it

"Some scurrilious allegation, about me trying to be a gold digger" II said

"Ishitaaa" Akka warned

Bala came in and handed a whiny baby to Akka

"Tu gussa hai?" AKKA ASKED ATHIM

"Nai to" Bala responded casually

And frisked? flirted? II cudnt tell

Akka giggled

And yelped

"Poruma?" Akka shrieked

"I guess" II nodded, with a twinge of jealousy

Making out seemed like some farawy thing now

Sigh!!!

HE ONLY CARES ABOUT NIVI

THAT THOUGHT FOR SOME REASON BROUGHT A LOT OF TEARS

She sat in bed crying... getting up changing and going down just before dinner

Akka in the meanwhile would ask Athim, why II thought he was upset

Athim would relent and share the interaction, ending up with some inflammatory rhetoric over how II was measured by a diff set of rules at DII

II would host her boss, clean up the kitchen
And use her feelings of anxiety and fledgling post partum depression to ask her baffled, clueless husband, R&B,  
if HE pissed off Bala earlier in the evening.
STILL NOT CONVINCED HE IS NOT MAD?
WHAT ARE U?
A PSYCHO?
HE WAS FLIRTING WITH HIS WIFE
U HEARD IT!!

UMM... YA... BUT ATHIM WAS LYING
HE WAS ACTUALLY UPSET
I CAN READ ATHIM LIKE A BOOK
II shook her head smugly
Killing the creatures inside

And so they would walk down the path of yet another first after the baby is born

Their first fight...



Posted: 8 years ago
NICE UPDATE!!!!
I like your style of writing.
The story is amazing.
Posted: 8 years ago
"But what is there to donate?" II cracked up🤣🤣

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