The first hour of Pragya's dinner date with Angad was awkward. Angad had come out in just jeans and a polo, so Pragya felt overdressed. In the car on the way to the restaurant, they exchanged small talk, but still couldn't bridge the tension of the situation.
Things improved when they finally arrived at the restaurant. Pragya recognized it as the place she and Bulbul sometimes came to treat each other for special occasions. Angad was pleased to see her smiling as they entered, and bent to explain to her why he'd chosen it.
"I always come here when I'm in Mumbai," he whispered in her ear. His hand pushed gently at the small of her back to guide her to the reception stand.
The intimate gesture made Pragya feel uncomfortable, but she reminded herself that she was supposed to give him a chance and that what he had done so far was perfectly normal. Hadn't she seen Purab touch Bulbul like this a hundred times, and the same between Abhi and Tanu?
It was new for her to be on the receiving end of a man's solicitude, but she could take it as a good sign. If she married Angad, maybe he would be a thoughtful and chivalrous husband - and that was no bad thing.
She could get used to him being physically demonstrative. Once they knew each other it would feel more comfortable.
And once she wasn't married to Abhi anymore, the faint feeling of guilt heating her skin would surely disappear too.
They made more small talk over appetizers. Pragya told Angad about watching his show with Bulbul, and he laughed and told her how much fun it had been to work with his costars on that serial. Pragya was surprised at his calm and humble tone. The show had been immensely successful, but Angad didn't brag about that.
He seemed so down to earth, and she liked that he didn't have an ego to match his outsized reputation.
"And what about you?" Angad prompted. "Are you interested in returning to work? Or is it your goal to start a family?"
An answer jumped to mind for the first part of his question, but the second derailed it. She felt jolted back to reality, with the heavy weight of the expectations surrounding their meeting pressing down on her.
"I - well both, I suppose," she answered hesitantly. "I love teaching and I do want to go back. But yes, I thought I'd be taking a few years to - to start a family."
"That's important to me too," Angad replied. "And you know, in a sense, work will always be there? But at some point you just have to make your personal life a priority. I realized recently that if I don't have children soon, I'll be changing diapers and pushing prams in in my forties! I think I'd much rather be teaching my little ones cricket and going to school functions at that age," he concluded with a laugh.
"Do you plan to be a very involved father, then?" Pragya asked, intrigued by his mention of baby chores.
"Of course! What's the point of having children if you don't put them at the centre of your world?"
Pragya liked his answer, as it matched her own point of view. However, she had never heard a man express the same sentiment, as it was generally assumed that women did most of the work when it came to raising children. Times may have changed but culture and tradition were slow to catch up, so even a working mother was expected to do more for her children than their father would be.
Yet the way Angad was talking about his hopes for the future, it sounded like he had something other than the usual roles in mind. She asked curiously, "And where would your wife - or partner - fit into this?"
"Right by my side, I would hope," Angad said with a smile. He met her eyes then, and as she looked into his face, Pragya thought she could read an honesty there that somehow made her feel safe.
Angad continued, "That's why it's important for me to settle with someone who has the same goals and values. When Indu Daadi told me about you, it sounded like we're looking for the same things."
Pragya bit her lip, thinking that she wasn't really looking for anything. But something about his wording bothered her, making her wonder whether he was really as willing to go along with Daasi's plan as he said. "Settle?"
"Settle down, I mean," Angad clarified immediately. "Not in a compromise sense, but in the sense that building a family is hard work, and it goes better when both partners are consciously committed to the task."
Pragya nodded, agreeing with his explanation. She had always believed that marriage took work, and it could only be a good thing if both partners were open about working towards the same goal. It wasn't the most romantic vision of how things could be, maybe, but it was an outlook that made sense to her.
Angad added after a moment, "That was what I learned from my first marriage. I made the mistake of rushing into things and believing everything would work out without us having to work at it."
Pragya studied his face again, looking for any hint of sadness or regret. Surely it was not an easy thing to move on from a failed marriage? He at least had had a few years to make the transition. If he still held anything in his heart for his ex-wife, she would prefer to know about it now. She said carefully, "Indu Daasi told me a bit about that. Would you mind - I'd like to hear your side of things."
"Sure," Angad said easily. He held her gaze as he spoke, but she noticed that he was toying with the cloth napkin at his place setting. "I was young and passionate. She was beautiful and fun. I loved spending time with her and I thought marriage was about finding someone you'd always want to be with."
It sounded like Bulbul's idea of marriage. Bulbul had often described her dream of marrying her handsome Prince Charming who could also be her best friend, someone who loved her madly and always wanted to be with her. Pragya had never thought that such relationships happened in real life, though she was happy to see that Purab and Bulbul were making a more realistic version of it work for them now. But it sounded like Angad had had just such a love story once upon a time, and Pragya listened closely as he continued, wanting to understand how it had gone wrong.
"Eventually, we both learned that there are other factors too. We couldn't agree on what we wanted and slowly we drifted apart. We both threw ourselves into work, and then one day she told me she had found someone else and that was that."
Angad concluded his summary in a matter-of-fact tone, no hint of pain or wistfulness in his voice. Still, Pragya could imagine how difficult it must have been for him to find his fairy tale falling apart. She at least had found out on the first night that Abhi had someone else, and it was only right and fair that their baby was finally uniting them. It wasn't like Abhi was leaving her for someone new the way Angad's wife had left him. Nor had she and Abhi ever truly, mutually committed to building a life together, so there were no shared hopes to mourn now that their always-mistaken marriage was ending.
"I'm sorry," she said softly. "That must have been hard."
Angad gave a sort of side nod, the corner of his mouth quirked up into a half-smile. "It was, yes. It had been a beautiful dream and it was hard to let go. But I learned a lot and now I know what I want in life."
Pragya smiled encouragingly. "And what is that?"
"A partner." Angad's voice was deep with conviction as he continued, "Someone to share life's joys and sorrows with. Someone to come home to, someone who feels that home is where we are together. Someone to laugh with. Someone who will love my family, not just respect them out of obligation. Someone mature and responsible but also relaxed and positive."
Pragya could hear herself described in Angad's wishlist. Everything he wanted, she wanted too, and despite all her conflicted feelings about the situation, she found herself feeling warmer about Angad.
He broke the silence between them with a light, self-conscious laugh. "Too much to ask?"
Pragya shook her head. "No, sounds about right, actually. I'd say I want the same."
"Good, so we're on the same page! And, if you don't mind, I'd like to know your side of this story with Abhi too. I know you haven't really had time to come to terms -"
And just like that, all her stress returned. Pragya took a deep breath, determined to explain the situation simply and neutrally. "There's not much story really. For me it was an arranged marriage, for him it was a mistake. He belongs with Tanu and their child is bringing them together."
"But you love him?"
The question caught Pragya short. How was she supposed to answer? She did love Abhi, but it was a pointless love. There was never going to be a future for them. Moreover, she had promised Daadi and Daasi that she would consider having a future with Angad, and what kind of start would they have if her love for Abhi was a barrier between them? And yet she couldn't lie to him about it, nor could she disrespect her own feelings.
She tried to explain her feelings in other words. "I - I've grown attached to him," she said. "He's been good to me. He's done so much for my family."
She thought about what her relationship with Abhi was really like. She loved him because he was a good man, because he was arrogant but adorable, because he made her feel like no matter what happened, she would never be alone. But what did that add up to, really? She was grateful to him for everything he had done for her, and she had a fondness for him from sharing his life for so many months. She knew it was love, but maybe - maybe it wasn't the kind of love that was meant to last forever.
"I mean, I've gotten used to him, really," she concluded. "But when we are apart - it'll get easier."
At least, she hoped it would.
"Yes, I found that too," Angad said supportively. "My ex moved to South Africa with her new man and it helped me get over her. A change of scene would probably be good for you too."
"Right. Probably it would." Relieved to be off the topic of her feelings for Abhi, Pragya latched on to the opportunity to ask something basic she still didn't know about Angad. "You haven't mentioned - where do you call home?"
"Well, Mumbai, actually. But I have a number of projects lined up over the next year, so I'll be moving a lot. I'm in Chennai from next week, and three months later, Delhi."
"Sounds busy," Pragya said politely. The thought of so much regular travelling did not appeal to her, but she could see how it was necessary for his work. But then what did that mean for his personal life? She asked, "Do you get much time to visit your family? Do you have any siblings?"
"I make time for them when I can," Angad answered, and from his tone it was clear that he wished he could make more time. But then he was more upbeat as he added, "My older sister lives in Ahmedabad, and I've just been visiting her. She has a five year old daughter who is basically my favourite person in the world."
Then Angad pulled out his phone to show Pragya pictures of his niece, and conversation flowed easily as he told her story after story of the little girl's antics.
Pragya liked that he was so obviously affectionate and patient with the child. Angad seemed like he would make a good father. He was mature and responsible and apparently ready to make that leap.
It was not a favourable contrast to Abhi, who was still refusing to acknowledge the reality of his coming child.
Pragya reflected that it might be nice to be with a man who knew what he wanted and was prepared to be an adult about it. She liked what she had seen of Angad so far. The thought of marrying him was beginning to look less like a desperate sacrifice and more like the compromise of convenience she had always expected from marriage.
The idea of being constantly on the move didn't much appeal to her, especially if babies came along soon. And even in the short term, she wouldn't like being far from her mother and daadi - what if they needed her? Bulbul might not be around to take care of them once she got married, as Purab's work often sent him travelling too.
But maybe it could still work. Angad had said his home base was in Mumbai, so surely he would be open to the idea of permanently settling here at some point. She decided she would ask about that later, after she had a sense of whether they were really going to go through with this marriage or not.
Even though she was trying to be calm and reasonable about it, the whole situation was still overwhelming. This morning, her entire focus had been on fixing Abhi's life, with no plan for her own. Now suddenly she had options to consider, and the possibility of a future that might just have everything she had once thought she wanted from life.
Pragya was grateful to Daadi and Daasi for giving her such an opportunity. And as her pleasant dinner with Angad continued, she hoped that her conflicted heart would stop aching soon, so she could take the decision she needed with a cool mind.
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