The Best of Things
By Bubble
Chapter 7
Slowly Ragini folded the bed clothes and made the bed.
Last night, Lakshya had dropped his bombshell and then managed to go off to sleep. She had not quite managed that.
He had gone out now for a morning jog, leaving her deep in chaotic thought over what he'd said last night. He was withholding love and respect. That stung.
But, on the other hand, he was committing to a lifetime with her! He had said, he had promised he would be with her forever! She had received more from him last night than she had thought possible these last few weeks.
She had been so sure that he had thrown her out of his life. She had plotted so many stratagems, dreamt up so many scenarios in which he and his family would be forced to accept her. His coming home drunk had been a godsend - it saved her having to arrange it herself. Had he not said what he had last night... she would have found a doctor to declare her pregnant. But that wasn't necessary now! He had said himself that they would be together forever! She swirled around the room, unable to contain her joy!
And he had been wonderful last night! She remembered the feel of his hard arms around her, and blushed.
***
Lakshya found a bench and plopped down on it, huffing slightly. He took a deep pull of water and stared, unseeing in front of him.
He actually felt quite relieved, he realised. A major decision taken, uncertainties laid to rest. But now came the actual work - living with a woman he did not love. And repairing - he frowned at the word even as he used it - repairing, restoring Ragini into the girl she used to be, transform her from this selfish monster to the fine human being she could be. That was his mission now.
Not that he had planned it so thoroughly. But it so happened that he had gone out with friends last evening, and they had pressed him to drink with them... When he came back to a dark house, and Ragini, who was waiting up for him, it seemed easy to let things happen. But he had known every step of the way what he was doing.
Lakshya had thought deeply about his next course of action all of last week.
When he had overheard Swara and Sanskaar talk about him a few days ago - agreeing that he need not have anything to do with Ragini ever again, he had been hugely relieved. There was no obligation, no majboori; he was not yoked to her for the rest of his life!
And then, he had wondered what his life was going to hold. He was never going to have Swara come back to him. Would he divorce Ragini and tamely marry some girl his mother found for him? Or wait for love, that unpredictable force, to strike him again? Or never marry at all?
If he cast Ragini off, he might achieve some quiet in his life... but happiness? And what about a purpose to living? Perversely, his thoughts went to Ragini - caught so badly in the toils of her own desires and machinations... and he was the unwitting cause and object of her passion.
In some way, he did feel a responsibility for her - a traditionally bred girl, who had assumed that he was hers. If he flung her out of his life... even with good reason, his conscience would trouble him all his life. Ragini loved him... why shouldn't she, at least, win her love? If his life was of no use to him, why shouldn't at least Ragini benefit?
He remembered what Sanskaar had said... If he accepted Ragini gracefully...
While he felt trapped, he had resented her and their marriage. But now, he didn't feel trapped - and he was able to consciously choose to accept her... how ironic!
But that is the distinction between being forced to do something and doing it willingly - a small distinction that makes all the difference in the world!
He could make something of his life - and hers! He remembered reading once: "In life, as in poker, you don't need a royal flush to be a winner. Sometimes a pair of twos - a weak hand played well - is plenty." In life, you didn't always get what you asked for but you had to play well with what you did receive.
What if she's just evil and irredeemable? an inner voice asked him. Can you live with that? He shook his head, as if shaking off the thought. He didn't think so. He had never loved Ragini but she used to be a very nice girl! And she could become that girl again. He was sure of it.
She had had a rotten upbringing - both cossetted and repressed. Her grandmother had lavished love' on her without ever actually trying to see what the young girl needed. A selfish love, she used Ragini as a pawn, as collateral in her war against everyone else... the result was a a girl who played multiple roles, but had lost a grip on her own moral compass. But the Ragini who had once so loved her sister and her family could be brought back again.
And only he - the object of Ragini's obsessive, fanatic devotion - had the power to do it.
Edited by soapbubble - 9 years ago
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