I don't know how to suck up to people...
She flounces her skirt and fluffs her pillows. She traipses into the room like a story-book princess. Even when she's shorn of make-up she looks like a beautiful fresh oil painting. Okay, I'm biased about Sonam Kapoor. The tender gosling, who's morphed into a swan. It's always been like this. Ever since our first full-fledged meeting on Sanjay Leela Bhansali's Saawariya set. She was beautiful. Talking 19 to the 190000. Yammering... as the air filled with her nimble laugh and chatter, while Ranbir Kapoor squirmed away uncomfortably. I've still never quite figured out why Sonam was so full of je ne sais quoi while Ranbir was inhibited under the watchful glare of their Svengali.
And then she grew up. From good press to bad press. From the silver screen siren to the red carpet soigne. Living out of her vanity valises, becoming a muse to every creative genius in the fashion world. Wait there's more! She bagged projects with everyone from Rakeysh Mehra to Aanand L Rai and now Sooraj Barjatya... the Sonam story has only just begun. And I reckon many more chapters of the rise and rise of an actor will be penned. She gives as good as she gets. She has a mind and she will speak it. So she gets trolled on social media and she gives it right back. She's thrilled about her role in Ram Madhvani's Neerja. Adds up as the right time to meet our very own princess and I ask...
What does turning 30 mean to you? Is 30 the new 20?
I love it. I don't know whether 30 is the new 20. But I do know who I am. I was wishy-washy earlier. But now I know what I want from life. Since the past three years, I've been finding myself, growing, creating... Earlier I was paranoid about hitting the age barrier. But now that I have, I feel so free and open. F##****g nobody believes that I'm 30.
Admitting the fact that you've turned 30, does it go against an actress?
No. I've never lied about my age. Most of my contemporaries are of my age. (Smiles) Well, some of them are lying about their age! Except for Alia Bhatt, between Shraddha (Kapoor), Deepika (Padukone), Sonakshi (Sinha) and me, there must hardly be a difference of a year or two. And come on! Look at Kareena (Kapoor Khan), look at Priyanka (Chopra); I'm talking about the generation before me. They're still in their prime. I don't think age matters anymore.
Post 30, most women start talking about Botox, hormonal problems and cosmetic surgery. How do you react to that?
A lot of my friends want to do fillers. Others are more into health. I'd read a beautiful line long time ago... something like, "I've earned every line on my face." As an actor, age, adds to your personality. I look better every year. I'm not saying this in an immodest way. My body is like a history book with all the scars and everything I've gone through. It shows that I'm someone who's lived life. Erasing that is erasing the things that made you who you are. Exercising or taking care of yourself, like moisturising your face every morning, just shows that you love yourself. But doing artificial things? I wouldn't do that. Because I have a different idea of who I am. Yet I don't judge anyone who does plastic surgery, Botox or fillers. It's their prerogative, their choice.
What's your take on women going to all lengths to change themselves?
I don't believe in body shaming someone. You can be skinny or bulimic but the whole point is to be healthy. I don't have a skinny scarecrow body but I'm healthy. I take care of myself. I follow a good diet. I exercise. I want to be fit and be able to work 15 hours a day without getting exhausted. There are people who body shame you saying that your arms are like this', your butt is like this', your legs are like this' blah-blah. That's irrelevant. What young girls need to realise is that in reality we're not what you see on screen. If you see me sitting at home, it's not the best scenario. We work hard on our looks because that's our profession, that's our job; it's a visual medium. I want to emphasise: when you're healthy, you'll automatically look beautiful.
You're one of the most beautiful girls in the business. Do you still go through periods of low self-esteem?
Everyone goes through insecurities about their body, their face, their talent or whether they deserve to be loved or not. There's always a devil sitting on your shoulder and feeding shit into your head. It's about ignoring it or heeding to it. I'm headstrong. I know who I am and what I want from life, whether it's work or my love life. I'm not going to compromise on it.
What do you want from your love life? Why won't you date an actor?
I don't know what I want but I know what I don't want. I'm not saying I'm never going to date an actor. I made all these foolish statements when I was younger. I don't know who's going to come into my life. But I'm never going to date someone who doesn't know who he is, whom I don't respect, who is not self-made or who doesn't work hard. I need to love someone and be with someone who has a strong sense of commitment, honesty and truthfulness. Everybody has weak moments but besides love there has to be respect. If you value the person, you'll never do anything that will hurt him/her in any way. You also need to grow with a person. You might be opposites but you have to learn to live with and learn about each other.
Why are youngsters so commitment phobic and jumping in and out of relationships?
I don't know, because I'm not. I don't believe people have become casual though it's become easy to get in and out of relationships. That stigma attached to breaking up or getting divorced is no more. In a way, it's a good thing because when you do break up, you're not bogged down by fear. But at the same time, when you do commit to a relationship you do it with all your heart.
Coming to Prem Ratan Dhan Payo (PRDP), how come you've shared such crackling chemistry with someone who is 20 years older to you -- Salman Khan?
I believe I have chemistry with all my actors. But yes Salman and I had great chemistry even in Saawariya. People didn't expect that. But when the trailers and songs came out, they were like how the hell do you have that kind of chemistry with him?' Salman Khan can have a chemistry with anybody. So can I. I've enjoyed it with Dhanush, Fawad Khan and Farhan Akhtar... 90 per cent of my actors. Yes, with Salman it's a lot more. Sometimes, something just clicks and it works.
Was there any discomfort because you're so young and also Anil Kapoor's daughter?
Not at all. My dad is older than Salman. There's a generation gap between them. (Laughs) My dad is going to be upset when he reads this, but it's a fact. My dad was with Jackie (Shroff). Later there was the Shah Rukh Khan, Salman Khan and Aamir Khan generation. I came after that. I wonder why people don't ask these questions to Deepika Padukone, Sonakshi Sinha or Anushka Sharma. They've all worked with the Khans. I'm the only one who hasn't worked with them. I guess it's thanks to my dad's genetics that I'm asked these questions.
You've always chosen the not-so-high-flying heroes and now suddenly you're working with a Khan. Do you feel a paradigm shift?
Not at all. But if I had to do a film with a Khan, this is the perfect film. I guess it had to be a Sooraj Barjatya film. I have an amazing character. If the shooting was held for 200 days, I was shooting for 180. I could have done a film where there are three songs and four scenes but I didn't. The kind of respect and love Salman gives to everybody on the set; it's been one of my best experiences.
Salman went through a traumatic phase while shooting for Prem Ratan... What's your takeaway?
It doesn't affect him. Honestly, he was stressed only because his family was stressed. Otherwise Salman Khan is the most positive, hardworking, crazily in love with his work kind of person. I never saw him in a bad mood. Never. Every day we had lunch with him, he amused us with anecdotes and made us laugh. He doesn't come from a place of negativity or guilt. Or else that would show. He is what he is. I wouldn't have said that earlier but today I say from firsthand experience. He is that Being Human' projection. That is why people love him so much. They can see it on his face.
Tell us more about this Being Human' projection...
One person I've seen doing things selflessly is Salman Khan. He walks the talk. And he lives like a monk. He has no expenses. Everything that he earns goes into Being Human. He's only helping people. There's a lot of negative press too that comes with being a celebrity. Few don't believe in him. But 90 percent of the nation does. He listens to everyone, he talks to everyone, he helps everyone. Anyone can go to him and ask him for help.
There are insecurities in the profession. Did you absorb any of these being Anil Kapoor's daughter?
People ask me, How come you're so unafraid of failure?' It's because I've seen it. My father has never failed but he's gone through ups and downs. So I'm not attached to it. Everyone was sceptical about me doing Raanjhanaa with Dhanush. But I was unafraid to fail because I just need to wake up in the morning and enjoy what I'm doing. Success and failure will come and go, but good work remains. I do not believe in projects. I believe in working with people who make great films or who want to make good films. Many don't with Sooraj Barjatya's sensibilities but he's honest about wanting to make a good film. If Sooraj Barjatya wanted to make a project, he wouldn't have cast me. I am not deluded enough to think that. He could have taken a much bigger heroine. Take Prem Ratan... or Neerja. They're completely at two ends of the spectrum but both are honest attempts.
Given the stress of the profession, do you go through dark phases?
Yeah, of course. I don't know whether I have darkness in me but I know that I have gone through a lot of ups and downs emotionally like everyone else. I have my moods too. Who doesn't? Flopping of a film doesn't affect me. But if I'm hungry and I've not slept then I can be in a bad mood.
What really gets you down?
We tend to celebrate mediocrity. Everyone is just there to bring you down. That takes a lot from me. I don't have much in common with people in the industry. I'm blessed to have worked with Aanand L Rai, Ram Madhvani or Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra, Sanjay Leela Bhansali, Sooraj Barjatya... who actually value my work. They don't go by trends. They casted me because I suited the role and they believed in my talent. I've lost out on a lot of films because I wasn't the top heroine' at that point in time.
Please explain...
For example, I got a call from a writer and a director saying that they wanted me to do a particular film. Three days later, it was reported that another actress was doing the film. I didn't receive a call from any of them saying, you're not doing the film'. But I do know that the film was written with me in mind. That was disheartening. It just shows that I'm not good at PR. I'm not good at cultivating relationships with producers or actors. I don't know how to make myself affable enough. I don't know how to suck up to people.
You wouldn't call a producer if you knew there's a role in the reckoning?
No I would do it but in a straightforward way. I don't know how to get into a camp. Or hobnob with the right people. I don't know how to use PR or the media to push me in a certain way. It's unethical to talk about films that were once offered to me or films that have not been offered and plant suggestions through the media that I want to do it. But yes, I wanted to work with Shimit Amin and I called him up and said, "I want to work with you, what are you doing?" And also Sriram Raghavan. These are the only two directors I've called. They didn't end up working with me but I'm saying that I've done it. Yet, I don't know how to do it in a way where I can build myself up. I'm not a great salesperson. You have to be able to sell yourself. You have to follow it up, hobnob with the people concerned, have drinks with them. It's almost like you're wooing them. Even with actors. You need to woo the big actors. Though you don't need to have an affair with a hero. Overall, you need to build yourself up and have this persona whereas I'm straightforward. I don't know how to mince words. I always end up saying the wrong things to people.
Your rivals do that?
All actresses do that. There's nothing wrong with it. Because it's so competitive that you do what you have to do to go ahead. Somewhere it's not good that I don't know how to play the game. They know how to market themselves.
Why do you undermine yourself so much?
Because I don't know what the perception about me is. Most actors are supposed to be narcissistic. I'm anything but that. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I never look into the mirror. I'm not vain. I don't believe I'm good enough, which is a good thing. You need to evolve through travelling, learning, watching movies, talking to people, doing projects that push you... I don't want to be mediocre.
What about actors being said to be control freaks?
No I'm not a control freak. I'm borderline OCD. I have an obsessive compulsive disorder about cleanliness and about being on time. But we live in Mumbai and the traffic is ridiculous. You can't be like that. And nobody is ever on time. I'm always 15 minutes early. And I stress myself out. I'm like I'm late I'm late... I don't like being unprofessional. I'm hard on myself if I don't remember my lines. Ram Madhvani was the one who told me, "Sonam, why do you torture yourself so much?" Because I'm so hard on myself I stress everyone around me. And because everybody loves me so much, including the people who work for me, they get stressed out too.
Has being Anil Kapoor's daughter somewhere protected you?
I might not get movies because of my father, but I'm definitely protected. People don't misbehave with me because I'm somebody's daughter. So I'm quite safe.
Okay coming to your love life, are you a high maintenance girlfriend?
No, not at all. I'm a good girlfriend. That's one of my problems. I'm truly understanding, I'm not a nag and I'm trusting. The three not-so-good traits would be that I've very high expectations from the person I'm in love with. I expect him to be the best human being possible. I expect them to love my family and friends as much as I love them. And that doesn't usually happen. And I also space out at times. So I might be not available because I'm reading. At other times, if he's having a conversation with me, I may be unaware that he's actually having a chat with me.
Do you feel insecure when you've not been in a relationship for one year?
No I don't. It's not the right time for me to be in a relationship. Now when I get into a relationship, it has to be the' relationship. I'm not going to get into something even if I'm a little unsure about it.
Witnessing your parents' relationship, what have you absorbed from them?
You should always be with someone whom you never want to break up with. It should never cross your mind that I'd be better off without him. Even if you're at your thinnest' phase in the relationship and threadbare, it should never cross your mind that you want to end the relationship or you want to leave.
Have you felt so in your past relationships?
Yes. Because my expectations are high. First of all, he has to be a good human being. That is the tallest order. Secondly, the person has to be committed to working. Thirdly, the person has to be in love with me. And I haven't found someone who loves me for me. I'm not this person you see in the magazines or the movies. I'm an introvert. I'm not a social person. I'm not someone who is out there all the time. At home, I'm still the same girl in kaftan. I like to be in bed and read. I'm a homebody.
How do you see yourself 20 years from now?
I want to go down in posterity as an artiste who was of consequence. I want to be a wife, a mother. I want to write something, maybe a script, a book. I want to dedicate my life to social work. And even if I'm not any of these things, I'll still try to be happy and content. Today, we're totally into our phones. We're not actually living life or observing and enjoying things. Above all, I want to be wiser, kinder and nicer than I am already.
6