Hello friends,
As some of you know, I have been rather disturbed and upset by the written update from today's episode and in particular the precap for tomorrow, in combination with what we know of the coming track from the recent spoilers. Contrary to my ever-present optimism when it comes to SwaSan, I even gave in to a fit of grief on my Sanskaar's behalf at the pain we know he will suffer soon, made worse by how foolish the CVs have decided to presently show Swara. So I have dealt with it all in the best way I know- writing it all out to something I would like to see. This picks up where my last Four Shot (Against the Odds- https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/swaragini/4506825/against-all-odds-a-swasan-four-shot) ends and whilst it is not at all essential to have read that to understand this OS, it may help put the references in context. In any case, this is set for after Swara and Sanskaar have both confessed being in love, Ragini and Lakshya are both banished and SwaSan are blissfully happy with each other. It is simply meant to be a light and happy Diwali OS, but with what I hope is a simple message at the end, as to how Swara and Sanskaar (and by analogy us SwaSan fans) can move on from the nightmares SwaSan face and are still to see through.
This is to all my SwaSan loving gang- but today especially Leki, Sana, Preet, Swathy, Viji, Anna, Kavya, Deep, Sonal, Alisha, Manasi, Vaibhi and Kamala- all of us were upset earlier for Sanskaar's pain. In addition, I cannot miss off Medha, Mishu, Kavya, Sakura, Geetha, Afreen, Shruti, Uppu, Nityah, Niki, Pressu, Leela, Pic, Trisha and Jwala- my die-hard SwaSan gang who keep me going. If I missed anyone off please infer you are included too!
I hope you like this and will let me know either way. Lots of love.
PS: Happy New Year all or as a Gujju girl like should say- Saal Mubarak!
INCANDESCENT
Shards of dancing sunbeams broke through the gap in the curtains made by Swara as she peeped out from the window excitedly, being careful to only make a little slit in the heavy folds of the material. But it was enough to allow the prisms of light to sneak their way past the defences of the velour, and bounce around in glee in the room within. Fitting perhaps for a space that had recently become the site for bliss and contentment. A few of the dancing beams slithered past the material and Swara, and fell on Sanskaar's sleeping form, causing him to stir sleepily, and almost protestingly open his eyes against this intrusion into the sweet dreams he was having. However, any reflex irritation at being disturbed vanished as his eyes fell on the very subject of his fantasies- his beautiful wife. Still sleepy but with a soft smile now lighting up his face, Sanskaar observed his Swara, noting her suppressed excitement as she was trying unsuccessfully to look outside to see if the day had risen without disturbing him. She had clearly already bathed and was probably raring to get going, given what day it was today. Deciding to have some fun, he shut his eyes again and groaned as if in sleep, throwing his hand over his eyes, pretending to be disturbed.
Swara whipped around instantly and saw his theatrics at their best. Cursing herself for unsettling him, but not realising that the gap in the curtains stayed open, she turned around fully. Sanskaar thus again blearily forced his eyes open, finding himself literally dazzled by the sight of his wife framed in the early morning sunlight streaming in. She was literally glowing against this backdrop, her face full of love for him, softening her delicate features into breathtaking beauty. Trying to focus on the task at hand, Sanskaar let his eyelids droop to pretend slumber and then called out her name again as if in some pain. Instantly Swara was at his side, concern etching her features. It had only been a short time since he had recovered from the injuries to his arm and side whilst saving her from a firecracker intended to burn her, and she was still on tenterhooks, despite his now almost complete recovery.
"Sanskaar", she said softly, anxiously touching his forehead, making sure it was not fevered. Just as she was thinking of pulling the crumpled covers up to cover him better, she felt her now awake and rather alert looking husband, hold her wrist and with the other hand at her waist, tip her firmly on top of him. The air whooshed out of her lungs and she gasped in shock.
"Sanskaar!" she looked at him in shock, only to find him smiling his wickedly teasing smile, that always managed to melt her insides. His eyes were raking her face hungrily and his hands were equally urgently roving over her body, making her flush deeply, breathlessness threatening.
"Sanskaar! Yeh kya kar rahe ho?!"
Raising an eyebrow, his smile deepened as did her colour.
"Nahi pata chall raha kya kar raha hoon? Challo, zyada demo deta hoon. Jaldi hi samaj jaogi."
Swara was scandalised, although she didn't know why- after all he had more than demonstrated to her over the past few nights how shockingly inappropriate he could be. Not that her responses had been any less wicked, remembered Swara a rush of heat claiming her at the memories this invoked.
"Sanskaar!! Mujhe taiyaar hona hai! Main abhi abhi shower se bahar aayi hoon, aur neeche sabh intezaar kar rahe honge. Aaj Diwali hai, kitna kaam hai, jaane do na. Aur waise bhi! Abhi din hogaya hai."
At her last sentence, Sanskaar started to chuckle in earnest at his wife's innocence.
"Lagta hai ke tumhare lessons ko badhana padega. Din waale lessons bhi shuru karne honge", referring her to their fairly recent conversation where he had suggested that he needed to teach her how to prove her love to him through actions, a promise he had kept to very diligently!
Swara was now in serious difficulty; she knew she had to extract herself to get going with the busy day that lay ahead, but the temptation to give in the seductive pull of his words and his exploring hands, was intense. The decision was made when he claimed her lips in a deep drugging kiss, ensuring that all rational thoughts flew well out of grasp. She responded in a way that was becoming all too familiar- their need for each other insatiable. However, one of the joys of living in a joint family was that if you forgot your responsibilities temporarily, someone else was always at hand to remind you, and a series of sharp knocks at the door abruptly pierced the haze of pleasure that was enveloping Swara and Sanskaar. Swara pulled away from Sanskaar, mortified, with Sanskaar silently cursing the intrusion. It was Sujata, come to check if Swara was ready yet, and gave her a knowing smile when she saw her flushed face, and slightly disheveled hair. Gently, she reminded Swara that Annapurna would be waiting for the morning puja. Sujata had finally come to wholeheartedly accept her daughter in law; her Bengali roots now no longer a barrier to seeing how she was truly the centre of her precious son's universe. Even more importantly, she had seen first hand evidence of Swara's recent care for Sanskaar and the depth of her feelings for him, making her realise that to stand in their way would be no less than a crime committed against God's own chosen destined souls. She had therefore taken to delighting in their obvious happiness with each other.
Thus marked the start of Diwali day for Sanskaar and Swara. The day went by in a whirl of activities, and Sanskaar had to resort to stealing glances from his wife as she bustled about the house, following instructions from the elder ladies, putting colours on a pretty "rangoli" for good luck with Parineeta Bhabhi, and then lighting multiple diyas around the house as the day wore on. Much to everyone except Annapurna's amusement, Sanskaar kept making excuses to help the women- a habit that his usually inscrutable Dad remarked was a good one he had clearly picked up since his wedding. In the same apparently bland tone, he thanked Swara for instilling such additional good values in his son. Even Swara realised the innuendo there, making her turn shades darker than her pink Anarkaali and scurry away from her husband, who also looked slightly shamefaced, but still inordinately pleased at his wife's reactions.
So passed the day. But just like in life, it was not entirely without blemish. At various points in the day, there were twinges of pain from the scars they all sported from the battles that had been fought in the name of love over the past many months. Annapurna in particular, could be seen suffering the pangs of separation from her entirely spoilt and misguided, but nevertheless beloved son, banished very firmly by his just father. She was too dignified not to accept the reality of what had become why, but she still pined and her grief was visible, despite the dignified silence with which she bore it. Also, to Swara, this brought back various memories and was a stark reminder of her now entirely destroyed relationship with her mad sister, whom she had at one point loved so willfully, and with such dangerous consequences. She knew that she would never be able to build her bridges with Ragini. Her last attack on Swara had put Sanskaar in danger, and even Swara, despite her characteristic foolish disregard for self preservation and entirely unrealistic naivet, knew that a line had been crossed which would make it impossible to ever trust her again. She did not hate her, that was always going to be beyond Swara, and in any event, Ragini's insanity made her more the subject of wistful pity, than outright hatred. Yet, their family dynamics were altered forever and the coping process had just begun, so would take time. The euphoric happiness she had found with Sanskaar thus warred with these tumultuous undercurrents, and despite herself, a slight sadness crept into her day, no matter how much she tried to banish it.
Evening found Swara before the dressing table mirror in their room, fussing over the deep green saree with ornate gold and diamond work in the cream border adorning it and dusted across its expanse like stardust, that she had carefully selected to wear today. She looked up when she heard the bathroom door open, to see the reflection in the mirror of her devastatingly handsome husband walk into the room, looking princely in a deep cream sherwani, embroidered in simple detail at his throat and cuffs. Their eyes met in the mirror, both of them stilling. They didn't have to say anything, their eyes did the talking, as was often the case with them, wordlessly communicating to each other how engrossing they found the other. An identical smile of pleasure had lit both their faces and as Sanskaar walked towards her, the heat in his eyes, finally made Swara shyly drop her gaze to try to focus on what jewelry she should wear with her outfit, from the simple collection arrayed there. Trying to keep herself from running into his arms as she wanted to and to avoid a repeat of this morning, she started a stream of nervous chatter, which made Sanskaar smile, instantly understanding the diversionary tactic. He steadily approached, his eyes glued on her and stopped a bit too close for comfort. Swara resolutely stayed facing the mirror, still rambling, and now asking if he thought the set she had picked out matched.
Shaking his head slightly, he indicated not. Swara now frowned in perplexity, trying to pick an alternative, which was also similarly rejected. She was getting slightly agitated now. She wanted him to think she looked perfect and was worried that she would run out of options very quickly, not having a large amount to choose from to match with this saree in any event. Sanskaar, all too aware of her brewing alarm, suddenly started leaning over, making her start. He placed one hand on the side of the side of the table anchoring them both in place, and with the other one, leaned over to open the drawer of the dresser, causing Swara to exclaim and ask what he was doing. Not answering, he merely, rummaged in the drawer and then dug out a red velvet box, hitherto skillfully disguised under some papers. Meeting her now wide eyes through the mirror, he placed the box on the dresser and gently opened its clasp, making Swara gasp at the contents. Nestled amongst the plush interior of the box, was a beautiful diamond necklace and earrings, set amidst a delicate gold filigree setting, perfectly matching what she was wearing. Stunned, Swara found herself momentarily speechless as her ever surprising husband proceeded to pick the splendid neck piece freeing his other hand from her side, and gently draping it round the swan-like column of her neck. Stilling her belated protests with a gentle "sshhsssh", he gently lifted the hair at her nape and fastened the clasp, but with his fingers caressing her neck and back as he did so, and then dropping a set of toe-curling kisses where he had touched, making Swara close her eyes in pleasure. When she opened her eyes again, they shone with tears and she turned around in the protective circle of his arms to look at him, her adoration shining through, only to be reflected back at her.
"Main tumhe baadme dena chahta tha,raat ko, lekin iss saree main itna match horaha hai toh socha abhi."
"Lekin Sanskaar, yeh toh bahut mehengha hai na? Itna mehengha kharidne ki kya zaroorat thi? Aur maine toh tumhare liye kuch nahi liya," she added the last with a stricken look, suddenly feeling awful.
He stopped her again, this time with a gentle finger on her lips,
"Tumne mujhe joh diya hai, uski koi kimmat nahi lagayi jaa sakti. Iske saamne iski koi value nahi hi. At her enquiring look, he elaborated, "Tumhara pyaar...".
Swara wondered what she had done to deserve such fortune. Gazing at him in wonder, she vowed to spend the rest of her life making this incredible man happy; she told him this with her eyes, and he heard her as clearly as if she had shouted it. Swara so wanted to abandon the festivities downstairs and stay here in their own haven, in his arms, celebrating in their own special way, but she knew they couldn't. She also suddenly recalled something.
"Waise Sanskaar," she said seriously, "mere paas bhi ek gift hai, tumhare jitna atcha nahi hai, lekin phir bhi."
Sanskaar was looking at her, slightly puzzled but indulgent. He really didn't think she had had time to get him anything, given how hectic things had been. He had very deliberately searched for something special for her, wanting to ensure he commemorated their first Diwali with something lovely for her. Trying to shake free now, and finally managing to make a reluctant Sanskaar let go of her for a moment, she turned back to the dressing table and now pulling open another drawer, she pulled something out, turning back to him with a mischievous glint and an impish smile. She was holding out a stack of handkerchiefs! It was now Sasnkaar's turn to be stunned.
"Yeh lo- maine khaas tumhare liye kharide the. Kabhi aur time dene waali thi, aur woh bhi ek ek karke, lekin abh itna atcha gift milne ke baad, mera bhi toh kuch farz hai. Tum complain karte ho na, ke main tumhare saare rumaal kharaab kardeti hoon, toh maine do dozen naye waale liye hai!. Lo na Sanskaar, aise kya dekh rahe ho?", she shook with mirth.
Sanskaar looked at his own personal effervescent bundle of joy, his own eyes now twinkling and gave into the overwhelming urge to kiss her, controlling her laughter very effectively. Soon, she was in no state to think of merriment as a much more primal emotion quickly flared between them, the pristine white squares fluttering to the floor, forgotten. When Sanskaar raised his head, his wife was becomingly pink cheeked again, her lips slightly swollen, her pale coral lipstick smudged around her lips, making her even more desirable. He groaned in frustration, resenting the need to make an appearance downstairs, and quickly wondering if they could risk being a little late. Just then though, a sound of crackling and popping fireworks could be heard. Swara immediately stiffened and looked at Sanskaar, her eyes reflecting panic.
Sanskaar had felt her involuntary shudder at the sound, and had tightened his arms around her in reflex. He should have known this would happen, and he had to nip it in the bud. Smiling gently, he said casually,
"Hmm, kaash niche nahi jaana hota Mrs Maheshwari. Lekin dekho na, abh tum itni khubsoorat lag rahi ho, toh chah kar bhi itna selfish nahi hosakta ke tumhe yahin mere saath bandh rakhdoon. Aur waise bhi sabh ko show off karna hai, ke duniya ki sabse sundar patni meri hai, atchi mithaiyan khaani hai, fatake phodne hai garden main baad mein..."
Again, the mention of fireworks caused the stricken look to reappear in Swara's eyes, and her body stiffened again.
"Sanskaar, mujhe phatake nahi dekhne hai, aur tum toh bilkul wahaan nahi jaoge! Main Bade Papa koh kehne waali hoon ke agar koi bhi phatakon ki baat karein, toh woh maana karde, waise bhi nahi jalane chahiye."
"Lekin tumhe toh bahut atche lagte the na Swara, tumne hi mujhe kahin hafto pehle bataya tha naa? Isiliye maine hi thode jalane ka arrangement kiya hai, bahut saare nahi, bass thoda sa?"
Swara was now genuinely getting distressed,
"Nahin Sanskaar! Bilkul nahi. Woh pehle ki baat thi, mujhe abh phatakon se nafrat hai, aur main tumhe crackers jalate nahi dekh sakti Sanskaar! Abhi hi kuch dino pehle joh hua..." she was shaking from the memories now, making Sanskaar's heart ache with her remembered torment.
He slightly and very gently shook her, making her look at him.
"Sssh, mere saamne dekho Swara. Mujhe tumse kuch kehna hai," and forcing her tearful gaze to lock onto his intense one, he continued,
"Tum istara nahi soch sakti Swara. Aise toh hum hamari zindagi main kuch bhi enjoy nahi karsakenge. Hamare saath joh bhi hua hai, hume usse bahut ghere ghaav mile hai. Sirf uss din haath jalna toh ek baat hai, lekin humare apno ne hi hame joh dard pohchaya hai, uska kya? Kya hum un zakhmo ko kabhi bhi bharne nahi denge? Agar hum ek ek uss cheez se darenge jisse hume itne dard miley, toh phir yeh toh hamare pyaar ki haar hui na, jabhke aaj hamara saath hona, mere liye sabse badi jeet hai. Main jaanta hoon ke aaj din main kahin baar tum udaas ho rahi thi, sabh joh hua uske barein main soch kar. Aur mujhe bhi uss sabh ka dukh hai. Lekin yeh hamari nayi shuraat hai. Usme hum inn yaadon ko kaise jod kar rakhte hain, yeh hum par hain. Hum bhool toh nahi sakte aur bhoolna bhi nahi chahiye, lekin yeh bhi yaad rakhna chahiye ke itna sabh kuch honeke baad, aaj hum ek doosre ke saath hai, eik hain. Maine kabhi nahi socha tha ke mujhe tumhara pyaar naseeb hoga. Agar iss pyaar le liye, mujhe phir se woh sabh dard, sabh dukh, joh mujhe kabhi laga tha ke maut se bhi battar hai, phir jhelne pade, toh main khushi khushi bardaash karluga. Tumhare pyaar koh paane ki khushi ke aage kisibhi zakham ya gham ka darr mujhe nahi roksakta. Ghar jalne ke darr se hum diye jalana toh bandh nahi kardete na? Toh tumhe mujpar aayi hui chot ki wajay se saari zindagi fuljariyon ki roshni se darta hua bhi main nahi dekhna chahta Swara. Hum apni zindagi khushi se jiygenge. Gham ayenge, aur hum unka saamna bhi karenge, lekin iss pyaar ki taqat se- haste hue aur bekhauf rehkar."
Tears now flowed from Swara's eyes, two gentle rivulets streaking her cheeks. She had feared fireworks, equating them to her recent trauma when she had seen Sasnkaar's burning arm, the mind numbing fear that had paralysed her when she thought she would lose him and the utter desolation she had experienced when she had thought she had left it too late to claim his love. What she had failed to see until now was that this knee jerk reaction was simply a metaphor- a representation of the after effects of the torment she and Sanskaar had gone through to get to this place. In his usually perceptive way though, the wonderful man she was lucky enough to be married to, had not only seen her anguish, but had also analysed the psychology behind it. She had worried about him as he had been the one injured, not just physically but in so many ways emotionally too, and yet, he was applying balm to her scored psyche.
Swara learnt new things about her Sanskaar every day- each day she felt her feelings had peaked, he proved her wrong. Because his love was bottomless, she fell more in love with him every moment; discovering that the more you loved, you simply expanded your heart and soul to fit more in. Sanskaar was right. Their love had power enough to defeat all the monsters that had plagued them, but by letting fear of the remembered pain from their past cloud their present, she risked letting those demons back in to their lives. If anyone should be fearful, bitter or begrudging, it should be Sanskaar, she acknowledged with a pang. He had been caused indescribable pain, not just by various others, but by her too. And yet, he had not only forgiven her for her utter stupidity and blindness in taking so long to recognise and treasure his feelings, but had wholeheartedly embraced their future together. Gratefulness overflowed from her very being and she silently thanked God yet again for this boon, come to her the form of a beloved life partner.
Sanskaar could see the realisation sink in for Swara from the way her expressive face mirrored her inner thoughts. When the sorrow and angst was finally chased away by the message of his love he had re-delivered to her, he could see the joy shine through. He knew the pain would be back sometimes, both for him and for her. You could never entirely forget after all, and neither should you perhaps, but now the past grief would simply highlight their present bounty, reminding them of what they had come through to finally emerge triumphant. Just as legends told of the Gods of old who on this day had returned to the light, banishing darkness, they had to rely on their all-consuming love to burn bright, lighting the rest of their lives up. He knew with an uplifting of his spirits, that shortly they would walk out of this room, hand in hand, and later stand together, lighting some token fire crackers, no remnants of past terror or heartbreak marring their simple celebrations.
Today would be their day to pledge this to each other. Sanskaar and Swara sealed this promise with their lips. Their kiss was more than their passion and ever present desire for each other, their joy in being together, their unshakeable trust in one another, their poignant friendship, their love; it transcended to a spiritual merging of a vow by a pair destined to be together now and always. The skies outside were erupting with bright lights and the air was filled with the sounds of laughter and revelry, but all paled before the incandescent light that seemed to envelop the entwined souls lost in each other's embrace, commemorating their precious union.
The beginning...
Ye Hai Mohabbatein
