Pehele kabhi
Na tune muje gum diya
Phir mujhe kyun tanaha kar diya...
The sky over Kolkata was heavy with clouds, their dark gray stains covering the pristine white of the background and the wind slightly aroused with hints of a coming storm, swept past extracting angry complaints from every tree it whipped against. Swara stood at the very top of the stairs that took her to the court, she had just come out. Her eyes were completely claimed by the worsening weather that she neither decended the stairs no gave any attention to Laksh who was telling her something.
Finally in his never ending quest of claiming her attention, he gently took her hand in his; that successfully jerked her out of that trance and she turned her rather reddened eyes on him.
Just a day more, Swara and all this would be behind us,' he said giving her an encouraging smile. You and I both can move on with our life then.'
If his words were supposed to give her hope it did not accomplish that task. Moreover she felt drained as the words registered in her mind. One more day, and everything will be over. One more day and she would no longer be Swara Sanskar Maheshwari.
Over the shoulder of that over hopeful Laksh she caught his retreating back. He was descending the stairs faster than his usual pace with a hand buried deep in his pocket while the other held a mobile, busy on a call. Maybe just like her, he too could no longer contain the vibes of this place and was eager to leave. The place that would part them forever...
Guzaare the jo lamhe pyaar ke
Hamesha tuje apana maan ke
to phir tune badali kyun adaa
yeh kyun kiya...
She did not know what he felt anymore. She could no longer claim she could read his eyes. He had turned in to a different, much distanced person that she could not approach. With a heavy heart she watched him go, feeling emptier with each step he took away from here. The only person who she could ever claim her best friend was leaving her forever.
With a great effort she dragged her eyes back to Laksh, who was waiting for her to join him on his way home. She could no longer see Sanskar. The mild happiness reflected in Laksh's features annoyed her. All this happened because of him. If it was not for his immaturity she would have confessed her feelings a long ago and would not be standing here watching him leave, knowing that perhaps she would not see him ever again. What did Laksh think? That she would come back to his life after Sanskar left her? How could he even think that the vacuum his brother was leaving would be filled with his presence?
Kabhi jo badal barase
main dekhu tuje aankhe bhar ke
tu lage mujhe pehli barish ki dua
As she descended the stairs going towards a way that was completely separate from his, a slight drizzle was falling over the dusty road. It seemed even the heavens mourned her fate, the end of her ever unspoken love. She always thought he would understand what she did. At that time she had been afraid Laksh would harm himself. No matter how less significance he was in her life, she would not have had his death on her conscious. She could not let their love taint with someone's blood. But alas! He thought she was in love with Laksh still and had confirmedly gone away from their path; no second thoughts troubling him like they did to her.
Tere pehelu mein reh loon
main khud ko pagal keh loon
tu gum de ya khushiyan sehlu sathiyaan
Why could not he see the desperate glances she threw in his way. The way she missed him, the effect his proximity had on her, why did he suddenly go blind on anything that screamed of her changing feelings towards him. Oh, how much had she tried to make him realize that she had a changed heart? But no, it seemed he was immovable in his decision. He had hardened his heart again any possible heartbreaks she would bestow upon him. What else could she have done, than go with the flow and mourn her fate.
As they reached the car, her pain was murdering whatever part left of her fragile heart. With a corner of her eye she saw Sanskar still standing closer to his own car, the door opened yet carelessly held with his hand as he still was immersed in that phone call. His eyes were dimmed, his jaw rigid she could see her own turmoil reflected in his features. There she could not take it anymore!
You go,' she blindly told an excited Lakshya dimming his excitement and strode towards that fool of a husband she had, ignoring the Laksh calling after her and the now profoundly falling rain.
Sanskar!' She called him as she approached. Snapping a few last words to the caller he slowly turned to face her, still not tearing his eyes from his mobile screen.
Yes Swara?'
Can I ride with you, one last time?'
He looked up at her, startled. He kept looking for another moment as if extracting his words from some deep corner of his mind.
But Lucky, aren't you coming with him?'
I want to go with you,' Swara said firmly. Are you taking me or not?'
He looked further startled with her tone and slightly ever taken aback. Finally shaking his head as if to reclaim his senses; he opened the door for her.
Sure, get in.'
They drove in silence watching the rain slamming against the windscreen in thick curtains and momentarily blurring the view ahead. Sanskar looked uncomfortable. She had seen that expression in his face recently. It was as if he was battling his desires and judgments. Whenever either side got hurt it was ultimately his own blood that got spilled.
Koi nahi
tere siva mera yahan
manzile hai meti toh sab yahan
So, how do you two plan to start everything?' He asked after a moment in a poisonous tone, as if her answer might kill him then and there.
Why ask, you won't be here right?' She shot back in an equal tone.
That was the closest they had come to that topic in recent conversations. All their usual encounters were restricted to yes' and No's.
Right,' he agreed after a moments, knitting his eyebrows. Anyway, I wish you luck.'
His tone was impassive as if he was talking to some collogue whose wedding he was going to miss. She could no longer tolerate this indifference.
Stop the car Sanskar!'
He slammed the breaks instantly. A slight shock etched across his face before the unemotional mask took its place once more.
Why, Swara, what happened?'
How can you talk to me like that?' She asked hysterically as the first burning tears spilled over the edges of her eyes. How can you talk about me, getting married again?'
Sanskar dropped his impassive gaze at once. Bewilderment and some dark shock compromised the missing expressions in his face. Something out of his comprehension was happening here.
Why are you crying?' He asked in the end.
Swara cursing her own stupid heart which had fallen for an emotional fool like this furiously wiped off those tears.
What else should I do? When I know very well that I'd never be able to smile again, what do you think I should do?'
But, Swara...' he said calmly. You should be happy. You love Lucky; he'll keep you happy I know that.'
Ahh,' Swara let out a cry of annoyance. What do I have to do to make you believe that I don't feel any...' she pressed the word. -Anything for him?'
Sanskar gripped the steering wheel tightly but did not utter a word. His emotions that he had so smartly pushed deeper in to his heart were rising in waves that washed off his senses. The rapid beating of his heart pained his ribs, it almost scared him. Hopes were simmering once more...he was going to be in a lot of pain again.
Without interrupting her with what he thought was his misjudgments on her words, he let her talk, spill all her pent up frustrations.
I agree that I have broken you to no end, pained you to the intolerable and you have every right to torture me with all this ignoring and isolation and what not...but how, just how could you push me towards another? How could you imagine me loving another? How could you even think that another man can take your place in my life? How can you put me through such a plight? I know I don't deserve you Sanskar, you're too great but, I don't deserve this either!'
Not many of her words made any sense to him, but the little that did gave him enough courage to look in to her eyes. What he saw there made his whole world stand still. her eyes gleamed, with tears of bottled up and brewed pain, but also burned with purest flames of love. He had always wished, dreamed of holding that gaze of hers, which had his reflection painted in the colors of her love. The rest of her words did not matter at all.
Mita de sabhi aaja fasle
Main chahoon mujhe mujhese bhat le
Zara sa mujha mein tu jhank le
Main hoon kya
The rest of her complains died at her lips, as he captured them in to a gentle kiss. One of his hands held hers and the other moved through the silky curtains of hair behind her back, as she responded to his unspoken desires, giving up any thoughts that still lingered on her mind. Her heart almost bursting with joy, as the gentle affection slowly translated in to a stronger wave of passion.
The rain still poured around them, though it no longer felt dark, cold and empty. Instead the tapping droplets danced to the beat of their hearts, singing the sonnets of their now accomplished love.
Kabhi jo badal barase
main dekhu tuje aankhe bhar ke
tu lage mujhe pehli barish ki dua
Tere pehelu mein reh loon
main khud ko pagal keh loon
tu gum de ya khushiyan sehlu sathiyaan...
That was it. I'm really sorry if it was a waste of your time.
But if it was worth it, do take another moment to tell me what you felt about this one. Your words inspire me, to write more. I really wish to know if I can do justice to one shots or not, so please be kind enough to leave a reply.
Thanks for reading😊
