Hareem cuddled with him to sleep as he lovingly patted her back while reading a story to her. It didn't take more than 5 mins for her to doze off. It was indeed a tiring day after all! A lot happened today.
Aaj bahout si taqleef, bahout si mazi ki yaadein jinhe maine apne andar kahin dafan kar diya tha mere samne aa kar khadi ho gayi hai! Mujhe lagta tha ki inn 4 saalon mein maine mazi ko kahin pechhe chod diya hai, lekin aaj ehsaas hua ki main kitna galat tha... main aaj tak aage nahi badh paya, na mujhe khud se koi umeed hai! Hareem ko tasveere dikhate waqt, maine har uss lamhe ko phir se jiya hai, jisne mujhe aaj taqleef ke alawa aur kuch nahi diya...
Uss aurat ne mujhe kahin ka nahi chhoda, mere naam ki dhajiya udda di! Phir bhi pata nahi kyu mera dil aaj bhi uske haq mein gawahi deta hai? Kyu aaj bhi mera dil yeh manne ko tyaar nahi hai ki woh aurat mere saath bewafaai kar sakti hai..? Kyu? Shayad main begairat hoon isliye? yaa phir haqiqat kuch aur he hai jisse main bekhabar hoon? Pata nahi kya masla hai... use dekh kar aaj bhi mera dil karta hai ki main sab kuch chhod kar, mazi ki har baat bhul kar uske paas jaun, uska haath pakdu aur kahin door le jaun... itna door ki duniya ki koi taqat hume na doond paaye...! Apni aakhon se har cheez dekhne ke bawajood mera yeh haal... sach yeh he hai ki maine usse toot ke mohabbat ki, paaglo ki tarah, junoon ki had tak...uski ek awaaz pe meri jaan haazir thi, jaan se badh kar toh kuch nahi hota na! Phir usne aisa kyu kiya? Kis cheez ki kami thi use mere saath...maine bahout se din, bahout si raatein yeh sochte hue bitaai hai ki aakhir kami kahan reh gayi? Kahan chook gaya main? Lekin aaj bhi yeh janne mein na kamyaab hoon...! uska woh khilkhilata hua chehra, woh jaan khidkne wala har andaaz mujhe aaj bhi bakhoobi yaad hai, Kuch arsa pehle mere liye uske bina ek lamhe ka bhi tassavur karna mushkil tha, chaar saal toh maut thi... aur mar he toh gaya hoon main, kaun kahega ki main zinda hoon? usi pal mar gaya tha jis pal woh mujhe chodd kar chali gayi thi...!
His trail of thoughts was broken by Hareem's movement. He lovingly looked in his daughter's direction who was sleeping peacefully in his arms, clinging to his neck. He pecked on her hairs gently, and thought...
Kitna badkismet aadmi hoon main, allah meri jaisi kismet kisi ko na de! Kya kya khwaab dekhe the maine humari aulad ko lekar? Hum kaise uska khyaal rakhenge? Kis tarah se uski tarbiyat karenge? Magar hua kya...Shayad allah mujhe iss kaabil he nahi samajhta tha ki main apne unn khwaabon ko haqiqat mein badal saku! Usne mujhe aulad se toh nawaz diya lekin woh lamhe meri kismet mein likhna bhool gaya jo har baap ko aziz hote hai. Maine inn 4 saalon bahout kuch miss kiya hai...main nahi jaanta ki Hareem ka pehla lafz kya tha? Main nahi jaanta kab ussne apna pehla kadam uthaya? Main nahi jaanta ki usse kya pasand hai? Kya na-pasand hai? Main kuch bhi nahi jaanta...!
Magar abb mujhe ek doosra mauka mila hai...abb main Hareem se alyaida nahi rahunga. Apni har galti ki taraafi karunga... usse har woh khushi dunga jisse woh 4 saalon tak mehroom rahi... main yeh nahi keh raha ki Khirad ne usse khush nahi rakha hoga...usne har mumkin koshish ki hogi Hareem ko khush rakhne ki lekin abb meri baari hai! Magar agar Hareem rahegi toh Khirad bhi... nahi! Woh aurat nahi rahegi mere ghar mein! Woh pehle bhi mere jazbaaton ke saath bahout khel chuki hai... ab mere andar itni himmat nahi hai ki main phir se apne dil ke saath usse khelne doon! Agar aisa hua toh iss baar main yakeenan mar jaunga...Yeh kaisa tufaan aa gaya hai humari zindagiyon mein? Kitne khush the hum Khirad? Phir kyu tumne aisa kiya? Kyu, Khirad? Aakhir kyu?
He closed his eyes as tears rolled his cheeks. He cuddled close to Hareem, hugging her tight.
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Udne Ki Aasha
Hollywood
193