Marriage made in Hell!! - My take on the two episodic revelation - Page 5

Originally posted by: Malika

Great analysis Geetha!!

With my this post I would conveniently wish to stick to that one topic which most of us have been the most curious about, and that is Tarini's reason to give in!! I do agree with yea on the fact that whatever happened between them stemmed basically from "his need to feel loved"...in EVERY POSSIBLE way! Tarini tried to provide solace to him, through her words, through her touch or embrace but he was probably inconsolable. He needed to feel "completely" loved to overcome that sense of incompetence Shreya had been instilling in him like a slow poison. It was nothing but a physical, emotional and psychological need of his mind. And what began as a mere attempt to console or pacify him just became a prey to the weakness of the situation and went too ahead. Surely Tarini tried to put a full stop on it and this holds true whether she loved him or not but the fact that the two still went ahead to do it does say a lot about Kabir not being the only party involved in this. I dont know why she did not oppose him vehemently...was it some hidden feelings for him or she too just like him have had a bad past that made her give in. But one thing for sure I can say, in case she had "really" opposed it, Kabir could not hv gone that far, simply for the idealistic man he is, and then no matter how drunk or drugged he was.

Also I feel whatever Tarini did could never be a friends sacrifice to solace another friend in his moment of weakness. There definitely needs to be some "personal" reason involved from Tarini's side to make her give in. Because in case it was not, it would no longer be a mistake for Kabir but a crime, not against Shreya but Tarini. But taht was never the case. And thus I am most inquisitive to know that what personal angle of Tarini was involved here. Ofcourse that in no way white washes Kabir's mistake but it surely prevents his mistake from being a sin (for me atleast)...because I feel how much modern we may become, not everything can be ok!

Originally posted by: Malika

I just felt like sharing this here...some real life experiences of being in an emotionally abusive relationship - But from a female perspective! Hope this helps us to understand the scenario better. It did help me a lot!

http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Was-In-An-Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship/4581916

Honestly I wanna share something. I just happened to imagine if in place of Kabir it was a woman.

A woman who was married to a man who emotionally abused her. Who married her for a bet to satisfy his ego/prove a point to his friends. She was nothing but a trophy to be won for him. The woman was smart and confident but of shy/reserved nature and thus a man falling for her made her feel good about herself. She had no reasons to say no to him and thats why they got married. But then he began showing his true colors. He started to humiliate her capability and financial status in front of his high profile friends. He wished her to be a part of parties she didnt feel comfortable at. But still she tried for his sake but always ended up feeling extremely hurt after attending such parties. Now If she refused to come to his parties he would make her feel uncaring and cold towards his likes. And when she obliged, he would make fun of her status, insult her publicly about her professional incapability to bring in enough money. He would highlight the difference between his and her financial status in front of his socialite friends. He would show to his friends that how she was simply worthless as a partner And slowly he began to create situations where she was forced to make mistakes. He barged into her office and made a mockery of her in front of her colleagues. Ofcourse she couldn't even leave her job because he expected her to make money. He would highlight her "inabilities" in front of her family and taunt her for being an incompetent wife. The woman had lost her self-confidence. She was emotionally trapped. She could not understand whether to keep trying to fix this marriage (because obviously if her husband was unhappy meant it was some of her fault only) or simply quit. But she could not quit because she felt it was her fault that she couldnt keep him happy. One day she got to know that all this marriage and love was a big hoax and just a way to break her self-confidence to prove a point. She was actually betrayed into falling in love. She lost all her trust on the sanctity of marriage but was no longer in the frame of mind to walk out. She was lost and hopeless.

And then came a man in her life, a friend who understood her. Who made her feel confident about herself. He made her aware about her goodness. She liked his company. It served as an ointment for the wounds inflicted by her emotionally abusive husband. She also respected and cared for him like a genuine friend. But one fateful night, when her husband crossed all limits of humiliation and insult, she was left shattered. She didnt know who to turn upto. Her family by then had distanced themselves from her and she had no friend too. The only friend she had was this man. She felt miserable about herself. Her mind yearned to be loved and appreciated by someone for the woman she was. And when she turned upto her friend, in her emotionally devastated state, while consoling and comforting her, the two ended up being physical. Even if it was just due to an emotional upheaval...even if it was just for a night...it was a mistake! So what if her husband did a 100 mistakes before this and she endured them all just because she wanted to save their marriage and be a good partner.

And the woman like a conscious driven human being went upto her husband and accepted her mistake. She apologized and took responsibility of her weak moment. But he unleashed his havoc on her. Nor just he publicly disowned her but he put the entire blame of their break up on her without a single mention of the abuse he had been doing on her for almost an year. Because of the husband even her friend lost his job/reputation. The woman who was till now made to feel ashamed of herself, was now provoked to feel like a criminal. She was forced to feel like a s**t.

And ofcourse everything ended up there for her...

+++

TBH guys when I imagined this, I felt like slapping that woman's husband hard in his face. I felt like why the woman was even good enuf to go and give an explanation to that worthless man. She had the right to feel good about herself. And she didnt owe any explanations to anyone especially not to a husband who betrayed her about his feelings and married her just for a bet. Yes she did a mistake and if there was anyone to whom she owed any explanations was herself or may be that friend but surely not a husband who considered her as a commodity. She just didnt OWE any explanations to a man of that sort.

+++

And thus my last question is, can any of you feel even the slightest of sympathy for this woman or the feminist in you can understand that the woman's mistake wasnt too big in front of the injustice that the man did to her everyday? I am sure you can understand what she did was not infidelity because how can you betray someone who already betrayed you and the very reason of the existence of your relationship? And in case you can feel for his woman then why cant you feel the same for Kabir? Just because he is a man? And the person who was abusive was a woman.

Please think you might just u/stand why Kabirs mistake is forgivable not just for us but Ananya as well!

Originally posted by: pomegranate

after thinking long and hard about the the entire revelation, I realized that I'm not against kabir sleeping with tarini, I'm against kabir overstepping the boundaries of marriage. Maybe it's not the right way of thinking, but it's better that it was with tarini and not a hooker or some random girl he met while getting sloshed. Because if it was the latter, I would think that kabir was after sexual gratification and that would be even more cheap according to me. what happend that night may have been meaningless but atleast there was a connection and familiarity due to being such good friends. this may be a controversial opinion but that is how I chose to look at it.

As for the infamous night itself, here is where I disagree with you. see, I think it is possible tarini gave into to provide with some kind of solace and security, there was a good dose of lust mixed in as well. even typing this senstence makes me feel awkward so I won't believe if tarini says that things were not uncomfortable between them for some time. More than anything, I hope tarini didn't have any feelings for kabir because it would makes this entire situation even more pathetic. She had romantic feelings hence gave in but where did that get her in life? it got her nothing but insults and humiliations, and a life spent in isolation. If she she indeed have any feelings for him, then she should have thought about the repercussions of her choice, would kabir feel regret, guilt or disgust? as much as I blame kabir, I also blame tarini's inability to think clearly.

I see where your coming from though, Tarini having feelings for kabir would be a great way to explain her actions that night but it will also be a cliched route. however, tarini's overall casual behaviour looks too perfect- how is that she is not bitter towards a past that destroyed her life.

Originally posted by: Malika

I just felt like sharing this here...some real life experiences of being in an emotionally abusive relationship - But from a female perspective! Hope this helps us to understand the scenario better. It did help me a lot!

http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Was-In-An-Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship/4581916

Honestly I wanna share something. I just happened to imagine if in place of Kabir it was a woman.

A woman who was married to a man who emotionally abused her. Who married her for a bet to satisfy his ego/prove a point to his friends. She was nothing but a trophy to be won for him. The woman was smart and confident but of shy/reserved nature and thus a man falling for her made her feel good about herself. She had no reasons to say no to him and thats why they got married. But then he began showing his true colors. He started to humiliate her capability and financial status in front of his high profile friends. He wished her to be a part of parties she didnt feel comfortable at. But still she tried for his sake but always ended up feeling extremely hurt after attending such parties. Now If she refused to come to his parties he would make her feel uncaring and cold towards his likes. And when she obliged, he would make fun of her status, insult her publicly about her professional incapability to bring in enough money. He would highlight the difference between his and her financial status in front of his socialite friends. He would show to his friends that how she was simply worthless as a partner And slowly he began to create situations where she was forced to make mistakes. He barged into her office and made a mockery of her in front of her colleagues. Ofcourse she couldn't even leave her job because he expected her to make money. He would highlight her "inabilities" in front of her family and taunt her for being an incompetent wife. The woman had lost her self-confidence. She was emotionally trapped. She could not understand whether to keep trying to fix this marriage (because obviously if her husband was unhappy meant it was some of her fault only) or simply quit. But she could not quit because she felt it was her fault that she couldnt keep him happy. One day she got to know that all this marriage and love was a big hoax and just a way to break her self-confidence to prove a point. She was actually betrayed into falling in love. She lost all her trust on the sanctity of marriage but was no longer in the frame of mind to walk out. She was lost and hopeless.

And then came a man in her life, a friend who understood her. Who made her feel confident about herself. He made her aware about her goodness. She liked his company. It served as an ointment for the wounds inflicted by her emotionally abusive husband. She also respected and cared for him like a genuine friend. But one fateful night, when her husband crossed all limits of humiliation and insult, she was left shattered. She didnt know who to turn upto. Her family by then had distanced themselves from her and she had no friend too. The only friend she had was this man. She felt miserable about herself. Her mind yearned to be loved and appreciated by someone for the woman she was. And when she turned upto her friend, in her emotionally devastated state, while consoling and comforting her, the two ended up being physical. Even if it was just due to an emotional upheaval...even if it was just for a night...it was a mistake! So what if her husband did a 100 mistakes before this and she endured them all just because she wanted to save their marriage and be a good partner.

And the woman like a conscious driven human being went upto her husband and accepted her mistake. She apologized and took responsibility of her weak moment. But he unleashed his havoc on her. Nor just he publicly disowned her but he put the entire blame of their break up on her without a single mention of the abuse he had been doing on her for almost an year. Because of the husband even her friend lost his job/reputation. The woman who was till now made to feel ashamed of herself, was now provoked to feel like a criminal. She was forced to feel like a s**t.

And ofcourse everything ended up there for her...

+++

TBH guys when I imagined this, I felt like slapping that woman's husband hard in his face. I felt like why the woman was even good enuf to go and give an explanation to that worthless man. She had the right to feel good about herself. And she didnt owe any explanations to anyone especially not to a husband who betrayed her about his feelings and married her just for a bet. Yes she did a mistake and if there was anyone to whom she owed any explanations was herself or may be that friend but surely not a husband who considered her as a commodity. She just didnt OWE any explanations to a man of that sort.

+++

And thus my last question is, can any of you feel even the slightest of sympathy for this woman or the feminist in you can understand that the woman's mistake wasnt too big in front of the injustice that the man did to her everyday? I am sure you can understand what she did was not infidelity because how can you betray someone who already betrayed you and the very reason of the existence of your relationship? And in case you can feel for his woman then why cant you feel the same for Kabir? Just because he is a man? And the person who was abusive was a woman.

Please think you might just u/stand why Kabirs mistake is forgivable not just for us but Ananya as well!