Posted:
This is a random OS. Felt like writing something, and I wrote it in the next 15 minutes. 😛
Do let me know what you guys think about it.
AB NAAM MOHABBAT KE
Ab Naam Mohabbat Ke Iljaam Toh Aaya Hai Ab Naam Mohabbat Ke Iljaam Toh Aaya Hai Tum Jo Bhi Saja De Do, Sar Hamne Jhukaaya Hai Tumne Hi Hansi Di Thi, Tumne Hi Rulaaya Hai Tumne Hi Hansi Di Thi, Tumne Hi Rulaaya Hai Kya Pyaar Mein Socha Tha, Kya Pyaar Mein Paaya Hai Kya Pyaar Mein Paaya Hai... |
Time had stood still. But things changed. He left me. I kept standing under that umbrella, at that crossroad. It was raining very heavily, as if god was crying with me. Tears rolled down my cheeks blurring my vision. The last memory of his was also blurred now. He kept walking, his each step taking him miles away from me. His each step creating a distance between us, separating us from each other.
I looked at the papers in my hand. Divorce papers. He had already signed it. I blinked few times to clear see that paper and read the words which were powerful enough to undo our marriage vows. I traced his signature on the papers with my finger and one of my tear fell on his signature.
I knew it was the end. Our end. End of our journey together. End of our marriage. End of the every little thing that connected us. But sadly, it wasn't the end of our life. Our lives will go on. He will move on easily, given how he easily went away from me, not caring enough to atleast drop me home. But how will I move on. He is the only man I loved. The only male figure in my life that I adored and loved. Every man in my life hurted me. My father and now my husband. Soon to be ex husband.
Tum Jo Bhi Hame Samajho, Par Tumko Sada Sarhaaenge Hum
Begunaah Jo Hame Thehraaye, Labj Aise Kahaan Paayenge Hum
Ummid Na Thi Isaki, Jo Saamne Aaya Hai
Tum Jo Bhi Saja De Do, Sar Hamne Jhukaaya Hai
Sar Hamne Jhukaaya Hai
This hurts. Badly hurts. I just lost the very purpose of my life. For whom will I live from now on. I know I'm young and I have a family to take care of. My mother, who sacrificed every little happiness and wish of her.. Just to provide me and tarun basic amenities of life. My bua who gave us her whole life. Tarun who is still very young to understand why dad doesn't stay with us. I have to live for them. My family. They need me. But I needed him the most. I need Abeer. Every single breath I take, I need him with me. Sadly, I have to start living without him. I have to learn who to live a life without a heart which will not beat from now. He was, is and will be my heartbeat.
They say that almighty God has a master plan for us and we are just a small part of that very big plan. The ultimate purpose of that plan is to spread happiness in the world and make sure every person gets his/her deserved share of happiness and peace. But now I wonder, what's good in all that's happening with me and my life. Why am I always at the giving end..?? Why...?? All I get is pain... Whatever I did or do, all I get in return is pain and hurt. I thought he understands me and he knows me better than anyone in the world. But he also proved me wrong today. He failed to understand me. If he couldn't even hear my unsaid words, then how would he have understood my spoken words. He couldn't understand what my silence meant, he couldn't read it and that's what hurted me the most.
He said he wouldn't let me go and he would treasure me like a priceless possession of his. By 'priceless' I thought he meant something that can never be traded even for the world's entire wealth. But now I know his priceless meant something else. I had no value in his life or if I had any, it would be equivalent to that of a tissue paper, use and throw. How funny is that he used me and I didn't even realise it and now he threw me away; which is again a shocker for me. He literally threw me away today as if I meant nothing to him. Did I really mean nothing to him...??? Was every promise of his, a lie...?? The love I saw in his eyes every minute, was it also fake..?? Was his love not true..?? My heart still says that he loves me and his love was true but why wasn't his love strong... Why doesn't his love has the patience to listen to my side of the story... Why does his love not trust me for a second... Why did his love turn into hatred suddenly... Why...??
Ek Pyaar Ke Mujrim Se Ulfat Bhi Kare Toh Kaise Kare
Tumhe Tutake Chaaha Tha, Nafrat Bhi Kare Toh Kaise Kare
Jo Paar Hame Karta, Usane Hi Dubaaya Hai
Kya Pyaar Mein Socha Tha, Kya Pyaar Mein Paaya Hai
Abb Naam Mohabbat Ke Iljaam Toh Aaya Hai
Tum Jo Bhi Saja De Do, Sar Hamne Jhukaaya Hai
Sar Hamne Jhukaaya Hai
In a single week, I lost my everything. I lost my husband... And I lost my child... My first unborn... That tiny life taking shape inside me and I get blamed for killing it. No one understood that more than anyone in the world, I was the one who was most deeply and strongly attached to that baby. How could I kill my own baby until... Yes I killed him... But I couldn't even share the reason of the step I took... I couldn't tell Abeer that my pregnancy wasn't normal and had major complications. I don't care about my life but I couldn't risk the life of my little one. Giving it a life which he/she would regret, hate and curse is better than ending it. My child could have been born with minor or major defects- be it physical or mental. I couldn't let that happen and I did what I thought is right. Its affecting me the most, both mentally and physically. I bore that baby inside me, though for just few weeks. But that doesn't matter. That baby was a part of me and now when its gone, I feel incomplete, lonely and dead. But he wouldn't understand it. Let him think of me as a murderer, the murderer of his kid. The kid he apparently wasnt ready for, as he stated. He didn't want this child and it was fine to abort it because its just a foetus. But when I did it that day, the feotus suddenly became his baby, his blood.
May be it was all my fault. My fault of falling in love with him and submitting to every demand of his. I did whatall I could have done... For him and for our marriage. Atleast there won't be 'what its' in my life now. I did everything my heart told me to do and I don't regret it. I will face life as it comes. I lost a major part of me but the minor is still left. I have my family and when you have family, you have everything... Right...??
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Shiv Shakti
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