Chapter 16
Bulbul sat next to me watching carefully as I taught her stem stitch which was the easiest and one of my favorite stitches.
"pragya !" I looked up on hearing my name, maa was standing at the door and I smiled at her. Bulbul stood up with the handkerchief and threads when maa came in the room," bhabhi ..you sit with her, in the mean time I'll practice what you've taught." I nodded my head as she left the room. Maa glanced at me lovingly and kept her hand on my cheek before asking," how are you feeding now?" giving out a small smile I spoke with my eyes," see for yourself how do I look?"
" I know daadi ji, bulbul and Abhi beta are concerned about you ..and I'm so relieved to see that ..now I don't need to worry about you."
" yes maa, here everybody is nice to me. " I replied. Her eyes glowed with motherly affection and satisfaction," the circumstances under which you had got married, I had never thought that you would get so much of love from them." She said while pressing my hand, I couldn't disagree with her even I'd not expected that these people would be so warm and loving towards me," you're right maa, daadi ji treats me like her granddaughter and not daughter in law..bulbul seems like a sister ..and purab is a sweet friend.." I was indeed fortunate to have such a wonderful family.
" pragya, you have one more sister ." she said carefully then looked at me intently to read my facial expressions which changed from delight to disappointment. I didn't wish to talk about tanu.
" she's also concerned about you ..after the stampede incident even she wishes to see you." She began advocating her once again.
" maa don't I look fine ..what's the point in meeting her?"
" beta ..you both are my daughters ..i love you both equally ..today by the grace of the two of you are happily married ..now if I wish you to resolve your issues with her and be happy then am I wrong ?" She was right in her place as a mother she wished that both her daughters lived like any other normal loving siblings, she wasn't expecting too much out of me but it was hard for me to forgive tanu.
" I've told you this before, if she can't respect my husband then even I can't be normal with her." I replied flatly.
" pragya , what's the matter with you? You weren't so cold and insensitive before." I knew I was letting her down as a daughter and I was not like this before but now I was like this, rude and bitter. There was long and deep silence between us, we both wanted to convince each other but couldn't do so.
" next week it's her baby shower..there after she'll go away." She informed, I lifted my gaze for a moment then dropped it.
" will you come?" she asked softly. Lowering my head I shook a no, getting up she stroke my head and said before leaving," as you wish. I won't force you."
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Next morning as usual I prepared his breakfast after taking out his clothes and went back to the room to make his bed. I was changing the pillow covers when he came out of the shower drying his wet hair.
" pragya today I don't want to wear that black suit ..get me the blue one.'
" one of your blue suits is gone for the laundry and the other blue is still wet." I replied
" then take out some other blue suit." He was adamant on wearing a blue. Opening the cupboard I took out his blue suit.
" now where's the jacket?" he asked after seeing that his waist coat was missing.
"I don't know." I said and thought his wardrobe was full of suits but of only 4 colors and there were 3-4 suits of the same color, didn't he get bored of wearing the same four colors?
Shaking his head in disappointment he picked up the black suit and wore it.
" suniye, add new colors to your life ..wear clothes of other colors too." I suggested while arranging the pillows.
He rolled up his sleeves and nodded his head in agreement while looking at me through the mirror and said," hmm..you're right ..do one thing in the evening go out shopping with bulbul and buy me some new suits ..after all next week we need to visit your parents place ..so I should be having something nice to wear."
Dropping my gaze I continued to tuck in the bedsheet as if I hadn't heard about attending the baby shower next week. I knew he'd purposely brought up that topic but I was in no mood to listen to him, I didn't want to go and that was it.
" pragya, this shirt's button is broken." He said after seeing that I hadn't reacted to his previous comment. Folding the blanket neatly I placed it on the bed and ignored what he'd said about the broken button, he's only making excuses to gain my attention so that he can speak what he wants , I told myself mentally then turned around to leave the room when he called from behind," pragya ..at least fix the botton."
Sighing deeply I looked back at him carefully, his button was indeed broken but how come? then it struck me that I'd myself pulled it out a few days back when he'd picked me in his arms. Opening the bedside drawer where I'd kept the button I took out my sewing kit and went near him. Without meeting his intense gaze I concentrated on the needle thread and button in my hand, a few seconds later he asked softly, " if I ask you something will you do it?" knowing very well that he wouldn't keep quiet for long and what he wanted me to agree on, I shook my head in negation while threading the needle up through one of the holes in the button.
He grinned seeing me go stubborn once again, even he was aware that I was trying to avoid that topic but still he persisted and said," forgive her."
I continued to stitch the button and didn't reply, how could I forgive and forget someone who thought ill of him? I thought and blew the strand of hair that had fallen before my eyes and was blocking my view.
" what she did..what she said ..is it that difficult for you to forget?" he asked, while I blew the strand one more time and inserted the needle into another hole. He held my hand which had the needle to stop me and tucked the strand behind my ear with his other hand then placed it on my cheek. My eyes travelled up to his face and I parted my lips slowly to speak," how can I forgive and forget somebody who has hurt you so badly and who is not even regretful of her acts?" he looked at me intently and replied," I want you to forgive her ..not for me but for yourself ..this animosity is upsetting you the most ..i can see that." What he said was true, deep down even I disliked the way I'd answered back to my older sister and ignored her in the party. For the first time in my life I'd not acted as per my mother's wishes, in fact I'd disrespected her yesterday but then I just couldn't forget the crude words that tanu had said about him.
My eyes turned a little moist as I remembered the past incidents, pushing the moisture back I said," you know what she thinks of you and our marriage ...still you're saying this?" his thumb caressed my cheek softly all along as he explained to me," what outsiders think of me and our relationship does it matter? Does it change anything between us? No, then why should we bother about their opinions? We are together that's all that should matter. " I nodded my head silently, yes we both understood and were there for each other, we couldn't shut everybody's mouth, what we shared was special and that only we could cherish.
I brought my face close to his chest to cut the thread with my teeth. He smiled and asked," so how much money should I give?" I smiled back and replied," no need. I'll take myself ." Now I didn't need to seek his permission to take money.
He buttoned his shirt, wore his jacket and stepped out of the room to go down and have breakfast when I asked from behind," suniye ..why are you so nice?" he turned to glance at me, his lips stretched in a smile and his eyes glittered but he didn't answer and left silently.
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Maa's place was buzzing with laughter, baby shower basically being a ladies function so only few close male relatives were present. I came to attend it with daadi ji and bulbul, he had work and would join in later. Tanu spotted me as soon as I entered, she had a warm smile on her face and her eyes appeared relieved to see me, not only she but even maa was really happy that I'd come, it felt nice to see their smiling faces thanks to him. Soon the ceremony started and all the ladies came forward to bless and gift the would be mother. Lowering my gaze I went up to tanu to congratulate her, I was supposed to whisper something sweet related to the child in her ear so I said," may the baby make your life more blissful ." Her eyes turned moist and she pressed my hand softly. I'd bought some baby clothes and toys which I gave her, she smiled and said," there's no need for all this. You came that's more than enough for me." She truly meant what she said, actually she always meant what she said but this time her words didn't disturb me.
Some time later all the ladies sat down in a circle and began singing congratulatory songs, some even started dancing, I sat with daadi ji and bulbul, we were clapping and enjoying the songs when maa came and asked me to dance with other girls after all I was also becoming an aunt but I refused shyly," no maa ..i can't."
She looked at bulbul and gestured her to force me and the next moment bulbul pulled me in to the crowd. So I'd no choice but to dance with her, a minute later I felt something, turning around I found him standing along with purab staring at me, when did he come I didn't realize. Color rose to my cheeks as his intense gaze followed my every move, I stopped dancing and hid myself behind bulbul, till then maa and baba came up to welcome him.
He was talking to baba and purab as I admired him from a corner, the new beige suit looked great on him, just the way I'd imagined, all of a sudden his eyes caught me gaping at him, he let out a faint smile while titling his head slightly, I lowered my gaze instantly and went back to sit with bulbu.
Soon lunch was laid out and people started having it, bulbul asked me," should I get food for both of us?" I glanced at him, he was eating along with purab, I nodded my head.
She went and my eyes began travelling around before stopping on tanu, she patted the empty place next to her, I got up and sat close to her. She brought a morsel of roti and vegetable close to my lips, I opened my mouth and had it quietly but couldn't stop myself from remembering the good old days of our childhood when she used to feed me with her hands just like this. Her eyes became teary maybe she was also thinking the same and asked hesitantly," are you still mad at me?" I shook my head in negation, I wasn't upset with her anymore when suddenly I felt someone's hand on my head, looking up I found maa standing, she too was happy and embraced both of us in her arms, all was well now, I glanced at him and blinked my eyes in gratitude, this day was possible only because of him.
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I was trying to concentrate on the pattern that I was making but my mind kept going back to the baby shower function, ever since I'd attended it I felt so relieved and light. He definitely managed to lift a heavy burden off my heart. I didn't know that forgiving and forgetting what tanu had done would be so easy, till two days back all this seemed next to impossible but he made it possible not for her or himself but for myself.
My heart warmed up as I thought that he always did everything in his capacity to make me happy, to ensure that I didn't get hurt and not a single tear drop glistened my eyes. When we'd got married I'd never imagined that a day like this would ever come in my life when he'd care about me so much that even a slight wrinkle on my forehead would disturb him. I smiled and glanced at the initial that I was stitching, 'T' this time it was for tanu, because of him, again something that I'd not thought I'd do was doing.
My head went up on hearing a knock at the door, I turned my neck in that direction and found tanu standing at the door, another surprise which I welcomed whole heartedly. She appeared a little hesitant while coming in, nevertheless we both sat together.
" yesterday I was very happy to see you at the godhbharai." She said with a smile, even I felt nice being part of the function.
" honestly I wasn't expecting you to turn up but I'm glad you came on maa's insistence .." I interrupted her in between to correct her," not maa but his insistence ..he wanted me to attend the function." she needed to know that important piece of information which surprised her.
" he's not a bad person." I din't know why but I wanted to clear out that he wasn't what she thought him to be. She nodded her head faintly and said," hmm , someone who mends relationships can't be bad." It somewhere relieved me to know that now she wasn't against him.
" pragya whatever I did maybe my means were not right but my intentions weren't wrong..i didn't wish to hurt anyone however at the same time I couldn't see myself spending my entire life with someone like him ." What she said wasn't wrong, it was scary to imagine spending your life with a gangster, no girl would dream of something like that but I hoped she'd cleared out things before hand, she should have trusted him and shared her insecurities with him, I'm sure he would have understood.
" someone who was unsuitable for me how could he be suitable for you? The other day I was shocked and angry to see you as his wife." She said in an attempt to defend her bitter outburst , her intentions were not wrong even that day, just like her way of doing things for instance eloping with aman was wrong similarly her way of putting her thoughts across was wrong.
" but tanu, I'm happy in this marriage." Today I was quite satisfied with the way things had turned out and had nothing against this relationship.
She smiled while glancing at our wedding picture," maa told me what happened in the temple ..how desperate he was to find you ..he genuinely cares for you." She pressed my hand and tears welled up in her eyes as she said," you have no idea how delighted I'm to see you happy with him..had it been otherwise I would have never been able to forgive myself ." A tear of repentance trickled down her cheek, I raised my hand and wiped it off, no matter what I couldn't see her crying and wrapped my arms around her neck.
When we moved back her gaze fell on the handkerchief and I told her," this is for you ." She smiled and shook her head," pragya you haven't changed. You still end up embroidering the name of who you like on the handkerchief." Old habits die hard I wanted to say.
After sometime she got up to leave and asked," today I'm leaving...but you'll come to meet me nah?" I nodded my head instantly, of course I would come to see her and kept my hand on her baby bump before replying," I'm waiting to hold this baby."
She kissed my forehead before bidding goodbye.
It felt nice to see bitterness evaporate from his and my past, there were some issues to be resolved from my side, even then life seemed a lot easier to live, with him being along with me.
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