OS- Acceptance.
OS- Acceptance.
The thought of it gives me shivers. Thinking about his future, the present, was it the material cost or investment which we had boar or the after effect of it, the result of it - expecting to be a positive one, but though it turned positive, somewhere other unwanted stuff was created. As they say all the medications does have some side effects.
He was my only one. Struggled and lived. He was different from others. I felt he is unusual from the moment I saw him, I could feel, but still feel he was not around. I consulted, they said he has this disease. Can it be cured. Though they named for this flaw as XYZ, I didn't accept with anyone or to myself, that he may be so different. He was the extraoridinary in his knowledge, in his sports skills and speed. His delayed speech and aloofness, they did have a name. He was scared of sound, anti social with crowd, but some how he pulled it off with a big smile in his face, give a nod and acknowedlgement and not troubling others and left the place.
I had to be around whenever I took him. I thought it was motherly care, which Im doing, that Im protecting him, but was it my insecurity that I dint want others to scrutinize him with so many questioonaires. After all mothers are those, who protect their child from all evil.
But for his condition do I have any solution. Where ever for cure we went, if did show a different symptom. For curing one I went in search of advice, after training I ended up learning more that he was picking a lot more which was not required.
I had to say Quits. But still my search on the correct or the progressive cure in name of therapeutic theory goes on and still going on.
Some cure was ok. But what was the cure, that was not making the mother and child bond at all. That is not the correct way. Any cure, first objective is to see to that, the child was and made feel that he was real part of real family, knowing him, knowing about him. His identity.
I fought with all. Starting from school management till the cure centres. All said, we follow this system. If u want to stay, stay, if not quits.
I felt dejected and rejected again. This was not the first time. I keep hearing this and that. But eod, somewhere I felt, may be the right atmosphere, he would come out in flying colors.
I fought with everybody, and say I know my child better. May be their observation was different.
One fine day, I consulted with one of the renowned Practitioner. She finally gave her words, which slit my hope and faith into so many pieces, but did give a universal approach, where I was the prop and motivating force and he would be dependent on me. An universal approach, where the things were simple, but knowledge and together ness and communication was more. The mother was the main motivating, pushing reinforce for the child to bond with her and others. The only thing which she wanted was the child to open up with her with his tantrums and words and demands.
I had lost hope again. As my impression on his facts proved to be again wrong by the professionals. I dint want to loose hope again.
After the discussion returned home and just let the time take its course and the replies would be answered on its own I thought. And it did.
One night good sleep with the pondering thoughts of finally do I ACCEPT that mine was a very extraordinary one had to be taken a call in my mind and heart and soul. Can I accept?. I don't want to. But some how I made my mind, that he did have flaws and I should give up early. I will wait for the day when he will prove others wrong with his knowledge and skills.
Though the doctor offered the solution for the problems, she added that I had to join in a secluded, special environment. I dint like the fact. As he may be antisocial, but never the one who never stopped from trying to mingle with his age ones.
Today was a surprise, when his new friend, whom he met yesterday was addressed by the little one as " I WANT DIGANTH". His memory was fine. His language to speak and urge to play with his mates now was showing a very positive sign, that he is coming out of his fear of people.
He used to repeat everything what ever we said. Ex: Shlok said, Daddy will give you apple. He would answer give you apple " anytime. His reply today was different.
He replied give me apple. This was quiet a surprise. When I was finally ready to accept the fact, he surprised me. Again any thing called as spectrum had the stages. Sure he showed a positive growth in whatever we taught, engaged him.
**
The one night sleep helped me to come over and take a final decision.
My fights with the current curing procedures, I had to prove it right.
The correct facts kept with the correct person in a presentable manner. That was the only choice.
I sat in front of Arnav. I started with a sip of coffee. The voice of my soul, anguish, pain and struggles and fights finally it reached him. He supported in my approach.
After so many days, I found my partner supporting and standing behind me, as somewhere down the line, he too understood that now it's the time, that he should act diligent.
We will train the people who ever mingles with him. The class teacher, grand mother, friends, curing assistants, parents too.
Even the maid was not left. She too was been taught to talk to him in English.
The dawn came. We approached the current centre and put in our demands very clearly. If they were not addressing the same, I said Im taking off my child.
I did love this environment though. As completely they made him utter words. Amma or Mamma was taught by them. So I cannot forget. I started donating some money for the NGO now, as some child would get the benefit. May be others blessings would help ours.
He was in mainstream school with a shadow for 4 hrs, then 3 hrs of speech, occupational and Social Communication Therapies. He was sent for reading and writing classes. A drawing master on weekends for his art skills. He had to be engaged. His mind was like devil. He cannot be left idle so he rambles. Alternate methods are making him involve in some classes. Like abacus, brain maths etc. Who know tomorrow he may be another Bill gates.
After all this torture of my brain eating my thoughts, the weekend came. I wanted time. I started penning my feelings in the morning. I had accepted. But still not completely.
Accepting is one thing makes me weaker and vulnerable. But keeping the hope of accepting the fact that there is a progress, made me survive with the major things or concepts called as HOPE AND FAITH.
After all my name was Kushi - Happiness. A ray of hope in form of tiny angels, with a single word made shrill in happiness. The day would come when he would utter and banter so much that all will run off.
I did ACCEPT THAT HE WAS A GENIUS IN MAKING.
Note : Just some feelings of mine which my mind was pondering on. I have written.
ACCEPTANCE a simple word. But has a very great meaning.
THE SERIAL got over. We accepted the fact. But still our mind doesn't want to accept that why did it get over. Expectation to accept the fact takes longer time. But over a period of time, that too we would over come.
As they say.. cherished memories. These too will be like that.
The steps we cross in each and every mile stone, is like climbing the next level in the Temple run game. The end is not very clear, as I say or feel that for learning and living still we have longer time.
Miracles may happen, now or later, but Hope and faith, making me run on toes, would surely be fruitful.
***
Shiv Shakti
272