I wished I could bang my head on the nearest pillar available. But all the pain and effort wasn't worth that piece of slime who was going to bounce back into my life tomorrow; Shivam. I gripped the handle of my locker and felt myself go rigid as anger surged through my body, heating up my brain. If there was something I regretted in my life, and perhaps will do till I die, it was trusting Shivam. But, I had paid a monstrous price for that mistake, Shivam had wounded every person of significance in my life along with me. He had wounded Swayam.
Bitterness filled my heart as the past rushed to me. That presumptuous insect had humiliated me, my friends and had crushed Swayam's heart. He had used me to break Swayam. And, despite everything I did, those undesirable memories clung to my brain like a filthy parasite. Shivam was coming back now and I wished no less to strangulate him, or maybe if strangulation seemed to violent, slap him hard across his smirking face. But I knew, beneath all the anger and disgust I felt for Shivam there was an apprehension regarding him. He was one such person who had managed to hurt me right where it would hurt. I wasn't willing to undergo anything similar to that anguish. Not now.
I wished I had Swayam beside me now.
I sat on the wooden bench of the of the locker room and ran my fingers through my hair long hair, my mind conflicted about if I should wander in the past. For I wasn't the one to mope over something I didn't have, although a few minutes in his warm embrace would have done wonders. Swayam would have shooed away the memories of Shivam effortlessly. He would have. He didn't.
I gritted my teeth and the urge to shout at someone rose inside me. It was routine now, to yell when weak on the inside. Though it rendered me exhausted, completely. Because, each time I raised my voice, Swayam's annoying but righteous voice would bloom up in my head, advising me to not pour my anger on others. How much I despised, yet loved it. And suddenly, a thudding noise filled me ears.
I had completely forgotten I had asked Swayam to stay back.
He was is in the atrium along with the carpenters, instructing them sincerely. Boy, wasn't he good at his job. I smiled, placed behind the door, admiring my man secretly. My cheeks coloured instantly. It was only Swayam who could garner such reactions from me. I am very sure he would have grinned widely seeing my pink cheeks. He would have. I wondered if he would still give the same reaction, after everything which happened between us. My train of thoughts vanished as I caught sight of a blue pencil tucked behind his ear. The smile instantly changed into a frown. It looked horrible.
I wished I could walk upto him and watch his stunned face, pull the revolting pencil from his ear and hand it to him, with a stern look to prevent further repetition of the pencil's journey. And perhaps, he would give me that familiar cheeky grin, beam at me and tuck the pencil behind my ear instead. I knew I would let my guard down and laugh, perhaps.
Perhaps.
Despair filled my heart as I moved my gaze away from him. It did hurt, I wouldn't lie. It did hurt to be at the receiving side of Swayam's indifference. Hurt to possibly think that Swayam had stopped caring for me. Swayam's voice suddenly ceased to exist and I looked up, alert to see him frozen and hid myself just in time as he turned around.
Had my presence been felt?
**
I could feel her presence; Sharon.
Her scent was evident in air and I stood still, facing the corridor wondering if I should go and check, check if I was indeed hallucinating. I took slow steps towards the corridor, the paper hanging off my hand, when a strong waft of Sharon's perfume filled my nostrils.
Sharon.
My footsteps increased in pace and so did my heart as I took the first step into the corridor, hoping with all my heart Sharon was there. A few minutes in her loving embrace would do wonders. It was silly of me to hope for it, hope for a cordial treatment from Sharon, but I couldn't stop myself. The gap in my life was getting more and more evident.
The corridor was empty. I felt betrayed.
This is what it had come down to? My usually accurate intuition about Sharon had gone wrong and coldness plunged inside me at that realisation. It was a slap from destiny. I chuckled dryly. How many slaps I had to endure to finally break? Ironically, I had forgiven Rey; one who had inflicted the physical pain and held a grudge with Sharon; who had done nothing. That was the problem, though. I turned back to the atrium, miserable, when my gaze fell on a tiny glass cup filled with chai. I would be lying if I say I didn't feel the familiar rush of memories. But, whose chai was it?
"Sharon!" A voice boomed in the corridor; Rey's.
What on earth-? I spun around to see Sharon sneak out from behind the wall, with the expression of someone caught in some wrongdoing. And instantly, all the dots joined themselves to form a perfect heart and the insides of me oozed with warm, enthralling love. It had been quite a long time since I had been exposed to this feeling and I had no intention to let it go. My face stretched into a smirk as I looked at the rare, flustered Sharon, her cheeks dark but her head still held high.
I fell in love with her all over again.
She quickly tried to get out of the corner she had caught herself in and grabbed Rey, ordering him to drop her home. I, I couldn't stop smiling. When all of a sudden, the smile on my lips froze. He was going to come back tomorrow; Shivam. No matter what Sharon said or how strong she showed herself to be (rather was) Shivam still managed to rattle her insides.
I loathed it.
I would not allow it this time.
The creep had done enough, hurt her enough. And with all the tension between me and Sharon, the last thing I would wish for is her to get hurt from Shivam. She had been facing enough. A sense of possessiveness gripped my heart as I thought about Sharon, thought about our relationship which was hanging like Nearly Headless Nick's head. It didn't matter to me now that I had been hurt by Sharon, didn't matter that we were busy throwing daggers on each other, because I loved her. I could do anything, anything to prevent Sharon from knowing pain. I picked up the tiny glass in my hand and sipped the spicy liquid, the warmth hardening my wooden resolve.
Ah, chai.
Anupamaa
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