The Outsider....by Kangana

A small-town, aspiring actor or actress struggles on many levels in Bollywood. So even if it makes the taste of success sweeter, it is a trial by fire. One, you take years to figure out things as opposed to when you have the backing of a filmy family. Two, your struggle may have nothing to do with talent; it's all about biases, prejudices and perceptions. For instance, if a Gujarati NRI from London wants to enter this industry, the trade would rather choose him or her rather than a Gujarati from Gujarat, even if the latter is more talented. It's true!

So, when you don't have any experience in the glamour business and if you're not a star kid, it is very important to be crystal clear about what you want to do. As I said, an outsider struggles on many levels. One wonders, should I go in for acting or direction or should I become a writer? And once you've made a choice, it doesn't mean that people are willing to give you work. It's a long time before people take you seriously. You have no idea where your career is going and what you will be doing, so you try out many things.

In the beginning, I sometimes did catalogue ads and sometimes theatre. I was confused. And if you get a lucky break, there's another challenge - you're not groomed for the entertainment industry. I remember those initial days so clearly, when I had to attend a music launch or some such event. Unlike a Miss World, or a Miss Universe, or a star kid, who has a make-up team, I would simply slap some make-up base on my hand and apply it on my face, just like I had seen my mother do it. I would then apply some lip balm, go out and face the public. I had no idea back then that I needed a stylist, especially when you're starting with a small film. They don't give you options like that.

You are not starting with Shah Rukh Khan or Aamir Khan, where you are asked what designer clothes you are wearing for the music launch. You are doing Mukesh Bhatt's film, where you can't order two sandwiches, just one, for yourself. The possibilities, your opportunities become narrow and you're not very confident and you're still figuring out things.

For the film Fashion, we had a music launch and Priyanka (Chopra) was a huge star already while I was just starting my career. I was told about the event just a day earlier, and I didn't have anything to wear. I was a disaster and everyone in the media wondered what I was wearing.

On the other hand, Priyanka had a team to dress her up. I also think that so many Miss Indias make it big on so many levels, in the industry, is because they are groomed... make-up classes, diet classes and etiquettes classes. It took me years to figure out so many things that many in the industry consider basic. And this, in addition to learning acting skills and the deep secrets of your craft.

I also had a very bad time with managers. They had my best interests in mind but they didn't appreciate my individuality. After Gangster and Woh Lamhe I didn't have much work, so Kareena's (Kapoor Khan) manager Zahid (Khan) showed faith in me. But he didn't understand my individuality and insisted that I do films likeShakalaka Boom Boom and it didn't work. So I was without a manager for years. Then, after Life In A Metro, Fashion and Once Upon A Time In Mumbaai, I met Sanjay Dutt's manager Dharam through Manyata (Dutt). But he said if we had to work together, I would have to do mainstream films and he made me sign all these films... Rascals, Double Dhamaal etc.

You see, when you fail after you take your own decisions, you are at least proud of yourself and you learn. But if you fail due to decisions someone else took for you, it is heartbreaking. So those equations didn't work as I felt they didn't appreciate my individuality. They would say, She doesn't fit in the Kareena bracket, she doesn't fit in the Katrina (Kaif) bracket, she doesn't even fall in the Priyanka bracket and she is no Aishwarya Rai (Bachchan) in any way. So which bracket does she fit in to?' Everyone knew I had talent but didn't know how to slot me.

My sister, Rangoli, became my manager seven years after I started my career. We decided that I wouldn't have the pressure of dealing with strong and opinionated people, who were admittedly brilliant and experienced. But still... So today, too, I am on my own. I don't have an agent and I don't have a manager. It feels great to go by my gut. And I think my sister is very kind to have left her career to manage me!

https://www.boxofficeindia.co.in/the-outsider/