Chapter 4: Tales of hurting
Ishita & Ashwin:
After losing his job due to his temper, Ashwin has found a best friend, an ally in alcohol. He out of curiosity went a bar one night and that is how got hooked. He did not care for the world or his family, and never Ishita. For him, now, she was a bank to support his bad habit of drinking. He had literally threw her out of his heart the minute he had found out about her condition. No words of wisdom from her or his or her family was able to convince him.
Ishita had even showed him her report stating that her condition was treatable. That they could have a baby. That she can conceive and give him a child or children that he wants. But it all fell on deaf ears. Instead he had accused her of forging the reports using her position at her hospital.
That night was their third wedding anniversary night. By showing him the reports, ishita wanted to revive their marriage. She wanted to surprise him and gift him what he wanted all along- A CHILD. She thought he would be joyous and shower his love upon her like he used to. That he would take her in his embrace and wash away all of those bad memories forever. But much her heart's dismay, nothing like that happened. On the contrary, she was accused of faking the reports. This was the biggest blow to her dignity, her ethics and her love for him. After devoting three years to this man, loving him unconditionally, he did not know her at all. He tore those reports into pieces and threw them at her. Those pieces weren't just mere pieces of paper for her, they were pieces of her crumbling marriage, her shattered heart, her broken dreams, her collapsing home and much more.
That night was a night of despair for Ishita. She slammed the bedroom door on his face. Of course he was drunk and soon stumbled to the bed and passed out.
Ishita on the other hand seemed to be having hard time breathing, her heart was so heavy, she couldn't breathe. She opened her front door and stepped out, eyes swollen & blood shot. She stops at the sight in front of her for a brief moment.
She was angry at herself for believing that it will all work out in the end, angry at her misfortune, heck, angry at the whole world. , she wanted to hit something so hard, or someone, so that all her agonizing pain can get released in that blow or blows. She ran towards the community garden and slumped down on the bench in a secluded corner and started crying. This was 10 o'clock at night.
Raman & Ruhi:
Raman after feeding ruhi, is trying to put her to sleep. He did not know that you have to burp the baby after feeding her. Ruhi was experiencing some discomfort and would not sleep.
So he went to his only friend at this moment, Mr. Google. There he learned how to burp a baby and followed those steps. Ruhi surely burped and after much patting and comforting went to sleep. Raman after seeing her sound asleep, starts dwelling on what if's.
He is back tracking knowing it will only hurt him. But he could not stop thinking about ruhi's future without a mother. He is trying everything he can but he knows that he will never have that comfort level with his daughter like a mother does with her daughter. Hell, he didn't even know about such simple thing as burping the baby. He wishes that Shagun isn't the way she is. He thinks what if she was still with them? What if she loved him and ruhi like he had loved her? LOVE- this word has caused him so much heartache. But looking at his daughter's serene face, he couldn't stop himself but to fall in love again, with Ruhi.
He caresses her cheek gently and kisses her forehead, a gentle featherlike kiss. Ruhi smiles in sleep, like she knows it's her papa and like she understands what he is thinking. While Raman is trying to move away, the little tyke grabs on to the locket he is wearing and opens her eyes and looks into his eyes, like telling him- I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING PAPA. DON'T WORRY, EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT.
Raman fells joyous at the cosmic connection and takes her in his embrace as his eyes starts to fill up.
In his excitement, he forgot that now the lil devil is up and won't go to sleep that easily. So he decides to take her on a stroll. He wraps the bundle of joy in a fuzzy pink blanket and steps out of his house.
Ishita, Raman and Ruhi:
As he steps out with ruhi, but stops in his tracks. He sees a door being flung open and an angry, emotional, crying ishita steps out. Theirs eyes lock for a second. He sees her blood shot, swollen eyes and wonders why was she crying and what had happened? She feels like a deer caught in headlight and runs away from his questioning eyes.
He follows her, he doesn't know why, till they reach the community garden. He stops & sits on a bench, three benches away from her. He just listens to her crying for the longest time. It's like he is trying to figure out what had happened by listening to her cry. FOOLISH- HE KNEW. But they were just neighbors, talked only twice. But for some reason, he felt obligated to make sure she was ok and to see if she needed any help.
OBLIGATION- this word will the beginning of their tales together. Behind the curtain named obligation, Raman and ishita will be fighting and winning many battles- TOGETHER.
Raman, pulling ruhi close to his heart, gets up from his bench and slowly walks towards ishita. Once he reaches there, he realizes that she is lost in her own hell. He gently taps her shoulder, not to startle her. But she turns around, getting up, startles at the touch on her shoulder.
What she sees softens her features. Her eyes were only for the little tyke, raising her little fat arms and legs, squealing, as if sensing her presence, like telling her- HEY THERE LADY, PICK ME UP, PICK ME UP.
What ishita forgets to notice is the father of the angel standing there and her current state. But it only takes her a second to lift her eyes up to his and realization struck her. She quickly turns around, wiping her face with the corner of her pallu and then turn around trying to form a sentence.
"Raman, aap yaha...?????"
"haan, who ruhi sone ka naam hi nahi de rahi thi, to socha niche guma lavu."
He is trying to contemplate in his mind whether he should ask her or not if she is ok. He finally takes a plunge and asks her.
"Is everything ok??"
"Yeah, everything is ok. Why you ask??" she lowers her lashes as the fresh batch of tears is trying to roll down her eyes, somehow to stop them from being visible. But failing miserable, she looks the other way and wipes her tears.
"Is there something I can help you with, Ishita??"
"For now, I think, you should go and put ruhi to sleep."
As if hearing her name from ishita, ruhi gets in a happy mode. She squeals louder, fights with the blanket she was wrapped in and lunges forward towards Ishita out of nowhere. Ishita suddenly raises her hands and with open arms, catches her in her embrace.
"Ruhi, yeh kya kiya aapne? Papa got scared beta." Raman says, like she understands what scared means.
"bohot shaitan lagti hai yeh. A lil devil you. Gir jaati to." Saying so, ishita brings her closer to her shoulder and puts her head on it. She pats her. Ruhi starts sucking on her thumb and drooling all over ishita's shoulder.
"I think she is hungry, Raman." She turns around so raman can see ruhi's face. "Look at her, how fast she sucking her thumb. May be that is why she won't go to sleep."
"But she was just fed two hrs ago." He says surprised.
"Well, some babies get hungry faster than the others. She might be digesting her food faster than other babies. I have always seen her very active. Plus it also depends on what formula you are using. For ruhi, she might need something different than what she is on now."
Raman starts to think. She is right. Ruhi is an active baby and always hungry.
What they fail to realize is the way they had forgotten their sorrows. How fast raman forgot what he was dwelling on an hour ago? And how fast ishita relaxed, leaving her anger and pain behind. Raman could not help but notice how her blood shot eyes returned to their actual color in mere 30 minutes, added to that the shine in them and the smile on her lips.
He thinks: she must love her profession very much. See, how soon she forgot about her sorrows and pain. And... And... Look at my ruhi, how she clings to her. She must miss the warmth of her mother's embrace, which she will never have and which I will never be able to give her.
She thinks: I wish I could forget that I will never have the joy of being a mother. But raman is lucky to have ruhi. He seems like a nice human being and a doting father.
Soon, putting their thoughts aside, raman and ishita walks back with ruhi still in ishita's warm embrace.
They reach ishita's door first. She half-heartedly hands ruhi over to raman. Ruhi is being clingy and doesn't want to part from her. She grabs a hold of her taali (mangalsutra). Raman while apologizing, tries to pry open ruhi's little fingers to free ishit's taali. Ishita just stands there like a lifeless doll and stares at ruhi's face which is about to break into fits of cries. And long behold, the little girl starts bawling because her father is taking her away from her muse. Ishita couldn't help the tears from rolling down her cheeks. Raman, too busy with the task, doesn't see them. Soon done with the task, he walks towards his door with ruhi's head on his shoulder. But for some reason, he turns back and sees ishita wiping her tears AGAIN.
It takes a lot of cooing and cajoling before ruhi stops crying. While giving her a bottle, he couldn't seem to get ishita's pained face away from his eyes. He wonders why this women was crying in the community garden and again when I was leaving with my ruhi.
Ishita waits till RuMan enter and locks their door. She sighs and enters hers with a sense of determination. She has silently made a promise to herself that she will not dwell in her sorrows. She will instead focus on helping others. She will not bow down and beg in front of her good for nothing husband. But she will fight for what is right. She is going to take a stand for herself and not back away.
Tomorrow morning will be a new beginning for Ishita. That was the first night she has had a peaceful sleep.
What is going to happen starting tomorrow is something you all will have to wait to know, of course until I write the next part.
THANK YOU FOR READING
Chapter 5 on Pg 18
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Udne Ki Aasha
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