Paarijat- A Tale of Desideratum Final & Epilogue 88, Feb 13, 2016 - Page 11

Har Shingar

Paarijat- A tale Of Desideratum

Second shot

All That My Heart Wishes For(Amaro Porano Jaha Chay)

You Are The One, That You Are.

In This World, Apart From You

I Have None, Nothing I Have.

If You Are Not Happy,

Go In Search Of Happiness,

Got You In My Heart,

Nothing More Do I Desire.

Pining For You, In Your Absence

I Will Fade Myself, To Live In You.

Long Be The Day, Long Be The Night

Long Be Months And Years That Go By.

If You Do Love Someone Else,

If Never Do You Return

Then Whatever You Covet

That You Do Get,

May All Suffering Be Mine.

-Rabindranath Tagore

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Geet looked at him in wide eyed disbelief and took a step back.

"You...you don't mean that Maan."

"I am serious Geet. When I go downstairs tomorrow morning, my parents, my grandparents, my brother, not to mention your parents, all expect me to produce the promised bride. If you can't bear the thought of being engaged to me you can think of this as a game. You can pretend to be my fake fiance. Think of it as a pretense and you should get by fine. Once our families are appeased we can then think of the next step."

"No...no no..Maan. This is impossible."

She shook her head vehemently. He did not want her, he just wanted to put up a pretense for the sake of Shefali and their families. It was her most cherished dream to receive a proposal from this man, but not under these circumstances.

"I...I can't do this Maan. Neither do you want this. We can explain the truth to our families."

"No!!! No explanations Geet. A man's ego is as fragile as an eggshell and you have already cracked mine once. Don't knock on it again and force me to stay away forever this time."

She sucked in a trembling breath and looked at him with abject apology.

"Please Maan. You never gave me a chance to apologize for what I did five years ago. I know it was not my place to reveal your heart to Shefali. Can you not forgive me and can't we go back to how things were five years ago?"

He was already shaking his head.

"We can never return to what we were in the past Geet. However I can promise you a new and different beginning if you are willing to listen to me. What do you think Geet?" He looked tensed as he waited for her answer.

"Can we not take a few more days to think about this? I do not like lying and pretending in front of the family Maan."

"No Geet...no more time. You have used up all the time and I cannot spare anymore."

"What do you mean Maan?" She asked in confusion.

"Varun is going to show up here tomorrow morning with his parents, to officially propose to Shef. It has to be tomorrow Geet, before Varun proposes. After all the older daughter of the house has to marry before the younger right?"

"I don't care about that Maan. I don't want to get married and I will be very happy for Shefali when she gets married."

"Geet Handa

Age:25

Height: 5 Feet 5 inches

Color: Fair

Weight: 50 kgs"

Geet inhaled her breath sharply and looked at Maan wide eyed as he rattled off more of her personal details.

"What...What? Where did you get that?" She gasped out and flew towards him.

"Give it to me Maan. I...I don't want you to read it. I will delete it." Geet looked around see what it was he was reading her statistics off. He closed in the distance between them and stood toe to toe, but their bodies did not touch at any single point. However his burning gaze bore down into her and held her captive, just as easily as any physical restraint.

"I don't have it written down Geet, it's imprinted on my brain. Delete it from there if you can, coz try as I might I can't seem to wipe it off."
"Imagine my surprise, when on the way back from the airport, all I heard was how Geet absolutely refused to think about the idea of marriage, but since the younger daughter can't be married off without the older, your parents are entertaining the idea of putting up this profile on a matrimonial website for quick results...with your permission. They showed me the profile details they wanted to put up and said that you had agreed to it."

"You agreed to this? Damn it Geet. Your profile and your picture on the internet for any sick bas***d to drool over?"

"She is a very quiet and capable girl was the description given for you. Does that one line even begin to describe you Geet?" He laughed harshly.

"Geet Handa is neither quite, nor capable. She is a light that lights up everything around her. All her silence does is intensify that light that she hides deep within her. She does not just feel things, she lives and breathes them. The fierceness of her feelings scares the hell out of her and so she pretends not to feel at all."

"She holds even God hostage for her loved ones. I remember clearly Geet, how every idol in the house had been immersed in water during my 12^th grade exams and every important exam after that. You bargained with him and you threatened him that there would be no puja, nor any Paarijat flowers until Maan passed with flying colors. You did not pick flowers for one whole month and convinced even Dadi to keep the God's in our house under water, until my exams were over."

"Every writable surface in the house was covered with your precise handwriting and your prayers. My notebooks, my textbooks, The damn banana I was going to eat for lunch during the exam break had a note written on it.

Dear banana please help Maan's body find nourishment to write a wonderful exam.'

"My music list and music taste is outdated by five years, coz you stopped adding your favorites and making playlists for me Geet. Every song you ever heard and liked it you promptly made a copy of it for me. You stopped adding songs and I stopped listening to music."

"Every dessert or dish you liked in a restaurant, you brought an extra of it for me and waited with baited breath for my approval. Not a single new dish has appealed to my palate for these past few years Geet."

"These and a million other things about you, the words quite and capable can't even begin to scratch the surface of the complexities that make you the unique person that you are."

"Will the person you are going to marry know these things about you Geet? Will you do all these things that you did only for me, for him then?"

"I...I just wanted to stop them from asking me constantly about marriage and so I said okay. I am not marrying anybody Maan." She denied instantly.

"I don't agree Geet. Just like you gave in to their idea of this profile set up, they will one day select a profile of a man, they think is good enough for you and you will agree. And before you know you will be married." He ran frustrated hands through his hair and glared at her.

"Looking for a caring life partner. That's what was written in the kind of life partner you are looking for column. What does that mean Geet? How will the one word caring' even begin to explore the meaning of what your life partner needs to be like."

"Will he know not to leave you alone when you ask to be left alone. Will he know that it is a cry from the depth of your soul to be held on to tightly especially when you ask to be let go in that cool voice."

"Will he allow you to make his palm blue while squeezing the life out of it for two hours because you were challenged by his brother to sit through a horror film."

"Will he know that when your pet rabbit died you consoled your sister through a storm of tears while remaining dry eyed yourself? Will he know that it is because you don't know how to wash away your pain with tears? Will you tell him that Geet, when she loves a thing or person she loves them for eternity. Will he understand if you tell him that Shef has probably forgotten the name of the long dead rabbit, but Geet still puts a mountain of Paarijat's on Bunny's final resting place even ten years after his death?"

"Will he know not to take you to tragic movies, coz you will brood over it for days to come? Will he know to coax you out of your moods by bringing you not ice cream, but 2 tubs of Amul Shrikhand in the middle of the night?"

"Will he know to nurse you through the alcohol poisoning that you got on his behalf? How old were you then Geet? Barely sixteen right? I was being forced to drink alcohol by my friends for the first time as a rite of passage into adulthood the day before I turned twenty one. Mom, dad, Dada, Dadi, your parents, Ved and Shef... there was nobody except you and me at both the homes. I invited my friends over and you walked in when they were holding me down trying to force a glass of liquor down my throat. You looked at the situation, screamed at them and before anybody could stop you, you picked up the whiskey bottle and drank it straight up so that there would be none left for them to force me with."

"Oh God Geet!!! I have never been so scared in my life as I was that day, waiting inside that hospital room, while they were pumping your stomach to get rid of the toxic levels of alcohol."

"I have not touched a single drop of alcohol since that day Geet. You put me off the stuff before I ever touched it or tasted it."

*******************

Geet remembered how his parents and grandparents had yelled at him for putting her life in danger. She had tried to defend him in her weakened state, but nobody had listened to her.

It had been deep in the night when she had woken up still groggy with the remnants of alcohol in her bloodstream that she had seen Maan beside her bed. He had been kneeling down beside the bed, holding her hand and a single hot tear had dropped on the back of her hand.

"Maan" She called out anxiously, as she lifted a trembling hand to his face. He looked up at her with red rimmed eye, brimming with tears.

"Why Geet why? How could you do this to me?"

"How could I not Maan?" She asked him simply.

He had grabbed the hand that was against his cheek and pulled her in a tight embrace, his whole body trembling against her.

"Promise me that you will never ever hurt yourself again for somebody else. There is nothing more precious than you. Don't ever and I mean never ever do such a thing again if you don't want to see me go crazy Geet."

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How her young teenage heart had rejoiced at that impassioned speech. Geet smiled sadly, as she remembered. Her feelings for Maan had been taking a romantic turn since she'd turned fifteen and any small gesture on his part had sent her into a state of shivering bliss. As she recovered she'd been hardly bothered by the fact that her life had been on the brink of extinction, but instead had been focused on every nuance of Maan's action and speech. The next morning her parents had been scolding her for her foolishness, while Maan had been there apologizing profusely and simultaneously defending her. She on the other hand, like a typical teenager had been lost in a mental game of, he love me...he loves me not'

"Will he love you like you are his whole existence Geet?" Maan finally stopped the barrage of words that were drawing pictures in front of her eyes of all the years gone by, of all the caring and nurturing he had showered upon her.

Even if he did not lover her, only he understood her best. She knew that he did care for her, not the way she wanted him to, but in his own way he did. There were after all, years of sharing and caring and bonding between them.

All Geet wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and tell him.

I adore you Maan. I always have...I always will. You are my one and only. There is absolutely no way anybody can convince me, coerce me or emotionally blackmail me into marrying another man.

But she she said nothing of the sort. Instead she decided to give in.

Listening to his tirade and knowing that he cared was enough for her. Her Maan needed her, so how could she deny him. She loved him beyond all ethics and values. Neither could she bear the thought of losing him forever. He was the only constant in her world. She needed to be at least on the fringes of his life and so she did the only thing that she could. She gave her consent.

"Let's do it then Maan. Let's get engaged."

Maan looked down at her in stunned silence.

"You mean it Geet?"

She nodded. Her decision was made and now nothing was going to shake her from it.

He whooped in delight, picked her up off the ground and whirled her around.

"You won't regret this Geet. If there is one thing you can be sure of it is that I will not give you a chance to doubt or second guess your decision. Now I don't want you to think about anything more, not even about the decision you've made tonight. Just trust me Geet and have faith in me, I will make everything right. For now just close your eyes and go to bed. I will come to pick you up in the morning. We will face the family together."

With that he carried her to the bed, drew the blankets back, tucked her in and kissed her forehead.

She resented that chaste kiss very much. Right!!! Now that he had gotten his way, he did not want to show any enthusiasm towards her did he? She was not a child to be put to bed so...so modestly. She wanted to pull his head down and show him how newly engaged couples kissed.

She snapped back to reality the next instant. This engagement was a sham and every action on Maan's part was an act to make the fake engagement more convincing. But her heart did not understand the difference between what was real and what was a farce. It just wanted her to believe in Maan, in the man who through so many years had been the guiding star, the true north of her life. Her heart urged her to believe that he would not lead her astray, while her head reminded of all the pain she had endured these long years.

The storm in her heart was reflected in her eyes.

"What is going on behind those stormy eyes Geet?" He asked softly.

She shook her head in denial.

"Nothing Maan... absolutely nothing. It is just your imagination."

"Imagination is it? Someday I am going to uncover each and every secret you hide behind those eyes Geet and then you'll be able to hide absolutely nothing from me."

Geet looked wide eyed at him for a moment, then squeezed them shut tightly.

"Stop reading my eyes Maan and go away."

Maan chuckled and the carefree sound brought a smile to her own lips.

"Good night Geet and please make sure to dream only about me, as surrounded by all your things I am sure I will dream about you."

Her mouth contorted in a twisted smile as the door shut on his way out. She had no doubt that even if she featured in his dreams she would be the villainous character who was keeping the two lovers away.

Oh stop this Geet. Stop being so pathetic. Maan has chosen you and besides you did not separate them.

It was Shefali who had given up on him first. She wondered how things had come to such a stalemate between her and Maan. She knew she should talk to Shefali to clarify things, but for once she did not want to let anything burst this magical bubble surrounding her even if the bubble was just a mirage.

She was not sure where this whole charade was going to end, but she had jumped into this firepit with her eyes wide open and she was not going to let herself think about the moment when all of this would end. She would take and store each precious moment that was given to her no matter how selfish it was. She was not hurting anybody by doing this.

She sighed and a soft dreamy smile stretched her lips.

She slowly reached under the bed pulled out a small suitcase.. She had packed a few of her clothes in it and brought them to Shefali's room as Maan was going to use her room. She shivered at the thought of Maan lying on her bed. She was not sure how she was going to be able to lie on the same bed from now on. She swore she was never ever going to wash the bed sheet and then giggled at her own foolishness. She dug into the depths of the bag and pulled out a clipping of a song that was creased and slightly faded. It was wrapped up in a saree. It was the same saree Maan had gifted her on her eighteenth birthday. The song was another masterpiece of Rabindranth Tagore. She had found it on a piece of paper that had been used to wrap fruits in the market.

Her first instinct when she had read Rabindranath Tagore's name at the bottom had been to shred it into a million pieces. It was after all this man who had revealed Maan's true heart to her and torn her dreams apart. But her hands had been unable to rip the truth of her heart that she had found in the song to shreds. She knew that even if she ripped it to pieces the impact of the words would stay with her for eternity. It seemed the great man knew intimately the matters of a wounded heart.

And so she had read it and tears had flown from her eyes for endless moments as the words of the song rang true to her own plight. Reading it had almost been cathartic for her and she had derived some measure of peace from it.

Now she read the poem once again.

"Tagore ji, I did let him go and wished for his happiness from the bottom of my soul, but now he is back and I don't think I'll be able to let him go once again."

She traced the line she had scribbled underneath the song in her own precise handwriting.

Though I am not the Paarjat you seek, I just wish for one day of happiness with you and then I will gladly take every misery that comes my way.

She rubbed the soft silk of the saree against her cheek, wrapped the poem safely in it and went off to sleep with a soft smile on her face.

She tossed and turned as heated dreams played on the vulnerable subconscious of her unprotected mind. It was as if a barrier had been lifted today and her imagination had free reign to torture her with torrid pictures.

She woke up gasping from one such lurid dream only to find the object of her dreams staring down at her from the side of her bed.

Imagination mixed with reality and she trailed her finger tip on those firm masculine lips that had been doing wicked things to her in her dreams.

She felt the small sting of sharp white teeth as Maan clamped down on her finger and she dropped back to reality with a gasp.

She blushed a fiery red and pulled the covers over her head.

"Geet.? Just who were you dreaming about? Was it about me?"

He called out huskily.

The whole bundle under the bed covers quivered and muffled sounds came from under it.

"Ah so I was right. You had hot dreams about me?"

She gasped and threw back the covers.

"I did not." She denied hotly.

Maan bent closely over her and simultaneously Geet clapped her hands over her forehead. She did not think she could bear even that sweet caress right now in her state of heightened awareness. Her eyes widened as Maans mouth continued to ascend in her direction. She held her breath in anticipation of his next move, cheeks flushed hectically in sheer excitement.

He stared into her eyes and deliberately brushed his lips tenderly over her cheek and then gently sucked and nibbled on it.

"I wondered if these would taste like apples. I was wrong. They taste like a far more exotic and sinful fruit...temptation." He rubbed his thumb on the place his mouth had been, as if trying to rub his kiss deep into the layers of her skin. He drew his forefinger in a gentle caress from her temple to her chin and his gaze locked with eyes that looked back at him with complete trust. He pushed her hair back gently then pulled up and adjusted her pillow against her back.

"God Geet... I am done with these games of ego and pride. I can't do this to us anymore. No more pretense Geet. Let's end this all."

For a moment she was in seventh heaven and then the last words he'd said registered on her mind. Her eyes widened and her hear started beating an erratic tattoo of fear and consternation.

She grabbed his hand in an unconscious appeal, her nails biting into his skin, and her voice broke out into a reed thin whisper.

"Wh...why Maan? Why are you changing your mind at this last minute? I kn...know I am not your Parijat, but am I not good enough even for a make believe deception compared to her?"

She looked up at him with wounded eyes and cringed at the pathetic desperation in her voice. She could not bear to be in his presence anymore and jumped out of bed to run into the bathroom. She slammed the door shut and burst into loud noisy tears. She was done bearing everything with fortitude. The wound was too deep to bear in silence and she was hurting unbearably. The dam had burst and she could no longer contain the barrage of words that were pouring out of her mouth.

"I am not breaking off the engagement Maan, no matter what you say. You can't do this to me. You...you were the one who talked me into this just last night. I told my heart not to expect anything, yet this foolish thing would not listen to me and started building dre...dreams around you and our future. I...I know how impossible my illusions are, but I had only ever wished for one day. Can't I even have that much time with you?" She slid down the bathroom door and sat leaning against it.

There was pin drop silence from the other side of the door. It seemed she had shocked him into speechlessness. Well let him deal with it. She was not taking back a word of what she'd said.

"Geet are you telling me that you want to be engaged to me? That you are happy with this arrangement?" His hushed voice came through the bathroom door.

"What...what rubbish. I am not that desperate. Mamma says if we put my profile up the response will be overwhelming. Fine you cancel the engagement I will marry the first guy who shows interest in me."

Then all hell broke.

"Over my dead body Geet. Just let any bas***d try and then let him witness the wrath of Maan Singh Khurana. Ahhh!!! Enough of this bullshit.I refuse to have the most profound conversation of my life through a bathroom door. We've had enough barriers between us Geet, but no more. Whatever we have to say we will say it right to each other while looking at each other. Open this god damned door. Open it now." He banged on the door and rattled the handle hard.

"No. Go away Maan." She had embarrassed herself enough. She would need an eternity before she could face him again.

"Geet open the door now. Open it damn you... open it." He was practically yelling now.

She shook her head in denial. She was not going out this door even if she had to stay inside and grow roots. He would break it off with her the moment she stepped outside. She could not, just could not bear it.

Suddenly she heard a thud against the door followed by loud curse.

"Bloody hell. Who the hell built these doors?"

Just then two other voices joined the chaos.

"Maan beta what is all this commotion? We can hear you yelling all the way downstairs."

"Why are you trying to break down the door with your shoulder Maan?"

Geet groaned. It was her mom and Maan's mom. Great. Was her humiliation never going to end?

"Go away mom. You too Chachiji. I don't want absolutely nobody interfering at this moment." Maan told them firmly.

"But Maan what's wrong with the bathroom door? Is Geet alright?"

"She is perfectly fine aren't you Geet? " He asked through gritted teeth.

"No I am not." Let them make whatever they wanted of that statement.

"Geet?" He called out threateningly.

"Tell them you are fine and ask them to go away and come out of there Geet."

"Mom, Chaciji please trust me and give me another five minutes alone with her. I promise I will make you two the happiest mothers on earth if you will just listen to me."

He ushered them to the door, pushed it closed on their faces and then headed back towards the bathroom. His foot got tangled in Geet's bed sheet that was trailing on the floor and from underneath it dropped out the saree he had gifted her on her eighteenth birthday. Along with the saree an old crumpled piece of paper fell to the floor and he picked it up absently.

A tear rolled down his hard cheek and landed on the paper as he finished reading it.

He looked at the closed door with adoring eyes.

"You absolutely crazy, wonderful woman." He murmured softly. Then he grinned and started reading the poem out loud.

The next instant the bathroom door flew open and out rushed Geet Handa. He did not waste a moment and before she realized what was happening he picked her up. Next he bent down to pick up the saree, dumped it over her, along with the poem and walked out the door.

"Maan where are you taking me. Put me down...please." She wriggled in his arms.

He ignored her completely and started climbing down the stairs.

Geet peeked down and cringed when she saw the crowd downstairs.

Her parents, Maan's parents, his dada and dadi, Ved, Shefali, Varun and his parents everybody was present and looking up at them with a stunned expression in their eyes.

It was Maan's father who stepped forward.

"Maan what the hell is going on here? Is everything okay with Geet?"

He nodded.

"Then for god's sake put her down."

"Not in this lifetime dad." A huge grin split his face and he laughed in exhilaration as he hugged Geet tighter to his chest.

"Everybody meet my fiance, Geet Handa."

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One more part to go guys.

Here is something to tide you by till I post it.😉

1. I am familiar with these claw marks Geet. These are my guidelines to the chaos of your heart.

2. I thought I belonged to you Geet, but when you handed me over to your sister so very easily my world came crashing down and i was unsure of anything anymore. I would have fought for you tooth and nail if anybody had dared to take you away from me and expected the same from you.

3.

3. I want to know everything you feel. I want to hear it. I want to feel it deep inside me. Every moan, every scream every sigh every whisper, I want to feel all of it. Today all the barriers come down Geet. All that passion that you keep deep in your core give it to me Paarijat.

Part 3