Concealed beauty
***
"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you." (Friedrich Nietzsche)
***
01
"I don't need this anymore, do I? I'm sure Soumya will be happy to have it."
Yuvraj simply stared at the dark thread in his hand, the beads cool against his skin. For a split second, he was tempted to throw it away, very far away from him. He was leaning over the balcony, his arms resting on the railing. He would have just to let go, it would fall into the darkness of the night, maybe into a plant or behind one, hiding from everyone's sight. But he couldn't bring himself to do so. It weight too much in his grip, almost hurting his palm, yet it seemed to be glued to him making him doubt whether it could truly be thrown away or would cling to him stubbornly. Not that he would try it out, though.
He might not be someone who understood traditions or their reasoning, neither did he care much for them - but he did know their importance to others. Maybe that was why he was hesitating to get rid of the Manglasutra. Although, Suhani didn't care enough to keep it.
Which shouldn't surprise him, honestly, and yet...
"Here."
Instinctively, Yuvraj closed his fingers around the Manglasutra and whirled around, the railing digging into his back. Upon seeing Sharad in front of him with a steaming mug held out toward him, he heaved a relieved sigh. Carefully, he slipped his right hand into the pocket of his jeans before taking the mug, a small, strained smile on his lips.
"Thanks."
Sharad didn't return his smile, just shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest, scrutinizing him. It was unnerving. He hated it whenever Sharad looked like that at him- as if looking through him and analyzing every secret he was trying to keep deep inside. Unable to meet his friend's gaze, Yuvraj stared down into the dark liquid between his fingers. It wasn't really hot anymore. Not that it mattered much, though.
"C'mon," he muttered finally, turning half-away. "Ask. You're burning to ask me, aren't you?"
For a moment, Sharad stayed silent, almost as if he was reluctant to speak. Speak to him, that was. "Why six months?"
Of course. "Doesn't a divorce take six months before it's valid?"
"So, you actually signed the damn papers?"
Yuvraj took a large gulp of the coffee, the corners of his mouth twitching in disgust. He liked black coffee, but this one... it tasted like warm water mixed with bitter pills, not properly prepared. But way better than the angry accusation in Sharad's voice. "Yes. But I didn't give her the papers."
"Why won't you give me the papers?! Why torture us both for another six months? Haven's you been selfish, enough, already?"
Sharad moved forward until he was standing next to him, though didn't look at him. "And why sign them, to begin with?"
Resigned, Yuvraj lifted his right shoulder, not knowing how exactly to explain. "Six months is a long time. She'll calm down, eventually, and let me talk to her. But she was asking for the divorce," And he hadn't seen her equally so determined and desperate for anything before. His chest, when she had demanded the divorce, listing her reasons, voice trembling and eyes brimming with tears, hadn't hurt this much, ever, either. "And I gave her what she asked for."
When he glanced sideward, he noticed how Sharad had furrowed his brows in thought. "So, you're not actually planning to divorce?" he concluded, though it sounded more like a question. "But you signed the papers to... why exactly?"
I really don't want to talk about that, now. But Sharad was very persistent if he wanted something and perhaps, it was better to get everything out in the open now rather than later. "To show her that I'm not forcing her to anything, okay?"
"But you're not planning to get divorced! Isn't that like lying again?"
"No!" Irritated, Yuvraj pressed his lips into a thin line, his grip around the mug tightening. He hadn't wanted to sound so harsh but... Lying. He hated this word. "Six months, Sharad. If I can't fix this within this time, I'll give Suhani what she wants. But it won't come to this, believe me."
Now, Sharad turned fully to face him, the doubt evident in his features. "You sound pretty sure of that."
"I am!" he insisted. "It's Suhani we're talking about. Suhani can't stay mad for too long, especially not at me. I'll wait till she's calmed down and then, I'll try to fix everything."
"And what about Soumya?" Sharad further inquired.
Instinctively, Yuvraj rolled his eyes. "Please, could we just not talk about her?" He honestly had no patience for that, now.
For a moment, it looked like Sharad would insist on discussing about Soumya but after regarding Yuvraj critically, he nodded. But he didn't stay quiet. "Not mad."
Confused, Yuvraj frowned. "What?"
"Suhani bhabi is hurt not mad," Sharad clarified. "It's easy to calm someone's anger but how do you mend their broken heart? Yes, we're talking about Suhani- the girl who loved too much." Loved, not loves. "Don't take her for granted, guru. While you wait, who knows how far away she'll be gone from us." With that he left Yuvraj alone on the terrace.
"I'm not as much hurt by your lies as I'm because I won't be able to trust you, anymore. And of what use is a relationship without trust?"
Angrily, Yuvraj threw the mug away, watching it shatter and the coffee spill on the floor. Yet, it didn't do anything for him- his chest was constricted, making it hard to breathe or even think properly. He knew that he had hurt Suhani immensely. He knew it, dammit! And he hated it. He couldn't even stand it to look at himself in the mirror without the urge of wanting to hit his mirror image!
But what was he supposed to do? There was no use in talking to Suhani when she clearly didn't want to see him. He couldn't force himself on her, no matter how much it irked him to sit around and do nothing. The only thing that kept him sane was the belief that Suhani would eventually listen to him. That she didn't hate him.
Why did Sharad have to make him doubt this?
*
Maa'
Sighing tiredly, Suhani ignored the blinking display of her phone and wrapped her arms around her knees, pressing her forehead against them. She was completely wet, her clothes clung to her like a second skin- it had been raining for some time, now. Though, she didn't care much for that, neither did she care that she was sitting at a roadside, behind her a line of trees. No one was here, no cars, no humans.
Only the persistent rain, hiding her tears.
She probably should have told her parents and sister where she was but... Yes, she knew they were worried sick about her - and that made her sick. She couldn't stand their constant worry. Of course, they loved her and she loved them, too, and because of that she was so tired of being the cause of their worries. They treated her as if she was made of glass, careful what to talk about in her presence, avoiding any topic about the Bhirlas as if they were the plague personified- and it hurt to see how much they hurt for her.
If she wanted to cry, then she wouldn't do it at home. Not in front of anyone. Though, she would prefer not to break down, again- she was so damn tired of it. Sometimes, when the tears would pool down her cheeks while remembering Yuvraj and their broken relationship, disgust would crawl up her insides; bitter and revolting. Why couldn't she stop this stupid emotions? Why be sad over a relationship that had never existed? Was it even worth it?
With handing Yuvraj the divorce papers, she had given him the freedom to live on his life with Soumya, as he had always wanted to. Back then, he had seemed reluctant to sign and he refused to give her the papers, although he had signed them - and she didn't understand why. What was going on in that idiot's head? On one hand, he wanted Soumya and on the other, he... she didn't know what to think about it.
But what she did understand was that Yuvraj hadn't stopped her when she left the house, nor had he tried to contact her in any way, till now. As if he was completely indifferent to her.
The realization still pained her, it was a constant pang in her chest, never leaving her alone. She hated it.
"He's not worth it!" she muttered, irritated. Not worth her tears. Her misery. Anything.
"Wha-" Surprised, Suhani looked up, the rain drops had stopped pouring down on her. They were blocked out by something- an umbrella? She frowned, trying to make out the person who had stopped next to her, holding an umbrella over her.
"Who's not worth what?"
Cricket
CID
