Hi all, So I have tried again to write something on MaNan, on request from Rubys07...based on the current track. I wrote this while I was bored at the airport waiting for my flight. I have not had a chance to proofread and it really is not what I wanted to write. Nonetheless, your comments and criticism is most welcome. Thank you :)
Ps. I promised I'd give a shout out to my soulmate - Jaggs! IloveHer
I Hate Her
He had been sitting on the floor of his room for the last hour, guitar in hand, trying to strum as he usually did. Music usually came so naturally to him. It flowed from fingers to strings like blood flowing through his veins. But in the last half hour, all he had done was stare at the spot on his wall. Trying so hard to play something different. But all he could come up with was her tune. Her song. The one she wrote for him. The one he played for her. He was the music to her song. Or at least he thought he had been. Until, she betrayed him. Until, she doubted him.
She knew that he valued trust above everything else. And she knew that her trust in him was the only thing that kept him sane. And yet, she doubted him. She thought he was capable of something so dark. So unforgivable. She, Nandini, the only girl he gave power to hurt him but trusted not to, went ahead and did just that. And despite that, he could not get her out of his mind.
His heart waged war against his mind. His star. He had asked her to protect him, always. He had told her she protected him, always. He had placed undying, unwavering belief in her. To stand by that promise. To shine for him. Humesha. Manik Malhotra, who never trusted anyone but himself. Trusted her. Placed his quivering heart in the hands of this tiny little girl, with utmost faith that she would protect him. And how could he not have? She had made him want to be good. She had made him believe that he could be. He had felt different with her. He had let down all his guards with her. In the end, she had believed his mother, Nyonika over what she knew of him. In the end, she had failed him. In the end, she had not shined for him. She had not protected him. She had not trusted him. And she had never loved him. The realisation hit him hard, again. She, had never loved him.
He wanted to roar, such was the pain. He wanted to lash out. He wanted to play music, he wanted to play music. He looked at the guitar in his hands. Why could he not play? Who was she to deprive him of his music? Who? She was nothing but a commoner. She was nothing to him. He had only been attracted to her. That was it. Just physical attraction. Physical attraction that made him want to protect her at any cost. Physical attraction that made him want to stare at her contentedly as she smiled. Physical attraction that made him want to do anything for her. Yes. That was it. Physical attraction. His heart ached some more.
He hated that he had become so weak, so weak that he had shown it to her. That he had trusted her more than he trusted himself and she had let him down. Like everyone did. Despite every proclamation she made. She had shown him, that she too really thought he was a monster.
"Manik, there is so much goodness inside of you" Lies.
"Manik, love has no boundaries" Lies
"Manik, I trust you" Lies
"Manik, tum mujhpe trust kar sakte ho" Lies
"I will shine for you, humesha" Lies
He stood with such force and smashed the guitar. She took everything away from him. Every thing. She took the only things he found solace in. His stars. His music.
"Manik, everyone told me how much you loved me"YES! YES! I did. I did! But you threw it back in my face. A single tear escaped him. Why did you do this to me, Nandini? I could have died for you. But I would never kill anyone. You knew me. You understood me.
And he saw her, faint, ghostlike standing there, in the red dress he picked out for her. With the pieces of the broken fireflies jar in her hand. Staring at him. As if she was hurt. As if he had broken her. And all he wanted to do, was hold her so tight in his arms and tell her that it would be ok. That he would never let anything happen to her.
No. Why should he? He did not love her. Just like she did not love him. If she had loved him, she would have trusted him. Blindly. He wanted to shout at her, but she was not there anymore.
Why oh why was she everywhere? He could see her face when he closed his eyes. He could hear her voice in the silence of his home. He could see her smile in the darkness of his room. He could feel her touch in the warmth of his sheets. And he did not want to. He did not want to know her. He did not want to feel anything for her. He hated her. He wanted to hate her. He wanted to hate her so much.
But his heart cried out. What he really wanted was to pull her close and hold her tight and never let her go. To kiss her hard, to watch her lose all control of her emotions, the way he lost control over his. To see the love in her eyes, the kind of love he had for her.
He wanted to hate her. He hated her. He hated her with a passion. But his heart, his heart told a different story. He loved her. He, Manik Malhotra, desperately loved Nandini Moorthy. And he hated himself for it.
CID
