"Insatiable is my desire for you,
Insane is my love you,
Limitless are my boundaries for you,
True are my feelings for you,
Wildest are my imaginations for you,
Intense is my passion for you,
Soul is my offering for you,
Commitment is my promise to you,"
-Pushpa Rana, Just the Way I Feel
What is about the other that they can't keep their hands, their souls, their thoughts off them? What makes Manik so special for Nandini? What makes Nandini so utterly precious to him? Why is it that he can't stay away from her? Why is it that she fails to do the same? Why after giving her up, he can never give her up? Why after walking away she cannot stay away? Why do they seek each other in dreamless sleeps, and the hours that are awake? Why make love to every second they spend in one another's presence? Why feel with such a maddening thirst? Why love when it so much cuts?
I always blabber about Manik and his absolute maddening feelings for Nandini. But today I want to talk about her. I want to talk about how both of them are all the same than different. Both of them, each other's anchor, heart, soul and solace. Both of them entwined in a love that's not just consuming and full of passion, it's liberating and beautiful.
And this is what I think.
People always say that Nandini is the perfect girl. She follows rules; she does what needs to be done. She never breaks rules. She is completely selfless. She's Manik's light and his shining star. Yes, she is all that.
But she's something else too.
Something Manik feels in the very gut of his existence.
Lonely.
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost.
She lost her parents in a car accident at a very early age. She was too fragile but she was burdened with responsibilities too. The agony of her lost parents was intensified by the unfound life of her brother's. She had to take care of him at an age when she herself needed care and nurturing love.
She never had the kind of friends Manik has.
She found happiness in small things. She found love in fireflies.
But right there in the centre of her heart, it always existed, heavy in its very being.
Loneliness.
And then he barged in her life with a bus crash. He saved her fireflies.
He mocked her, he tortured her, he bullied her, he never left her alone, he kept gulping her.
He instigated her, and to him, only him, she responded with a fervor she'd not known.
With him, she fought like a lioness. Nobody could come near him but she did.
In every single moment, she roared harder and harder and never bent low in the face of his wrath.
Somewhere, somehow, she didn't feel like a seventeen year old mature girl with only responsibilities. She also felt desperate, furious, courageous, brave, willing to compete, willing to open up even more.
He challenged her. He baffled her. He made her cry. He saved her life.
He hurt her. He craved for her smile.
A smile. A simple smile. Her smile. Nobody had ever asked for that.
And then she let him earn it.
He helped her, he also tormented her. With him she was always at the edge of her seat. He made her exceed her possibilities; he showed her the untried capabilities.
And he liberated her.
Just like FAB5 were his everything, her brother was hers. Rishab. Her life, her baby, her everything. He meant everything to her in the world. He whose everything was only her. He who listened to no one but her.
And then she saw his head in Manik's lap. She saw those soothing fingers press again and again, lovingly, and those same hands capable of violence, cradle Rishab's head with so much softness. She saw him taking her responsibility without a word in that moment, she saw him sharing it effortlessly, he didn't let go, and he did what only Nandini could. Calm her brother, help her brother, he never left his side for once.
"You only need one man to love you. But him to love you free like a wildfire, crazy like the moon, always like tomorrow, sudden like an inhale and overcoming like the tides. Only one man and all of this."
C Joybell. C
And that is how I see Nandini, too. Manik changes her, Manik liberates her, Manik gives her the power to be different, to indulge in every stupid seventeen's dream. He makes her life adventurous, when she's low, he pulls her closer and tells her, don't give up', he makes her laugh and smile, he never lets her be lonely.
"It's an unexplainable feeling, an expression. It's a touch, it's a feel. Once you feel it, it's like no other thing in the world."
- Snoop Dogg on love
He wants her like a madman.
She blooms like a flower when he burns her with his passion.
Her heartbeat comes alive with the sizzling heat of his fingers.
He makes her want more than she ever wanted.
He makes her breathless, embedding shudders under her skin with his touches.
He caresses her like every single inch of her skin is a dream.
He makes her just as reckless, he makes her break rules, he makes her laugh and day dream, he makes her possessive and selfish for him, he consumes her so completely, that being without him nomore seems like a possibility.
And most importantly? He understands her.
Loves her.
Gives her.
Respects her.
Adores her. He concedes when she asks, he smiles when she laughs, he who listens to no one, carries her drunken self around, he who gives into no one bends low on his knees and gives her everything.
If to talk to her he ends up kidnapping her, then to stop him she ends up doing the same.
She loves him with all of herself, the way he loves her with all of his being.
"Love mereliye trust hai. Dono ke beech mein itna trust hona chahiye ke life mein kuch bhi hojaye, kuch bhi, they never get separated. Never."
And is that not what their love is? No matter what the hurdles, no matter whatever comes in, no matter all the thorns, no matter the differences, no matter how hard the way is, they will always, Always, find their way back to one another.
The man she loves is a little reckless.
Sometimes he cuts.
But his kind of love? Nobody does.
The man she loves?
She's his whole life and he's hers.
And no matter how dark the night gets or how narrow the tunnel, she'll never let go, she'll love him with a madness that rides deep in her veins and sings to her soul.
Because for him and only him, do her fireflies shine.
Because he liberates her.
Because with him she's just Nandini, too.
She's his Star.
Humesha.
For you see, each day I love you more. Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.
-Rosemonde Gerard.
P.S. Box and Genie Ma you both better go light on me kay?😆
Rida.
Itti Si Khushi Sab TV
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