Is ditching one's partner the only solution to marital conflict?

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Janaki

@RamKiSeeta

Achiever

+ 6

Posted: 10 years ago

I noticed that so many people in this forum keep expressing their desire to see Ishita walk out of her marriage with Ruhi. Is that the only solution to deal with marital conflict? Walking out?

I agree that staying in abusive relationships is not healthy, but at the same time, the other end of the extreme is also not healthy - walking out of a marriage or relationship every time there is some form of conflict.

Marriage is not a bed of roses. There will be many disagreements, arguments and fights. Couples will raise their voices or isolate themselves from their partners for a while. None of that matters if they are able to come together after a point and clear their differences, as Raman and Ishita did in recent episodes.

Granted, this show has shown many stupid scenes that would simply not happen in real relationships, but at the end of the day, it is a show and we need to look at the big picture.

I agree that the Bhallas don't always treat Ishita well, but no one divorces their partner for the mistakes of their in-laws. There is always the choice to live separately if the problem gets out of hand. However, arguments with in-laws are also normal, and Toshiji did apologize to Ishita later which I think was a big step. Not many MILs admit their mistakes and apologize to their DIL, but Toshij did apologize to Ishita and I think that reflects very well on her. I don't remember seeing a contrite MIL in any other show. Usually it's the DILs continuously asking for forgiveness.

Also, I agree that Raman is not always the perfect husband, but neither is Ishita the perfect wife. Both of them have made their fair share of mistakes and treated each other unfairly, but at the end of the day, they are still husband and wife and love each other. They have come a far way in their relationship and there is definitely room for improvement, but that is what marriage is. No marriage is perfect, no husband/wife is perfect, and marriages keep improving and become stronger until the couple grows old. The perfect marriage is that marriage in which a couple grows old together, looks back at their long life, and can think of the past with pleasure and happiness.

Raman and Ishita are nowhere near having a perfect marriage, but neither is their marriage doomed or abusive. Both of them still need to improve in their communication and understanding of each other, but their bond is also very strong. Ishita will not walk out of her marriage, because she has no need to. Raman is a good husband, and she is a good wife. They are not perfect, but they are perfect for each other.

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anjali

@nancysa

Voyager

Posted: 10 years ago

Rather than seeing her being insulted by raman adi and shagun, walking out with self respect is better.

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Janaki

@RamKiSeeta

Achiever

+ 6

Posted: 10 years ago

One more thing - marriage should never be about how much a person has benefited from it. It's not a business transaction. It's a marriage. Marriage is about compromising, understanding your partner, and adjusting accordingly while at the same time having your needs met. Ishita and Raman have both compromised their interests for each other. Ishita sacrificed her happiness for Raman and Raman has done the same for her. Remember the time when he sacrificed his presidentship so Ishita could get her dental license back? Not many husbands in India would do this, because they feel a wife's career is less important than their own, but not Raman. Raman values Ishita and he knows that her career means a lot to her. As for Ishita, she has also done a lot for Raman, clearing up misunderstandings between him and Ruhi, taking care of his family, and ensuring that he did not lose his presidentship, since it was important to him.

Yes, both of them have hurt each other, but that is still normal in marriage. Don't we all say hurtful things to our loved ones out of anger? Does that make us evil and undeserving of love? Raman and Ishita still love each other deeply and while they may continue to have many arguments, they will not let anything affect their relationship.

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nb.neha

@nb.neha

Rocker

Posted: 10 years ago

Well said; well written. Walking out of the marriage is not the only solution until things really go out of hands. Here walking out would mean shagun's victory. Ishita needs to be at her place n show shagun the door.

Having said that in real situations the point is women are the ones who are asked to compromise, have patience, give sec chance. There is no pt such as "enough" for women in our society. She needs to find her threshold on her own.

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Janaki

@RamKiSeeta

Achiever

+ 6

Posted: 10 years ago

Originally posted by: anjali_ss_20000
Rather than seeing her being insulted by raman adi and shagun, walking out with self respect is better.

Let me tell you something. There is a difference between self-respect and shirking one's duties. I am a mental health counselor who works at an inpatient hospital with adolescents, and last week a teenager was admitted who was like a literal replica of Adi except worse. He tried to kill his stepmother, which is why he was admitted. Yet, the stepmother has been a very active part of the therapy process. She does not resent her stepson for what he tried to do. She is making an effort to improve their relationship even after being threatened by him. This is a true story by the way, I am not making it up.

Does this mean the stepmother have no self-respect? Should she walk out of her marriage just because her stepson tried to kill her? This step-mother and her husband (the patient's father) also have many issues in their marriage. They argue constantly and fight within the vicinity of the child. This family has many issues, but never once have I heard the word "divorce" in their treatment. It is simply not an option for them, because they want to make an effort to improve their family and treat their son. I really applauded their effort and told them so.

I am not a huge fan of divorce unless it's the last resort. I think there is a solution to every problem a couple has. Divorce is only okay when there is some form of abuse going on, but I haven't seen Ishita abused in recent episodes. There is definitely conflict, but some of it she brought upon herself and she is taking responsibility for it along with Raman, which is admirable.

What Ishita, Raman and Adi can benefit from is family therapy, like the patient I just mentioned. Ishita walking out would be the stupidest decision she'd ever take. It would send a very wrong message to society that marital conflict = walking out of marriage. In that case, no marriage would survive because every marriage has conflict.

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SAKIV

@SAKIVIAM

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

It depends buddy.Not on the problem but on individuals thinking towards relations and their values.

For few people relation hold value more than their life they will die but prefer to save their relation and hold that respect.

Where that value does'nt exist and people think about themselves and never understand depth of reality simplest solution is what they prefer they never try to understand future consequesnces and go on blindly to what they feel.

Its all about human judgement,ethics and values he kept for himself.

Who say so may be doing same thing but they have to remember life is not any game which can be replayed but life is a battle field there won't be second chance unless you are the most lucky person

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Shivangi Agarwal

@shivangi838

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 10 years ago

no it is not d only solution and ishra are perfect 4 each other and as long as they respect and love each other , none of d 2 shld back out or leave 😊

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Janaki

@RamKiSeeta

Achiever

+ 6

Posted: 10 years ago

Originally posted by: nb.neha
Well said; well written. Walking out of the marriage is not the only solution until things really go out of hands. Here walking out would mean shagun's victory. Ishita needs to be at her place n show shagun the door.
Having said that in real situations the point is women are the ones who are asked to compromise, have patience, give sec chance. There is no pt such as "enough" for women in our society. She needs to find her threshold on her own.

I agree that our society usually expects women to compromise more, but we cannot generalize that to every family. There are more resources for women now, more organizations that support a woman who has been abused and wants to escape. Every family is different, and in the Bhallas' case, Raman has also compromised a lot for Ishita. Maybe other husbands don't, but Raman has and since we're talking about YHM, what other husbands do is not really relevant. The Bhallas have treated Ishita unfairly, but they also apologized for it. Simmi apologized for her treatment of Ishita, and so did Toshiji, and I think that's a big deal. How many in-laws apologize for their actions? It's not a crime to have faults, but it is wrong not to acknowledge them and till this point, the Bhallas have at least apologized whenever they did something wrong.

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Nikhila Chandran S.S.

@Nikki_Titli

Elite

+ 6

Posted: 10 years ago

such a wonderful post dear...well said n completely agree..!!

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nb.neha

@nb.neha

Rocker

Posted: 10 years ago

#10

Originally posted by: ..RamKiJanaki..

I agree that our society usually expects women to compromise more, but we cannot generalize that to every family. There are more resources for women now, more organizations that support a woman who has been abused and wants to escape. Every family is different, and in the Bhallas' case, Raman has also compromised a lot for Ishita. Maybe other husbands don't, but Raman has and since we're talking about YHM, what other husbands do is not really relevant. The Bhallas have treated Ishita unfairly, but they also apologized for it. Simmi apologized for her treatment of Ishita, and so did Toshiji, and I think that's a big deal. How many in-laws apologize for their actions? It's not a crime to have faults, but it is wrong not to acknowledge them and till this point, the Bhallas have at least apologized whenever they did something wrong.

be it a show or real life our society has different rules for men n eomen. These rules have been mentioned by u indirectly. Yes ishita's in laws apologised to her. So she should feel good. My question is if someone is wrong n they apologise what is the big deal here? If ishita was wrong n if she had apologised nobody would ever think look how nice she is that she apologised. Why? Bcoz here its her duty. If raman or her in laws apologise then it's not their duty so one needs to feel grateful to them. Same is the case in the real world.

Another thing mentioned by u is the presidentship. Raman sacrificed it for ishita. Yes no husband does that. True. Even the wife makes lot of sacrifices for her family n for her husband. Wife's sacrifices will never be highlighted the way a man's sacrifices are highlighted.

Why different reactions, diff treatments, diff expectations from the same situation?

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Is ditching one's partner the only solution to marital conflict?

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