Shobha the non-independent woman of today

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@-JC-

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 10 years ago

I didn't watch today's epi but I saw some angry posts about how she blamed Vikram for telling her to accept Samarth back.

Although I understand that anger, here is the reality of Shobha's character.

She was never an independent woman!!!!!!! Therfore she blames all the consequences on those whom she holds responsible.

She always was dependent on one person or other. She was probably dependent on her parents before marriage. Her parents found Samarth for her and she married him agreeing to an arranged marriage. Samarth led her on and she fell for it. She became a homemaker and did everything revolving around her husband and his family, to the extent of accepting his sisters as her own. She never held a grudge against her mother-in-law because instead of being a mother-in-law to her she was mother who had the to disagree with her on any issues and if angry she still bore it like a child will bear the complaints of a parent.

When Samarth was declared a traitor and deceiver it took her multiple strokes before she was able to severe that tie of dependency from Samarth. Then all the decisions she took was for her children. It was a false sense of dependency that she herself created. Because that is Shoba's character. She is not bold enough to take her own stance. It has always got to be at the pretext of something else or it has be the decision of someone other than her whom she believe to be more smarter,stronger or wiser than herself.

The reality is that not just women but a lot of people live like this where their locus of control is outside of themselves. Its easier to accept disaster by blaming other people for it. And a lot many people live their whole life blaming parents, in-laws, destiny etc. for their own inability to take a stance or to make a decision and live with its consequences. Such people are afraid of taking risks and they live their whole life in fear of a disaster.

So finally when Samarth came back Shobha again refused to take her own decision and went to all and sundry so that someone else could decide for her. And that someone happened to be Vikram this time. Now she is blaming him. Its wrong but its no where inconsistent with her character.

I am waiting for the day when she will learn to be independent. Truly independent. But I doubt this show is about showing an independent woman. And honestly i am not unhappy that Shobha isn't growing in that graph. She is as real as my next door neighbor. And thats what makes this show and Shobha intriguing. She is very real. The growth in her character is also within the boundary of her personality. Usually we at the age after 20-25 hardly change our personalities drastically no matter what events we undergo. We may change our outlook on life but any change in behavior and personality are within a limit. Shobha is changing within her limit and slowly. Its accurate to real life. So actually I have no complaints from this show. Its well made.

just wanted to share my opinion.

-JC

Edited by -JC- - 10 years ago

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rangamma

@rangamma

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Posted: 10 years ago

A thought provoking post

I would like to share some of my views with you.

Coming shortly

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Shanti

@shanti05

Stunner

+ 3

Posted: 10 years ago

Well said mate JC , but the coining of words her identity self respect dignity is that not individuals stand..

We create our own identity our own growth our own struggle now with Samarth back its being stolen from her of accusations , also she says she has the gut feeling why at that point she never raised it she has that independence she knew her senses told her that it was wrong to give samarth a chance her dependence factor when he was not there always was that she does things for the kids family her independence ruled with their dependence, she was holding all her cards she knew she says she didn't want to take the step!!

Factors of our own independence depends on ourself we have to build the courage shobha had done it but again when she says gut feeling she has that stand to take also she has seen the way world saw her was that not an eye opener case say Sandeep for example !

Your views justify the reasoning of her character yet she shud rise against the wrong and its now or never..

All these may also see her loose her reasoning of happiness but why shud she loose out on anything she shid survive this ugly side & make herself stronger & if someone is valuing her (Vikram) she shud see herself grow stronger & equally spacing herself to be independent & decision making.

Yes the points u raised are graphically how she stands at present!!

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Shanti

@shanti05

Stunner

+ 3

Posted: 10 years ago

I am hoping this again has given her a foundation to see what she can do to see her setting things right for her BUT she cannot wrong a Good Person like Vikram

Hope the makers make her analyze from the point of view why she blames him she always put her family & kids upfront and a sane guy like Vikram would always see where her comfort zone lies & then give her the best reasoning ! Vikram exactly did that I truly hope she starts seeing clarity now & independence individuality growth is shown in her ...

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@-JC-

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 10 years ago

I don't approve of Vikram either. He should have been a friend to Shobha before anything else. But he let the fact that Shobha's priority is her children break his heart and cloud his judgement.

Instead of telling her what she should do, he should have led her to listen to her own inner voice..which more than anyone else would have helped her take the right decision. The fact that she ran around looking for peace was enough hint that she wasn't ok with accepting Samarth back. Her inner woman was fighting this defeat but the cultured woman in her couldn't give into a selfish thought.

What my friend wants for me may be very different from what I want for myself. Its the same case with parents. Parent want the best for you but sometimes their idea of what is best for you is very different from what you think is best for you. And ultimately your own peace of mind is affected by it. Happiness is an illusion...its a state of mind. But peace of mind is necessary for any person to be able to live a content and sane life.

Edited by -JC- - 10 years ago

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Swetha

@Swetha-Sai

Achiever

+ 48

Posted: 10 years ago

^ A Thought Provoking post by u, JC! 👍🏼

You have justified Shobha's character so well! 👏

IMO, Shobha is a married woman.. being married for 9 yrs.. having 2 kids, etc.. a 30 yr old woman.. who doesn't know how to take BIG decisions of her life on her OWN..👎🏼 and she needs her friend Usha or boss Vikram.. to help her take a decision? 😲 Why? So that she can conveniently put ALL the Blame on that person.. if the decision goes awry?! 😡 Doesn't she have brains.. to take her OWN decision and lead an Independent life?

I wonder if.. this is how.. she intends to take all decisions for related to her kids life.. like school , college , life , etc .. also in future by asking other people? 😡

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Shanti

@shanti05

Stunner

+ 3

Posted: 10 years ago

From Vikram's POV He did the right thing reason he saw a child devistated when she did'nt see her mom ... Vikram told himself how can I be selfish and think about myself and my love ( at that point he was almost ready to ask her for marriage holding on kangan ) ... When she came he had decided what needs to be done .. He was always bringing her frame of mind infront was it not always family & kids... He never once thought again to tell her anything what could be a choice as at that point that kids request was on the top priority and how could he ever disspoint that child will the child not have grudges against Vikram.. To guide Shobha to hear her inner call again does Vikram have a say there, He said Mai Kya Chataha hoon tum kya Chathi ho issay zyda Jiyu aur Rehaan kya Chathay hai on those lines Those were the most imprtant aspect to bring upfront...

The Kids Jiyu may question otherwise her mom or even Boothnath uncle why did u let my father go .. he is needed... What wud Shobha asnwer...

Still all said and done she blaming Vikram at whatever circumstances led to be elevuated by her and understand is he really responsible what he told me why he told me dose'nt she bring her KIDS & family always always front of anything she came back only for her kids... After this brutal inhuman ways of SAMARTH...

Will she divorce SAMARTH will she stay put with this marriage EVEN if it giives unhappiness for the sake of the kids thats what her last dialogue seemed from todays episode...

She needs to give CLARITY to her thoughts what she has spoken as the BLAME game on a person like Vikram may not be justified as HE was SELFLESS HE WAS on what a CHILD resuqested he guided her the way she always saw her family her kids...Their wish... Their Happiness...Their need...

Hope she stands up for her own justice which is what woman empowerment Woman strenght Woman Justice is all about ...

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@-JC-

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 10 years ago

Vikram really wasn't selfless.. he has to take responsibility for telling Shobha what to do. Thats what happens when you make decisions for yourself or for others.

When parents decide whom their daughter should marry, they should take responsibility for the failure or success of that marriage too. But most often than not, parents wash their hands after the marriage ceremony. After that point its all the woman's doing that leads to a happy or miserable life. If parents take the responsibility of choosing the groom then they should take the responsibility to understand that their daughter is a living person with a personality and wishes of her own and she cannot be forced to love...the groom has to match her personality and she has to match the groom's personality. But that is never a criteria in an arranged marriage. Similarly if Vikram took it upon himself to tell Shobha what to do, he has to bear the responsibility of its consequences.

I am not saying parents or even Vikram would know what kind of person someone else is if the other is out to deceive. Vikram never trusted Samarth's intentions. So just because Jiyu an innocent child thought having her father back was the best for her life, Vikram the adult should not have taken Samarth at face value. He should have remembered how cunning Samarth is. How can a father like him give Jiyu and Rehan the kind of care they need?

His motivations were to give into a child's request because he was "bhootnath" uncle who played Santa to the kids. How could he refuse Jiyu? A true parent does what is right for the child, even if the child doesn't see it due to immaturity. But for Vikram his delicate relationship with the kids was at stake so he sacrificed Shobha's life instead. Basically pushing her towards a loveless marriage...that is what he meant by "it doens't matter what I want and what you want"..."do it for the kids". That wasn't his decision to make. Asking someone else to forgo their happiness or joy or peace of mind is the cruelest thing to do.

Vikram may have seen Shobha put her kids in front of everything, but doesn't mean that this time too Shobha would have done the same thing. People behave in similar patterns most of the time but doesn't mean that they will never deviate from it ever. Ultimately he should have left it to Shobha instead of deciding for her. Like I said in my previous post, Vikram did nothing to liberate Shobha of her dependencies. All he did was transfer it upon himself. So now he does need to feel guilty for taking decisions over someone else's life. But we can forgive him because all humans make mistakes.

Shobha too will forgive him. She is just upset right now.

Ultimately it was Shobha's decision to listen to Vikram and she gave him the right to decide for her. But the truth is that if she is blaming him, that means that when she gave him the power to decide the course of her life, she did it out of her own weakness and inability to decide rather than a trust in his ability to guide her well. If she trusted him that much she wouldn't be blaming him so much now. She would understand that he too is human and couldn't have seen what was coming. Once her head cools down, she will come to this realization. She will not blame Vikram forever. Its just a reaction one has because they know they can behave badly with people who love them...because forgiveness will be readily given once it is sought. Right now she is taking out her frustration because she can only do that with him.

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@-JC-

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 10 years ago

Originally posted by: -Swetha-
^ A Thought Provoking post by u, JC! 👍🏼
You have justified Shobha's character so well! 👏

IMO, Shobha is a married woman.. being married for 9 yrs.. having 2 kids, etc.. a 30 yr old woman.. who doesn't know how to take BIG decisions of her life on her OWN..👎🏼 and she needs her friend Usha or boss Vikram.. to help her take a decision? 😲 Why? So that she can conveniently put ALL the Blame on that person.. if the decision goes awry?! 😡 Doesn't she have brains.. to take her OWN decision and lead an Independent life?
I wonder if.. this is how.. she intends to take all decisions for related to her kids life.. like school , college , life , etc .. also in future by asking other people? 😡

She most likely does. She is not someone who will do her own research on what colleges provide a good education. She will see that the world thinks that IV leagues schools are the best, so she will break her back trying to make the tuition to send her kids to those schools. Instead the right educational program in a non-IV league school may be enough to get her kids the right knowledge so that they can become well-citizens of the new world. But that thought is too risky for people like Shobha to make. She is a follower not someone who has the ability to think outside of the box. Her whole life is only in the box. Even if a person like her friend Usha tries to pull her out of the box she will think Usha is a foe who is depriving Shobha of her world. She will not reason that there could be a more beautiful world outside the box.

In this entire show I think Usha is the one voice of reason that has no selfish motives and has always thought for Shobha and pushed her towards what is good for her. But also never made decisions for her and let her have her space when needed. She has been the example of a true friend. I really love that character.

Edited by -JC- - 10 years ago