THE BRIDGE ACROSS FOREVER- A ZAYA TS - Page 2

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The hospital room was devoid of beauty as he was of hope. Its walls were simply cream, not peeling or dirty, just cream. There was no decoration at all save the limp curtain that prevented the sunlight from trickling into the room. It was perhaps once the kind of green that reminded people of spring-time and hope, but it has faded so much that the hue was insipid. The room had an undertone of bleach and the floor was simply grey. Not a single person has flowers, cards or home brought food.There were stands for intravenous drips and monitors and number of other paraphernalia used by the medics.

Zain slowly stepped towards her bed..the garish flowers in his hands, almost wilting.

She was lying on her back, staring at the blank walls, feeling his presence, when she turned towards him, he looked at her properly after 6 months..

Her eyes sparkled, the light making them look alive. Their light brown color was soft, the exact shade of a latte. A ring of gold hung inside her iris, adding another layer of depth to her already beautiful eyes..Her eyes which now looked back at him,was possibly the only thing that was alive' about her..apart from her heart which was thumping against her bony cage, while the poison spread through her veins...and slowly took her away from him.

"Zain..?"Her voice drew his attention to her.He couldn't look at her,without going back to the day when she had walked away from that restaurant.

"You lied to me.."His voice was unflappable..or atleast he tried to make it seem so..because he knew that it was one of her pranks..

She chuckled, with difficulty.."because I""a bout of cough shook her tiny frame"I..knew,that seeing me slowly turn into someone you didn't fall in love with, would kill you every day..Zain..?"

"aaliya,do you think I was very happy the past six months..not knowing where you were,not knowing what you were doing..I had no idea..whether you were alive or.."Zain couldn't complete his sentence. Was it because of the fear of uttering the word that was soon going to be her reality.?.was it because he was scared that thinking about it, would make it come faster..?

The love that had nestled in his soul and made him a better man now reached out with clawed hand about his neck. He struggled for breath and choked back the tears. His Aaliya's brown hair, now thin and wane, lay in wisps over the hospital pillow. He recalled their first meeting, shy and tentative. He recalled their first date, first kiss and their marriage vows. He recalled the sorrow when they lost their first child. Through everything, the good and the bad, they had clung together like two sailors in a storm. He would have laid down his life for her and she would have for him. They were two halves that made a whole..

"You could have tried..you know..you wouldn't have had to spend these months"alone..."

"Alone? Who said I was alone..I had you right here""She pointed towards her chest.."in my heart..and will always have..I called you..because Zain"Zain looked at me.." Her bony fingers,were pale white..they were cold compared to the warmth of her skin..She turned his face,and forced him to look at her.." I don't have much time Zain.."

"But the doctors said that you were feeling better today.."

She laughed once again. Was this a joke for her? He wanted to get up and leave..

"It's cancer Zain..cancer never really leaves you..I think it's a surge..maybe death wants to give me a few more happy hours to cherish..and you to remember.."

"I hate you.."

"You don't mean your words, right?" He didn't reply.

"Take me home.."

"Today? The discharge papers.."She cut him off.." They are ready ..I was waiting for you Zain.."

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She sat propped up on the granite counter, like all the other times she had while he maneuvered his way around the kitchen, cooking something for her..the only difference this time was that she was dying, no matter whether Zain was in denial or not..and she didn't blame him, after calling him up on her supposedly last day...

She had asked him to make maggi for her..his two minutes maggi,one of the very few items he could manage to cook,without causing a kitchen fire..things like this,worried her at times,how would he live after she was gone forever..

2 weeks before that day in the restaurant, she had met with her doctor, 3^rd Cervical Cancer, he had broken the news to her, in the most sympathetic and gentle was possible..and she hadn't shed a single tear..she was not scared of death, but she was scared of losing her beloved ones..She knew that she would need him, but she was sure that seeing her slowly fade away wouldn't help him with his grief or guilt,Aaliya Zain Abdullah wanted her husband to remember the good days..not the days when he witnessed his wife slowly dying,or being resuscitated or losing her hair..

They ate their maggi in silence..There was a chasm of silence between them..so many things left unsaid,but the night very small for them.

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She reverently rubbed her fingers along the silken mattress. She pressed her cheek to the cool, velvet pillows. The comforter was thick and irresistibly soft, like a billowing cloud. She toppled into it, relieved to rest her weary feet.

Her body was nestled against his,while he kissed her softly.it was not hurried kiss...even though they didn't have much time..it was not frenetic or passionate..it was a kiss..a soft one, that they would do for the rest of their life..

"The maggi was good...one place where you have actually beaten me.."

"I know Aal-ya.."

"Zain..What is that one thing that you hate about me..?"

Startled by her questions he looked down at her.

"That you always solve the Sunday Crossword before me.."

"And you'll never be able to beat me..!"

"Is there a supply of Sunday Crosswords, in the place where you are going to..maybe then I can join you over there and we'll solve it together then.. "He chuckled..

"You have a life ahead of you Zain..You have to take care of Shireen.."

"You're running away from us..she..she'll never forgive me Aaliya.."

"Zai,our daughter is in London, she's got studies..and she won't..I have something for her.."

"What?"

"After am no more, you'll go to my room.."

"Aaliya-" he interjected.

"I don't have much time left in hand Zain..I need to tell you so many things..okay?" he nodded his head.

"There a brown manila envelope in the cupboard..there are few tapes..its for you and Shireen..for her graduation day,her wedding day..and the day she'll become a mother herself..and promise me something will you..this is the last things am asking of you..?"

"You'll live..okay..because when you'll come to me,you'll have to give me an account of all the memories you will have made..okay..?"

"Zain..?"

"Will you be with me..you're not going to leave me,right,Aaliya..not agin..please.."

He cried , like the pain was an open wound. The sobs were stifled at first as he attempted to hide his grief, then overcome by the wave of his emotions he broke down entirely, all his defenses washed away in those salty tears.

Her own tears matched hers,but she wouldn't let him cry anymore...

"kiss me..?" He looked up at her..before their lips met shortly...

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They flipped through the album..

She used to never look at the best photographs, always afraid that they would become worn, sun bleached or damaged. She was mistaken. These pictures were just conduits to her best memories, the ones that are not fantastic enough or traumatic enough to leave a permanent mark on their own. Her recollections are quite the opposite of these celluloid stills, unless she visit them often they will fade; and with them the very best of everyone who has blessed her life will vanish from her mind also- as if none of it ever happened. It was in those quieter moments of joy she saw the people beneath their troubles. I saw her mother's love and her father's child-like spirit. She needed those memories to stay with her, she need them to soothe me when the bad ones threaten to erase all traces of those people she still hold dear, even in their absence.

He recalled that when they were courting and had to separate for the summer, time would slow to a trickle and those sunny weeks were an age. Now he would give anything to go back and find a way to spend that time by her side, savoring those moments instead of wishing them away. As she lay dying in his arms time flooded through his fingers with no regard for his feelings. He wished he could just stop moving forwards and exist in that moment together. Not thinking. Not breathing. Just not apart. Then he lay next to her just to feel her body heat and bring his head close to hers...

"Aaliya..how long is it gonna be this time..?"

"I will call you when its time,Zain.."

"I love you.."

"I love you too.."

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(30 years later)

With every step the sand shifted. With every motion forward there was some backward and down, just like walking in fresh fallen snow. Yet unlike the crystalline blanket of white bequeathed by the winter time, the fine grains under foot give him warmth from the sun's rays. Like their sky-bound benefactor, they are yellow, as if the sunshine itself is trapped inside their unmelting crystals. Despite the heat he found himself frozen in place once his eyes took in the ocean. The waves roll in white tipped, spreading themselves like fine lace over the beach after they crash in their soft way. There is nothing noisy about them, yet they have sound. Perhaps to him it is more like the music of his childhood summers so long ago with the people he had loved and lost. If she closed his eyes he could hear his mother calling me for lunch, his father rustling the newspaper as he turns a fresh leaf. In his closed hand appears a red bucket and spade, there is nothing to worry him, no fears...

After many entreaties Shireen and Javed had allowed him to go.and spend some time alone..his days were nearing too..

"Zain..."

He could feel her presence near him..a warmth enveloped him...

"Is it time..to go.."her hands were outstretched..

"Hmm...do you want me to wait Zain.."She was not the Aaliya,during her last days,but the same person with whom he ahad fallen in love..

"Just one more sunrise.."

From

Ann