Earlier or Later? - Page 2

Originally posted by: sohn

Well..one of my closest friend is being pressurised to marry early...shes 20! and all elder folks are totally for this thing with their great justifications towards this! Poor thing she is scared to death n not ready, hence the debate. Has nothing to do with what I feel, jus needed to know other's views on this thing. I hope thats ok 😕

It is sad that in this day and age too parents force children to get married. If your friend is not ready for marriage then she should talk to parents. But what is the reason for her fear? If it is a basic fear which some girls have before marriage then she can talk to her mother or sister or a friend but if it is because she wants to make a name for herself then she should tell her parents. Any parent who loves their children wouldn't force such things.

20 seems too young though.

Originally posted by: Maya_M

It is sad that in this day and age too parents force children to get married. If your friend is not ready for marriage then she should talk to parents. But what is the reason for her fear? If it is a basic fear which some girls have before marriage then she can talk to her mother or sister or a friend but if it is because she wants to make a name for herself then she should tell her parents. Any parent who loves their children wouldn't force such things.

20 seems too young though.

Its not a very conducive environment in her house for logical discussions Maya....pretty strict and rigid I must say. I hate that and I want her to speak up, infact I tried to talk to her mum, buh she said, we belong to different religions and our ways of looking at getting married early are different...will not match yours! erm so cudnt say much 😕. I hope she gathers the courage to speak up....I really want her to.

Originally posted by: sohn

Hmmm...I liked what you said Rutu 😊

Thanks Sonia! 😊

And, 20 IMO is too young, especially when she is not ready. Of course, if she can not speak up, there is no way out. It's high time now that parents, irrespective of religion, understand their children and bridge the generation gap. Some parents are always more of an imposing force, rather than someone you can open up to. I really don't think the girl can do anything, as there seems to be no openness between the parents and the daughter. This is very sad. 😔

Originally posted by: rutumodi915

Thanks Sonia! 😊

And, 20 IMO is too young, especially when she is not ready. Of course, if she can not speak up, there is no way out. It's high time now that parents, irrespective of religion, understand their children and bridge the generation gap. Some parents are always more of an imposing force, rather than someone you can open up to. I really don't think the girl can do anything, as there seems to be no openness between the parents and the daughter. This is very sad. 😔

I know. The actual discussion began when she said her entire family from both sides got married early, and that, the earlier you get married, the more easy it becomes to mould yourself into the new family, without any identity issues, without any questions like 'why shud I change xyz for them?'....and she added ..that all of their marriages have been successful and happy getting married pretty early in life. So thats what she wud want her daughter to do..cus they all believe in it 🤔

And this is what actually made me wonder, does this thing really make sense? Sometimes I feel, what worked for my mum might not work for me...or might. I dont know what shud happen if elders start exercising their rights in cases where it concerns your entire life. I think I would need the freedom to choose whom I want to spend my life with and when to get married ..if I wanna marry! 😔

When you're ready to marry. If you can handle the responsibility, your house, and everything else than go ahead and get married at 18! But I think later is better when you're more mature and understand things better and done with college/studies. 😛

Originally posted by: sohn

I didnt know you gotta post only personal topics n other topics are off radar! 🤔

Well..one of my closest friend is being pressurised to marry early...shes 20! and all elder folks are totally for this thing with their great justifications towards this! Poor thing she is scared to death n not ready, hence the debate. Has nothing to do with what I feel, jus needed to know other's views on this thing. I hope thats ok 😕

Ofcourse its okay Soni!
Now about friend in early 20s- it depends on the person whether he / she is ready to marry or not.
There are examples of ppl who married early and have successful marriage a real career and great family life. Then there are people who did not marry early, have a great career but no family life.
There are those who married early, had no career, made a family and then got bored.
There are all kinds of people out there. One needs to know what one is and what one WANTS from his / her life in the long run.
It is not whether you were career-oritented / family-oriented at the time of marriage, and it is not about how old you were at the time of marriage- it is about what you wanted in the LONG RUN and what the time-line looked like.
I would say I was neither ready, nor matured for marriage in early 20s. Late 20s was the right time for me. But some of my brilliant friends here were not only married, but had kids at that age and I applaud them!
To each, his / her own. Again, not every marriage brings similar challenges. Some require more maturity than others.. 😳

One thing- when one knows one is not ready, others MUST NOT force, I think!

Originally posted by: sohn

I didnt know you gotta post only personal topics n other topics are off radar! 🤔

Well..one of my closest friend is being pressurised to marry early...shes 20! and all elder folks are totally for this thing with their great justifications towards this! Poor thing she is scared to death n not ready, hence the debate. Has nothing to do with what I feel, jus needed to know other's views on this thing. I hope thats ok 😕

it was a tongue in cheek remark. was supposed to be phunny. you can post any topic any number of times here whether you believe in it or not. hope you get the intent now.

I think appropriate time for marriage is when you can support your spouse and upcoming kids. If you wait long then you loose the fun. You will have kids in later stage and you won't be able to fun when the kids are grown up.

Originally posted by: sohn

Dont people have fun and enjoy themselves if they marry early? 😕

i dnt know 😕

im only 16 im soo not thinking about marraige untill im ready which will be at a very late age i think

i just think they need to have enjoyed and had fun befor marrying

so later on during the marraige they dnt ask the"wat if"question

it'll ruin the relationship wnt it ?