Physical space at home can drive families

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Mala

@Malashetty

Voyager

Posted: 18 years ago

Physical space at home can drive families apart
	You could be " " living in a 10-room home, but it wouldn't mean anything if you have no one to share your joys with. ANUJ SAXENA TV actor
	UMA DEVARAJAN

S ize, they say, matters. The bigger your car, the larger your house, the more successful you are. Or are you? What if success comes at the cost of driving a wedge between families? Intimacy, like everything else that is meaningful in life, cannot be taken for granted. It has to be worked on. Bigger is not necessarily better if it increases the spatial distance between people.

Psychologist Latha Girish lays great stress on the bonding that comes from touching, communicating and making eye contact. "Conscious attention creates a healthy, loving relationship that lasts a lifetime," she says. "If just two people are living in a large house they may find it difficult to even come face-to-face with each other. There's a risk of people becoming strangers within their own sprawling homes. A big house offers a lot of privacy. You can stay inside your rooms with your own laptop, TV, phone and fridge. An attitude that says 'This is my area - I have a separate key' only leads to further isolation, with each family member leading a compartmentalised life. This hurts the feeling of togetherness in the family," says Latha.

TV actress Archana Puran Singh agrees that physical distances are likely to translate into emotional distances as well, but has steered her family clear of such pitfalls, even though they live in a comfortable bungalow in Mumbai's Madh Island. "My husband and I are both old-fashioned and believe that a family that eats together stays together. Our two children wake up to see their parents' faces each morning, and they first stop in our room when they return from school. Walls may divide spaces, but if you are close to each other nothing will keep you apart," she says.

Lack of space in Mumbai's crowded homes is fragmenting families more, believes Archana. "When you have plenty of freedom, you welcome others into your own space. Enforced proximity could actually drive families apart because you are always getting under each other's feet," she says.

A house can be smaller and every bit as comfortable. Why then, this obsession with the square footage? "It is the need for security and self-esteem that drives people to such lengths. But you're not going to achieve nirvana on such grounds," says Latha Girish. TV actor-turned-businessman Anuj Saxena agrees. "Youngsters should realise that the size of a house is not important. It's the people around you who matter. Success means different things to different people. You may be living in a 10-room home, but it wouldn't mean anything if you have no one to share your joys and sorrows with," he says.

"Success doesn't change people, it merely amplifies what is already there. Adopt the right attitude and the size of the home will not matter," he adds.

Anuj is convinced that a house becomes a home with the bonding among people living together. People under the same roof can be adjacent to each other and yet be totally alone and apart. "Relationships need nurturing. There should be times spent together where family members can share their experiences," he says. Latha confirms, "It is very important to keep the relationship strong. Know what your priority is, what you want from your life. Communicate, it's all in the mind finally. The size of a house isn't the primary determining factor of its success as a home."