Mohini was a happy woman that day. She heard Maithili talk about Geethanjali's great love for sarees, especially the handloom ones. Maybe if she likes the one Paro is wearing, she will want to buy some for herself. And wear them to all her parties making Mohini famous in Jaipur. Then she can also move with Sunheri there and run a big store like what they show on TV, Mohini Sarees. She will get a nice hefty dowry from Sumer's wedding and she can invest it in her business. It wasn't just for her, she reasoned. After all she had a daughter to think about, the silly girl wanted to wed an army men. She didn't realise that army life won't be easy with frequent transfers and away missions. Its so much better to live as a malkin of a big haveli with servants to do her bidding. Jaipur would make her realise what possibilities are ahead of her. And she can forget her school girl crush on Rudra's junior that Aman. Her daughter deserves a husband who will come home every night, buy her little trinkets once in a while and let her visit her maternal home whenever she wished. Being an Army wife would mean, putting his military career above all else. She didn't want that for Sunheri. Finding a non-army groom for her from Jaipur will be the best option. Sumer was right, maybe Jaipur was the best option for all of them. Sumer was already there, and her husband will be retiring in a few years. Her beendani can stay here take care of the pickles and home here if she wants. Personally, she wanted her children out of here before her sister moves back. What if she takes refuge here and brings along her terrorist husband. No, her children must get out of the crossfire. She already had plans of sending Maithili to her mother's home along with Shanti for now. Probably Samrat can take Sunheri to a relative's home. She had a bad feeling that things were going to get worse. Her husband was too soft hearted, he might have even called back his bhabhi and invited her here. Rudra and his father are enough to stay and protect the Haveli. Sooner or later, he will put Tejawat and all his supporters behind bars. Then he will sort out his own relationship with Paro and settle down. Hopefully this time he won't make her pay for a big wedding.
Dreaming of her future, she went to her nephew's room and was curious to see her son there. Sumer hid his glass as soon as he noticed his mother and asked, "Maasa, you made samosas for me? That's great! Can I take some of them home?" She rebuked him saying that they were for Rudra not for him. She then enquired how he was feeling. Before Rudra could answer, Sumer interrupted, "Maasa, you hardly see me. Shouldn't you be pampering me?" She retorted that she saw him yesterday and right now he is disappointed that was wasting away his youth rather than work hard. "Maasa, please try and understand Paro bhabhisa needed my help. I was doing my work till then" he tried to explain. "You had a good reason today but what about yesterday, and I had to force you to go back. If you keep taking of work how will you get ahead in life. Look at Rudra, he gives his work the highest priority that's why he wins so many awards and accolades" she scolded. Rudra intervened, "It's ok Kakisa, he is new at this. He is never actually had a job before this. He will settle down soon." But Mohini didn't relent, she wanted him at Jaipur, all her plans depended on him becoming successful. Who will marry off their daughter to a man who can't hold a job. "Rudra banna, if he is in Jaipur you will feel better too. You can be sure that Paro beendini has someone to turn to when she is in trouble. I don't have too many expectations of these constables who aren't around when needed. I don't understand how your general is able to trust them with his family," she told him frankly. Rudra didn't know what to reply, she did have a point. Paro's guards were useless, he wished that he could keep her with him all the time. He could lock her up in this very room away from all danger like before, if only she allowed it. He sighed. Mohini looked at the tired face of her nephew and told him to have a bath as it might refresh him. She walked out with Sumer at her heals who mumbled how there was a time when she made treats for him which Rudra resorted to stealing and now it was the other way around.
Shanti had a magical time among the flowers and her mother laughed to see her run around as quickly as little feet carried her. She tripped over a stone and her mother deftly caught her and twirled her around. Paro was delighted to see her sister happy. She had everything she ever wanted a nice home, a loving husband and a sweet little girl of her own. Suddenly she spotted something blue, she went towards it. She smiled gleefully as she recognized her old friend Rukmini. "I haven't seen you for so long. Where were you?" she asked the hovering butterfly. "Stop! Don't fly away!" she shouted running behind her old friend. Her anklets chimed as she ran through the Haveli. The butterfly went right through Rudra's door. "Rukmini! Where are you going?" she paused for a moment before stepping in. Her friend was near the wardrobe which was slightly open. A soft breeze blew the door open and she saw it. Her red wedding lehenga. It was right where she had left it. He hadn't thrown it out yet. She touched the netted fabric of the dupatta when a gruff voice stopped her,"What are you doing here?" She was here, really here, in his home, in his room. She looked as if the sun had decided to spend the evening with him in her bright orange saree. He walked closer and took her hand. He noticed faint bruises on her flawless arms. He noticed guilt in her hazel eyes. What was she guilty about? Coming home to him tonight? Or for going away forever?
She stepped back as he came closer, he noticed. There was a stark contrast between the soft fabric of his white kurta and the harsh planes of his face. His eyes were unreadable, he was trying to hide his feelings from her with his temper again. He asked again sternly holding her face up to him, "Look at me when I'm talking to you?" She slowly raised her eyes and tried to read the odd mix of emotions swirling in his eyes. He asked again, this time slowly emphasising each word,"What are you doing here?" She held out the lehenga and said softly, "This is mine." He asked if she wanted it back as she had marriage on her mind. His words struck her hard. She reminded herself that she had hurt him and now he was lashing out. He then advised that she should wear the golden one instead at least the groom survived. He might just get nostalgic and shoot the man if she wears red again. "That might not be a bad idea," she blurted before she knew it. He froze, did she even realise what was she saying?
Rudra softened his hold on the woman and led her to his bed, "What's wrong, Paro? You look down when you walk so that the ants on the ground don't get trampled. But today you are casually talking about me shooting someone." Because she couldn't think of marrying anyone other than the one who held her hand. But she wasn't sure he wanted to here that now. She couldn't be sure that he still cared about her that way. If he did, wouldn't he have come looking for her . Surely he would have known that she had come here because she was in trouble. Jeeja, Sumer bhaisa, Kakisa or even Bapusa would have mentioned it, why is he staying away then. Maybe he cared about Laila and everyone else was wrong to think she was the one who had his heart. She looked down at her lap and asked him of her other doubt, what if this man works for Thakursa. What if her decision had brought danger back into all their lives again. The last time she had thought everything was going to be alright, her Mamisa was killed. How can she be sure he will leave her alone? This could be another trap like that fake letter which led to a bomb. He understood her apprehension, after the day she had a little distrust is normal. "Bewakoof ladki, I'm sure Geethanjali ma'am and VK Singh Sir would have made sure he is a good guy" he told her. She replied that according to Rani Thakurain, Varunsa was supposed to be the perfect guy for her. But he turned out to be a terrorist and if he hadn't stopped the baraat, there is no telling what her fate would be. Besides she had been roaming around Jaipur by herself for quite sometime now, but this was the first time she saw Thakursa's man around. He thought about what she said for a minute. But didn't agree with her, he felt it was just a coincidence for him to be there. Right now Tejawat will focus on escaping to freedom and not to attack Paro. "You should talk to them, I'm sure they'll tell you more about him," he suggested. She shook her head, she didn't want to know more she just wanted everything to come to a halt. "I know how you feel," he told her softly. She looked into his eyes, did he know how she felt, would he save her from her own mistakes. He got up and took the first aid box from his cupboard and led her to the bed. When they both sat down, he told her softly, "You want this nightmare to end. That's why you want to go away." He looked at her bewildered face, he was part of the nightmare wasn't he. He put ointment on her bruises, it felt cool on her skin. He noticed at the rudraskh wasn't there, the one she stole from him. She saw his glance and explained it fell when she ran and there wasn't time for her to get it back. He knew what it meant to her, she believes that it is a talisman which protects the wearer from all harm.
Paro was confused, why was he talking about her old nightmares. She had so much to tell him but the words didn't come out. As usual his proximity drove all coherent thoughts out of her mind. She saw him trying to take off the rudraksh, she held his hand and stopped him. "Don't you need this back to drive me away from your dreams? I end up setting you on fire don't I?" he asked remembering an old conversation in this very room. No, she shook her head, "My mamisa gave this to me, because I was scared of fire. I couldn't see that the fire is not just for destruction but also offers warmth and protection. Now I know that so its not so. I'm not scared of fire or of you. You annoy me sometimes but never hurt me. Even when I made you angry, you shouted at me but with you around, I was always safe. Rudra, your life is not as simple, there will always enemies waiting to hurt you. Except for Bholenath, I don't trust anyone to keep you safe. That's why I want you to keep this, Rudra. I need to believe that you will be safe no matter what danger lies ahead of you," she told him. He looked deep into her eyes and tried to figure out why he was so important to her, is he just her rakshak or something more. "Or maybe some things are not meant to be," he thought aloud shaking his head. She could no longer bear the intensity of his gaze, she looked away. She knew he regretted the end of a relationship and had to know if he was thinking of her or Laila. She asked him directly, "Rudra, what happened between you and Laila? Did you really break up with her because Bapusa objected?" she asked. He laughed and fell back on his bed, if I had listened to him, I would have married you long back and she would probably be pregnant with their child by now. She blushed and asked "Then what happened? Didn't you love her?" He knew he had to tell her everything he feared would take away her innocence. He gave her a sad smile as he got up, he didn't know love back then. If he did, he would have never gone to her in the first place.
"When she left us, I didn't understand what was happening. I knew she and Ranavat had problems since he lost his leg. But I didn't expect her to leave me, what did I do? What was my fault? It took time for me to understand that she had a business to attend to, so didn't have time for me. I started getting in fights at school, with Sumer at home. Kakisa started to hate me for the trouble I brought, she was the one who ended up attending to my wounds as she wasn't around. I stopped eating properly in her absence hoping it would force her to come home more frequently. But all my efforts just ended up making Kakosa's life more hectic. I couldn't turn to Bapusa for anything, he was never as affectionate to me as he is to you. He was always drunk trying to forget his own miseries. And finally she left and everything changed. Ranavat explained that beautiful women belong to no one, not their fathers, not their husband or their children. Kakisa told me that when she didn't bother about the promises made to God, she won't care for the pleas of her child. I stopped believing in love that day. When a woman can leave her only son, love should be a lie shouldn't it?"
"As I grew up, I realised how emotions were nothing but a weakness. I hardened my heart and became the Jallad, the one who never cared about anything not love, not hate, nothing. But there were time I felt pain, especially when I saw other mothers showing affection for their children. It made me feel unworthy, I needed to forget that. I started to drink like Ranavat, but it was of no use, I still missed her Then one evening Laila came to me, offered to take away my pain. I was too drunk to resist, I ended up spending the night with her. In the morning, I realized the pain was gone." He paused for a minute and observed her face, she just sat there listening quietly. She knew this was hard for him to say just as it was hard for her to listen. Her hero needed her to be strong and understand the pain of his past. He continued, "For eight years, this arrangement continued, whenever alcohol wasn't enough to numb the pain I ended up in her bed. I never forced her into this relationship, which didn't have a name or a purpose. She told me several times that she didn't want to be a wife and tend to the home and family. That was fine, I didn't want any of those things either. But when you came along everything changed."
"Your untouched innocence inspite of everything you faced, intense loyalty to the people to your people, you forced me to feel. You challenged everything I believed in. How could a woman as beautiful as you fight so hard for the memory of a husband you barely knew? There was something pure about you, something I needed to protect, something I grew to love. You gave me hope, Paro, that all women are not selfish. And I wanted to hold on to that so badly. I felt lighter and more hopeful than I had felt in years. Laila realised that I was changing. I was starting to care, but it was not about her. All the things she never expected from me, I was willing to do for someone else, for you. That's why she attacked you during our Haldi ceremony. Paro that day she realised what place I was ready to give you in my life, even though I didn't know it then."
"When I stayed here with you, as your fiance, did you go to her?" she asked trying to keep her voice steady. This was the only thing that mattered to her, did Laila mean anything to him, when she was a part of his life. He held her hand and knelt in front of her and said firmly, "No, I was supposed to be engaged to you wasn't I? I was bound to you, no matter how much we hated each other back then. An engagement is supposed to be sacred isn't it?" She wasn't convinced, didn't she cause him enough pain and frustration when she forced him to move back into the home he hated and the family he despised? He smiled, "Yes, you did. You forced me to face my past, something I didn't have the courage to do before. You gave Ranavat and I a reason to come home. And even though I hated it and have blamed you several times, you stood firm and faced my fury. You didn't give me an option to try and ignore my grief. You helped me face it, deal with it. You knew didn't you that the rage was just to hide my pain?" She nodded gently and asked if he was still in pain because of his past? He shook his head, "The past doesn't matter any more, she has moved on, Ranavat and I have to accept it. Our future doesn't have a place for her anymore." With a glint of pride in her eye, she asked if she really helped him. "Paro, you brought the best out of me," he replied earnestly. She smiled at him but still had a question for him, Laila had told her that she loved him. "When I met her, I had the emotional capacity of a wild animal nothing more, so there was nothing more than a primal need that kept us together. When I met you, I learnt that it was ok to feel, that I didn't have to hide my emotions. She fell in love with the Rudra who was free from the shackles of a bitter past. She started to imagine a life with the one who was open to the future. Except that Rudra was Paro's Rudra, I cannot move forward without you holding my hand. I won't be the same without you." Paro feared at that instant that the minute she walks out of his life, he will go back to being the Jallad. And knew if he asks, she would stay with him forever.
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