Part 4
"No...no...love...a mistake... the big...biggest...mistake .."
"No...no...love...a mistake... the big...biggest...mistake .."
"No...no...love...a mistake... the big...biggest...mistake .."
And then she had closed her eyes, not replying to his pleas, and Doctor had ushered him out of the ICU. He sat on the bench, staring blankly at the closed door.
"No...no...love...a mistake... the big...biggest...mistake .."
Not Love. A mistake. She was asking him to call her a mistake, not his love. She was ... Six months.. he waited six months for her to open her eyes, those two deepest soulful orbs of her, wanting to see those gleam which only his presence sparks in her eyes. He had waited six months for those lovely petals to move, to her melodious voice to whisk life in his lifeless body. He had waited six months to apologize, to let her know how much guilty he is. He was burning, burning in some fire. Those words he had said to her that night, haunts him daily, wakes him up every night, like a devil takes possession of him and chokes him. And he is unable to do anything about that. All he was doing was waiting, waiting for her to open her eyes so that he can ask her to take away his devil, like she always does. She always does that. But today when she has finally opened her eyes...all she said was...
"No...no...love...a mistake... the big...biggest...mistake .."
Hot tears burned his eyes and spilled out, smudging against his palm as he sat covering his face with his palm. A sudden emotion rose up, making him grit his teeth. What was it?----- Anger? Mistake! He had called her a mistake! An alloyed thing like him had called her a mistake. Cheating is in his blood. Wasn't this the exact word he had heard about him? His father was a swindler, had made his mother's life a living hell. And then ... then his mother has done the same thing--- she too had committed suicide.
He stood up from the bench, the air refusing to fill his lungs.
He is like his father. The realization was dangerous, it was suffocating, choking him. Arvind Malik! He is like him. It was he who had pushed khushi to the brink...just like his father. A bile rose, making him almost groan. His body shuddered in disgust"disgust towards himself.
"Mr.Raizada"
Someone was calling him, his ears caught the faint voice. But why was it so faint? His ears were buzzing with so many voices, like many rainbows exploding together. But someone was calling him. He heard that.
"Mr.Raizada."
There it was again. But where was the source ? He tried to lift his head, roam his head around, search for the source, but failed.
"Mr.Raizada."
He felt something on his shoulder, and finally his head shot up to meet the source of the voice.
"Mr. Raizada, you can meet your wife."
Meet my wife? Arnav stared at the Doctor blankly.
"Mr. Raizada, your wife is conscious now. You can meet her now"
He don't know if he nodded his head at the Doctor or not, but felt his legs moving, only one thing resounding in his mind--- he can meet his wife...she is conscious.
His trembling hands pushed the door open and he entered inside. His eyes still downcast, he started walking towards the bed.
He sat quietly, his mind and heart blank, not knowing what to feel and say.
He sat there, not knowing for how long. But as he sat there, denying to feel anything, having no courage to speak anything, he felt something warm engulf him. A moan left his mouth, some tears spilled out of his eyes. He knew whom the warm belongs to. It was Khushi... his Khushi. He wanted to lift his hand, to reciprocate her hug, but found no strength to do that. But as he heard her words, his hands shot up to hold her, to crush her to him.
"Let me go , please..."
He tried to speak, to deny her, but he don't know if anything came out of his mouth or not.
"I want to go ... away from you ..."
His throat choked painfully, fighting to form some word. He wanted to deny her, wanted to rebuke her, scold her, tell her that she can't leave him.
"I... I... I will die without you... " he found some words, the only thing he wanted her to know.
"And I will die with you ..." He heard her painful whisper against his ears. He tightened his hold on her, afraid.
"No Khushi ... I promise ..."
"No promise , please ... then it hurts more ..."
He closed his eyes. She no more trusts him. She thinks he is only capable of hurting her. He desperately wanted to change her belief.
"Never, Khushi ... trust me.. last time ... please ... I beg you ..." he found her slipping away from his grasp , and the feeling was frightening, frightening enough to choke him to death. He caught her shoulder and pulled away from the hug, looking at her pale face... his heart tightened more. His trembling hand lifted to cup her face.
"Last chance..?" She lifted her pained eyes to look at him. "I too need a last chance , Arnav ji..."
Arnav groaned, his forehead resting against her. Six months. It's been six months he had heard his name from her mouth. He had missed it, he had missed her.
"Arnav ji... it sounds so good from your mouth, Khushi ... It makes me feel ..as...as if I am still a human ... I still deserve to be loved..." Arnav breathed, his forehead against her, his nose touching hers.
"You are a human" She told him. "It's me I am not sure about ... I don't know what I am... You had insulted me, pushed me , hurt me, the contract marriage ..." She choked, her breathing irregular. "My presence suffocates you ... you had told me ...you hate me ... You had told me .. I deserve all the pain...you had told me ... I am a characterless girl..." She fought against the sobs. "You had told me ...and the... Then... then you had told ...I am a mis...take ...biggest mis...take... I...I think you were right ...I am a characterless girl ... I girl with no respect ... everytime you pushed me , I came after you ... everytime you hurt me, I forgot that ... everytime you told you hate me... I didn't believed you ... I deserve this ... I deserve this pain ... I deserve this and many more,... that's why even Devi Maiya denied me the death... "
"No..." tears flowed down , meeting at his chin and cascading down. "Don't say that please..." Several pain shot from his chest, making him gasp for air. "Please.. please don't say that ... You don't deserve all this ... you deserve to be loved... Give me a chance, please ...please... I beg you..please... I can't take this ... Let me prove you that I am not like my father ... please , Khushi ... I am not like him .. I am not ... "
"No strength ..." Was all her tired and weak body was able to muster.
"Take it from me ... " he caught her hand and rested her palm against his heart. "please... I will never give you a reason to regret , please... I love you .."
"Don't say that ... please ... You had said that and then that night you told... you told ..." she slumped against his chest, her eyes closed, tears spilling out. "It hurts more ... this way it hurts more... Don't say that you love me ... because you don't ..."
Arnav shook his head, not knowing how to tell her she is wrong. He loves her! He loves her more than his life.
"Let me prove you, love...please"
"Don't call me love' ...I am a mistake ... a mistake born to ruin everyone's life..."
"DO NOT SAY THAT!!" He shook her. "PLEASE!" he looked at her tired figure, her eyes close, but the pearls of tears escaping her eyes and wetting her pale cheek. He crushed her in his arms, his cheek against her. "Please... you are not any mistake ...I am! ...I am the mistake of your life... from the day I entered your life, I have given you nothing but pain, hurt, insults, have pushed you , ...I am a mistake, Khushi ... Not you ... Please believe me ... "
"I don't want to live with you ..."
Arnav closed his eyes as tears flowed down freely. Helpless. Arnav Singh Raizada was helpless. He can't live without her, what will he do without her, how will he live without her? He can't! He wants her back in his life.
"Khushi ...look at me..." he cupped her face. "Open your eyes please..." He pleaded, what else can he do?
She opened her eyes, heavy with the tears.
"You don't want to live with me?" He asked, and saw her not moving a muscle.
"It's ok ... You don't trust me , it's fine. But don't say you don't want me in your life ... let me prove my love for you and then if you don't want me in your life, you can l..eave me ...I will say nothing ..." He felt a heavy weight on his heart as he said that. "You ...you can stay with your parents and Buaji ... but... But allow me to prove my love for you, please? Not for me .. for you ... For the star you told will be happy only when I am happy... please Khushi .. I want her to be happy ... I want to prove her that I am not like my father ... I don't want to be like him... I am not like him ...please..."
Khushi stared at him, her body numb, senses numb, all she was able to see was the raw pain reflecting in his eyes. And she hated herself,-- for seeing his pain, for again forgetting her own pain. Love! She felt pure disgust for this word, a sheer contempt for this word. And yet again, the same word was giving her hopes, hopes that this time he will keep his promise, he will not betray her this time, he will not break her heart this time. And she found herself falling for the words his eyes were promising her. But she can't, she can't trust him again. She has no strength left. This time she will not need a knife to pull the life out of her body, this time the breath will stop the moment he breaks her heart.
"Never ... I will never break your heart again, Khushi ...Don't allow me in your heart , let me make my own way ...please... last chance, Khushi ..." He begged. He saw her eyes drooping and her head slowly rested against his chest, but her hold on his shoulder tightened... and he got her answer.
Hope you all liked it!
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And please unbuddy me those who have stopped reading my stories
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