Originally posted by: rohini55
Aparna,
Isn't it rather sweeping to say modern, educated women will not accept this kind of relationship? I have many modern, educated friends who are in live-in relationships. This happens either because the couples do not think marriage is necessary for two people to be in a committed relationship or because one half of the couple is waiting for a divorce from an earlier marriage to come through. When the divorce comes through, they get married.
I would think jagya-gauri relationship is similar to the second example. They found out their marriage was illegal, and waited fir Jagya-Anandi divorce to come through. They were hours from getting married and would have done so had Jagya not walked out.
One of my friends has been in a live-in relationship for over 10 years because her husband vindictively decided not to give her a divorce. She is a dignified, cultured woman.
Also why is it only the woman's fault if she stays in such a relationship. The man is equally complicit in the arrangement.
I'm extremely discomfited by this whole stress on legality. Are relatinships to be determined only by the legal document? Is the fact that they lived together and conceived a child of no value at all?
In this case the marriage was subsequently found to be illegal. Does this give the man the right unilaterally to end it? Even if this is legally sound, how is it morally and ethically sound?
For this very reason I don't condone Jagya walking out on Anandi too. It was a very similar situation. JaGa thought the marriage was illegal, so J walked out. All of us agree that the manner in which this was done -- unilaterally without J obtaining A's consent - was wrong. Why then does itbecome right fir him to walk out on Gauri?
Rohini it is not just about legality.
Fine she did not know that he was married when she fell in love with him.
He has been pretending to be some one that he is not for five years.The mask slipped quite a few times in these five years and she did not pick up those instances.Even that is alright because she herself was very young at that time.
Then she found out that what all he has hidden.How could she believe a guy who lied to her and everybody will be truthful?What made her believe that he wouldn't tell lies in future?
One night of rain shower is enough to convince her of his intentions? Isn't she a doctor? Did she see any healthy young man dying by just soaking in rain for one night?
Did she ever give him a chance to earn her trust?
She is so crippled by her love for him and decided to get married to him then where was the reason to rub her status on Anandi's face? Why did she feel the need to do so? Isn't she a victor in her own mind?
What was the reason behind asking Anandi to wish her good luck as she consummates her marriage?
Which educated modern minded woman thinks and acts this way?
May be she did not have belief in her own love and his love for her.May be she knew that she has made a mistake and doesn't want to admit .
One more reason- where was the need to justify her marriage to Jagya saying that they were destined to be together because they were married off in childhood?
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Once they started their married life there were constant fights regarding his feelings for his first wife.His refusal to initiate divorce.Him comparing her with Anandi and trying to make her into Annadi.How could she put up with that?
It is not legality it is her willingness to take all this sh*t from him before they finally separated.
She realised that this relationship is bringing out the worst in her and yet she persisted and i think that is pathetic she is willing to let go of herself for a man like him?
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It is not about a legal document.If it is all a legal document that says they are married what prevented Anandi from taking him back when he cut off his ties with Gauri?She could have shared him with Gauri. Why did she not stake her rights over him simply because she knew that he doesn't want her anymore. Gauri knew that he did not want her but wanted someone who could be like Anandi then why did she not let go of him?Why did she cling on to him?
Anandi may have been born an brought up in a feudal male dominated society where there is a stigma attached to divorce and if she hesitated because what will that do to Singhs who have been good to her it was understandable and when they were ready to relinquish their rights over her she didn't hesitate for a minute she signed the papers immediately.
My problem is not with the legal status but persisting with a relationship which was not built on truth respect trust and honour. Not to mention the habit of brushing all the important issues under the carpet for what ? for another occasion of pepsi chat romance?
Did they keep their dissatisfaction in their relationship confined to themselves? No they went on blaming everybody for the failure of their relationship.
Just as Jagya was wrong to initiate this trelationship with a bunch of lies Gauri is equally wrong to use a bunch of lies to bury the truths just to be able to keep him tied to her.
Had they had real respect for each other and trusted each other whether they loved each other or not they would have still had a better relationship.
People keep blaiming Jagya to justify Gauri's actions and vice versa.
When one can come up with so many excuses tracing all the way to Gauri's traumatised childhood they should be willing to listen to all the excuses for Jagya's behaviour too
The fact is they were wrong for each other and they were too blind not to take notice of it or either too arrogant and thought they could do no wrong or too scared to admit that they are wrong for what ever reasons they made each others' lives miserable and not just that they hurt others too with the choices that they made.
Gauri's choices were wrong all along right from her childhood and it is her choices that brought her to this pathetic stage in life.
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