I Forgive You

Forgiveness is the mental, emotional and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offence, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.

As we know, most of religions and cultures advocate forgiveness. Some counsellors and psychologists urge the patient to forgive...to enable the patient to make peace with him/herself in their own head and heart.

But does forgiveness really give that peace of mind? Does it really heal the anger, the resentment you have towards that person?

Do people really forgive others cus they think they would feel better or are ready to make peace with the other person? Or its something they do cus they have been advised to do? Or is it an attempt to end a fight or ease the tension?

Does true form of forgiveness really exist?

(Im not touching or challenging any religious sensitive matter in this topic...n I hope you all will help to keep it that way)

i don't know about all that. only thing i know is that i do forgive....but never forget. bas, aisi hee hoon mein 😊

Originally posted by: #1EijazFan

but then it isn't really forgiving is it?😳😕

Majority of people do this, they 'forgive' you but still over a long period of time you will realise that they hold grudges against you.

I 'think' that it take a long time but i get there gradually and manage to forgive the person emotionally and physically.😊

Some people use apology as a shield to say anything. In such cases one should be prepared to get hurt even after the person is forgiven. So it is only natural to forgive and not forget then.

Originally posted by: Maya_M

Some people use apology as a shield to say anything. In such cases one should be prepared to get hurt even after the person is forgiven. So it is only natural to forgive and not forget then.

agree with you Maya!

@ Eijazfan: not forgetting does not equal to holding grudges. it's more like once bitten twice shy.

as for the apology seekers, i really don't count it as an apology when some one insults you in public but apologizes in private. that apology is meaningless for me.

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

agree with you Maya!

@ Eijazfan: not forgetting does not equal to holding grudges. it's more like once bitten twice shy.

as for the apology seekers, i really don't count it as an apology when some one insults you in public but apologizes in private. that apology is meaningless for me.

Totally agree with you Maya and GD.

If insult in public than apology in public. Also if apology is really meaningful than same mistake or insult would and should not be repeated. Prove it with action.

On general level We can forgive but not forget. I peronally forgive b/c i do not want to live with negative feelings and resentment in my heart. Once I do that I am off that burden. Now the burden lies on the person who hurt you. I will not let myself get hurt again. Will keep distance. They can figure it out how to deal with that within themselves and to make it up to you. Ball is in their court. Or finally they will be facing almighty 😃 IMHO.

Originally posted by: #1EijazFan

Completely agree with you.😊 The main point that I wanted to get across was that it is not really called 'forgiving' if you do not forgive. What you really do is trying to forget it ever happened I guess.😕

Obviously, you cannot forget what happened, but if the person is truly sorry then i guess they deserve to be forgiven right? You're not pardoning the person, you are just trying to ignore what happened.

Hope I made any sense lol.

You made sense😊. Forgiving and forgetting depends on how that person was in the past. If we know someone who apologized under some pressure, just for the sake of it, or that someone is known to hurt people and apologize later then in such cases we can only forgive but never forget it.

By not forgetting things one is just being cautious and preventing oneself from getting hurt in the future. Because when the other person commits the same mistake and then apologizes we can smile and say I knew it😃

Originally posted by: #1EijazFan

is it right to act like that under all circumstances? That's all I am curious about..sorry😳

No. Not always. There are many instances when I have forgiven someone and never thought about the mistake he commited. We are just cautious in some cases due to past experiences.

Btw welcome to DM. What should we call you? Any name or just this cute user id?😃

I am so damn hopeless; am expecting an apology not knowing if the person even feels a pinch for hurting me or gives a damn. I don't wish the person ill, though blurt out in anger and pain, but it is rather unfortunate that I find myself questioning if the person on the other end is really nice and what they appear to be cause of one person.

One can forgive; anger fades! But hurt stays depending on the seriousness of the issue for a while. And one keeps questioning why until the incident leaves an imprint in the mind, with no emotions attached!

IMO, it's better to forgive; otherwise, resentment and anger makes one sick.

Persy

Maya and Nisha 👏 ! You guys were spot on, infact you covered almost everything I ever thought about this particular topic.

I've seen situations where someone has forgiven the other to just buy time and then, at some opportune moment, given it back as bad as it was received or worse It jus makes you wary about the fact that someone jus apologised( did that person mean it?)...or when someone said, I forgive you...was it really meant?! Are things back to normal as they were?

Originally posted by: #1EijazFan

awww, thats soo sweet😳

My name's Nisha, and thanks for the warm welcome.😊

Welcome Nisha to DM. It is wonderful to see new members joining us daily. The standard of debate on DM reaches new heights with new members and fresh topics. I always like change and with members like you it is a pleasant one. Please introduce you in that sticky by Tisha 'Welcome thread'.

Now back to topic. I don't think you necessarily need to forget after forgiving. By forgiving we have pardoned them but still the action by the other person should be accountable. Forgiving doesn't mean we accpeted what they did. It simply means that there are no hard feelings between them.