Posted:
I am not even in a condition to greet you guys properly. But I just had to make a post to let it all out.
I saw the SBS, and I am so goddamn thankful to the stars that I took a leave from office today. Or else, I would have broken down in my workplace.
From the day these rumors came, I was keeping a cool mind, and trying to imagine scenarios where she would be alive. I had this blind misplaced faith in the channel that they wouldn't do anything this soul tearing. That maybe, even 0.00000001 percent, they understood that Parvati for us isn't just some fictional character.
Maybe they understood that Rudra and Paro didn't exist without each other. Maybe they understood that baby or no baby, Rudra wouldn't even want to exist for a mili - second if Paro didn't exist.
Maybe they themselves remembered the train sequence where he was shouting his lungs out, "Tere binaa marr jaaunga mai... Nahi jaayegi tu mujhe chodh ke.."
I am crying as I type this, and I have a departmental exam which I had to study for. My fiancee, my family, my friends in real life, know nothing about the extent of impact that this show has on me. And I am dreading explaining to them why I am drowning in gloom. Or worse still, faking smiles all over so that they don't call me crazy over a fictional show.
Tell me forum, what am I supposed to do now?
How do I get over this grief?
I saw her blood smeared all over his shirt...
I saw him lifeless, the baby wiggling in his arms while he tried to come to terms that his life just ended in his lap...
I saw her in blood, trying to still pacify him as she was taking her last breath.
And I saw her making him promise that he would take care of the baby.
You know what I want? f**k everything. I want Rudra to die. Bhaad mei gaye promises.
And the worst part of it all is, that I won't quit watching this.
I will cry. I will die every second. But I won't quit.
Cuz I know, time will heal me. Sanaya will be back. And as long as she and Ashish are together onscreen, I will watch it.
I will train my brain to believe that my Paro and Rudra had their happily ever after. They had a baby. And that is where my Rangrasiya 1.0 ended.
I will train my heart that after the leap, all of them are new characters, including Rudra.
I will tell myself that a new serial called Rangrasiya is starting, where Sanaya Irani and Ashish Sharma are playing some new characters I know nothing about.
And right now, I will weep. I will weep and mourn the demise of my Rudra and my Paro. For they did not exist without one another. And for the pain I am feeling right now doesn't even compare to a heart break. It is a soul being turned to ashes. It is devastating. And I pray that I never feel this again. I pray that I never get attached to a fictional show again.
And that I regain my senses in time. For this pain is too much to bear.
Hugs, please?
I could really use a wish right now. (Lyrics: Airplanes by B.O.B.)
