WICKED AND CRAZY JOKES!! :-)

Fred: I was sorry to hear that your mother-in-law had died. What was the complaint?

Ted: We haven't had any yet.

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When you leave school, you should become a bone specialist. You've certainly got the head for it.

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My Auntie Maud had so many candles on her last birthday cake that all her party guests got sunburnt.

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When Wally Witherspoon proposed to his girlfriend she said:

"I love the simple things in life, Wally, but I don't want one of them for a husband."

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Two friends were discussing the latest scandalous revelations about a Hollywood actress.

"They say she likes her latest husband so much she's decided to keep him for another month," said one to the other.

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Roger was in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, "If you were a gentleman, young man, you'd stand up and let someone else sit down."

"And if you were a lady," replied Roger, "you'd stand up and let four people sit down."

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My son's just received a scholarship to medical school - but they don't want him while he's alive.

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My mother always uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.

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My Auntie Mabel has got so many double chins it looks like she is peering over a pile of crumpets.

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Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?

Teacher: No, of course not.

Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?

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