Posted:
BecauseYouWillNeverKnow
Dear Diary,
I wish that no Man should have to go through what I'm going through right now. I'm penning down my thoughts here in this piece of paper..somehow I feel it's the only thing that doesn't judge me...even if it does at least I wouldn't be able to hear them... Do you know what it feels like to be a Parent..a Dad?! Do you know what it feels like to have your Child just inches away from you but not being able to embrace and shower kisses on him. Do you know what it feels like, when your Child's eyes emotes nothing but anger and hate when it looks at you?! Do you know how it feels like to hear your Child call another as his Dad?! Most importantly do you know what it feels like to be a Dad who has been deprived of his Child's love for all these years..
I did what I did as a Dad...I saw my Son in tears begging me to not snatch away his Mom.. I might hate my ex-wife but my Son loves his Mom..It wouldn't haven taken me one second to have her thrown in jail, she's no one to me..but than she's everything to my Son. I know what it feels like to have your love snatched away and I just couldn't bear to let my Child go through what I had went through.. I can't put my Child through the pain and agony which I've once felt.. The hurt is just unbearable! It doesn't matter if I or the world thinks that if Shagun is a good Mom or not but to my Child, she's the best Mom he will ever get.. Can you blame the Child for that?!
And Yes, I was being selfish..a selfish Dad who couldn't bear to hurt his Son.. Please don't ask me why I am doing so much for him when he had done nothing for me... You see no matter how your child treats you...You will always love them and care for them..Call me an emotional fool or a selfish human being or a heartless man...but please don't forget behind all these accusations stands a Dad craving to be loved by his Child and all he wanted to do was to not take away something his Child loves...his Mom!
You know they say that, you can never have the best of both worlds.. That's true! I was torn between the trust my Wife and my Son had on me.. Please don't tell me, I have a choice.. I was placed in a situation where I had to take a decision, there was no other life lines to save me...
I gained my Son's love and lost my Wife's love. This decision I made is hard..in fact the hardest ever... I'm not even able to rejoice in the joy of getting my Son's love because I'm busy grieving in having lost my Wife's love... She doesn't know it yet... that I broke her trust... When she kept telling me, how much she trusts me I felt like someone was stabbing me over and over with a knife... "Please don't trust me Ishita. I'm not worthy of your trust nor your love." I wanted to just scream this to her but than I didn't want her to go away from me yet.. I know she will, when she gets to know the truth, but till than I want her by my side...and now I'm being a selfish Husband.. She will be there even after she gets to know the real deal..she will never go away..but she will just be Ruhi's Mom and not Mrs.IshitaRamanKumarBhalla.. I'm dreading for this day to come... I know that I've hurt you Ishita and no 'sorry' can take away that pain and hurt but one day I hope you'll be able to forgive your RavanaKumar...
I hugged my Son's Mom..there was no love .. ONLY empathy, not for her though but for my Son. But there's someone I wanted to hug badly but had to hold myself back if only I could just face her and look into her eyes in the first place... Just see the irony of this! But nobody would understand that..
Maybe I was not destined to have my happily ever after...But at least I'm thankful to god for having given me the best 6 months of my life... I hoped and prayed it would last my lifetime but NOW? it's a miracle if it did.. I'm still hoping and praying it does.. at least, I hope that you won't end up hating your RavanaKumar too much Ishita...! Let's see how OUR story unfolds...
Yours,
RamanKumarBhalla.
P.S. I honestly don't think this makes any sense OR maybe it does...I don't know! But..I just wanted to convey what RKB felt...
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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