June 20:
Dear diary,
"A kind of light spread out from her. And everything changed color. And the world opened out. And a day was good to awaken to. And there were no limits to anything. And the people of the world were good and handsome. And I was not afraid any more."
John Steinbeck, East of Eden
Aahil looked at his bandaged hands. It was strange. Something had changed about him...something he could not put a finger on. Sanam had been the victim- him, the savior. He had carried her from death's clutches...nurtured her through the days and nights...cared for her like she was a little baby. She had held on to him like a child, demanding the comfort of his arms innocently...and he had given in. He had tucked her in, made sure she was fine...and now it was time for some introspection. What had changed?
What had changed?
He had gone to sleep, tormented by his past that never ceased to haunt him. He had uncharacteristically endeavoured to share that guilt with Sanam. Of course, that could be blamed on the alcohol. And then he had drugged himself to sleep under the aura that his Ammi created for him...nothing but a temporary relief. In no time, he was back to square one in the normal course of things. But that night had taken his life through a new course.
One call from her had made him run...he had not questioned her or his actions or feelings. She had said she was in danger...and he had run...and dug her out from the earth. The whole incident had shaken him into a delirium...everything had been a blur...yet there was something clearly defined there...the fact that he could barely bring himself to breathe life into her...some strange awareness had stopped him...as if he was crossing a boundary she was not yet ready for...had it been a stranger or someone dear to him, he would not have hesitated. But with her...it was different. There was a sudden need to respect her, as well as the unsurety that he was imposing himself on her...it made no sense. Why was she not like everyone else to him?
The phone rang. He was in no mood for an interruption. He did not want an abrupt end to this train of thoughts. He quickly disposed off his best friend trying his best not to sound rude.
His hand...' If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It's better to enter eternal life with only one hand than to go into the unquenchable fires of hell with two hands'... of course, he had not taken that literally. But that hand had felt like a betrayer...a part of his body that had brought him eternal shame ...and agony...a sin committed unknown to himself...
His hand..the hand that he hid from himself and the world...
...something urged him to free it...he hated the hand...but the bandage was begging to be taken off...
...and so he did...and the hand was released from its trappings...his soul breathed fresh...
His hand- it looked so beautiful...so new...so untainted...HEALED...A MIRACLE.
The next morning he entered her room...with a new found respect and reverence.
He extended his hand confidently to check on her, like he had cared for her over the past days.
But Sanam had healed overnight. She had needed reassurance...that she wouldn't be left alone, and she had received it...that had ushered her back to life.
One moment when their glances met- him apologetic...her slightly baffled...
The very next moment he had demanded an explanation for her misadventure...her expression had only changed slightly...searching.
...searching...
What was Sanam searching for in that moment?
She forgot to ask herself why he had been the first one she remembered to call in her distress. Rehaan was her best friend, Begum Saahiba was the person she trusted most in the house. If she wanted anyone at an arm's length, it had been Aahil. Yet she had called for his help...only his. Why did she fail to question herself?
Her last thoughts when she thought she was dying had been of Hayaa and Badi Ammi...they were the motivation to live.
When life returned to her, she had only wanted one thing...promises...from Aahil Razaa Ibrahim...what made her trust him so much in her weakest moments?
But Sanam asked herself two questions unfailingly. What made a man like Aahil come to her rescue? There was nothing unusual about a man saving a fellow being. But he had brought her home...taken care of her personally...when he did not even like her...
Badi Ammi answered that question for her. Allah sends his farishtay at the right time...in the guise of people you would least expect to be of help to you...
Jallad Jinn had miraculously grown angelic wings to shelter her...
Now, when will Sanam ask herself this very important question- Are you allowed to fall in love with angels? That too, angels in the garb of young eligible Nawaabs on the lookout for fair maidens of their own status? If such a question arose, would she even consider it?...
...The poor little rich Nawaab!š When that junoon comes hitting in full blast, he could have a tough time convincing his Begum...š
Link to 16: Lost and Found...
http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=4061734
Link to 18: Saiyan Beimaan..
http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=4075430
Anupamaa
Jhanak
Ufff Yeh Love Hai Mushkil
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