W h e n d i d m y h e a r t k n o w
aarwen wonders
When did my heart know it had fallen for you? Was it when I first met you and you were nasty to me? Was it when I met you again and you dismissed god and everything that I believed in? Was it when I saw you again when I least expected it? You hurt me, mocked me. Did my heart know at that moment?
When did my heart know it had fallen for you? Was it when you first stood gorgeous in front of my eyes? Was it when you drove me mad in anger with your words? You handed me a key but I had long closed all doors. Did my heart know right then it would soon open up for you?
Through all our fights, through my tears, through those fears did my heart just smile? When you saved me that night and saved me again another stormy night did my heart cheer?
Through all the times I tried to ignore you, through all the days and those nights I fought not to adore you, did my heart just smile? When I saw you in red and held you in my arms like a porcelain breakable treasure did my heart in delight roar?
I entered your house when I thought I would go away. I saw you with another and never knew why the tear escaped my eye. You looked at me and one day my heart dreamt of sparkling stars and colorful flowers that you brought just for me. Was the dhak dhak my heart's way of telling me something?
You entered my house when I thought I would never see you again. I was safe with another then why did you start to matter more? Those times I saw you sad, those times when your dupatta beckoned to me what was my heart really telling me?
That time when I ran to you. That time when I know not why I needed you. That time when I held you and cried. You were the strength that kept my heart going.
That time when I stood unable to move. That time when I knew not how to make things better for you. That time when I wanted to stop your tears. Wish I could be the reason your heart kept joyously beating.
That night when you looked at me across the room. That night when my heart raced, and my eyes sought you repeatedly. That night when you returned my ma's payal to me. That night I wanted to know what your heart was saying about me?
That night when I could not take my eyes away from you. That night when your hypnotic gaze held me prisoner. That night when I wanted to touch you and could not walk away . What would your heart have said if I asked you?
I knew I could not be bound to another. I knew you hurt me , but were hurting more yourself. I wanted to reach out to you. My heart wept for you as it did for me.
I didn't know why I wanted you to belong to no other. I did not know why I felt this claim on you like no other. I wanted you to be mine , but you would belong to another. How my heart wept at losing you before you could be mine forever.
My heart danced when you danced with me. All those times you came close. All those times you smiled. All those gifts you gave me that told me you were longing to be mine.
My heart was feeling adventurous, boisterous, young. How beautiful you looked. How my hand felt on your waist. How it was an addicting taste. How your blush told me you too longed to be with me.
Then what went wrong? Why did my heart have to break? Why did you say all there was between us was hate?
Then why did it have to go so wrong? Why did my heart have to break? And even the why could I still not only hate?
You are gone. My heart is a lonely crying curled up ball somewhere in my chest. It needs to breathe. It needs to beat. It still hopes you will somehow magically stop it to bleed.
I am stuck. My heart can only worry about you. It is frantic. It knows what it wants. It knows to who it belongs. Is it strong enough to make everything all right?
I cry. I sob. I hear your voice and I come apart.
Don't cry darling. Don't sob my beloved. I feel your tears and come apart.
If this is what you need to hear, this is also what I need to say, my dear.. Khushi I love you..
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