In the defense of Mala.. - Page 4

Originally posted by: Oldestfan

Frootie, i think you have got it wrong there about mala and telling the thakur. She told the Thakur her sons name, that he was getting married only when.. Well, he was about to get married. Thakur had no inkling of her son! She secretly kept in touch with Danveer. She had her own loyalists in the palace. So to tell Danveer that she came back for Rudra.. It makes me think that she met the thakur a little after she ran away. Which means that although Rudra thinks that she ran away with the thakur, that might not have been true. When she found Rudra gone, she went (back) to the thakur and kept silent. Found an outlet for her mamta in Paro. Survived.

I am getting this from the dialogues in the episodes.

After knowing that Rudra was back in Chandangarh, was getting married, thats when she told the thakur. And as he was about to take a jaam, uska beta ka naam, she announced his name with pride and the thakur cut his finger on broken glass! 😉

Next we have her saying she left everything for the thakur. I think there is inconsistency in the writing.

Whatever the reason, her leaving Rudra destroyed Rudra, destroyed the buffer he had between himself and his drunk, bitter father who recovered slowly feeding off of his young sons dying psyche. And this story is unfolding from that perspective.

If you go by karma, what goes around comes around. She did bad by Rudra. No quarter from that end. She did good by Paro. Some chance there. Paro did good by Rudra, and vice versa. Chance improves!

And very interestingly, Laila did good by Mala! What now?!

Originally posted by: Msfrootie

Hey!! 😃 Thanks for the detail wala reply.. You know what when I wrote this initially I might have agreed with that argument, how can she do that to her son.. Then I saw this post by reeha-

https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/rangrasiya/4040702/our-biases-become-us

And that made me rethink my stand.. She does have a point.. Is motherhood the end of the road for a woman?

OK we need to know the reason for her action, but if she did have a strong reason to run away from home, then? Rudra was not a breast feeding baby when she left him. He does feel cheated by her I agree..

Personally, I donot blame her for running away from home, but I do blame her for not taking more effoerts to secure Rudra's happiness. Like you said as a Thakurain she had the power and she should have done better. But should she have stayed back in a bad marriage and troubled family - No.. Rudra seemed old enough to understand part if not all of what was happening. She could have explained it to him to spare him the feel of betrayal.. Who knows, with the kind of man he is now, even as a child he may have stood up and supported her in her move.. And in such a situation neither Dilsher nor Mohini could have poisoned his mind..

There are any number of women who stay in bad often abusive relationships for the sake of their children, many a times because of their financial dependence, societal pressure.. Should such women continue indefinitely or is there an age where we can say the child will be able to take the trauma of parental separation.

At the risk of offending the pro-Rudra group, I do feel Rudra acts like too much of a baby about things on the whole.. His inability to look at things from only his own perspective is disturbing.. Even now as an adult has he spent one moment to think why a mother he idolized would have taken such a step. Here Paro might help him get that perspective, she's the only he'll listen to.

I do hope they don't butcher Mala like they did with Laila and she has some good reason for her action.. 😊

Originally posted by: ACTywm

edit: @babyji Thank you and I would love to read whatever your two pennies are when you are free to put them down 😃
N Msfrootie...sorry once again a reallly looong reply 😳

Oki. so just read a reeha's post

👏

Bang on and very apt post...much required and definitely an eye opener...

I hear her (or rather read ) and understand and accept everything she writes..she is very right about our built in bias where in any culture you see, you will find that there are certain expectations from a mother which are not bound to a father...a father is accepted good or bad...but a bad mother is always frowned upon...I would like to go further and say that the bias' are not just restricted to mothers' but all walks' of women...society has double-standards when it comes to dealing with men and women...where it is ok or acceptable or just shrugged upon if a man cheats, if he runs away, if he is a bad son, if he is a bad brother, if he is a bad husband or if he is a bad father...for some reason they are given leeway, but women are not...they are reprimanded and frowned upon if they do those same things, be a 'bad' daughter, a 'bad' sister, a 'bad' wife, a 'bad' mother...and most often you will find women more than men who will be the ones to lift a finger and give a cold shoulder to these women and be fine with men rather than men...if there are ten people taunting this women...8 or 9 out of them will be other women the remaining one or two: man😡

it is a sad, harsh and un-jusitfied truth...but such is the way society works and for some reason we have accepted it and follow it, whether or not we are happy about it...we just agree to it and thereby make a whole scandal about women like Mala and Laila...

so yes with regard to points raised by reeha I take back what I said and will let Mala give her explanation before giving my verdict on her...

coming to your reply...yes you are right too...where I said before and will say again I can understand her wanting out because the marriage was bad...and therefore will commend her on having the courage to take a step for her self rather than everyone else...which is expected from wive's and bahu's, especially in our society to be completely selfess...not care a hoots about the pain they are being put through but continue on living in it because for some reason a woman apparently doesn't have the right to complain but is supposed to just bear the pain that is not fair and should not be done and thankfuly nowadays society is slowly beginning to see that...so yes I support Mala in righting the wrongs done to her by escaping a bad marriage...

I also understand that there are woman who aren't maternal...where either they do not want kids at all or if they have kids they shower love and all on them, but value themselves or love more...they are not wrong even if society suggests that because they expect when a woman becomes a mother suddenly the centre of her universe should just be her children...uh doesn't have to be that way...like you say motherhood should not be the end road of women... some mothers are like that some aren't and some think they do what is best for their children but in fact they don't (Mohini case and point, she thinks her actions and thoughts are what is best for her children but they are not...cuz of her ways Samrat lacks confidence, Sumer brains and sunehri...I'm not absolutely sure about her yet of how mohini may have damaged her...but I'm sure as the show proceeds we may find something) anyway so my point is that yes I understand that Mala value her love, her life over her child...and I can accept that too...n then in this case it doesn't become a matter of should she be forgiven for her actions or not...because that is who she is, someone who will value her love more then her love for her child and therefore was able to take the decision to leave...n so I will not be so harsh in my judgement of her...I may not see eye to eye as but I will understand and not refute her or her decision...

n then in this case it makes sense why she didn't try harder to look for Rudra and after she finds out he has left for Jaipur...because she is satisfied with the thought that he is safe and happy...so in seeing things from this side I can understand her not feeling the need to further hunt for him or check up on him to see if he is ok or not...and as you mention he is not a breast-fed boy who needs his mother...although we don't know the exact age she leaves him at we can guess it is early teens, so something below 16 and above 10...so yes at this age a boy can survive without his mother so she feels he will be fine and therefore leaves...not realising he won't...if she did then may be she would have made an effort to take him with her...because she does care for him...so I can accept that too...

so now what...well if this is the case and she carries this personality then I would like for the cvs to remain with that...where she should explain this to Rudra, that you were an adolescent not a mouth-fed boy that needed me around that is why felt it was ok to leave and now live life for myself having completed the bahu's duty of providing an heir for the Ranawat family...n there being mohini in the house, meant someone would take care of the place, someone who would be more than happy to reign over the house so she leaves knowing the haveli is in good hands and her son fit to fend for himself...if they show this than I will be content...however, if they suddenly turn her into a smothering mother who see's her child above all...then that will get me started again of how could she then leave her son...if she values her son over her love and is the all sacrificing mother as society suggests mothers' to be then it makes no sense of how she could put her interests over her child...but if she is continued to be shown to be someone who cares for him but will not regret her decision to leave then I guess I will have no qualms with her and Rudra will have to accept that this is his mother, that if he loves her then he should be happy for her to have taken that step for herself...(she can regret falling for a bad man, but not regret falling in love and leaving to live her own life) her only mistake being she didn't confide in him before...like you say Rudra seemed old enough to understand part if not all of what was happening. She could have explained it to him to spare him the feel of betrayal.. Who knows, with the kind of man he is now, even as a child he may have stood up and supported her in her move..

correct he was an adolescent and so would have, I think that too...so her mistake was of leaving like thief rather than with her head held high...she shouldn't have run away...instead should have told Rudra, Dilsher that she was going...that is then her only mistake in my eyes...which led to her making Rudra feel betrayed unknowingly...

coming to Rudra and your comments on him of how he behaves like a child...yes he does...but he has reason too...(now I am pro Rudra and that is why the passionate first response, but I have tried to be objective in this response and will try my best to continue to be that way...because there are most definitely two sides to coin😊 and one should look at them both) why does he have reason to continue behaving like a baby...because he never actually grew up...not in the way a normal child does (who has both parents or even a child who has lost one parent due to death) being one who has to bear parent separation in the worst way possible robs him of his childhood and instead of crossing the bridge between adulthood and childhood he is pushed off it, into the river and made to swim across and reach the sure of adulthood while still a child on the inside...the very fact that he behaves like a wounded child shows that...and not until Mala comes and clears things he will not be able to let go of that child inside of him...

children that often go through parent separation due to divorce or the one parent leaving the other often rebel and act up...I have seen it personally and it is a known fact...especially those who are involved in a bad parental separation...so therefore one can understand Rudra's robust persona...you mention how there comes an age where a child can bear the trauma of this sort...I personally feel that there is no such age, be you a child or an adult if your parents decide to separate it shatters your world, but yes if you are older you learn to pick up the pieces and carry on however the trauma of the event now lives with you and so it makes you insecure in life...again I have seen this happen...and coming to Rudra I don't believe he was at that age to pick up the pieces and move on, especially because he doesn't even know the details of why she leaves...for the longest time he believes he is responsible, that his naughty behaviour resulted in her anger causing her to leave...as he grows older he comes to the realisation that it wasn't him but her falling in love with another man...which further angers him for he doesn't understand how his mother can love someone else more than him...for he too believes the bias of how a mother's love is supposed to selfless and her child most important not anyone else...carrying the child heartbreak and anger at her loving someone more than her child he is not willing to look past it and see that there is such a love and such a situation that can trump over a mothers' love...and Paaro and Mala's story should be the key to finally making him see that...he doesn't right now because one he is too angry and two because ever since he realised his mother left him for someone else he stopped believing in love therefore doesn't know what love is capable of...he will learn now...now that he has fallen for Paaro, he will realise that when you fall in love you cannot live without that person...just the way he cannot live without Paaro, his mother couldn't live without Tejawat...when this realisation hits him then he will most likely forgive his mother and accept her decision to leave...and may be even allow her back into his life.

Another reason behind his baby-like behaviour is, he is shown to be a mama's-boy...which means he is very much dependent on his mother and so even though he is physically capable of taking care of himself, he isn't ready emotionally and so when she leaves...he cannot understand or accept the change (like most people when confronted with change they generally recoil from it, not trusting or accepting it, wanting to keep things the way they were rather embrace the change and see where it takes them) so he rejects it and therefore fights it and anyone who tries to force him to go on with it (e.g. his father, hence the rocky relationship there) he goes into denial and therefore holds on to the boy as he is all he knows, everything else foreign and so remains a child inside...

Plus there is a marital joke of how all men/husbands are just one big boy...so I guess that also contributes to his boyish behaviour too 😛

oki I think I will end my, what I believe was 'objective' response on the Mala situation (I tried my best to be objective, but I think I may have leaned towards Rudra again in the end, I guess I can't help it😛)...but thank you for showing me the opposite side of the coin and I just want to make clear if I have not before or if my thought got lost in my long winded arguments...that I never was against Mala finding and taking the escape out of bad marriage, I can understand and do applaud her for being brave enough to do that...my initial problem was how she could leave her son, but now I realise that she can as she wanted more from life and felt that she had given Rudra all that he needed...and so my problem now is that of what you yourself say why she didn't tell him point blank she was leaving, her running away is my problem...she should have not have run away but told that she leaving, given her reasons and the left...yes if Dilsher then had tried to stop her I would say fine she can run...n if Rudra tried to stop her then she should have told him that I will come back for you...thereby not breaking the boy...so yeah that is my problem with Mala, but lets' see what answers and story she has in store for us...and then I will re-evaluate my opinions on her...(not that I am anyone to judge her, for really no one is capable of judging anyone...but alas we are humans n it is in our natures' to judge even though we know we shouldn't)😛

it will be interesting to see what Mala does in today's episode when she finally realises that Rudra hates her (because he loves her) and how Paaro handles the situation...I am excited to see where the story will lead, not to mention how Laila's presence will further mess up Rudra and Mala's relationship...also Laila will be surprised to find she has lost an ally in Paaro and that while Mala is grateful to Laila for rescuing her, Paaro is her first choice for her son too...some good fun is ahead of us and with it I guess a lot more heated debates and long winded responses from me 😆

Originally posted by: Msfrootie

Firstly I'm glad that you pointed out Rudra's POV because its been a while since his behavior stopped making sense to me, somewhere around start of Laila track.. Paro seems occasionally absurd but Rudra i couldn't understand. It was not even what we usually dismiss as bipolar. But when you put it this way, the child who was forced to pretend to be an adult prematurely, it makes some sense to me..

I have a relentless habit of justifying the bad guy/lady(here). I guess that's another aspect to the biases mentioned in Reeha's post.

Today's episode is something to look for. Although I justified Mala in most things, its weird how she expects Rudra to be all happy to see her.. That quite changes my stand on her. While she has her rights and I'm proud of her for having claimed them, she probably was too pampered by Thakursa if she thinks Rudra will welcome her with open arms..

Laila poor thing is in for another shock.. Her well executed master plan is going to crumble when she realises the Paro-Mala equation.

I really hope they handle Mala's escapade story with care, not making anyone appear the fool in the bargain..

Originally posted by: ttt1

i agree with you again

either it is a change seeing the trend , or there is more to it

she was anything but guilty , irrespective of whether the world find her right or wrong , in her own eyes she should be , she couldnt give the love and affection he deserved , and this is cos of her decision

she should be shit scared

she was not

weird

i think it is can only mean two things in her delusional mind she and rudra were kept away deliberately all tegse years , so she assumes rudra knows this or takes the situation as she does (wants to meet her but coouldnt )

or she is just thinking about herself , she isyoo self centered to realize what she did

Originally posted by: Msfrootie

@ red- You stated what was in my mind but I was apprehensive to put into words.. That's just what it makes her appear..

The other possibility I thought was she still imagines Rudra to be the sweet boy who loved his mother unconditionally. Then she is even more delusional. I say pampered because Thakursa installed her in a massive haveli with all the comforts but blind to everything around her. She is unaware of Thakursa's doings for 15 years. Which means either she is too stupid or prefers to be unaware. I think the second possibility is likely because of the way Thakursa manages to convince her with half stupid excuses about Paro's disappearance and so on..

Originally posted by: Msfrootie

Firstly I'm glad that you pointed out Rudra's POV because its been a while since his behavior stopped making sense to me, somewhere around start of Laila track.. Paro seems occasionally absurd but Rudra i couldn't understand. It was not even what we usually dismiss as bipolar. But when you put it this way, the child who was forced to pretend to be an adult prematurely, it makes some sense to me..

I have a relentless habit of justifying the bad guy/lady(here). I guess that's another aspect to the biases mentioned in Reeha's post.

Today's episode is something to look for. Although I justified Mala in most things, its weird how she expects Rudra to be all happy to see her.. That quite changes my stand on her. While she has her rights and I'm proud of her for having claimed them, she probably was too pampered by Thakursa if she thinks Rudra will welcome her with open arms..

Laila poor thing is in for another shock.. Her well executed master plan is going to crumble when she realises the Paro-Mala equation.

I really hope they handle Mala's escapade story with care, not making anyone appear the fool in the bargain..