Our Biases become us - Page 2

Originally posted by: reeha...k

@ Bold, it's not a revolutionary thought. It's human nature. Men do it all the time, leave their wives or have one on the side because they do not want to be in a loveless marriage. Out west, there is some semblance of balance because often couples- even with children- do divorce and go their separate ways to find love or be with whoever their love is.

While I do not endorse or support cheating, I do think that her leaving is not too far fetched if falling in love with another man is her crime: That is her ONLY crime then. That doesn't maker her a bad mother, if just makes her a bad wife, the two are not interchangeable and I think many people might do that down the line.

Perhaps is too much of a western notion, but if this is her only reason- I would be fine with it. I DO suspect there is more to it though, and I think we all realize that there is no question that she does love her son, and would have wanted nothing more than to have him with her.

Thanks for your amazing input! It was awesome 😊

Originally posted by: serialjunkie

I meant revolutionary in Desi Soap world. :))

If Mala attempted to reach her child to explain why she was leaving, and her attempts were prevented by Dilsher or family, I can totally justify her

I know of a friend who left her husband and 2 teenage children to be with the love of her life. She did explain to the kids and the father has full custody. Sure she drew a lot flak from her friends and family but I am hard pressed to judge her need to live a happy life.

Is it ideal? of course not, but children need closure and explanations. Dilsher poisoned the child, passing his misgivings and hurt to rudra.

I've only just come onto IF this is evening so I have no idea what other people have written on their posts.

Originally posted by: rashika

I've only just come onto IF this is evening so I have no idea what other people have written on their posts.

Mala yes is a mother and from what we could tell she was a wonderful mother before she left. The only person she is answerable to is Rudra, her son no one else. We have no idea about the circumstances in which she left. That would probably another track in the future but I guess we are used to mothers who stay with their families and kids and not abandon them.

We also need to remember that mothers are also human and just like fathers make mistakes.

Until we don't know the whole story we shouldn't judge her.

Originally posted by: serialjunkie

Motherhood is not sainthood.

parenting does demand sacrifices and no, contrary to popular trends propagated by high achieving women such as Sheryl Sandberg, leaning in or jumping in or anything in is not a viable option for many women. Many are not prepared to shoulder the responsibility and while many moments of parenting are blissful, there are challenges and excruciating moments no one tells you about.

Judge not other until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

We are tempted to judge others because it is in our nature or because we feel better about ourselves.

Here is a revolutionary thought - what if Mala did abandon her family because she fell head over heels in love with Thakur? No other reasons or excuses. She wanted to live the rest of her life with him instead of living in a loveless marriage with a disinterested husband. Can we still bring ourselves to justify her actions?

Originally posted by: CyberOstrich

SJ sa- is it possible that I love you even more for saying this?! I agree to each and every word you have written here!

Motherhood is not a genetic code inside every woman's body- the body is equipped physically but motherhood is an abstract thing! And this automatic assumption that coz you are a woman- or a mother- it should be the best thing that should have happened to you?! The mother is an individual also- has her own identity which is up and above being a mother, wife etc etc.

And motherhood is definetely not sainthood and some women are just not cut out for it! And some DO realize that after having a child! I am not saying abandoning them or shirking your responsibilities is an answer- but most mothers go through the phases when they literally want to just RUN away! and then their are moments so blissful that nothing else can ever compare! and I am speaking here as a mother myself!

But here the way they had shown Mala- she didnt come across as an unloving or unwilling mother- so there must have been a compelling reason for her to leave! And the last para- YES- what if she had fallen head over heels with Tejawat and living without him could have been inconceivable for her- she chose that over a loveless marriage and walked out- what then- is she characterless??

OK her child was old enough to deserve an explanation in any situation- but we dont know the reasons behind her disappearing without a word- so lets just reserve our judgements for now!

I am ready to give Mala the benefit of Doubt. I will surely wait till the whole story unfolds before I say something about her. But today when she said 'I left my husband and son for you.' It broke my heart. May be because she was shown as the women who cared and loved her son. Like the one who would sacrifice herself for her family. I don't know. More than angry at her, I felt sad for Rudra.

I agree, a man or a women have every right to leave their marriage if they find no happiness in it. Nothing must stop them from walking out of a loveless relationship. Not even children. But as a parent they should think about their children too before they chose their independent life. And here Rudra's mother just one fine day walked out on him without even trying to give him a hint of what she was going to do. It was a shock to him. She could have opted for divorce if she was in so much pain but no. She chose the easy way out and ran away. If we justify her action by saying that she was afraid or was scared of the society. Then she left the son she so much love in that same society with no one to protect him. I say again this is all my take based only on today's Mala's words. I really wish there is more to this story.

Even during a divorce, the parents are told to take more care of their kids as they might feel hurt, left out or unloved. But here Rudra was abandoned by his mother and left to take the brunt of the society for her actions. And his father instead of holding the boy together broke him even more by his harsh words. Rudra is like this due to both his parents. Dilsher even accepted it in one scene. Both failed as parents and Mala was the trigger.

I am sure there is more to Mala's story and I am sure I will be left sympathizing with her by the end of it but for now from what she said today... I can't say I understand/support her. No parent, a Man or a Women must bring a child into this world and abandon them. I agree in our society mother is expected to be loyal to her children while father is not. That is so wrong. I think, both parents are and must be equally responsible for a child.

We think alike Sis...contrary to many...I just made a post...will just paste it here.The answer according to me is NO. Motherhood is a wonderful gift but does that mean a woman loses every other happiness...what if a woman is in a loveless and abusive marriage? Should she abide by the rules and suffer just because she has children with the man?

We as a society are always ready to judge a woman without knowing the whole truth? Under what circumstances did Mala leave her son? As far as the history goes...she did come back for Rudra but couldn't get hold of him. Was Dilsher a good husband? What role did Mohini play in all this?

What happens when a woman...a mother really falls in love with another man? Does she have a choice to embrace her new love or she imprisoned by a society stays in a loveless marriage?

I believe it comes down to choices. Mala made a choice under unknown circumstances...so let's not judge her yet.

Also, from where I see this...it's Bigamy and Adultery if mala and Dilsher are not divorced. I hope there is an explanation for this because I really like Mala's character till now... I have a feeling that Mohini has a huge hand in all this.

Originally posted by: Hope

I am ready to give Mala the benefit of Doubt. I will surely wait till the whole story unfolds before I say something about her. But today when she said 'I left my husband and son for you.' It broke my heart. May be because she was shown as the women who cared and loved her son. Like the one who would sacrifice herself for her family. I don't know. More than angry at her, I felt sad for Rudra.

I agree, a man or a women have every right to leave their marriage if they find no happiness in it. Nothing must stop them from walking out of a loveless relationship. Not even children. But as a parent they should think about their children too before they chose their independent life. And here Rudra's mother just one fine day walked out on him without even trying to give him a hint of what she was going to do. It was a shock to him. She could have opted for divorce if she was in so much pain but no. She chose the easy way out and ran away. If we justify her action by saying that she was afraid or was scared of the society. Then she left the son she so much love in that same society with no one to protect him. I say again this is all my take based only on today's Mala's words. I really wish there is more to this story.

Even during a divorce, the parents are told to take more care of their kids as they might feel hurt, left out or unloved. But here Rudra was abandoned by his mother and left to take the brunt of the society for her actions. And his father instead of holding the boy together broke him even more by his harsh words. Rudra is like this due to both his parents. Dilsher even accepted it in one scene. Both failed as parents and Mala was the trigger.

I am sure there is more to Mala's story and I am sure I will be left sympathizing with her by the end of it but for now from what she said today... I can't say I understand/support her. No parent, a Man or a Women must bring a child into this world and abandon them. I agree in our society mother is expected to be loyal to her children while father is not. That is so wrong. I think, both parents are and must be equally responsible for a child.

Originally posted by: Rupunzale

We think alike Sis...contrary to many...I just made a post...will just paste it here.The answer according to me is NO. Motherhood is a wonderful gift but does that mean a woman loses every other happiness...what if a woman is in a loveless and abusive marriage? Should she abide by the rules and suffer just because she has children with the man?

We as a society are always ready to judge a woman without knowing the whole truth? Under what circumstances did Mala leave her son? As far as the history goes...she did come back for Rudra but couldn't get hold of him. Was Dilsher a good husband? What role did Mohini play in all this?

What happens when a woman...a mother really falls in love with another man? Does she have a choice to embrace her new love or she imprisoned by a society stays in a loveless marriage?

I believe it comes down to choices. Mala made a choice under unknown circumstances...so let's not judge her yet.

Also, from where I see this...it's Bigamy and Adultery if mala and Dilsher are not divorced. I hope there is an explanation for this because I really like Mala's character till now... I have a feeling that Mohini has a huge hand in all this.