Our Biases become us

Society has a very biased notion when it comes to parents.
It's not just western, or an eastern thing, but a universal condition that is socialized through us at a young age and reiterated over and over and over again.

What is this again? (I'm going to get some serious flack for this)

MOTHERHOOD.

It's so sacred, and precious. It is the ULTIMATE Love in the eyes of many.

Nice post Reeha... your questions are very valid.. As you have pointed, even though Mohini was around when her children grew up, she is not shown as ideal mother. they say that it is from the mother that children learn their values at an early age... whereas Mohini taught her children on how to be devious .. she made Sumer her alibi in her crimes.. and at the end she also sacrificed him... therefore, in what way is she better than Mala?

Mala on the other hand was always shown as the doting mother either to both Rudra and to Paro.. she was shown as the one who instilled good values in Rudra and Paro... .. one thing we easily forget is that it was Mohini and Dilsher who did the damage to Rudra.. it was their brain washing which made aa young boy's grow up thinking that all beautiful girls are evil..it was they who made him bitter... sure he missed his mother but had they taken him into their fold kindly, diverted his mind elsewhere with love and attention, couldn't they have turned the tides? Therefore, I will say that it was Dilsher and Mohini who did most of the damage to Rudra ..

The situation under which Mala left the Ranawat house has not been revealed as yet. we did see some glimpses of Mohini being instrumental for Mala's departure.. at least that is how it was made out to be during those FB scenes..

Even if Mala had fallen in love with Tejawat after marriage, is it a crime for her to leave the house for the love of her life? Isn't a women entitled to her share of love and happiness? We saw a similar story in Jab Tak Hai Jaan where the mother had left her 9 year old daughter and husband for another man for many reasons.. However in the film, the father brought his daughter up so well without any prejudices.. she was able to understand her mother's love later on in life when she herself fell in love.. I thought that was one situation which was handled with a lot of understanding..

but since this is a man's world, often fingers are pointed at the woman..and mostly it is also the women who do so.. because that is what has been handed out to us generation after generation...

THIS.

Motherhood is not sainthood.

Mala is being judged by many a viewer without even knowing the whole truth whilst Rudra himself has the fondest of memories of his mother.

And so I will put down a few points I had made a note of sometime back but never got down to posting.

What kind of flashbacks does Rudra really have of his mother?

From what we have seen, all of them are happy ones. Where she is seen either feeding him, putting him to sleep with her songs or taking care of him. A content family at the dining table.

So as a boy he has only happy memories of her. Now I wondered why did the CVs not show us any situation which would have tainted his mother's image in his eyes as a boy?

So then what it is that makes Rudra so angry? From what we have been shown, it's his father speaking against women, his aunt telling him she left him and his father for another and the boys at school teasing him about it.

Why did the CVS not show us a single FBs of his mother in argument with his dad or any such incident that makes her look bad. So basically it's what others have told him not something he knows for sure. Hence he went on to believe initially that she left them because he wasn't a good obedient kid.

Now the biggest visual shock of betrayal came to him was when he actually saw his mother's smiling face staring back at him from a portrait that had his enemy (Tejawat) in all regality, that scoffed him "Rudra I won." That's when Rudra felt he had lost his personal battle. There was nothing more left.

How did Rudra react? Did it turn him into a bigger Jallad? No instead he was shattered. It was the last straw. So he did what he knew best...he drowned his sorrow and pain in a bottle of burning fire down his throat. For him all those stories that were fed to him simply came alive in that frame. And so he erased his mother from his mind because otherwise it would kill him or turn him into something he did not want to.

I say all of this, because everything above has shaped Rudra's character. His seeking out Laila, his arrogance, his ruthlessness and his unforgiving attitude towards his enemies stems from this. May it be at the border front or home front.

Now between that picture and tracing back to the point when she left their home, we are clueless as to why Mala left home. Did she meet Tej right away or after a year or two? At what point did Tej enter into Mala's life. Was she pregnant with Dilsher's second child when she left home? Did Tej know her before she married Dilsher? Did she come back home looking for her family, before or after meeting Tej? So many whats, how, when and whys. Is Rudra Dilsher's biological son?

And yeah I am glad the CVs have left these questions unanswered, because these are the ones Rudra needs to ask his mother.

Hope this helps the viewer to understand Mala...and give her the benefit of the doubt.

i will repost something that i posted somewhere else

i will wait to pass judgement...i feel there was some foul play involved...its like such a loving mother cud turn and leave the kid...cannot happen overnight unless something else played its part...so just relaxing...rewatching this week's episode again and again...leave Mala's story to pan out...😛

Originally posted by: IndigoBlues

THIS.

we are so used to seeing Nirupa Roy and kirron kher embody the perfect mother, self sacrificing, always loves her kids, prioritizes family-we forget they are human.

I'm not going to judge Mala before knowing the whole deal of what happened with her, Teju and dilsher.

I don't think her character is so shallow she would leave her family merely because Teju is dishier looking.

even if she is an evil woman who abandoned her son simply for physical gratification there is no denying that if she had been a man people would have been like 'men are men..this is sooo common..rudra shouldn't be so harsh bcnot ALL men are like that, some men can't control themselves.'

In fact if this had been a show about a woman hating all men because of her father people would have found it a little absurd.

but mommy issues never fail to tug at heartstrings...like how DARE a mom not be a doodh ki dhuli Virgin Madonna?? How dare she not be an all sacrificing never complaining goddess? How dare she be a complex character that might actually have motives other than physical attractiveness of villain in dumping her husband and kid? Nope two bit harlot she is..

Originally posted by: serialjunkie

Motherhood is not sainthood.

parenting does demand sacrifices and no, contrary to popular trends propagated by high achieving women such as Sheryl Sandberg, leaning in or jumping in or anything in is not a viable option for many women. Many are not prepared to shoulder the responsibility and while many moments of parenting are blissful, there are challenges and excruciating moments no one tells you about.

Judge not other until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

We are tempted to judge others because it is in our nature or because we feel better about ourselves.

Here is a revolutionary thought - what if Mala did abandon her family because she fell head over heels in love with Thakur? No other reasons or excuses. She wanted to live the rest of her life with him instead of living in a loveless marriage with a disinterested husband. Can we still bring ourselves to justify her actions?

Originally posted by: ddFan2012

Mala is being judged by many a viewer without even knowing the whole truth whilst Rudra himself has the fondest of memories of his mother.

And so I will put down a few points I had made a note of sometime back but never got down to posting.

What kind of flashbacks does Rudra really have of his mother?

From what we have seen, all of them are happy ones. Where she is seen either feeding him, putting him to sleep with her songs or taking care of him. A content family at the dining table.

So as a boy he has only happy memories of her. Now I wondered why did the CVs not show us any situation which would have tainted his mother's image in his eyes as a boy?

So then what it is that makes Rudra so angry? From what we have been shown, it's his father speaking against women, his aunt telling him she left him and his father for another and the boys at school teasing him about it.

Why did the CVS not show us a single FBs of his mother in argument with his dad or any such incident that makes her look bad. So basically it's what others have told him not something he knows for sure. Hence he went on to believe initially that she left them because he wasn't a good obedient kid.

Now the biggest visual shock of betrayal came to him was when he actually saw his mother's smiling face staring back at him from a portrait that had his enemy (Tejawat) in all regality, that scoffed him "Rudra I won." That's when Rudra felt he had lost his personal battle. There was nothing more left.

How did Rudra react? Did it turn him into a bigger Jallad? No instead he was shattered. It was the last straw. So he did what he knew best...he drowned his sorrow and pain in a bottle of burning fire down his throat. For him all those stories that were fed to him simply came alive in that frame. And so he erased his mother from his mind because otherwise it would kill him or turn him into something he did not want to.

I say all of this, because everything above has shaped Rudra's character. His seeking out Laila, his arrogance, his ruthlessness and his unforgiving attitude towards his enemies stems from this. May it be at the border front or home front.

Now between that picture and tracing back to the point when she left their home, we are clueless as to why Mala left home. Did she meet Tej right away or after a year or two? At what point did Tej enter into Mala's life. Was she pregnant with Dilsher's second child when she left home? Did Tej know her before she married Dilsher? Did she come back home looking for her family, before or after meeting Tej? So many whats, how, when and whys. Is Rudra Dilsher's biological son?

And yeah I am glad the CVs have left these questions unanswered, because these are the ones Rudra needs to ask his mother.

Hope this helps the viewer to understand Mala...and give her the benefit of the doubt.

Why did the CVS not show us a single FBs of his mother in argument with his dad or any such incident that makes her look bad. So basically it's what others have told him not something he knows for sure."

Here, inherently there is a double standard that we otherwise wouldn't pick up on. For the most part, when a man leaves his family, wife and kids seldom (I'm not saying it isn't possible but seldom if ever) do we see a mother telling her children (sons and daughters) that men are evil. Men are vain. Men are selfish. We do not see that. Instead we see a strong, resilient mother working to her death to protect and nurture her young (another neo-positive trait strictly associated with "motherhood") The child would not associate all men as evil, but rather there would be a strong male role model- an uncle, a friend's father- who would fill in the void as mentor. It's interesting that the anger that the Rudra has garnered would otherwise not be established had it been Dilsher who left him and Mala...

Thank you so much for your wonderful input! Was truly awesome 😊