Arnav kissed her forehead and murmured quite reassurances in her ear as she snuggled closer to his chest, tears no where willing to stop. Arnav who always wondered why she never cries, shattered seeing her in uncontrollable tears today. But for very long time, he didnt stop her knowing that she is shedding years of pain. But as he felt her shaking feebly against his skin, he cupped her face and made her look at him, Khushi, please dont cry.
She gave him a very defeated look which he couldnt bear to witness in her eyes, Its hurting. She murmured hiccuping. Hurting so much to fight this battle all alone, to prove my point that I was being punished all my life for no mistake of mine.
Khushi, you listen to me. You did nothing wrong in your life...If there is anyone to be blamed in this whole thing. It's me Khushi. Its only me. I had been very cruel and insensible to you.
Kyun? Aisa Kyun kiya aapne? I tried to hate you from all my heart but I couldnt. I could never come to terms that you did this to me. She wrapped her fingers around his hands holding her face. I am exhausted thinking Whys, thak gayi hoon iss zindagi se, apne aap ladthe ladthe aur aapke baare mein sochthe sochthe. [tired of this life, fighting myself and thinking about you]
Dont say that Khushi, Please dont say that. Dont punish me anymore. Arnav pressed his forehead to hers pleading her.
I dont know anything any more, what to expect, what to do, and I dont even know if I need any answers from you, because I am afraid of own reaction. I cant bear this pain any longer. Please take it away from me. Give me my life back, please. She pleaded crying, and holding his lapels and burying her head into his chest.
The last plea of hers torn him into pieces as thats exactly he cant give her. As he hugged her tightly, rubbing between her shoulder blades, he understood that she is not willing to listen being in such vulnerable state. But on practical note, he was afraid, tomorrow when everything cools down, she might question him for answers and he is not willing to drag this long anymore putting her into never ending emotional distress especially after seeing how weak she had become these days.
Mustering all the courage, he pulled away, wiped her tears and gently placed her on the bed, resting her back against the headboard. He handed her a glass of water and forced her to drink.
We need to talk. But before that I want you to eat something.
No, I dont want to eat. I probably will throw up.
You must eat som...
Please dont force me tonight. She said closing her eyes and resting her head against the bed tiredly.
He obliged and grasped her hands in a firm grip on her lap grabbing her attention. I know you are not in position to hear my answers at the moment but I dont want to stretch this to another day, and let you beat yourself up thinking all these. But before I say anymore, I want you to understand whatever may be your decision, will be mine. However you want to lead, I will oblige without a question.
She scrunched up her nose trying to understand his words but she sat in utmost calm, calmer than he imagined.
Khushi, I owe you a lot of explanation for whatever happened but I dont have any other way to put it other than to summarize it as an act of my overpowering ego.
Ego? You are saying you did everything to satisfy your ego? Somewhere she didnt look quite surprised or angry as if thats what she has deduced his reasons to be.
Pretty much but not everything. I wanted to teach you lesson for that media issue, for the business and for forcing this concept of marriage onto me. She looked at him in disbelief her mind stuck to the marriage part as her eyes once again moistened in betrayal.
But I thought you believed in this marriage. She voiced in disappointment wondering if all those moments were nothing but feigned.
His heart ached seeing lie in the form of betrayal in her eyes. But this was much better than the harsh truth and so he continued. He nodded in response, That was my initial motive but as time passed, you broke down my every resolve, you burnt down all my guards, you showed me what happiness mean and that I deserve to dream as well. The only truth that he managed to spell it out.
A small smile of content played on her lips as he spoke those few lines of his life's truth. But her smile short lived hearing his next statement.
But I was scared Khushi, somewhere I was scared that this is not permanent. I was scared that everything will be broken down into pieces, being through just that all my life.
Didnt you trust me? She asked in an almost whisper with her innocent, rounded & moistened eyes.
The question he had been dreading to hear finally echoed the silent walls piercing his soul. Because thats exactly what happened that night, unknowingly. The question that will for sure kill his every being if asked with respect to the real truth.
He nodded negative in response as he spoke with his eyes lowered, Right way to put it is, I didnt trust my own instincts. My insecurities of being loner all my life played a huge part after that night, forcing me to leave you when you needed me, forcing me to shut you off from my life. Because after whatever happened that night, I was scared if you were going to blame me as you were not in your senses. And I still am, believe it or not. I was never emotionally attached to anyone but you Khushi, to teach me how to strengthen the bond. That night made me think that I dug my own grave and so all that happened just to distance myself from you. I did everything I could to throw you away from my memories.
He loosened her hand as she forcibly took it away angrily. Do you realize what you are saying?
He nodded.
How could you think that I would be so insensitive and irrational to question the night with you? Is that all you understood about me?
I blacked out. I didnt know what I was doing to me, to us. His shrewd confessions reached her ears in totally different context the way he wanted to convey his inner turmoil without giving her any truth.
You are telling me that after all that we shared that night, you left me alone on the bed for the entire day to myself because your bloody insecurities enlightened your brain that whatever we weaved was not permanent?
He nodded Pretty much.
Do you even realize how insulting that sounds for a woman? Is everything else we shared fake too?
Nothing was fake, its just aftermath I am talking here. You have to trust me on what I am saying.
Thats exactly what I have been doing Mr. Raizada, Dont you see? Trusting you all the while no matter what you did.
Arnav tried to cup her cheek, when she asked. Wait a min, Did we even make love on that night? Did you... by any chance... took advantage of my dormant state?
He fisted his palm and retreated, his eyes seething in anger, It would be an insult to your trust on me if I answer that question. Ask yourself Khushi, will I ever do that to you?
She picked up the pillow from her side and threw it on him. This is exactly why I didnt wanted to hear anything from you. You mess up my mind so much. She got up from the bed and tried to walk out of the room, when he roughly pinned her to the closed door.
ABORT THE CHILD, Khushi!
Wha??? She looked at him shocked unable to believe what he just said.
You wont trust me? I am fine with that. There cannot be any compromise in this relation not anymore Khushi. Remember what I told you that I am not going to settle when I come to you with answers. Here I am with the answers. Either you trust me and start us afresh or let the child go if you think I ruined you that night. I DO NOT WANT A CHILD BORN OUT OF FORCED NIGHT, if you think latter was what happened. And I damn well mean when I say abort it if only you understand me.
How co..What are you saying? She pushed him away angrily.
You heard me Khushi. I am telling you for one last time, whatever pain or happiness I had given you, I gave you in all my earnest. But if you feel even an ounce that I could stoop so low onto forcing you, I think I lost the rights on you and this relation forever. I dont think I have any right to make you stay or to force you to do anything that you dont wish to do. I am giving you options here Khushi. You feel free to do anything with the pregnancy, I will support you without question.
He would be calling himself as thick-skinned arse if he even for a moment thinks that she doesnt trust him. Khushi for what she is, wouldnt be coming back to him if she didnt trust him, and still standing here believing all his lies. Going all emotional would never work with her for she being most rational and practical woman. But there are only certain ways he could handle her thinking like ASR and not Arnav. And so in the name of trust, this was the only way Arnav thought to flush out all negativity and inhibitions about him from Khushi's mind without going through this painful conversation yet another time in the future.
Also somewhere his tormented mind started questioning him what if she doesnt want the baby out of such ill fated incident. He didnt know how to find out but thanks to the way the conversation steered and his shrewd mind grabbed the perfect opportunity. He made his last attempt to know what would be her opinion on abortion as clearly he didnt wanna take that decision away from her. And this was the only way to get her input by not revealing any truth, her next statement is proof for that.
First of all, I didnt mean to sound my question like that. Secondly, even if you come and tell me that I was being forced by you and the child is born out of that, I WOULD STILL KEEP THE CHILD no matter what. And yes I would have hated you like no other in this entire universe, probably killed you as well. She fumed burning with anger.
Arnav took step backward as her words cut through his heart. He knew it was coming but he never imagined the intensity with which she would spit it as fire. He would be lying if he said, he is happy with her decision. One part of him told that she would have done same even if it was his child. Ofcourse that situation would have never arose but a painful realization that he would always be placed second in the list when it comes to her child, threw him into deep abysses of sorrow. And that hurt him deeply and a dilemma of horns once again wrenched his gut.
Adopting a child born to some other parents is less distressing and whole different than accepting the baby of the woman you love. Possessiveness plays a huge factor whether you are an orphan who knows the pain of being abandoned or a well settled family man.
Though he stepped up to accept the baby, he is wise enough to realize that he is doing all that for her and only for her. He would continue to feel like that until he wholeheartedly admits that its his child. But is that even possible considering what not went into that night. Will that child ever give him peace of being proud father? He wasnt sure and he didnt want to think of all that at the moment as Khushi is his prime focus. If she could make him accept the child without pressurizing him, he was confident that be one day he will accept her child with open arms.
The scars on her neck hidden behind the heavy makeup made him aware whats important at the moment. Shoving all his turbulent emotions aside, he reached her concernedly. As she was about to turn away, he gently stopped her and pressed her elbows to the door. Fair enough. Thats what will happen as you wished. But I still need to hear if you really think I forced you that night.
A lone tear escaped from her eyes with that question. I asked that question because you never talked about the scars and the day you spotted them you looked shell-shocked as if you were not aware of what you did. What do you expect me to understand of all this when I dont remember anything and the only thing I could remember was being loved when you kissed me on the terrace. Her voice choked at that and she wasnt aware that his heart was constricted as well. How could you even think like that knowing how impulsive I get sometimes?
He nodded acknowledging how stressed out she must have been. He cupped her face and said firmly looking into her tired swollen eyes, I understand Khushi but I still need to hear from you loud and clear in simple words if you really think I forced you that night. Her answer was crucial to him to understand if she is raising a wall between them, choosing to live as 2 strangers in the same house.
She pursed her lips and nodded NO stubbornly not willing to answer that.
Though he knows the answer to the question, sometimes words soothe and heal the bruised heart much faster than the assumptions and implied meanings. But he wasnt that lucky this time as she chose to remain silent. He nodded understandingly and led her to the bed to her surprise without goading her any further to answer like other times.
Sleep, Its very late.
Khushi could notice the massive disappointment on his face as she was tucked under the sheets.
I am just a door away if you need anything. And stop worrying too much. He fondly brushed the escaped strands off her cheeks.
She caught his hand as he was about to leave and spoke looking into his eyes, You are capable of ruining me in anyway you can but I am more than sure that you will never take away my dignity which I value more than my life, thats just not you. Thats the not the man I l...
Say it...He knelt by her bed as he whispered anxiously breathing warmly at her cheeks.
She uttered as he stared at her with so much endless love that he always manages to bring in those pair of molten orbs, Thats not the man I married.
He pulled away surprised at the sudden twist of her words as a subtle sarcastic smile played in her eyes without reaching her lips. He smiled at her taking her hand in his, That will do!
Pressing her knuckles to his eyes, he whispered to her fingers, These 2.5 months have been the most painful time of my life, and I am sure yours as well. Khushi, from this moment I want us to give up on all those mindless thoughts which brought us nothing but pain. I want to leave everything behind and start a fresh.
He lifted his glistening eyes to find her staring at him with new hope, Ever since we met, I have always forced you to stay with me, to leave me or to do anything I wanted you to do. But right from this moment, I want you to set the pace of this relation. I want you to steer this relation in a way you want to. And I am sure you are going to do better job than I did. He let out mocking smile in effort to cheer her up.
Wiping the tear streaks off her cheeks, he confessed silently to her heart, Just remember that you are my need, more than my want. Khushi grabbed his hand wiping her tears and tugged him to sit on the bed. Tucking the hair behind her ear, he whispered looking into her eyes with new determination, Please help me build us up again...She looked at him in wonder as unknown happiness reflected in her pallid face.
I will be around if you need me. Dont hesitate to call me if you need anything in the middle of the night. Giving her a warm smile, kissed her forehead, and turned off the lights except bed light.
I will be fine, you should go! There was moment of hesitation between the two but they consciously didnt want to rush things like previous time, definitely not Arnav.
Close your eyes. He whispered and sat by the bedside brushing her hair fondly putting her to sleep and in no time as tears dried into the pillow underneath her cheek, Khushi slept after many months without sleeping pill, adorning a beautiful smile.
I missed you.
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It was around 7:30AM Arnav returned from jog and found Nani praying and Khushi still sleeping, with smile still intact. Arnav went to freshen up but not before checking on Khushi.
Few mins later, freshly showered and dressed for the day, Arnav was surprised to see Khushi still sleeping.
Nani, why is Khushi still sleeping? Is it normal to sleep so much at this stage?
Let her sleep, good for the baby growth and for her too.
But Dont you think she should be eating something since she didnt eat anything since yesterday.
I guess she is catching up long lost sleep. But she needs to eat something before she starves herself.
Let me wake her up.
In that case prepare yourself to stand by the toilet.
Kyun?
Because thats where she throws up unless you let her do it on you. Nani fluttered her eyebrows teasing Arnav.
Very funny Nani!
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Khushi, wake up. Time to eat something. Arnav gently patted her cheeks after checking her temperature, and after assuring himself that she is alright. As expected she lazied around shifting from one position to another.
Arnav opened the drapes to let the sunlight in. Khushi wake up before I pour cold water.
Arnav turned around to find her yawning at him. Seriously? Cold water? Cant he do better than that? She thought to herself surprised to see him wandering in her room that early.
I can, how about ICE Cubes next time.
Khushi rounded her lips confused if she thought aloud. Arnav gazing at her million dollar expression, tried to stifle his smile as he came and sat next to her.
Khushi jolted up to sit straight and clamped her palms on her mouth mumbling, Were you sitting here like this all night?
A flashing light gleed in his brain to tease her as he pursed his lips innocently and nodded stretching his back for emphasis.
Have you gone insane? Khushi got off the bed with sudden jolt. Next moment Arnav saw her dropping the subject and sprinting towards the washroom, locking the door behind her.
What was that? Arnav rushed to the closed door. Khushi You alright?
All Arnav could hear was the low whimpers and loud flush of the toilet.
Khushi???? He knocked the door in panic.
Shut up and stay quiet for a min...He earned an yell from her for being so impatient.
A min! Arnav paced across the room impatiently wondering what must have happened. Just in time Khushi came out wiping her watered face. Arnav strode down worriedly, What happened?
Taking a sigh tiredly, Morning Sickness.
Arnav nodded and checked his watch calculating something mentally.
Khushi looked at him confused but she decided not to dig through as she felt sudden urge to eat something else interesting than his brain.
As she was about to make a move, Dont you lock that thing again. He said in authoritative voice pointing at the bathroom door.
That is supposed to be my bathroom and I have every right to lock it when I need it. She smarted frowning her forehead.
And I have every right to enter whenever I want to.
Hn? Khushi gaped with her mouth open.
Except certain times, and that too only if you have issues. He added as an afterthought containing smirk. Let's get you stuff something into that tummy. He led the way out followed by her. As they approached the door, she let out a loud gasp.
Plastering her eyes on the wall clock, she murmured, 9.10? Oh my God I am soo fired.. She hurriedly turned her feet to her wardrobe to grab her clothes.
What are you doing? He walked behind her warily.
Dont you see, its 9 already. How could I sleep for so long when I should be at work by now.
Which idiot asked you to arrive at the office 2 days before the office time? Arnav asked folding his hands.
Hn? She narrowed her eyes in confusion.
Taking pile of clothes from her hands and throwing it on the bed, Today is Saturday and as far as I know, you dont work on saturdays.
Khushi sighed in relief and walked past him rolling her eyes at his melodramatic riddle. As they approached the exit door, Arnav pinned her between the door and him, with her back facing him.
Holding her elbow, he turned her to face him, You OK with whatever we discussed last night? No second thoughts, right? Because this is the moment you let me know if any.
I do have one question. Pardon me for asking, i am just being cautious, What if you act up again and throw me out of the house.
Insecure! Great back to square one!!! He thought to himself containing his frustrated sigh. Stay here for a sec. Arnav came back in few mins with a file of what it looked like stamp papers.
This house is on your name.
Before Khushi's shock could turn into protest, Arnav continued, I know you take pride in what you own. So I am not giving you this for free. How much money you have in your bank?
Kyun?
Just say it, I am not going to rob the bank.
80,000. She gave an annoyed look at his retort.
DONE. This house is sold to you for 40K. So as you may please, you can take revenge and chuck me out when you feel like.
He waited for some reaction, but she stood too numb to react.
Happy? Shall we? He pointed to the exit.
Khushi stood in shock, gaping at her husband for pricing the crores property to few thousand. He is gone insane for sure. She thought stepping out the room only to hear his sardonic remark from behind.
Make sure you transfer the money on time Khushi, Will you?
She rolled her eyes and walked fast to meet Nani.
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In the next hour, as the three finished breakfast, Arnav kept checking his watch while Nani and Khushi were engrossed in conversation that Arnav failed to concentrate. Every few mins, Khushi stole glances and caught him checking his watch from time and again. Unable to suppress the curiousness, she couldnt help but ask the nagging question.
Is something wrong with your watch? Why do you keep looking at it?
Arnav who just happened to note down the time, looked up at her and answered studiously, No just counting down the mins.
For? This time Nani grew inquisitive at her grandson acting weird.
1 hour 30mins for that sickness to go away.
What sickness? Khushi asked confusedly.
Morning Sickness right? 1 hour 30 mins for morning to complete and hit Noon. He said as matter of fact looking at them for acknowledgement.
Khushi and Nani gaped at him with mouth wide opened and finally looking at each other, they burst into spurts of laughter, guffawing at his brilliant ASR theory.
Whats funny? He looked at them confused.
Everytime the women looked at him cackled uncontrollably. Nani unable to bear the laughing pain in her stomach, she picked up her plate and retreated to kitchen but not before pinching his cheeks. Khushi who was laughing to splits, just froze as Nani pinched his cheeks and she looked away blush creeping her own cheeks.
Seriously whats wrong with you both? What is so funny? Nani? He asked politely avoiding Nani's fingers twisting his rugged skin.
Ask your wife..With that women started another round.
Khushi who was walking away to get some air from the maniac situation, was dragged to stand behind the pillar.
Chodiye.
Tell me what is funny about what I said?
Nahi bathaungi. Check yourself. She smarted stifling her laughter remembering the whole incident.
I wont. So that leaves us with only one option. You telling me.
Nahi. She tilted her head away.
Nahi? He gripped her arms more firmly.
She nodded her head rapidly, as his husky whispered her ears.
Nahi? He leaned closer his pointed nose about to tease her ears.
Khushi melting fast in his grip, placed hers hands on his chest contemplating to pull him closer or push him away.
But like never before he made the decision for her, stepping backward putting much distance between them, mentally cursing himself for giving in the moment. Khushi turned her head to find him away much farther than she would have preferred.
He gave her a warm smile not letting any awkwardness fill in the air, and he retreated his steps. As he was about to turn into his bedroom, she informed him from behind, Though its called Morning Sickness, nausea can occur at any time of the day or night.
He turned around and before they know it, their house roared in their laughters in perfect unison.
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