Zoya walked aimlessly, the entire world a blur around her. She was groggy and her head was throbbing with pain. She had heard the mention of feeling lifeless from Asad a number of times the day before, but could only understand how it felt right that moment. She entered the park across the road and walked to the farthest bench. Slumping down on it she let her tears flow down freely and sobs wrench her.
Even the peaceful silence surrounding her seemed deafening as Asad's words echoed in her ears.
"Ammi! Sirf isliye kyunki aap mujhe phirse nikaah karte dekhna chahti hai, iska matlab ye nahi ke ye jhoote sapne aap kisi aur ko bhi dikhaye.."
"Maine koi jhoot nahi kaha Asad. You and Zoya.."
"Me and Zoya what Ammi? You're mistaken, completely mistaken. We both can be nothing but friends, and now I don't think we can be friends either..Ye sahi nahi hai Ammi.. Me and her? No Ammi, this is not possible, never!"
"Why Asad, give me one good reason?"
"Because I am saying so Ammi, isn't that enough?"
"Har decision ki ek wajah hoti hai Asad, tumhare decision ki wajah kya hai?"
"I don't see a future with Zoya.."
"Really?"
"Toh jab apni aakhein band karte ho, aur sochte ho ki aagey aane waali zindagi kaisi hogi, toh kya ek baar bhi Zoya nahi dikhti? Batao Asad? Tell me.." Dilshad raised her voice and demanded.
And she had run away, not wanting to hear his answer, assuming she already knew it. He had already told her back at the fair. He had seen himself with Aahana and Ayesha. That is what a complete family had always meant for him and she knew nothing had changed. It was her mistake that she had fallen for a man who could never love her back. It was her fault that she had taken his few words of affection and his kindness for something else.
But then why had his concern, his affection and his words seemed like never before? Why had it felt different? Till now she had played along in making herself believe that what they shared was nothing more than friendship. But yesterday whatever had transpired between them couldn't be called friendship. They had come close, not just emotionally but this time even physically.
His touch hadn't just unarmed her, like it always did, it had touched her soul. She had felt the love she had been yearning from him all this while. She had let herself hope, dream and believe that what she had seen in his eyes and felt from his words and touch was love. But like every other time, her dreams hadn't wasted time before shattering.
She hadn't slept much all night, his retreat had hurt her, and more than that it had left her with questions she wanted answers for. She had woken up with the decision of confronting Asad, had believed he had only been awkward and nothing more. She had gone towards his room with the hope of receiving the same assurance he had always showered on her. But what she had heard had left her broken and hurt.
Why did she have to struggle for everything she wanted in life? She had only merely wished for a simple life with a complete family. She wanted to know her roots, her Abu, find more about her mother through him. She wanted to find love, marry, have a family that she loved and who loved her back. And being in the Khan house had actually woven her dreams into reality. She hadn't just found love, she had even found her life with Asad's family.
She had felt like a sister to Najma, a daughter to her Phuppi. Asad's strength, his compassion, his pain and the way he survived it all to protect his family had drawn her towards him. And she had discovered a relation she hadn't expected to on this journey.. her relation with Aahana. She had felt a pull towards that little sunshine from the second she had saved her from chocking herself underneath her quilt. She had felt protective for her, had wanted to give her all the love she had within her, and that she had desired to receive from her own mother.
The love, the bonds formed and the beautiful moments spent had seemed so real. But only now had she realized that every bit of it was nothing but an illusion. The realization hurt, and frustration crept through her. The anger of being left to feel incomplete and empty every time coursed through her.
Why was destiny so cruel to her? Why didn't it let her have what she wanted? Why couldn't she reach her Abu? When she tried to, she was made to face her fears.
Why couldn't she get her love, the only man she had ever loved in her life? When she tried to, she was made to face his past.
She had, had enough.. and she was going to take no more. She wiped her tears away as she took her decision. She knew what she had to do.
**************
Asad punched hard on his phone, dialing Zoya's number," Pick up the phone dammit," Asad roared, worried sick for Zoya.
"Zoya aise achanak kyun chali gayi?" Dilshad wondered loudly sitting down on the couch, and looked at Asad who was looking at her with similar thoughts running in his mind.
Asad sat next to her," Pata nahi Ammi, lekin usse kya zaroorat thi kahi bhi jaane ki, she's injured, aur kal jo hua uske baad maine usse kaha bhi tha, ki jaha jaana hai mai saath chalunga, phir bhi? Bachpane ki bhi hadd hoti hai.." Asad vented, his anger mounting when he remembered the incident that was still fresh in his mind. And the same helplessness and worry took over.
"Asad tumne theek se dhunda tha na? Dargah gaye the?" Dilshad inquired again.
"Everywhere Ammi, I've been to every place she ever visits, woh kahi nahi thi... ab toh itne ghante beet gaye hai.." Asad said tiredly now pacing to and fro in the living room.
Najma who was as worried as the others were still managed to smile a little gauging Asad's tone and raised an eyebrow at Dilshad teasingly. But something about Dilshad's expression spelled worry and she sobered immediately.
"Aanu kaha hai Tamatar? I haven't even met her ever since she came back.." Asad asked feeling guilty that he hadn't given any time or attention to his daughter.
"She's sleeping in Zoya's room Bhaijaan.. I made her lie there when I went to check on Zoya. Ab uthaungi toh jag jayegi isliye.." Najma explained and Asad nodded in understanding.
Asad picked up the car keys again and walked towards the door," Kaha ja rahe ho Asad?"
"Police.." Asad whispered and headed to leave but was stopped in his way when he saw Zoya appearing at the door.
He heard Tamatar yell her name and his Ammi and her rush towards Zoya, embracing her, questioning her if she was okay. But he stood there, rooted to the spot, his gaze unwaveringly boring onto her, while she consciously tried to look away.
"Mai bilkul theek hun Ammi, I just wanted some fresh air.. bas isliye. Mai thodi der aaram karna chahti hun.."Zoya said with her eyes lowered as she tried to escape.
She passed Asad who was still standing where he had been, his eyes yet fixed on her. She didn't look up and wanted to run inside her room, but she felt him hold her hand and turn her around..
"Kaha thi tum Zoya?" Asad snarled staring at her angrily.
Zoya stood motionless, and didn't look up or answer.
"Look at me when I talk to you.." Asad roared and held her chin up to make her look at him.
"It's none of your business Mr Khan.. I don't have to inform you wherever I go.. I am an adult.." Zoya snapped and shoved his hand away.
"I very well know the benefits that come with being an adult Zoya. But you can't expect me not to question you when you've been out in this injured state, and had me and my family sick with worry for you.." Asad snapped at her careless tone.
"I am sorry for all the inconvenience Mr Khan.. I know it's wrong on my part to disrupt the peace of this house and your family when I am merely a guest..But I just ..." Zoya spoke aloofly.
Asad was taken aback at her cold demeanor, and surprised at the use of 'guest' from her.
"You know that's not what I mean Zoya.." Asad whispered.
"I don't anymore. I don't really know what you mean and what you don't Mr Khan," she pointed out looking at Asad hurt evident in her eyes.
"Can you please leave me Mr Khan. I want to take some rest.."
"Not before you've answered my question.." Asad said strongly.
"Asad usse jaane do beta, woh ghar toh aa gayi hai na..she'll tell us when she wants to hmm?" Dilshad interrupted when she saw where the argument was heading.
"Nahi Ammi bilkul nahi.. isse andaaza bhi nahi hai ki hum kitne pareshaan the, ki mai kitna pareshaan tha? Woh shayad itni jaldi bhool gayi ki kal kya hua tha, but I haven't forgotten.. Agar usse kuch ho jaata toh? She wasn't safe.. she isn't safe going out alone like that.. "
"Please stop overreacting Mr Khan. Kal aisa kuch bhi nahi hua tha jiske liye aap itna gussa ho rahe hai? Mai bas ek room mai lock ho gayi thi aur kuch nahi? Yes I got injured, yes I was scared, but I am fine now. Aur woh sirf ek accident tha aur kuch nahi, not like these things haven't happened to me before. I've dealt with them all alone then too and I can even now," Zoya rambled on.
Asad stared at her wide eyed..Who was she trying to fool? She had been scared to death, praying, crying and worried and now was behaving like it had been nothing. After all that had happened between them yesterday why had she suddenly developed this attitude of nonchalance and bitterness?
"What's wrong with you Zoya? Tumhe ho kya gaya hai?" Asad questioned cornering her.
"I need sometime alone Mr Khan.." Zoya stated ignoring his question.
"You're not going to get out of this house again, not without letting me know ..." Asad said ignoring her request.
"I will Mr Khan, and I don't need your permission for going where I intend to go.." Zoya said coldly.." I am going back to New York in the next 5 days Mr Khan, where I belong, where me home is, and you have no right to tell me what to do.." Zoya declared firmly.
Asad's breath was sucked out and he stood frozen hearing her words. He hadn't been able to settle down her current attitude, that her announcement had totally befuddled him.
"Zoya? Ye kya keh rahi ho Beta, tum waapis ja rahi ho? Kyun? Tumhare Abu.. unki talaash?" Dilshad rushed to Zoya and questioned her in worry, while Najma stood by Zoya's side looking on sadly.
"Ammi hum zindagi mai jo chahte hai, zaroori nahi hai ki hume woh har cheez mile.. Maine jo chaha woh itni talaash ke baad bhi nahi mila.. ab mai thak gayi hun. Agar meri kismat mai hoga toh mujhe jo chahiye woh zaroor milega. Par ab mai aur lad nahi sakti.. thak gayi hun Ammi.." Zoya said softly and Dilshad understood at once that Zoya had learnt about Asad's refusal to accept his growing feelings for Zoya.
Zoya stared at Asad while talking, but Asad hadn't looked at her once. He stood frozen and dejected his back facing her.
"Par aise achanak Beta? Bataya bhi nahi?"
"Mera Visa expire hone wala hai Ammi.. pehle renew karane ki soch rahi thi, par ab lagta hai nahi karungi.. Aur aise kitne din ruk sakhti hun yaha.." Zoya said her voice softening.
"Zoya! Ye ghar tumhara utna hi hai jitna humara, aise kaha bhi kaise tumne?" Dilshad reprimanded her even though her voice was hoarse as tears brimmed her eyes.
Zoya stared back at her, understanding her condition. She knew her feelings for Asad, and also knew Asad's refusal to her. She had wished to see them together, had promised her that she would make sure it happened, but stood helpless between them. She felt horrible for putting her through this. She moved ahead and took her into a tight hug," I am sorry Ammi, par ab mai yaha nahi reh sakti.. mujhe pata hai aap mujhe samajh payengi.." Zoya whispered to her so no one else could hear.
Dilshad nodded whilst she still hugged Zoya and caressed her hair," I am so sorry beta,.. mujhe.."
Zoya nodded at her in negative and taking Dilshad's palm that caressed her hair, kissed it tenderly conveying her love and admiration for her.
Najma joined their hug and cried," Please don't go Zoya... this house is incomplete without you.." she whined.
Asad turned to look at the three of them in a hug. Seeing their affection for each other and the desperation with which they wanted Zoya to be a part of this family, a lump formed in his throat.
Zoya stared at him, waiting for him to speak, waiting for his eyes to convey what he couldn't. But he stood there silently, his eyes devoid of emotion, his face grim and his expression blank.
"I am sorry.." Zoya whispered as her eyes welled up and she excused herself and left the living room with Najma trailing behind her.
Dilshad turned to look at Asad with imploring eyes, hopeful he would make a move. But Asad turned away. He had been right after all. Zoya had her own life to live and was capable of taking her decisions. She loved them all dearly, there was no doubt. She had gone out of her way to be part of their happiness and sorrow forgetting herself, but that was how she was.. The girl with a golden heart. His heart thwarted with unbearable pain thinking of her going.
Even the thought wanted him to rush to her and embrace her in a grip she couldn't fight. But that would render every effort he had put into not being selfish to waste. He couldn't come in the way of her decision. She wanted to go, wanted to leave them and go back to her own life and her own home. He was just a friend, and nothing more.
The little hope his Ammi's words had given him evaporated as a feeling of emptiness took over. She didn't love him, but he did.. and if he did love her enough, he would let her go..because that was what she wanted..
****************
Zoya entered her room and shut the door behind her resolutely. She walked to her bed wanting to hide herself in the covers and sleep. Sleep away the pain of leaving her own family, the people she loved so much.
When she got into bed her eyes fell on the angelic figure bundled up on her bed, sleeping peacefully hugging her pillow. A genuine smile formed on Zoya's face, and she moved the covers below avoiding Aahana getting entangled in them all over again.
That thought bought back memories of her first night in the Khan Villa, the very first time she had met Aahana. She couldn't help scooting closer to her and her hands moved out of her own accord to caress her hair and move the soft tufts away from her eyes. Aahana disturbed from the little movement shuffled a bit and opened her mouth and shut it again cutely, burbling in sleep. Zoya chuckled softly and bent over to kiss her temple gently.
She moved back not wanting to wake Aahana from her peaceful slumber. But Aahana held on, Zoya looked down to see Aahana's finger curled around her little finger. Zoya felt Aahana's grip and chuckled teary eyed. Even a small little gesture like that conveyed the child's love to her.
She leaned down and took Aahana in her arms cuddling her closer. Unmindful of waking her up she smothered her with wet kisses all over her face.
Aahana who was now awake looked around lazily with her half open eyes and smiled sleepily when she felt Zoya's lips on her eye lids. She threw her hair hands up excitedly and held Zoya's chin in her hold..
Zoya stared at Aahana lovingly and Aahana stared back at Zoya with such fondness that the tears she had been holding streamed down her cheeks.
"Na na na.." Aahana pouted and patted her cheeks fervently as if wanting to stop Zoya from crying. And Zoya understood her unsaid words and laughed, while happy tears yet escaped.
"Aahana doesn't want me to cry, so I won't.." she said and wiped her tears. Aahana gurgled and patted her cheek enthusiastically again. Zoya kissed her forehead and lovingly blew air on her, making her eyelashes flutter as she chuckled to herself.
"How am I going to stay without you baby? I am going to miss you so much.." Zoya mumbled softly to Aahana as if she understood.
"Will you miss me? Will you miss you partner Aanu?" Zoya implored.
Aahana just stared at her yet holding her chin with a firm grip.
"Take my name before I go, give me that gift will you?" Zoya demanded cutely as a sad smile took over.
Aahana mumbled her baby jargon and tried to pull her closer to bite her. Zoya chuckled and arched her back," Say Zoya... say zoya baby.." Zoya said desperately.
"Mi.." Aahana called out and cooed happily.
"Mi, Mi, Mi..." she ranted over and over as a dazed Zoya looked down at her wide eyed.
Zoya was stunned hearing Aahana. She had heard her mumble those words looking at Ayesha's pictures once, then again in her sleep when she had sort comfort in her arms after being scared of Asad's anger. She had thought it was because she had missed her mother subconsciously. But today she had uttered those words looking at her.
"Aahana?" she implored
"Mi!" Aahana said pulling her chin again and biting it affectionately.
Zoya broke down, her tears had no way of stopping, and the warm feeling that surged through her at the obvious meaning of Aahana's words made her want to cry out loud. She gathered Aahana in her arms and rained kisses on her again..
"I love you so much baby.. Ammi loves you so much.." she declared. And saying it herself made her feel blissful.
But as beautiful was the dream was, the truth of reality was as bitter. As she remembered Asad, his words and her decision, she cried harder gripping Aahana tighter.
"I am so sorry sweetheart, but Zoya will have to go.."
"Mi?" Aahana babbled again.
"AMMI has to go baby.. she has to go..." Zoya whispered hugging her closer, hiding her face in Aahana's tiny neck.
NEXT PART
CID
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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