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Chapter 15
1
Swayam looked at the lane behind his building, through his bedroom window. Stray dogs competed with each other to eat trashed food from the garbage truck that often parked there at night. The sight nauseated him. He got up with his drink to the hall and switched the TV on. Mindlessly he flipped through channels, finally stopping at a sports channel. But his mind was somewhere else. He didn't know if he would still have a job the next day. He hoped he would, considering he didn't get a call from Karan yet. But that does not end his problems. He still had to face Sharon- tomorrow, the day after that, and every other day for the next two months. What made him do something like that? There was no denying that he enjoyed it. Was he a sadist too? Deriving pleasure from inflicting pain upon another person?
Alright enough!
Sharon RaiPrakash was officially driving him crazy.
He finished his drink and got up to get another. As he poured cheap whisky into his glass he thought of his growing up years. He was always the guy who had the most number of girls as friends- not girlfriends. Friends who are girls. Girls were the most sensible of the lot, and they have impeccable taste in music and arts and sports too. The smartest girl of the class was his best buddy, heck still is. He never hurt a single one of them- he may have broken a few hearts but the number is negligible. But he had shown utmost modesty even in rejection or break ups. Some of his ex-girlfriends are there in his facebook friendlist, and they still turn to him for advice.
Bottom-line: Swayam Shekhawat is a nice guy who is/was/is gentle with women.
What is it with this ONE woman who brings out the very worst in him?
Kriya Ghai. He had to talk to Kriya Ghai. Btw, where the hell is Kriya Ghai? It's almost 1 am.
Kriya had often complained about the night chowkidar being a letch. Swayam never paid any attention, because Kriya finds something diabolical in almost every man. And also because, if she goes out wearing those hot pants, she better know how to deal with scumbags!
Swayam looked at his wristwatch and wondered if he should go check up on the chowkidar once. Kriya usually calls if she gets late. Call..! He should call her, maybe...
But what if she's busy making out with Reyaansh Singhania? Swayam wouldn't wanna interrupt her. He wouldn't encroach upon her space just because he is having a shitty night! He pondered on whether or not he should check on Kriya, when the door bell rang.
It was Rey carrying Kriya on his shoulder.
"What the hell happened to her!" shouted Swayam to which Kriya stirred a little and then turned to him and smiled.
"Hey man chill. She just had a little too much to drink," replied Rey.
Swayam helped Kriya down but she could barely stand on her feet.
"How did you come? I mean the watchman saw you??" queried Swayam.
"He is too bloody drunk to see anything, the only thing he saw is the 500 Re note that my driver handed him."
Rey turned to leave when Swayam stopped him.
"Won't you come in? For coffee or something?"
"Nyah... not tonight man. Some other time," and with that he left gesturing a 'bye' at Kriya. But she didn't take any notice.
Swayam closed the door and looked at Kriya. She was still smiling although she could barely keep her eyes open.
"What the hell are you smiling for Kriya Ghai? You're one troublemaker you know that?" said Swayam.
He put her on her bed carefully and took her shoes off. Then he placed the 'puke bucket' next to her bed, which as the name suggests is a bucket for puking, in emergency situations when one needs to throw up and can't really get up and drag oneself to the washroom.
Shutting the lights off he turned to take one look at her before closing the door. She was already snoring with her face stuffed in the pillow. He shut the door and left. Tonight he had to spend alone, suffering in guilt.
2
"You are a nobody... you never had to achieve anything... you're just your daddy's daughter..." the words rang inside Sharon's head repeatedly. Tears rolled down her cheeks as a smile came over her face. She laughed, laughed loudly at Swayam Shekhawat's naivety- he really thought she hadn't seen any struggle. What a fool!
Sharon looked at still blue water in the pool below as she sat at the edge of the slanting attic roof, drinking a pint of beer, her bare legs dangling in the air. It was one of the highest points of the huge artistic cream coloured building that was Gautam RaiPrakash's villa. If she got too drunk or if she slipped even a little, she wouldn't fall in the pool, but on the sparkling white marble floor that surrounded it. She often wondered what it would be like, dropping from here- would she break a few limbs, temporarily damage her brains, or would she just die? She was tempted to find out, but in case she didn't die, it would be a terrible mess for nothing at all. Everyone pitied those, who tried to die- the ones who actually die are beyond the reach of anyone to pity or to laugh at. She didn't want pity.
People think that it's her dad's money that made her and Swayam was no exception. She had known this, then why was she getting so affected? Maybe because nobody dared to say it to her before, and Swayam just did. She could've retorted, in a language that he understands, but she didn't. What was the point? Why would she open up before a nobody called Swayam Shekhawat? People bitch about her because they all know her. She is the Diva! Who knows Swayam Shekhawat? 10 years from now, he may or may not become a successful director, regardless, he would spend the 10 years running from one producer to the other, trying to get them to sign one cheque, flattering actors and actresses to say 'yes'. Why would she reveal her deepest wounds in front of someone who'll never understand her, who also judged her like the rest of them?
They are all the same, with different faces on them, thought Sharon. She knows that she is too much of a prude, class conscious, and she chooses to be so. She had been a different person earlier, she respected everyone for what they were, what good did it do her?
Swayam said that he could break her if he wants. She was a broken person. How can someone who's as broken as her be affected by those words or his actions? She likes donning the evil diva avatar. It looks good on her. And nobody can play it better than her, like Rey said. She could successfully put on a smile even if her heart is shattering in a hundred thousand pieces. She had done so... the first time she had reached that studio and put on the make-up, she never really took it off.
Father's money or his love- neither comes without conditions. At least for Sharon it never did. A significant part of her life was spent rebelling against her father. He wanted her to take dance lessons, she put her foot down and chose music. He wanted her to take up Commerce, she took History with a specialization in Archeology. 'Daddy issues', her friends called it. She had major 'daddy issues'. Why wouldn't she! He had never respected her for one moment. When her poem was published for the first time, he made fun of her, when she sang in front of a large audience in the college fest, he discouraged her. What kind of a father wants his daughter to grow up as a needy and dependent person with no self-esteem? Apparently Gautam RaiPrakash did.
There was a time when she didn't want to breathe the same air that her father breathed. She couldn't. After his terrible betrayal... her mother had been passive, she always was, just the way she had overlooked the countless affairs and his years of infidelity. But after Sharon had discovered him with one of her friends, an aspiring actress and a model, she just couldn't take his lies, his phony godliness anymore. Mom had defended him as usual. But Sharon could no longer live under the same roof with him- he had always bothered her, the terrible patriarch that he was, with his manners of a dictator and very little respect for others. That's when she had moved in with Shivam. Those were the crazy days. Partying every night, alcohol in abundance, drugs, music, making music, making love- everything was muddled into one. But the high point was that she had lived then. She made her own decisions. She had lived every moment of her freedom like she had lived never before. Good things are always short-lived, or in her case, an illusion.
Strangely enough, Gautam RaiPrakash never came to take her back. Sharon wasn't surprised, considering the arrogant proud man that he was. It never occurred to her that he knew she would crawl back to him, his house, once all of this was over, that he was making sure she gets back home and never dares to cross the much revered dehleez again. She was just a 19 year old after all, with teenage angst seething through her veins and dreams of becoming the next Janis Joplin painting her nights in psychedelic colours.
Rey used to visit her sometimes then but he didn't try to persuade her to go back. He was happy for her. A lot of shit was going on in his life too, especially with his parent's almost divorce and trial separation. She had felt bad that she had somehow left him behind, alone, to deal with all the nonsense. But she didn't retain her own senses most of the times, in those days. Even now when she looks back, everything feels like a blur- a subconscious memory block.
Reality did hit her hard and when she gained her senses again, her whole reality had become a lie, a conspiracy. Her first heart break... and it was all made up, concocted, devised to challenge her and to effectively break her, twist her and leave her demolished. That evening when she had opened the bedroom door of her 1 bhk flat... and everything wipes out before her eyes. She had witnessed a sight that she doesn't want to remember, and something that she'll never forget. That one moment changed her life forever.
Shivam was talking to her frantically, trying to explain, but none of it registered. She wanted to run away and hide under her bed, in her house. But destiny hadn't been kind to her- there was more to it- more lies, more deceit waiting for her.
She had run away to one of her friends and spent the night at his place. Next afternoon when she had returned to pack her stuff, her father was waiting for her, in his expensive suit with his expensive car. He had thanked Shivam for 'taking good care' of his daughter and given him his money. In an overwhelming shock, like an automated robot she had gone and sat inside the car, hiding her face behind the black glass. In that whole journey from her once apartment to her house, she felt that every person on the road looked at her and laughed at the idiot that she was.
She could never see it!
She didn't see that a control freak like Gautam RaiPrakash wouldn't let his only daughter out of his control, even for a second. And she didn't see that the love that she had vouched for never shined in the other person's eyes. She couldn't turn and fight that man sitting next to her in the car who shared her blood group and she couldn't go back and fight the man who claimed to love her till the previous day- she was destroyed, like a ship wreck.
A year had passed as she attempted to pick up the pieces and reassemble herself, her shattered confidence. Rey had been instrumental in helping her. And she was successful in finding all the pieces and putting them together, but they never really joined- it doesn't happen that way. Even a little conflict, and the icy cool exterior that defines Sharon RaiPrakash begins to show its cracks, like tonight.
With time she had learnt the art of disguise- but she could neither forget nor forgive. It was not in her blood. She could forgive Shivam for his negotiations with her father, she knew he needed the money. But she will never forgive him for playing with her emotions. She can never look fondly upon her first love like everyone else does, for it was a lie! She will never forget her father's deception- to him it may have been a tiny part of disciplining his daughter, but it cost her her dreams.
And then he had played his trump card! Rey, the only person she loved and respected, he had laid his eyes upon Rey. He decided that the way she was leading her life, it wasn't right. All the meaningless sex and liaisons must stop. And for that Rey and Sharon must take each other as companions for life. She wanted to shout, cry, break stuff, make noise, but she was too weak then, she was still recovering. And she knew that it was the best thing for Rey. If Gautam RaiPrakash was to launch him under his banner then she must comply, for Gautam RaiPrakash never does anyone a favour- he always gets his profit. And maybe Rey was her dream man after all. Maybe they would find happiness together. They had both been in unhappy relationships and they both found solace in each other. And they had been happy too, initially. ShaRey- the media called them. Rey is the best boyfriend a girl could get. He is too perfect and being her best friend he knew her inside out. They had spent some blissful times together, especially after the film became a major hit, vacationing in Madrid and Hawaii. They made it work.
But something was missing and it bothered Sharon terribly. Her drinking had increased. Rey was worried. And she was the one to ruin it. The first time she cheated on Rey she had felt horrible, like a s**t! She went to him and cried relentlessly hugging him. He had cried too with her. But it happened again. They didn't cry this time but tried to deal with it like 'two matured adults'. Rey had been very very patient with her. But soon they both knew, that it was not meant to work. And that was the only adult-like conclusion. They were happy that they could still be friends after so much history. That night they had rediscovered their friendship, that their bond was stronger than the ties of blood. And no matter what went wrong, there would still be the two of them against the world.
The beer was over. Sharon threw the bottle down and it crashed into several pieces. She bent a little to see its fragments, when she slipped...
Okay this is Sharon, Sharon and a lot of Sharon.
A Sharon perspective was lacking in this piece- why she behaves like a psychotic bitch is a question that has baffled us for a long time.
I simply attempted at answering the question for myself.
Udne Ki Aasha
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