Hey, I am pretty new to this forum, and this is my first attempt at writing anything long. So hope you like it and connect to it.
So yesterday's episode got me thinking. What would have been going through Jalal's mind when he was put in such a difficult situation? A boy who felt like an orphan, like he never belonged, saw some sort of hope in his badi ammijaan and his khan baba, only to see a day when he wont have either of them by his side. Jalal never had the comfort of having his real mother by his side. At this time of his life he poured out all of his love to his milk mother, who gave him the feeling of having a real mother. Latched on to these feelings for over a decade he has come to respect her and love her even more. He thought of her as a pillar of strength, the perfect person he could share his feelings with and finally he lost her support too, or the question to ask here is whether he ever had it?
Losing Bairam Khan, was no less then taking a bullet for Jalal. The man who made shehenshah, who earned him his respect, was going to fight against him. Waging war on Bairam Khan was hard and Jalal was ready to stop at any time. Then when Bairam Khan was finally sorry for his doings, he decides to leave to Mecca. Jalal sends him with the reassurance that he will get to see his khan baba some time later, but loses him too.
Did Maham really love Jalal? Or was It all just a show to get a better place in the court for her son? And later to get balmed by Maham for the death of Bairam Khan was a hard stroke for Jalal to take. The only people he really loved were BK and MA. They had accepted him as he was and taught him all that he knew.
Yesterdays confrontation would have put Jalal in a bad place mentally. He could close his eyes and trust Maham. He was ready to give anything to her if she just asked. The first stroke was when he was put in the situation to even doubt his Badi Ammi. The mental state he would have been in.
"Badi Ammi, vo humare saath aisi kaise kar sakti? Hum unpar poora vishwas karte hain. Unke aise karne ke peeche kuch to maksat hoga. Ye sach hi nahi ho sakta, ye jhoot hai, atgah sa ki koi galat faimi"
To question this mother figure about her true intention was impossible to him. This is why he chose to confront her alone, without anybody. He didn't want to put her in any bad light. To even order Atgah to call her to the DEK at that hour was poking his conscious. To collect information about her doings was killing him from within.
"Kya hume aisa karna chahiye? Unpar shark karne se kya humare rishtey mein kkoin darar pad jayega. Kaise unke hi khilaf mein sabot ikata kar sakta hoon. Khuda, yeh kaisa kashmkash hai?"
It was all clear to him then. His badi ammi was wrong and there was nothing he could do about it. She had tried separating him from his love, from his Jodha. What sort of a mother was she? At that moment she had lost her son.
"Humari Badi Ammi aur aisa kaam? Unhone hume Jodha Begumke khilaaf uksaya, humare beech kaante bichoya, kya vo humse mohabbat nahi karti thi, kya vo hume apni beti nahi samajthi thi? Kaise apne muh se unhe yeh saval poochu, Kya karoon?"
Jalal had lost his will to even speak. He just wanted to hear the truth from Maham's mouth. He wanted this to be a bad dream. He wanted to wake up and find out that all was fine. He wanted peace, he wanted to be loved, He wanted his Jodha.
On continuously asking Maham and getting lies, the rage within him built up. Did he deserve this?
"Kaash yeh sapna hota. Kaash mein abhi ut paatha, aur hume sukoon den eke liye jodha begum yahan hoti. Kaash badi ammijaan sach ko qubool karke hume is paristithi se nikaal pathi. Kyon ammijaan? Kyon?"
The final straw was when Maham blatantly told Jalal that he didn't give her anything, that he was the cause of BairamKhan's death. That she would rather die at that instant. Jalal died a thousand deaths on hearing these harsh words. He felt dizzy, he wanted peace, he wanted quiet.
"Khan baba mere vajah se yahan pe nahi hai. Kya maine Badi ammi ko pyar nahi diya. Kya unhone mujhse kabhi bhi pyar ki? Kya ham unke liye bas shehenshah hi rahe, beta nahi? Khuda, hume yahan se mukth kar dijiye. Hum teekh se soch bhi nahi paa rahe hai. Aaj ammi ne mujhe hamesha ke liye khoya hai. Aaj Jodha begum unki vajah se yahan nahi hai. Mujhe yahan se jaana hai. Ab ye humare liye sirf Wazir-e-Aaliya hai' aur kuch nahi. Kya mein hamesha ke liye akela hi rahunga? Ab mere paas kaun hai, na Khan baba, na Badi Ammi, na humari Jodha begum."
Jalal could not speak. He wanted out that minute. He wanted to be recognized, he wanted to be loved...
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