Banner Credit: HEAVEN
Chapter 22
Garima checked all the items in the kitchen for the nth time with some nervous energy and a whole lot of excitement as she waited for her daughter to come home. Shashi had gone to receive her at the station, while she and Payal had prepared an elaborate meal for her welcome lunch. It had been just seven days, but knowing that her child had been out there working tirelessly without rest, and more importantly, without decent food, made the duration seem much longer. She had helplessly imagined and magnified in her head the troubles Khushi must have gone through during her trip, as mothers often tend to. The heat, the work, the dust, - and no food! Where had she sent her daughter off?
"They are here!" Payal screamed from the balcony when she saw her father's car approaching the building premises. She walked back inside the house, puffed the cushions one last time, opened the door and waited eagerly for her sister to arrive. Garima hurried to join her; "whats taking them so long?" she asked.
"Maa, they must be taking out her luggage, that big bag with everything under the sun you forced her to carry along" Payal remarked.
"You never know when you need something!" Garima defended herself, her eyes trained on the elevator.
"Why on earth would she need a make up kit on a field trip to a village? Two whole packs of toilet rolls? Or a-"she stopped mid-sentence as she heard the ping' of the elevator. As expected, their wait ended with one look at a dazzling smile on Khushi's face. Khushi turned around to lift her suitcase but Shashi was quicker; one hand dragging the suitcase and the other wrapped around his daughter's shoulders, they walked into their home.
Khushi hugged Garima and Payal briefly and then said in a hurry, "We'll catch up in a bit but right now I really, really need to use the bathroom." Without waiting another second, she made a dash towards her room, leaving behind a family giggling at her antics and delighted at having their darling back home.
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Sitting comfortably on her bed for a long nap, after having caught up with her family over a wonderful lunch her mother and sister had so lovingly prepared. She had noticed her sister's tired appearance, she looked drained and far from her usual peppy self. She'd talk to her later today, she decided. Before lying down, she checked her phone again, like she had done several times since morning, hoping to see a message or a call from Arnav. He was usually the one who received her at the station or the airport, not Shashi. And she had been eager to see him. But this time, all she received was a short text from him the evening before she was supposed to return.
"Shashi will pick you up from the station, I have given him the coach details. I'll be busy then, will see you later in the evening."
It was unlike him to do that, he was one to at least call and let her know about it, not just send a terse text to keep her informed. What was up with him? It had been over four hours since she got back home; he still hadn't called and when she tried, his phone was turned off. Did he not miss me at all, she wondered, chewing on her bottom lip. No, not a chance - that she knew. She was certain he had missed her as much as she had missed him, if not more. Then why was he behaving like this? Perhaps he was really tied up today... But his Sundays were usually free!
She decided to try his phone one last time, but yet again, the call didn't go through. Sighing, she told herself not to overthink things and was about to lie down, when she heard someone knock the door to her room. She saw Payal peep in carefully, presumably to check if she was already asleep, and then smile sheepishly at being caught. "You're not asleep yet?" she asked as she closed the door behind her and walked in to sit down on the chair next to Khushi's table.
"I was just about to lie down. Was just going through my emails from last week." she lied. She didn't want to worry her sister over something that probably didn't need any worrying in the first place, especially since Payal herself looked like she could use a patient ear.
"Oh, okay, I'll come back later then" she made a move to get up.
"No, no its okay Jiji. I'm not too sleepy anyway." Khushi said earnestly, the drowsiness forgotten at the prospect of catching up with her sister. And she had to find out what was bothering her.
Payal had also tried to catch up on her sleep after lunch, sleep that had been eluding her since her talk with Aakash the other day. And it continued to elude her. She felt hurt, restless and was clueless about what she was supposed to do in a situation like this. She hadn't been able to focus on her work as her mind kept going back to that awful night. How had things gotten so unpleasant between them? She realised she was at fault to a large extent, even if she hadn't meant for things to go this way. She considered apologising but was unsure how Aakash would take it. He had asked her to stay away from his brother. His brother. In that statement he had made it amply clear that he did not consider her a part of his family. He had, in one stroke, drawn a line that distanced her from everything that he held close to his heart. Did he really believe that she had said all those things to demoralize Arnav?
She missed having her sister around, just being with her made her feel better. Her presence had the ability to comfort those around her, not always with words, but with her positivity and the contagious smile. She also wanted know more about Khushi's trip, they hadn't been able to speak much during the week. Unable to sleep and wanting desperately to spend some time with her sister, Payal had come to her room to check if she was already asleep. She was glad to see she wasn't.
"You look so tired Jiji. And I thought I had a rough week." Khushi asked and adjusted the blanket around her, resting her back on the pillows.
"Nah, its nothing. I'm just a little sleep deprived, that's all." She didn't want to burden her sister with her own issues right away. The girl needed to rest. She looked like she had lost a lot of weight in the past week.
"Then why aren't you sleeping now?"
"I am not able to sleep. You know those times when you are sleepy but can't sleep?" Payal shrugged.
"I know about it, but you don't." Khushi remarked. "You slip into deep sleep in no time. Is something bothering you?" And then it struck her, "Did you tell Aakash about your fellowship?" Of course, that had to be what was troubling her. The guilty look on Payal's face confirmed the same.
"What did he say?"
This wasn't going the way she wanted, thought Payal. She didn't want Khushi to worry about this right now. "Oh he said I could go" she said, trying her best to plaster a smile on her face. Bottling up emotions and maintaining a smiling face were not her forte. It wasn't a lie, really. He did say she was free to go.
"Just tell me, Jiji." Khushi said impatiently. Clearly, her sister was holding something back. Beating around the bush was unlike her sister. Why was everybody behaving so weirdly today? "We are not going to waste time trying to needle this out of you. I want to know everything, now." she asserted.
Sighing, Payal gave up. She decided to be selfish and pour her heart out. It was painful keeping things within her; the more she did that, the more treacherous her tears became. She walked up to the bed and lay down with her head on Khushi's lap. "He was upset that I didn't tell him before. He feels I don't care for his opinions in my life...that I was wrong in taking my decision without even telling him about it." her voice came out muffled as she struggled with the tears. "What was I supposed to do? He was so busy and I wanted to tell him in person. I didn't even send them my letter of acceptance before I spoke to him!"
"Why didn't you tell him that, Jiji?" Khushi asked softly as the stroked Payal's hair.
"I.. I just lost my temper when he said I didn't care for him. And I said some things which made everything worse. Aakash ended up apologising...but I know he isn't happy." With a jerk she sat up straight; sitting on her knees, she faced Khushi and said, "He says he is okay if I go, but I'm not really sure if he is. In fact, I don't even know if he cares any more, Khushi. I was so excited about this fellowship. And now... I still want to go but my hearts not in it. I don't feel any joy." she looked away as she wiped her tears with the end of the sleeve on her T-shirt.
"Jiji," Khushi said placing her hand on Payal's, "Its just a misunderstanding. I mean, imagine how you would react if he were to come and tell you that he has to move to another country for a few years in a month? I'm sure you can sort it out if you both would just sit and talk. With your egos aside. And your temper in check. Its just an argument Jiji, why do you look so dejected over it?"
Payal refused to meet Khushi's eye and looked down at her hand, held in a firm grip by Khushi's. How could she tell her? Would her sister also think she had done something wrong? That she had said those words to hurt Arnav? Her sister understood her better than that, didn't she?
"Jiji?"Khushi implored. "What is it?"
Payal had never felt more terrified in her life. For a woman who had never cared about what others thought of her, the possibility of her sister misunderstanding her intentions scared her to no end. But it had to be done, and so she spoke, her voice barely more than a whisper.
"When Arnav was over for lunch the other day, we... had a talk. He was not in a good place and was missing you. I thought he could use some perspective. So...I uhm...we talked." her voice quivered. "Trust me Khushi, I only said all those things to help him; I thought if he were able dissect the situation and look at things clearly, it would help him decide what he wants to do next. But, I think things went wrong or I said something I shouldn't have or he misunderstood what I wanted to say. It seems I made things worse for him... and now Aakash thinks I just want to mess with Arnav or something. You don't believe that do you?" she was frantic now. "I swear I was only trying to be a friend. I didn't mean to hurt him, I really didn't. And...and now Aakash hates me! He said I should stay away from Arnav because he doesn't want anything negative' around his brother. Am I really such a terrible person?"
Too stunned to say anything, Khushi just looked at Payal, her eyes searching for answers in Payal's. Taken aback completely, she wondered what was the right thing to say? She wanted to focus on her sister but at the back of her mind, she was worried for Arnav. Is this why he was behaving uncharacteristically since yesterday? Forcing that thought aside, she leaned forward to hug her sister tightly.
She knew Aakash well enough to know that there might actually be some merit in what he was saying, as he was not one to lose his temper without reason. But she also knew her sister, and was certain she would never do anything to hurt someone intentionally, especially not Arnav. Contrary to what others thought, Payal had a soft corner for Arnav and in her own way looked out for him. That it backfired most of the times was another matter.
But what had made Aakash take such a drastic step - the question plagued her mind. He had been rather self-absorbed all these years and now all of a sudden, he was being protective? What made him think Arnav needed any protecting? Her Arnav was emotional, but fully capable of taking care of himself. He had proved that time and again. A few harsh words from Payal would probably disturb him for a few hours, but no more than that. What was Aakash trying to prove here? What the hell did Payal say to him?
When she felt Payal's tears soak the neckline of her kurti, "Its okay, Jiji" Khushi finally found her voice. "I know you didn't mean any wrong."
Instantly, she felt Payal's stance relax in her embrace, as if a weight was lifted off her shoulders. She had never seen Payal this anxious and forlorn. To what extent had all this damaged the relationship between her sister and Aakash, she wondered. What if it was irreparable? Was it really that bad or was this just a simple misunderstanding?
"I don't want to lose him, Khushi." she heard Payal mumble.
"You won't." she said, hoping her voice didn't betray the uncertainty she felt.
"And I really didn't mean to-"
"Jiji-please, you don't have to explain. But, do you have any idea what could have upset him so much? Was it something you said to Arnav?" she hoped to god it wasn't.
"I told Arnav to get himself together. Even if things aren't perfect in his life, he should find it in him to be happy for you." Payal replied honestly. There was no point in hiding anything. And she really didn't think there was anything wrong in what she had said.
Khushi broke the hug and offered Payal a glass of water from the bedside table. Taking a sip, Payal turned to her left and sat down next to Khushi on the bed, leaning back on the headrest. She tried to ignore the trembling in her hands.
"What makes you think Arnav isn't happy for me?" Khushi asked, trying not to let the annoyance seep into her voice. What was up with everybody? Her sister thought Arnav wasn't happy for her. Aakash thought he needed shielding from other people. Did they think he was a child?
"Its what I gathered from our conversation that day. Please don't ask me what he said. It seems I have already pushed him into a mess, now I don't want to let him down by disclosing what he said to me with the confidence that it would stay between the two of us. And I can't have Aakash despise me any more than he already does, I won't be able to take it" Payal sighed.
Khushi's will to argue with her sister died the second she saw the dispirited look on her face. That debate would have to wait. It was terrifying to see the fiery force that was her sister look so lost and crestfallen. Payal wanted Arnav to get himself together, but she looked like she would fall apart herself.
"You should talk to Aakash. And don't worry about Arnav, I'll speak to him." Khushi tried to reassure her. Payal looked far from convinced.
"Jiji, can I ask you something?" Khushi questioned after a few long moments. With a tilt of her head, Payal asked Khushi to go ahead and say whatever was on her mind.
"Suppose Aakash insisted that you don't go to Duke. That he wants you to be here with him. Would you stay back for him?"
"He wouldn't do that" Payal nearly snapped, clearly uncomfortable with the question. But Khushi wasn't deterred. "But what if he did?" she asked.
Payal's response, rather the lack of one, was more telling than anything she could have possibly said. Payal realised that she really didn't know the answer, or perhaps she had one and did not want to accept it; she had been trying to show others the mirror while she was herself in dire need of some introspection.
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