Posted:
Very nice post.
And loved all the reply given. I am new to this group and it seems that most members know each from long back.. Brings back memories of one forum that i was regular contributor too. No matter how insane the show got but members there always had always written some though provoking and deep posts. some of the POV there had changed so much inside me. This post reminded me of similar discussion we had there as even in that show the Female lead was blindly devoted to the Male lead. No matter what he did to her her faith and love for him never wavered...not for a second. and sometimes it was huge issue with the fan girls. Because some of them praise and advocated her actions while some of us hated it. took it as weakness.. and what not.
I have never been in relationship and never been in love (Alas!!) but i have seen people in relationships. many kinds of relationships or lets say, same relationship in different colors and no too colors are same.
1. no two people are same, no two relationship can be same.
Each person is different. it there are 100 things to like no two people will like the same 100 things. No two girls can be same.. neither two boys.
yes, they might have like 99 things that they have in common.. But u need just 1 to set them apart.
so even if I am just like my BFF and we have same dreams and personality. That 1 thing that i have different from her will make my relation with my husband(who ever it is ) different from what relation she has with her husband.
Similarly, since I am different from my husband, he will bring different things to the relationship than what I bring. but what will matter is , what we each bring to the relationship, whether that is what that other needs? If yes, then that's it. No matter what !
2. There is U,Me aur Hum
Just being in a relationship should not mean that there should not be a U or I. you fall in love with a person, the whole person, with his her quirks, warts and moles and all. then why change it. , yes, people change with time, we are not that same we were a year, ago, a month ago or even a day ago. we have changed, grown ... aged.. Its not bad thing, its good age brings wisdom (should bring wisdom!!) it should bring experience and sense of right and wrong. But the essence of person should stay with them. else we will be rose without its perfume.. (think Shakespeare in reverse! Rose by any other name...)
I think in your friends case, she has somehow forgotten her essence.. that's why you felt the emptiness.. like rose without the perfume. (I am just thinking here.. remember point 1 .. no two people are same.. so what we two are thinking of as her loss of essence.. might seem to her like gain of wisdom)
Now, the 'HUM' part... like U and I , the HUM ages... but essence should stay the same. 6 years back my bhai got married and I saw a completely different side of him for my bhabhi. he called on reaching the office, he called after lunch to compliment the food, even called before leaving the office for home. she would experiment with food, her looks and his too (in-spite of his reluctance) with arrangement of house.. but 6 yrs later, He still calls 3 times.. but conversation are " haa I reached, did he wake up? had milk? sniffles still there? in afternoon give him the nose drop, Ok?'.. post lunch, " usne khaya? what is he doing? don't forget nose drop?' in evening, " yes, coming home by 5, wake him up.. I will take him to park" . For bhabhi, the house should now be arranged such that there is maximum space on the floor and No breakable stuff below 5ft height. Food is something you weigh on nutrition- growth value and so no matter if husband hates pumkin, spinach, lauki. they are constant members of the meal. Even if he loves fries and Coke, they are band from the house.. so help him god if he tries to bring it anywhere within 20 yards of 'HIM"
To outsider it might seem its all about the HE ( he being my 3 old nephew) But for them, that HE represents everything of there relationship. Its the HUM. Its not that my bhai doesn't love her anymore, or she doesn't care for his like and dislike. but after so many years their expectations of each other has changed regarding their relationship. the calls represented his anxiousness to talk to her when away.. its still there.. even if the topic for that is changed. Her need and desire to build a home for him and do little things for him are still there, but now the channel is different ..by bringing up there son.
My mom dad are married 30 yrs and like old fashioned couples they don't do anniversary, birthdays or valentines day. But on out birthdays or mom birthday or anniversary, he goes to his everyday walk but comes back with prasad from temple and pooja k phool. mom will make the beguni for snack in spite of the Hypertension meds and put on the hemant collection in the morning. I have never seen them hold hands or show physical affection. But i can feel the depth of love between them which I can only dream to have.
When dad went under surgery earlier last year. his fears were not just for his life, It was for hers. he was constantly angry on her for not paying attention to bank jobs, to investments when he talked. it was like his life depended on him teaching my mom the intricacies of interest on savings account, PF, PPFs etc. and i have not seen my mom so lost and broken in my life.
Both my mom and bhabhi are home makers, simple education no careers. for them like your friends world revolves around their family. its started with their husband and extends to us and then ends of their husbands.
But isn't it the same for my bhai and dad? I think so..
3. There is always 1 who gets the bigger half of the 'cookie'
Yes, I believe there is always 1 in the relationship,who adjusts more, gives more, understands more and basically loves more. it can be the man or the woman. but due to nature, society ,family , and sometimes our self its the woman who give this MORE. she gives birth, she takes care of the house, she brings up the kids, she makes sure in-laws are fine. she takes the leave when maid plays hooky from work.
But this giving should come from within. and not taken forcefully by the other.It should also be given with the understanding and acceptance that You are giving more and maybe will not get it back in equal share. and the one receiving it should also realize that the other is giving more. Otherwise, this giving will be a burden for both..
Like a cookie that just can never be split in equal halves.. one will end up with the larger part. if you crib about who has the bigger share and who gave up, its the sign that there is no HUM left.
So may be Yes, Paro will love more, but if she is giving that more knowing it and understanding it.. its not for us to decide whether its right or wrong. if the relationship is equal or not!
I can't judge her for it.. But yes,If Rudra does not realize it at some point of time, then maybe this relationship will loose something in my eyes. BUt I have faith he will realize and how he realises it.. thats what I am eager to see.
I have rambled on.. Sorry.. been so long since i vented out on any IF forum.. Just feeling nostalgic and sorry for barging in on your topic š
Seher Hone Ko Hai
CID
